Bessica Lefter Bites Back (5 page)

So we did.

“Have you talked to him yet?” I asked.

Annabelle and Jasper had three classes together: math, English, and social sciences.

“Not yet,” Annabelle said. “But I’m thinking about pretending that I lost my English homework assignment so I can call him.”

“Oh,” I said. Then I thought of the advice my mom had given me. Even though I wasn’t sure it was great, I decided to share it with Annabelle. “Maybe you should try talking to him like he’s an adult. Tell him you enjoy his personality and spiky hair.”

Annabelle stopped eating and stared at me like I was crazy.

“I’d rather die!” Annabelle said.

“That’s terrible advice, Bessica,” Lola said.

“Yeah,” Macy said. “It’s like you’re trying to make Jasper run away.”

Dee didn’t say anything. But even in her silence she seemed to disagree with me. I didn’t like hearing that my advice was terrible. So I stuck up for it a little bit.

“People like compliments,” I offered.

Annabelle swallowed. “That may be true. But it’s a lot more fun to crush on Jasper and spy on him and talk about him with you guys than get rejected by him in front of everybody in my English class.”

“Oh,” I said. But I didn’t think Annabelle should talk to Jasper like he was an adult in front of other people, I thought she should pull him off to the side. So I defended my advice some more. “You should pull him into a corner or empty hallway or closet and then talk to him.”

Annabelle stared at me again. “That’s nuts!”

“Totally!” Macy said.

“That’s the worst advice I’ve ever heard one person give another person,” Lola said.

“Yeah,” Dee said.

“Really?” I asked. Because after offering it and defending
it, this advice didn’t feel like my mom’s anymore. It felt like mine. And I thought it was really mature. “I think I give pretty good advice. I helped my grandma find a bunch of potential boyfriends.”

They all stopped eating again.

“Your grandma dates?” Annabelle asked. “Weird.”

I shook my head. “It’s not weird. There’s lots of interesting and attractive people online.”

“Wait,” Lola said. “You help your grandma
online date
?”

“I used to,” I said.

“Wacky,” Macy said. “My grandparents don’t even own a computer.”

“Did it work?” Annabelle asked. “Does your grandma have a boyfriend?”

I didn’t want to talk about Grandma’s maniac welder boyfriend named Willy while I ate. So I steered around him. “It worked great,” I said. “If she wanted, she could have more than one.”

“I just want Jasper,” Annabelle said. Then she smoothed her hair behind her ear and leaned across the table toward me. “Be serious. What’s your best advice?”

So I leaned across the table toward her, because it turned out that I really liked giving advice—it made me feel powerful and important. “Establish a connection.”

“Ooh,” Dee said.

Annabelle kept leaning forward. “How?
How?
” She sounded panicked.

“Like I said. Be straightforward and tell him you enjoy his personality and spiky hair.”

“It seems so risky,” Annabelle moaned.

“Wait,” Macy said. “Don’t you have a huge crush on your next-door neighbor? Have you tried any of this out on him?”

I didn’t say anything. I had not actually tried any of this out on gorgeous Noll Beck.

Macy gasped. “She hasn’t.”

“Why don’t you take your own advice first and report back,” Annabelle said.

She made a good point.

“He is so stinking awesome-looking,” Annabelle said as she nibbled on her bread crust and stared madly at the back of Jasper’s head, now two tables away.

And then instead of talking about boys and crushes, my lunch friends launched into a not-so-thrilling conversation about perfume. This was something that happened a lot. And the worst part about this was it meant that everybody was about to pull out their perfume pages, which were a bunch of pieces of notebook paper stapled together that stank, because Annabelle, Macy, Lola, and Dee went to the mall on a regular basis and collected
perfume sample sticks. And at lunch they liked to pull out these collected sample sticks and sniff and discuss them.

“Ooh,” Annabelle said. “That smells like vanilla pudding.”

“Try this one,” Lola said, offering her perfume page to me.

I took a sniff, but it smelled like an old saddle, and I wasn’t sure I should say that.

“What do you smell?” Lola asked.

“Um,” I said. “It’s hard to describe.”

“I know! I know! It’s got multiple tones,” Lola said. “But which one do you think is the overriding scent?”

That was a good question.

“Smell it again,” Lola said.

But my head was already hurting, and so I really didn’t want to suck more terrible fumes toward my brain. But I did it anyway, because I didn’t want to offend my lunch friends. I took in a big breath.

“Okay,” Lola said. “What’s the first thing you smell?”

And so I answered very quickly.

“The earth,” I said.

“What?” Lola said. “Are you sure?”

I opened my eyes. “Yep.”

“That’s weird,” Lola said. “Because it’s not even a musk.”

I looked sympathetically at her and her perfume page.

“I think I’m going to buy Garden Spring Breeze,” Macy said. “I’m ready to have a signature scent.”

“No way!” Annabelle said, coughing on her milk in surprise. “I want one too.”

I wasn’t sure that was a good move. Grandma Lefter once told me that the world was changing and people were wearing perfume less and less in an attempt to smell as inoffensive as possible.

“I want to smell like a waterfall,” Annabelle said.

“Ooh,” Dee said.

“So cool,” Macy said.

I just ate my sandwich. Until Annabelle said something that got my attention. “Why is Alice Potgeiser staring at you like she hates you?”

“Huh?” I said.

I looked over at the cheerleading table and Alice was glaring right at me. Ever since she’d failed to beat my butt for mascot and we’d tied, she’d been acting very hostile toward me. Mainly just by looking at me with disgust.

“She thinks she’s so cool because she can do backflips, but so can monkeys,” Lola said.

“Yeah,” Dee said.

“She’s a lame-o,” Macy said. “And I’m glad she hurt her wrist and has to wear that stupid brace on it.”

“Shhh,” I said. I didn’t want Alice to know that my friends and I compared her to monkeys. And before I could shush my lunch friends again or make my own quiet monkey comparison, a hand landed on my shoulder and I jumped a little. Because I wasn’t used to hands touching me during lunch. I looked up. It was our school secretary, Mrs. Batts.

“Your mother is in the office,” she said.

Annabelle, Macy, Lola, and Dee looked at me with interest and concern.

“It’s about the mascot uniform,” I said. I hurried to explain as fast as I could, because I was a little bit worried Mrs. Batts might mention my foot fungus. As I stood up and dumped my tray and left the cafeteria with Mrs. Batts, EVERYBODY looked at me. Even Alice and her cheerleader friends and the psycho-bullies. I was very disgusted when I saw Cola, Beacher, and Redge eating my Two-Taste Teton donuts. I wanted to focus on my shoes and the ground. But I thought that might make me look like I’d done something wrong. So I smiled and carried the rest of my ham and cheese sandwich in an unworried and happy way.

My mom was sitting in a chair in the school office.

“I thought you’d spring me out of public speaking,” I said. Because I thought that was the time my mom had said.

“This worked better for me,” she said.

I didn’t mention that getting out of public speaking would have worked better for me.

“Principal Tidge will be out in a minute,” Mrs. Batts told us.

While we waited, Mrs. Batts sat at her desk sorting papers and stapling them in a really intense way. Every time she smacked the stapler shut with her hand, my mom jumped a little. I tried to make my mom feel more comfortable by talking about my classes with her.

“In nutrition today, we learned that Americans don’t have a good understanding of portion size. We should only eat lean meat that’s this big,” I said, holding up my fist.

My mother looked at my fist.

“Mrs. Lefter,” Principal Tidge said. She stood in front of her open door, wearing a very well-ironed ugly suit and smiling huge. “Sorry to keep you and Bessica waiting.”

I followed my mom into the principal’s office. As soon as she shut the door I saw the furry bear suit. It looked way more awesome than I had thought it would. It was a honey-brown color and the fur looked incredibly soft. I wanted to rub my face in it right then and there. But I held back.

“Here’s some information about the upcoming mascot clinic,” Principal Tidge said, handing my mom a piece of paper.

“Wow,” my mom said. “A six-hour class in mascot etiquette.”

“Sometimes it only lasts five hours,” Principal Tidge said. “All mascots in the district are asked to attend. It gives the mascots a chance to meet each other and learn new cheers.”

“Awesome!” I said.

“At the clinic you and Alice will need to take turns wearing the suit,” Principal Tidge explained.

That wasn’t ideal, but it was okay. “The suit looks great!”

“Thank you,” Principal Tidge said. “I picked it out. And interestingly enough, and lucky for you, we have a choice in mascot footwear.”

I was very intrigued to learn about my choices.

“They accidentally sent us two sets of hind paws. We were going to send one back, but considering Bessica’s foot condition, I think it makes more sense to let her and Alice each have their own pair of paws for the season.

“Since you were unable to make the meeting, and since Alice and I and Mrs. Potgeiser divvied up the schedule, I figured it made sense to let you choose which pair of paws you wanted.”

“That does make sense,” I said, nodding.

“Since it’s shared, the costume has to stay here,” Principal Tidge said. “But if you’d like, you can take your paws
home. I imagine it would be helpful to practice jumping rope while wearing them.”

“Yes!” I said. “It would.”

“About Bessica’s foot condition,” my mother interrupted.

“It’s getting much better,” I blurted out. “I caught it early and I’m using special cream.”

“No need to tell me the details,” Principal Tidge said. “These things happen.”

“Actually—” my mom started.

But I cut her off. “Next time I go to the public swimming pool, I will not go barefoot!”

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Yes?” Principal Tidge said.

Mrs. Batts poked her head in the door. “I just caught the head of custodial services. You said you needed to speak with him.”

Principal Tidge stood up. “I did.”

“That’s cool,” I said. Because I sort of wanted her to leave before my mom could say anything truthful.

“Bessica, I’ve printed out the schedule. It’s right here.” She handed it to me. “All your games are highlighted. Boys’ football. Boys’ basketball. And Track and Field Days.”

“Ooh,” I said. I didn’t realize I’d get to perform at Track and Field Days.

“Your first game is in two weeks. You’ll be cheering against T.J. the Snake River Tiger.”

“I’m cheering against T.J. the Snake River Tiger?” I asked. “I thought Alice wanted to cheer against him.”

“She’s cheering against the wildcat,” Principal Tidge said.

That was right. I had mixed up my big cats.

“Mrs. Batts has both pairs of hind paws, and she’ll let you choose which one you want,” Principal Tidge said. “Sorry to run out on you, Mrs. Lefter. But we have a ventilation issue.”

And then, before my mom could object, Principal Tidge was gone and Mrs. Batts entered the office holding up one pair of furry, fluffy, awesome paws with claws, and one pair of dingy-looking paws that looked like they’d already been used.

“You should probably use these,” my mom said, pointing to the cruddy paws. “They’d be easier to jump rope with.”

I shook my head. “But these look like actual bear paws.”

I took them from Mrs. Batts and stuck them on my hands.
“Roar!”
I said to my mom. I was so thrilled.

Mrs. Batts laughed at me. “Great choice.” Then she turned around and left the room.

“Bessica Lefter, I am beyond uncomfortable with what just happened here,” my mom said.

“I know,” I said. “But after she offered me my own set of take-home paws we really didn’t have a choice.” I reached up and touched my mom gently on the shoulder with one of my terrifying paws. “Grandma is going to love these.”

This made my mom smile a little bit. Because we both missed Grandma. Neither one of us brought up how stupid it was that she left us to go on a road trip in a Winnebago with her new boyfriend, Willy. Stupid Winnebago.

“Bessica?” a soft voice called.

I flipped around to see who it was. Half of Lola’s head peeked through the doorway.

“Hi, Lola!” I said. “This is my mom and these are my bear paws.”

Lola peeked the rest of her head through the doorway and waved very politely at my mom. “I was just checking on you. I’m going to go back to the cafeteria.”

“Thanks!” I said. “Tell everyone I’m cool and I was just getting my paws.”

Lola nodded.

“Nice meeting you, Lola,” my mom said.

“I eat lunch with her,” I explained. “She’s a very serious person. Also, we’re in PE together.”

“You should invite her over,” my mom said.

“Ooh,” I said. “Can we eat junk food and watch bad
television?” Sylvie and I used to watch bad television and eat cheese puffs. I missed those days.

“Let’s invite her over for a movie and pizza. Okay. I need to get back to work. Hand me the paws,” my mom said.

But I sort of wanted to keep them.

“There’s no way they’ll fit in your locker,” she said.

But I thought maybe I could just carry them around all day. My mom kept her hands held out.

“Fine,” I said, handing them over.

“You better hope this grand moment of dishonesty doesn’t come around to bite you in the butt,” my mom said.

I was really surprised to hear her use the word
butt
in my principal’s office. Besides, wasn’t this all Sylvie’s fault? Shouldn’t she have been the one getting bitten in the butt?