Beneath His Darkness (Healing Hearts #3) (13 page)

One week, and I’m already messing up the dream I’ve been chasing my whole life.

Maybe it’s my hormones.  Aren’t I the smart one, ignoring my urges the last few years, waiting for that all-encompassing love before I lose my virginity?  A lot of good that did me when I met Grant.  My vagina practically ran across the room and threw itself at him.

All my morals and my belief of waiting for the right guy ran right out the window with one look from a man who I know is toxic.  Everyone knows he’s not a good guy.  The affair he had with Tucker Stavros’ girlfriend is all over the tabloids.  They’re co-workers, who have to see one another every day, and for a year, he was sleeping with her.  It’s awful.  He’s awful.

I thought so, anyway…until I looked into his eyes.

Now, I’m a confused mess.

Not only did my libido go into overdrive the second I got lost in his stare, but when he got close enough for me to really examine, I saw something else that surprised me.  There was a broken soul hiding behind that confident aura.  To the world, he portrays a man unafraid of anything, but what I saw is a man hiding.  I saw a vulnerable man, who’s angry and hurt.  Who wants someone to look past all that and save him.

That’s the man I want to get to know.

Or maybe that’s what I’m telling myself.  I am a woman, after all.  Don’t we all have the tendency to want to fix things?  Maybe I see him as a challenge.  He’s the one everyone has warned me away from.  The one I’m not supposed to want.  Maybe that’s what makes him more appealing.

I tried telling myself that since leaving the restaurant the first night we met, but then I dreamed about him, and have every night since.  I’ve got it bad.  He has gotten under my skin, into my blood, and there’s a fire burning in me I worry only he can put out.

Things have just gotten worse since starting on the set.  Being here reminds me of the promises I made.  Mom and Dad—especially Mom—hated the idea of me dropping out of school and flying thousands of miles away to start on a show swirling with drama—and not the kind written in the script.

Mom made it a point to look up every bit of dirt she could find on Grant and Victoria and made me read it all, over and over.  She wanted me to understand these were not the kind of people I should be hanging out with.  “
Victoria is not a good influence.  A woman who cheats on her partner does not have a good moral compass and don’t get me started on Mr. Andrews.  Going after a taken woman…it’s just deplorable.  I’m not foolish enough to think everyone waits for marriage to engage in sexual relations, but they should at least be in a committed relationship.  He’s obviously one who doesn’t view women as much more than playthings.  Promise me you’ll stay as far away from them as possible.  Well, outside of what you have to do with them for work.”

I remember saying whatever I had to say for her and my dad to be okay with me heading to Vancouver for this job.  I know at nineteen I’m old enough to make this decision without them, but they’re my parents and I respect them.  I’d never make a life altering decision without consulting them.  They can be overbearing and way too protective at times, but I’m their only child.

I made similar promises to my dad.  He was concerned about Grant, too.  I think my mom showed him the tabloid articles.  In all honestly, I was nervous about meeting him and Victoria.  I was worried what kind of tension there would be on the set.  Especially after Eddie gave me a warning about Grant and his “antics”.  It put me off a little, but there was no way I was missing my chance to work with Eddie Carmichael.  I’d have to be out of my mind to say no.

I think that’s why my parents finally agreed this was best for me.  They knew what this meant.  My whole life had been about acting.  My mom noticed when I was little that I had a flair for the dramatic—not in a bad way.  I loved to act out everything.  She put me in acting classes at six years old and I never stopped performing.  Being on the stage and entertaining people is in my blood.  During the school years, I continued acting classes and over the summers, I went to acting camps.  I never stopped trying to perfect my skills.

When it came time for college, the only thing I cared about was whether they had a great drama department.  Mom and Dad wanted to keep me close.  In the end, I decided on Bowling Green State University.  It was only a few hours from home and I loved their drama department.

I just never expected to spend such a short amount of time there.  Shit, I barely moved into the dorms and it was time to start a new life.

I’m still in shock that Eddie Carmichael found me.  It’s a dream come true.  I keep pinching myself, wondering if I am, in fact, dreaming.

Eddie has assured me I belong here and the play he saw me perform in a few months back was inspirational.  I had no idea he was there.  He said he never lets his presence be known when he’s scouting because he doesn’t want to make anyone nervous.  I asked him how he does that and he chuckled, saying he normally stays in his car and watches the feed transmitted back to him from someone he sends in to record the performance.  The joys of technology.

“I can’t wait to see you in your first scene today.”

My skin prickles and I know, without even looking, who has walked up behind me.  Not that I haven’t memorized his voice the past few days, but it’s more than his voice.  I can feel the heat from his body against my back and I long to lean into him, feel his hard chest pressed against me, and his arms wrapped around my waist.  Every part of my body ignites knowing how close he is to me.  I want to turn and press my body into his, my lips to his—lose myself in him.  Instead, I remain staring straight ahead.  I know one look at him and he may see the impure thoughts I can’t stop whenever he’s near.

“Uh…I’m sure I won’t be that interesting,” I say, unable to turn and look at him.

He walks around me and his smoldering gaze traps mine.  “You’re always interesting.  I’ve been waiting to see what you’ll be able to do.”

He gives me a smile that shows off his perfect teeth and walks away.  I can’t help but look at how well his ass fills out his jeans.  I may not have experience with men, but it doesn’t make me impervious to the beauty of a flawless backside.

Shake it off, Cammie.  You’re on in five minutes with the star of the show.  Get your head in the game and focus.  You didn’t come all this way to blow it on a guy.

Thinking the words ‘guy
’
and ‘blow
’
has me feeling hot and bothered.  Aren’t men the ones who are supposed to act like sex-crazed teenagers and get giddy simply over a couple words?

What the hell is happening to me?

Maybe I can breathe my way through this.  Breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth.  And again.  Try it once more.  Maybe one more time.  Oh, this is shit.  My body is still humming and the only thing that’s going to make this better is giving in to my need.

That is not going to happen.

I don’t know Grant and what I have learned about him tells me I should run for the hills.  Hell, I should run for the mountains.  I just wish my body would listen.

Walking onto the set, the first person I see is Tucker.  Figures.  I was hoping to get into character for a second before he arrived.  Why did I have to get so distracted by Grant?

I walk right over to him with my head held high.  I know I’ve got this and plan to start the scene, but what I see stops me short.  His eyes…they break my heart.  The man I’ve admired on the big screen and on TV is not the man standing before me.  This man is broken.  Like a shattered vase someone glued together—one nick and he’ll fall apart.

It’s all in his eyes.

Those blue eyes that women have raved about, fallen in love with, lusted over for years, are now devoid of life.  His heart—no his soul—has been crushed and I feel a pain so deep, I want to cry.  It’s always been this way for me.  When others hurt, so do I.  I instantly want to make their pain go away, but there’s nothing you can do for what he’s suffering from.  Only time can heal this wound.

Standing off to the side is Grant, watching me with a smile on his face.  Guilt washes through me.  Tucker stands before me, a man who lost the woman he loved, and my insides feel like a live volcano whenever the person who is half responsible looks my way.  I don’t know that I can do this without shredding myself in the process.

“You ready?” Tucker asks.

I nod because I can’t form words.  He smiles at me, but it never reaches his eyes.  His face doesn’t light up the way it should when you feel your emotions.  He’s just void.

“Hey, Tuck.  We have everything set on this end.  Do you want to get in position and we’ll start the countdown?”  I don’t know all the crew member’s names yet, but this guy’s face is familiar.

I watch Tucker chat briefly with a couple crewmembers and see how he offers them fake smiles.  They seem to believe he’s perfectly fine.  How does no one else see he’s lost?

I rock any scenes I do that don’t involve me looking directly at Tucker.  I can’t allow myself to get sucked into his torment.  I know it makes me appear nervous, but I need time to get into the right mindset in order to deal with what I see in his face.  He tries to coax me through the scenes he obviously thinks I’m struggling with, but I need, for today anyway, to just appear like I have first day jitters.

I am so grateful for my scenes to finish.  I need to get away from Tucker even though I feel he can use a friend.  I’ll work on that in a couple days.  For right now, I need to get my head straight.

“Pretty good for your first day.”

“Huh?”

I had been walking through the set in a fog, not really seeing where I was going or who was around me.  Grant’s words startle me back into reality.

“I said you did pretty good for your first day.”

“Oh.  Thanks.”  I try to think of something else to say, but I’m still too rattled.

“Are you okay?  Did Tucker or anyone else say something to upset you?”

His whole demeanor changes before my eyes.  He goes from the smooth talker, always smiling and making me want to smile back, to…I don’t quite know how to describe it.  The look is cold and it makes me fearful.  I’m scared if someone had upset me, he would do bad things to him.

“No.  I-I just wasn’t expecting him to still be so…so hurt.”

“Who?”

I realize my mistake too late.  I can’t have this conversation with Grant.  He’s partially responsible for Tucker’s pain.  Nothing like making things awkward.

“I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t be talking to you about this.”

“Cammie, you can talk to me about anything,”

His voice is gentler now and so are his facial features.  I want to believe him because I can’t stop the crazy reactions I’m having to him, but I don’t know him and I don’t think this is an appropriate conversation to have.

“Thank you, Grant.  I’ll keep that in mind.”

With that said, I smile and walk away.  I need some space from him so I can think.  His nearness muddles my brain.

My plan is to go to the security station and ask for a cab, but I get stopped by Eddie before I can get there.  Anxiety knots my belly.  I’m sure he wants to talk to me about the parts of my performance that were less than stellar.  He banked a lot on bringing in a no name and I’m sure I let him down in there.

I stare up at him, waiting for the scathing words to come.  His size makes him that much more intimidating.  When you have a man who is at least six and a half feet glaring down at you, he makes you feel non-existent, no matter how tall you are.

“I’m sorry about my performance today,” I rush out, hoping to beat him to the punch.

He shakes his head, his lips pursed together.  Damn, I must have done worse than I thought.  I thought I was doing well outside of the couple scenes that required Tucker and I make eye contact.  Maybe I was a little too confident in myself and the preparations I’d done all week.

“You’re performance isn’t the problem.”

“Huh?”

I’m a bit lost at what he could mean.  I haven’t done anything to anyone in the crew so I can’t imagine why he’s looking at me like a scolding parent.

“I thought I warned you about him, Cammie.”

“Him?”  He needs to stop talking in riddles and tell me what he thinks I’ve done.

“Grant.  He’s got his own agenda and I’m still trying to figure it out, but I can tell you that you are too nice of a girl to get mixed up with the likes of a guy like him.”

My blood starts to boil and I don’t know whether it’s because he’s treating me like a child or because I want Grant.  Either way, I need to let him know he’s my boss, not my father.  I don’t need to be protected.

“I appreciate your concern, Eddie, but Grant has been nothing but gracious to me since I got here.  If, at any time, I feel he is getting out of line or making me uncomfortable, I’ll be sure to come directly to you.  Until that time, I’d appreciate it if you stop the warnings.  It makes me uncomfortable to hear the negativity about other co-workers.”

He barely drops his head in a nod, but I can tell he isn’t happy with me.  It probably isn’t the best way to start things off with my new boss, but I need to start taking care of myself and part of that is trusting my instincts.

My instincts tell me Grant is supposed to be a part of my life.

Chapter Thirteen

Grant—Not The Same

Cammie was a vision to watch.  She felt every moment she was on the set.  I could see it in her facial features and the way she held her body.  Her heart, her mind…her very spirit went into her acting.  But when she had to interact with Tucker, something was   off.  She couldn’t look at him and she appeared distressed.  I wanted to run in, swoop her into my arms, and protect her from whatever was causing her hurt.

I’ve never felt so strongly for another person before.

I’ve been trying to figure out why she has me tied up in knots and acting like a sissified version of myself.  Was it her face when she was talking about him?  Dammit.  Did she think I didn’t know she was talking about Tucker and how hurt he still is?  I need to walk away from her like I walk away from everyone else in my life.