Betrayal of Cupids (11 page)

Ryan

When you know your existence could be over in a few short hours, you begin to rethink some of the choices you’ve made.  Your entire life, you’re encouraged to read books and watch television, and essentially get high off of other people’s adventures.  You place yourself in a fantasy world that you can’t actually taste, often because you’re too scared to live out the fantasy for real.  You think: what if it isn’t everything you dreamed it would be?  What if this picture you’d been imagining for so long turns out to be a complete washout?  What if you would need a new dream?  It’s so much easier to have that belief, the belief that there’s something better, that there’s more to life than your reality.

Grace was that something better.  As I raced down the highway, determined to outride Danny, it occurred to me that I had never fought for something so hard in my entire life.  What had I been wasting my time doing?  The fact that I was so willing to die for the possibility of a life with another person proved to me that up until that moment, I had been doing everything wrong. 

That was it.  There was no more fooling around.  I would need to get in there, get her out, and start our new life fresh, far away from this mess.  At this point, I didn’t even care if Sean lived or died.  He wasn’t my concern anymore.  Let him follow his fantasy and I’ll take mine.  I’ll get the girl.

And that girl was Grace.  Even with the beating she had taken over the last few months, she was still the most beautiful being I had ever laid eyes on.  Not only was she physically stunning, but her drive fascinated me.  Even after knowing who I was, she never gave up on me.  She had taken it upon herself, her tiny self, to protect me.  She never asked for anything, and was determined to prove her worth.  I’d seen her at her most vulnerable, begging to make a life for herself outside of the club.  I was the first man to show her love.  I was charmed by her innocence.  I’ve seen her bleeding and beaten, I’ve seen her daring and demanding, and I’ve loved her since the beginning.  I loved Grace Brennan.  Why had I let this mess go on for so long?

The second I said it was the second that I felt a pulling in the opposite direction.  Who was I if not a member of a motorcycle club?  I was a fighter, but would I be able to sustain that lifestyle without the support the Cupids offered?  Would I care to?  Would I care about anything?  Although Danny ended up being a traitor, he brought up some valid points when it came to Grace.  My love for her clouded my judgment.  Had she not come along, would I have ever had the guts to try my hand at a crime-free life?  And would I resent her for it later?

I was shaken from my trance by the sound of a bike coming up on my left side.  A quick glance confirmed my suspicions: Danny had caught up to me.  A bit of road rage interrupted my pace.  He was trying to push me onto the shoulder.  I wouldn’t have it.  Now, more than ever, I needed to get to Grace.  No one could stop that.   

Danny fell behind me, no doubt contemplating his next approach.  I picked up speed, determined to make up for the few seconds of lost time.  I peeked in my mirror, but Danny was nowhere in sight.  Had he made an exit?  Was he hidden from view by another car?  Had he given up?  After about fifteen miles, I began to ease up.  There was no sight of Danny on the road: maybe he
had
given up. 

Five miles later, and only minutes from my exit, he proved me wrong.  It was the screech of tires in front of me that first caught my attention.  One by one, as if in slow motion, I watched as the cars slid and spun out of control, piling into each other.  I skidded to a stop, sure to pull off to the side to avoid the crashing of cars that was sure to happen behind me.  I rode the shoulder, slowly, gauging the amount of destruction that had occurred.  It shouldn’t have surprised me, but at the top of the pile up, right off the entrance to the highway, was Danny.  He must have pulled off an exit and sped down the service road.  He had caused this mayhem to stop me.  My only choice was to stop him.

I kicked off my bike and raced toward him.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Tell me some other way to get your attention.”

“Calling my sadistic uncle from my own home might do the trick.”

He slid his heel across the ground.  “Man, I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

He was sorry I had to hear that?  What the fuck was that about?  He wasn’t sorry he got mixed up with the bastard in the first place or that he was out to ruin my life.  No.  He was sorry that I heard him plotting my demise.

“So what was the plan?”

“It’s not like that.”

“Then fucking tell me what it was like so I can beat your sorry ass and get on my way.”

“Don’t go to Alexandria.”

“A little late for that.”

“It’s not.”  He began to plead.  “Dude, he’s going to kill you.  Just get out of here.  You said it yourself: you want nothing to do with this life.  What the hell are you still doing in it?”

Of course he brought up the question that I continually asked myself.  But this time was different.  Grace was at the other end of this road.  I couldn’t turn off just yet.

“He’s got Grace.”

“Grace is surprisingly holding her own.  He doesn’t have her.  The only thing he has is the threat of killing you.  So don’t give him that threat.  Get the hell out of here.”

As angry as I was, he had just told me that Grace was okay.  She was okay.  I felt the knot that had been in my throat for the last few hours finally begin to subside.  One more question accompanied by the desired answer and the weight of her possible danger would be lifted.

“So, he’s not going to kill her?”

He gave a nervous chuckle.  “Oh, fuck man, he’s definitely going to kill her, just not yet.”

I lost it.  I threw away all inhibitions and charged him.  He was on the ground with my hands at his throat.  I watched his face redden, but I couldn’t let go.  My hands were set and unwilling to release.  I could’ve killed him.  I really could’ve, but I was saving that for Sean.  Sean would be my first, and I would never forget it.

Before his eyes completely rolled out of view, I let go.  His color instantly returned, and I gave him a nice slap across the face to help it along.  I stood over him, shaking my head at his pitiful limp body.  Just to make sure he wouldn’t be following me any time soon, I gave him a swift kick to the ribs.  He shrieked from the jolt, rolling over to his side.  I didn’t care.  He wasn’t my friend any longer.

I grabbed my bike and walked it past him, allowing myself one final look at my conquest.

“Why, Danny?”

He slowly blinked, finding the power to speak.  His raspy voice whispered, “Why do you do anything, Ryan?  The promise of something more.”

With that, I kicked off the ground, heading toward the exit for Alexandria.  The funny thing was that Danny and I had actually agreed on his reasoning.  For him, that something more was power.  For me, it was Grace.

Grace

How did I let that happen?  After allowing me to blab on and on and take control of the situation, that terror came right back in and took it all away.  The only saving grace I had was that I refused to let him see me break.  After his threat and his attempt to get under my skin by calling me his “pretty little Gracie,” I took a deep breath, smiled, and shut the door in his face.

Then I stomped on the ground like a five-year-old.

At least he didn’t see that.  I ran through the building, bursting through the other side.  I wanted to keep running, but as I stepped onto the gravel, Mr. Muscles caught me.

“Grace, what happened?”

“Nothing.  I’m fine.  Let go of me.”  I tried to shake his grip, but his arms tightened around me.  “Please, let go!”

I was on the verge of losing it.  I could feel the anger and pain and grief and hatred all colliding inside of me.  It didn’t know where to go.  I continued to fight, twisting my body in hopes of breaking free.

“Grace!”  His powerful voice stopped me.  “Try to calm down.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” I shot back at him.

“I’m not, but the advice I’m giving you is sound.”

As I let his words sink in, I allowed the weight of my body to sink into his arms.  I started to relax.  I stopped replaying the last thing Sean had said to me. “Okay.”

He loosened his grip on me.  “You good?”

“Yes.”

“Now talk to me.”

Who did he think he was?  My shrink?  Why would I want to talk to him?

“No.”

“Okay.” He didn’t fight me. “Let’s start with sitting.”

Still not letting go of me, he lowered me onto the step of the club.  His hands moved to my arms and he began to slowly rub me, easing my anxiety.  “That’s not so bad, is it?”

It wasn’t.  Everything was still there on the surface, but I was able to step back and view it all from a different place, a calmer place.

After a few moments of silence, Muscles turned to me.  He spoke slowly, making sure I understood every word he had to say.  “Grace, I can’t begin to understand what you’re going through or who you feel like you need to prove your worth to, but I really am here if you need to talk.”

I placed my hand on his.  “Thank you.  I really mean that.”

“I’m happy you do.”

In what I believe was an effort to hold me closer, he moved his hand to my leg.  It was uncomfortable, awkward even, but I had done nothing but lash out at him for what seemed like our entire relationship.  I was willing to put this aside for the moment.

“So, this Sean guy sucks, huh?”

He got me to laugh.  “He really does.”

“You think the officers are going to patch him over?

I turned to look at him.  “You would know better than I do, but yeah, I think he’s going to get everything he wants… or die trying.”

His voice turned to a whisper. “Some guys just don’t know when to quit.”

“Why would he quit?  His prize is right in front of him.”

His eyes softened and his cheek quivered.  “You’re right.”

It all happened so quickly.  His arms cradled my body, crushing me against his chest.  His breath was hot on my lips. I tasted his mouth on mine.  He was kissing me.

I pulled away. “Stop.”

“But you…”

“I nothing.  I was… I was… let go of me!”

I broke free of his embrace, but he grabbed my wrists as I pushed back.  “Grace, stop.”

“Let go of me!” I elbowed him as I stood, pushing off toward the road.  I had a good deal of momentum behind me, but I was stopped immediately by the sight of him at the edge of the parking lot.  “Ryan.”

There he stood, his face red with anger, but he wasn’t looking at me.  “Ryan, no, it’s okay.  He’s okay.”

He marched forward, straight toward Mr. Muscles.  I ran to him, hoping to stop the assault.

“Didn’t she tell you to stop?” he screamed at Mr. Muscles, who stood in response.

“This must be Ryan Cassidy.”

“You’re damn right I am.”

They were similar in height, but Muscles probably had a good fifty pounds on Ryan.  I couldn’t let them fight over me.  I was afraid of the outcome.

“Ryan, it’s not worth it,” I pleaded.

“Come here.”  He pulled me to his side.  “You’re never to touch her again.  Do you hear me?”

“I can touch whoever the hell I want.”

With that, Mr. Muscles took a swing.  Ryan pushed me out of the way, blocking the punch before it reached his jaw.  Although he was smaller in stature, Ryan was a trained fighter, and he held his own quite nicely.  I wanted to jump in the middle, to stop the ridiculousness, but I knew I would only be hurt in the process, causing Ryan to flip out even further.  So instead, I verbalized my disappointment.

“That’s enough!”

“Stay out of it, Grace.”

“This is the guy you risked everything for?”

Another jab, another hook, and blood began to spill.

“What are you guys even fighting over?”  It really was over nothing.  Ryan could say he was fighting for my honor, but a few words of disapproval would’ve been enough.  This was something else.  We were all on edge.

Ryan fell to the ground.  As he tried to pick himself up, Mr. Muscles pounced, pushing him into the stones.

“Stop it!”  Nothing.  They had tuned me out.

Ryan rolled, finding his way to the top of the huddle.  Mr. Muscles pummeled his fists into Ryan’s ribs, but Ryan kept swinging.  He began pounding into Mr. Muscles jaw over and over again.  I watched as Mr. Muscles’ jabs died down, barely making contact.  Ryan was winning.  I couldn’t take the boyish immaturity any longer.  I got in their faces. 

“I said stop!”

They both turned, shocked at my volume and intensity.

“You!” I yelled, pointing at Mr. Muscles.  “You had no right to kiss me.  I have never given you the impression that I had any feelings of any kind for you, and today, for the first time in all the years that we have known each other, I allowed myself to be vulnerable in front of you.  And what did you do with that?  You should be ashamed of yourself.  And you!”  I turned my attention to Ryan, “Get off of him.”  Ryan followed my orders, wordlessly.  “Help him up.”  Still silent.  “Are you going to be okay?” I looked to Mr. Muscles, who nodded at my question.  “Good.  Ryan,” I took a second to breathe, “I am appalled at your complete carelessness in this situation.  There was no reason to start that fight.  I thought… I thought this wasn’t who you are.” 

With that admission, I felt the tears pour from my eyes.  I had held up my front long enough.  It was breaking.  I had to get out of there.  I started to run.  And I kept running.