Bet Your Life (33 page)
Authors: Jane Casey
“What if we’re together and something happens to his mum and he ends up regretting it?”
“What if you miss your chance to be together and regret that more? I know you think you’ve got forever to be together, but look at me and Dan. That’s the only lesson you should take from us, but it’s a big one. Sometimes now is all you get.” She stood up. “And by a lovely coincidence, now is when I need to leave.”
“Thank you,” I said again, meaning it. She nodded and walked away through the long grass, leaving tracks in the dew. I pulled my knees up to my chest, shut my eyes, and lifted my face to the sun. I sat for a little while, thinking about life, and how good it was to be a part of it, and how I had had enough drama for a while, up to and including almost dying a couple of times.
A bird was cheeping nearby, short joyful sounds that cut the air into slivers of gold. Even as I listened, it spilled over into a flurry of complaint, a waterfall of sound. I opened my eyes to see Diogenes shoot past my feet, followed gamely by Aristotle. Ari was twice Di’s size and sounded like a charging rhino as he disappeared into the undergrowth. I watched the grasses wave and settle into stillness after the cats had passed, peace reasserting itself.
“All by yourself?”
Will was standing in front of me, his hands in his pockets.
My heart dissolved into a cloud of butterflies that battered against my chest wall, trying to get out. “I didn’t know you were there.”
“You were distracted.” He looked around. “Where’s Ella? Has she gone back to London yet?”
“Not until tonight. She’s with Hugo and I’m staying out of the way.”
Will grinned. “You didn’t get to see that much of her, did you?”
“I think she enjoyed her trip. That’s the main thing.” I hugged my knees. “Also, I’ve never seen Hugo so goofy over someone. I have hours of teasing saved up for when she goes back.”
“Don’t be too hard on Hugo. He really likes her.”
“Spoilsport.” I looked up at him. “Are you going to stand there all day or do you want to sit down?”
“I was just waiting to be invited. You might have wanted to be alone.”
“No. On my own but not wanting to be, particularly.”
He settled beside me, stretching his legs out. “This is the kind of thing I miss at school.”
“Just sitting?”
“Exactly.” He didn’t say anything else and we sat in silence for a minute or two while words tumbled over one another in my brain. He wasn’t even looking at me and I couldn’t seem to form a sentence.
What I ended up saying was the opposite of romantic. “Your dad saved my life.”
“I know.”
“I’m not sure I said thank you properly.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s his job.”
“That’s what he said.” I squeezed my hands between my knees, on edge. “And thank you for not giving up on finding me. If you hadn’t worked out where I was, I probably wouldn’t be here.”
“I should have just looked in all the most dangerous places in Port Sentinel. Generally, that’s where you’ll be.”
“I didn’t know talking to Harry was going to be dangerous.”
“If you
had
known, you’d still have done it. Your trouble is that you’re not afraid of anything.” He looked at me sideways. “Actually, that’s not true. There’s one thing that makes you absolutely terrified.”
“What’s that?”
“Being with me.”
“You don’t scare me.” I played with the laces on my trainers, trying to decide what to say. The truth seemed like the best option. “What scares me is how risky this is. The chances of it all going wrong are too high.”
“I disagree.”
“I can’t make you happy. I thought I could, but I can’t, and I don’t want to be the reason you’re sad.”
He raised one eyebrow. “You’re not that bad.”
I nudged him with my toe. “Sad because of being sent away.”
“Oh. What if I told you I don’t mind? The only thing I miss when I’m away is you.”
“That’s not true.”
A gleam from the silver-gray eyes. “How do you know that?”
“You must miss your home. Your mum.”
“I worry about her,” Will said, choosing his words with care. “But I don’t miss being there. It’s not easy, with her. Sometimes I need to get away from her.” He winced. “That makes me sound like a terrible person.”
“No, it doesn’t.” I was thinking of Karen in her room, spinning bitterness and lies like a spider. I’d felt trapped after five minutes.
“You must have noticed that I basically live here at Sandhayes. It’s not just because you’re here, or because I like Tilly’s cooking. I can’t stand being in the house. If Dad’s not there, Mum’s fretting about where he is. If he is there, they fight, or Dad fights with me.” He looked at me again. “I wouldn’t mind being away at all if I could take you with me.”
“I thought I was ruining your life.”
“Only by refusing to be a part of it.” He reached out and ran his fingers down the back of my neck. “Which is just stubborn and wrong.”
“I was trying to do the right thing.” It was hard to think, when he was touching me. It was hard to breathe, even.
“Breaking up with me made you miserable. It made me miserable too. That doesn’t seem right.”
There were so many reasons to think it was a bad idea, though, for all that I liked him and he liked me. It wasn’t that simple. It would never be that simple, with Will. And I’d struggled to keep my life together when we’d broken up after only a few weeks. People kept telling me I should avoid danger, but I couldn’t think of much that was riskier than trusting him with my heart.
Then again, taking risks was sort of my thing.
I unfolded myself and leaned toward him. “If we get back together, I don’t want to try to hide it any more.”
“If we get back together I’ll try to forget you lied to me.”
Brought up short, I leaned all the way back. “I didn’t!”
“You did. You said it was just a holiday fling.
A meaningless holiday fling
was the exact phrase, I think.”
“I wanted you to forget about me.”
“I could never do that.” The gray eyes were steady on mine. “Jess, I’ve got twenty-six hours until I have to leave for school. I’ll need to sleep and eat, but I calculate that leaves seventeen hours, give or take a few minutes. I’d like to spend them kissing you. How does that sound?”
“Ambitious,” I managed to say. “What about saying goodbye to people?”
“I’ll write.” He drew me toward him.
“What about packing?”
“That’ll take two minutes.” His mouth curved in the almost-smile that made me shiver.
“What about homework?”
“Now you’re being silly.” He slid a hand round the back of my neck and buried his fingers in my hair.
“What about—”
And then Will’s mouth was on mine and every thought in my head whirled away like fallen leaves.
* * *
Sometimes now is all you get. It’s OK, though.
Sometimes now is all you need.
I am tremendously grateful to the following people, without whom Jess would not exist:
The lovely Lauren Buckland, a wonderful editor, cat-lover, and friend, who gets every cultural reference, no matter how obscure. She encouraged me to make
Bet Your Life
even darker than the first draft was, and made it so much better in the process.
Sophie Nelson, super copy editor. Among many other corrections, she made all my days and dates match up—no mean feat.
Publicists Lisa Mahoney, Alex Taylor, and Harriet Venn have done a great job of looking after me.
Ariella Feiner, who is so much more than an agent. Always incisive and supportive, she’s an ideal reader and my best asset. Her colleagues at United Agents are just as important in introducing Jess to readers around the world.
Emma Young, who I don’t see often enough, brightens my day every time I hear from her. She’s a truly gifted editor and writer, and this book is dedicated to her.
Finally, my thanks to my lovely family, all of whom support me and encourage me in many different ways. The one who helped most in writing this book is undoubtedly NOT Fred, my cat, who likes to sleep on my hands when I’m typing—but I love him anyway.
How to Fall
FOR OLDER READERS
The Missing
The Burning
The Reckoning
The Last Girl
The Stranger You Know
Born and brought up in Dublin, Jane Casey has been twice shortlisted for the Irish Crime Novel of the Year Award. She was working as a children’s books editor when the manuscript for her first book,
The Missing
, was discovered on her agent’s submissions pile and subsequently published by Ebury Press. She has written five bestselling books for adults—including
The Burning, The Reckoning,
and
The Last Girl.
Jane is married to a criminal attorney and lives in southwest London.
This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
BET YOUR LIFE.
Copyright © 2014 by Jane Casey. All rights reserved. For information, address St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.
Cover design by David Baldeosingh Rotstein
Cover photograph © Marta Syrko/Trevillion Images
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The Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.
ISBN 978-1-250-04066-4 (hardcover)
ISBN 978-1-4668-3626-6 (e-book)
e-ISBN 9781466836266
Originally published in Great Britain by Corgi Books, an imprint of Random House Children’s Publishers UK, a Random House Company
First U.S. Edition: February 2015