Beneath the Honeysuckle Vine (46 page)

He broke from her
,
his breathing labored and unsteady.
“
Vivianna…I…I…
”
he stammered.
His eyes were filled with emotion
,
brimming with moisture.
Vivianna could see her reflection in them
,
and she knew he
too somehow bore her pain.

She reached out, taking his face in her hands and pulling his mouth to hers.
She could not quench her thirst for his kiss!
She wanted to bathe forever in the heated passion he stirred in her.
He kissed her hard—near to violently—as if he could not quench his own thirst.

Suddenly he broke the seal of their lips, however.
Taking her face in his hands, he gazed at her.
“
Love never dies, Vivi,
”
he told her.
“
As long as you continue to let your heart feel joy and pain…to miss them and remember…they
’
ll never be lost to you.
”

Vivianna nodded.
She brushed the tears from her cheeks, even though more followed.

“
I
’
ll run on out and get that box of letters,
”
Johnny said.
“
Then we
’
ll take it up to the attic for ya
,
and you can show me around your family
’
s home.
How would that be?
”

Vivianna sniffled
and
breathed a giggle as Johnny pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to her.

“
Don
’
t worry,
”
he said, grinning.
“
It
’
s clean.
”

“
Thank you, Johnny,
”
she said, dabbing at her tears and then her nose.
She shook her head and added,
“
I
’
m sure I
’
m completely melted for the rest of the day.
”

“
And that
’
s all right,
”
he assured her.
“
Now you just sit here
.
I
’
ll be right back.
”
He stood
and
reached into the front pocket of his trousers
,
withdrawing a key.
Offering the key toward her
,
he said,
“
I found this in your skirt pocket.
I let us in
.
I hope that
’
s all right.
”

“
Of course,
”
she said, taking the key from him and dropping it back into her skirt pocket.
She thought for a moment that
,
after over a year of carrying Justin
’
s letter in her pocket, it was strange not to feel it there when she slipped the key in.

“
I
’
ll be right back,
”
he said.

Vivianna watched him leave the house by way of the back parlor door.
She stood from the chaise and watched him through the window.
Johnny hurried to the place where they
’
d been standing when first Vivianna
’
s emotions had begun to boil over.
Oddly, she remembered his kiss more than her pain.
Johnny Tabor had been right
. A
body could know joy
,
even for overwhelming heartache.
As she watched him hunker down in the grass and retrieve the box containing Justin
’
s letters—as she watched him saunter toward her in returning—she thought of his strength, of his exceptional understanding of her need to mourn.
How could he be so wise?
Surely the fighting,
Andersonville
, and all the horror of war had given him experience to draw from.
She shivered with wondering what terrible things he
’
d endured—what loss he
’
d known.
She thought of the day Johnny had told Nate and Willy of burning the lice from his body.
Yet unimaginably miserable as it was
,
it did not explain his understanding of Vivianna
’
s having struggled against her emotions.
Was he simply a man who owned a sense of reading a soul?

She watched him move closer—thought he was the most attractive man she had ever seen.
Even now she wanted to kiss him—wanted to linger in his powerful arms.
She was in love with Johnny.
The revelation had come to her even as the acceptance of her family
’
s loss had come to her.
Yet it seemed impossible!
How could she be in love with a stranger?
She
’
d known him mere months!
She
’
d known Justin for years—all her life—yet Justin no longer owned her heart.
Certainly he would always linger in it
,
for one did not love so deeply and entirely and forget such a love.
Yet in that moment—as she watched Johnny Tabor enter the house and offer the box containing Justin
’
s letters to her—she knew that somehow she had fallen in love with him.

Vivianna paused in accepting the letters
,
distracted by wondering what Johnny would think if he knew she loved him.
Surely he would think her as fickle a girl as she thought Tilly Winder was.
Hadn
’
t he brought Justin home to claim Vivianna
’
s heart?
Yet she sensed even Johnny had changed his mind about Justin.
He would not kiss her so passionately otherwise.
He would not kiss her at all otherwise.
Johnny was nothing if not loyal
;
this she had observed for herself.
Why then did he play at kissing the woman he meant his best friend to marry unless he
’
d changed his opinion of the man?

“
Here,
”
Johnny said, still offering the box to her.
“
Do ya still want to leave them behind?
”

Vivianna fancied Johnny looked worried in that moment—as if he feared she might say she
’
d chosen to keep them instead of hiding them away.

“
Yes,
”
she said, accepting the box from him.
And she did want to leave them—now more than ever.
“
Come with me, Johnny,
”
she said.
“
Come with me
,
and I
’
ll show you the attic.
I
’
ll show the entire house to you if ya like.
”

He nodded.
“
Are you…are ya all right, Vivianna?
”
he asked.

Instantly, tears flooded her cheeks.
Still, she answered,
“
I will be.
”

He sighed
and
seemed relieved.
“
All right then,
”
he said.
“
Let
’
s see to them letters.
”



Vivianna did put away Justin
’
s letters.
She tucked them safely in the bottom of one of her mother
’
s trunks.
Furthermore, she escorted Johnny throughout the Bartholomew family home—throughout her home.
She led him through every room
,
even the one that had been hers as a child.
As she wandered through the house
,
she felt as if she w
ere
indeed beginning to heal.
Oh, certainly she wept near constantly.
Yet she did not feel afraid to touch her mother
’
s things
,
to look on the photographs of Sam and Augie.
Her father
’
s doctor
’
s bag seemed a sentimental piece
,
not something to dread peering into any longer.
Her pain was profound—excruciating at times.
Yet Johnny had shown Vivianna that she could still know joy
,
and knowing such a thing was true helped Vivianna to know joy even in reminiscing—even for the heartache in her.

She even lingered alone awhile in her home.
Johnny wanted to look in at the railroad office—wanted to inquire about earning wages.
Thus, he
’
d suggested Vivianna take the time to sit or wander through the house—to be alone with her memories and her mourning.
This she did—weeping one moment
,
smiling the next—and it was such a healing thing that she could not fathom it at first.
Yet she did know it.
The longer she wandered, trading tears for smiles
,
she did know that joy could still be had in life.
Her emotions—held so tightly and deep inside her for so long—had broken free.
Johnny had freed them
,
and Vivianna knew her true and full self again at last.

Johnny returned from
the railroad office to announce he
’
d secured work. The next Monday morning
,
he would accompany Caleb and Justin to town and begin earning a good wage.
He explained to Vivianna that he was told the labor would be hard
,
but he was not averse to hard labor.

As the sun hung high in the center of the sky, Vivianna locked the great bolt securing one of the back doors to her family home.
She and Johnny had decided to leave the way they had come
,
without a living soul having seen them.
They would walk the smaller path all the way home—avoid the road and any unwanted conversation.
Vivianna
’
s emotions were still ripe
;
she still found tears easily upon her cheeks
,
and she did not wish to endure Tilly Winder or anyone else
’
s company—only Johnny
’
s.

As they walked the long path leading from the Bartholomew home to the Turner one, they didn
’
t speak of Vivianna
’
s family
,
nor did they speak of the passion that had flamed between them.
Simply they spoke of the weather
,
of Nate and Willy and their antics
,
of Caleb and his goodness.
They spoke of nothing of any deep consequence.

Until, at last, Vivianna
’
s curiosity grew too swollen to contain.

As she and Johnny wandered through a small grove of dogwoods, she began,
“
Justin says you saved his life…on more than one occasion.
Yet you always maintain that he saved yours, Johnny.
How did Justin save your life?
”
She shrugged and added,
“
I assume it was at
Andersonville
that you saved his…but how did he save yours?
”

She glanced to Johnny then
and
fancied he
’
d paled slightly.
Still, he responded.

“
I was…I was wounded,
”
he began.
“
You
’
ve seen the scar low on my back?
”

Vivianna nodded.
Oh, she
’
d seen the dark, deep scar many times.
Though her attention was more often drawn to Johnny
’
s impressive musculature when he was working without a shirt, she had studied the scar as well.

“
I was matchin
’
sabers with a Reb…when another Reb come up behind me and near sliced me in two,
”
he explained.
“
It was Caleb who cleaned the wound and stitched me up.
So I guess I owe Caleb near as much as I do Justin.
”
He paused
,
an expression of hurt or worry puckering his handsome brow. She regretted asking him abut his debt to Justin.
She could see it caused him pain.