Bette Midler (56 page)

While she decided what to do with her acting career, Bette Midler began work on her album
Bette
. Instead of trying an assortment of producers and musical styles, Midler turned to Don Was to produce this new album, consisting largely of mellow-sounding versions of ’70s hits and contemporary tunes. The rest of the album was rounded out with new material. After she was finished with the album, she added an additional cut to the disc, which she wrote and produced with Marc Shaiman—the song “Nobody Else but You.”

According to Midler, “I’m happiest when I’m singing. And I can always sing. In a funny way; singing gives me a free ride. Music informs everything. Comedy, for instance, is like music. It’s all beats, getting the right rhythm” (
22
).

The
Bette
album opens with a sultry version of the Baby Washington hit “That’s How Heartaches Are Made.” Over the years it has been recorded by such varied performers as the Marvelettes and Dusty Springfield. It’s a great song to start off the album in a sexy, smooth way. Basically, the song sets the tone for most of the album. On
Bette
, the diva delivers similar smooth “quiet storm” renditions of other sexy R&B hits: “Just My Imagination (Running Away with Me),” “Love TKO,” and “Shining Star.”

She tackles a couple of contemporary classics, too. “God Give Me Strength” was written by Elvis Costello and Burt Bacharach for the film
Grace of My Heart
. The song was sung in the film by actress Illeana
Douglas. In the film, Douglas plays a singer/songwriter styled after Carole King. On this slow and sexy version of “God Give Me Strength,” Bette really pours her heart out.

Another stellar performance by Miss M comes on her version of “When Your Life Was Low,” which was written by Will Jennings and Joe Sample of the Jazz Crusaders and originally recorded by Randy Crawford (“Street Life”). This sad song of being left behind by an ex-love is equally as slow and somber, with Midler milking the sensitive lyrics for sultry pathos, effectively weaving a tale about the pain of love lost.

The song that garners the biggest amount of electricity is “In These Shoes,” which is the one nod to the wacky side of Bette. The lyrics of the song find Midler being propositioned by different men who want to have sex in rugged settings. Bette sings her protest, asking, “In these shoes?” It is the only song on the album that offers a bit of goofy levity to the mellow-love-song mode of the rest of the album.

The sensitive “Color of Roses” is a perfect “rose” reference for Midler on this album. Attempting a bit of techno-pop, Bette cranks up “Bless You, Child.” “Moses” finds her singing to a tropical reggae beat, about diamonds, roses, and a “best friend who is queer.” For the most part, producer Don Was chose settings for Midler that showed off her voice quite expressively. There are few poignant sad songs on this album, and only wild and campy excursion.

The inclusion of the song “Nobody Else but You” gives a direct tie-in to the diva’s new television series, as it was the program’s theme song. It sounds very much like a cheerful TV show theme from the 1960s and is a bit out of place in the middle of all of the mellow ballads on this album.

Her eighteenth album release, and her second one for Warner Brothers Records, the
Bette
album didn’t have the kind of crazy magic that
Bathhouse Betty
did. A mellow, “adult contemporary” LP,
Bette
never cracked the Top 40 in America on the
Billboard
charts and seemed to disappear rather quickly. It peaked at number 69 in
Billboard
magazine in the United States. The album certainly received a ton of national exposure, with several of the songs—particularly “Nobody Else but You”—getting introduced to the public on Midler’s TV show
Bette
. Somehow, this album seemed to get lost in the shuffle.

Next for the diva came this nagging decision: Should Bette do TV? Should Bette
not
do TV? Should Bette do TV? Should Bette
not
do TV?
According to her, she finally said “yes” to doing a series for CBS during the 2000–2001 season, but she kept secretly hoping that an incredible movie offer would materialize, and she would have to get out of it: “I thought I could set up a movie before committing to a series. But it was really a struggle. My husband and I talked about it and he said, ‘Turn a corner and be funny’ ” (
22
).

Occasionally, in the past, Midler would say “yes” to one project or another and then wished that she hadn’t. Often she would get her business partner Bonnie Bruckheimer to back out of commitments. Bonnie thought that television could be a good move for Bette: “On TV, I told her, she could do everything she wants to do: laugh, cry, sing, do physical comedy, anything. I would talk to her about it endlessly. Bette is always saying ‘no,’ and then, when she finally says ‘yes,’ she always tries to get out of it. A week before the final Johnny Carson show, she called and said, ‘You have to get me out of this show.’ But I convinced her. I thought, ‘She’s Bette Midler. If this show doesn’t work, does that end thirty years of what she’s done in her career?’ No. And, anyway, they don’t write movies for her anymore, whether she’s in a TV show or not” (
22
).

With regard to this TV gamble, Midler claimed at the time, “I always said I’d never watch anything stupider than me. And a lot of TV is really stupid. But movies are over for me. There’s nothing there for me. It was so hard to get a picture. My agents could only get me these cameos and I said, ‘What am I doing these cameos for?’ And I saw that all my compatriots, all the girls I had come up with—I never say women, I always say, ‘Girls, we’re not doing so good.’ So rather than wait for the axe to fall completely, because I like to work and I think I have a lot to offer, I said, ‘That’s it. Let’s try television” (
22
).

Martin von Haselberg thought it was a good career move, in an exposure and marketing sort of way. “I felt the films were not the best vehicles for her. I thought TV could be an extension of her live show, where she really gets to show off her talent in a way I don’t think she can on film. But the audience for a live show is limited to 25,000 people. On TV, she can reach a lot more,” he surmised (
120
).

Knowing they had a half-hour prime-time situation comedy as the format they were working with, the first decision to be made was what Miss Midler was going to be. All sorts of fictional situations were proposed. She could be a teacher, she could be a judge, she could be a housewife. What did
she
want to be?

Bette started meeting with writers, who bantered around ideas to her. As she explains it, “We took these pitch meetings, and as charming as all those writers were, I kept saying, ‘I can’t have an adopted daughter. I can’t be a ghost. And I don’t want to play a high school principal or a real estate agent’ ” (
22
).

Jeffrey Lane was used to working with stars and fashioning shows for them. Among his other credits, he had been the executive producer for the show
Mad about You
, which starred Helen Hunt and Paul Reiser. He seemed like the perfect choice to work with Midler.

Bette met Jeffrey Lane for lunch one day at famed Hollywood-area restaurant Spago’s, to see if they could come up with any conclusions as to what Bette’s character should be on the show. Lane recalls, “When I met Bette at Spago—I was too nervous to eat and took my sandwich home. I said, ‘What could be a more interesting character for a television show than Bette Midler?’ It was what seemed right, although I knew we’d have to emphasize her family life. She couldn’t be too glitzy, but I didn’t think that would be a problem, because everybody knows that Bette Midler worked for everything she got. We wanted Bette in real life, with real concerns. On this show, she’s a woman who runs a business, and that business is herself. And that’s how I think a lot of women see their lives: every day presents its own challenges. Her life and career is all our lives and careers. Bette’s experiences are just more heightened” (
22
).

As Bette tells of the lunch meeting, “When Jeffrey Lane and I had lunch, he was very dour. He didn’t seem happy. But somehow we got to talking, and he suggested that I play myself. And that was exactly right” (
22
).

There had certainly been other television shows semi-based in reality, where real-life comics like Jerry Seinfeld, George Burns, and Jack Benny each played exaggerated versions of themselves. Seinfeld had Elaine, George, and Kramer as his off-the-wall and equally self-centered friends. George Burns had his talented comedienne wife—Gracie Allen—as his foil. Stingy Jack Benny had his butler, Rochester, to banter with and to put Benny in his place. In theory, it could have worked for Bette. However, it was to end up a huge mistake in the long-run.

Hoping that the
Bette
show could have the same kind of kooky supporting characters as the show
Seinfeld
, Midler commented, “Everyone wants me to have a Kramer. I say, “I am Kramer.’ I want to have only
straight people around me” (
22
). Unfortunately, it meant that the entire weight of the show was going to rest on her shoulders.

Bette told Lane about her life and her business partner, Bonnie Bruckheimer, and her long-time musical director and occasional producer, Marc Shaiman. She told him about her daughter and her husband.

When Bette and Bonnie Bruckheimer told Lane some of the crazy stories about their working relationship, he took notes, and that relationship became the basis for the TV character named Bette and the one who was to be called Connie—fictional Bette’s manager.

They took the character that was Marc Shaiman and developed him into Oscar, fictional Bette’s gay musical director. They named the daughter Rose, for good luck, and real-life Martin von Haselberg was morphed into the fictional Roy.

According to Bruckheimer, “It captured an exaggerated version of our lives. I took it to Bette and she laughed out loud” (
173
). It was Bette Midler’s real life—but not really.

At the time, Shaiman thought it was a good idea for Midler to pursue a field in television. “They didn’t know what to do with Bette in movies. She’s one of the last real entertainers. For her, that’s like breathing in and out, but movies want a certain type, doing certain types of roles. That’s not Bette. Her talent is limitless, and that’s why this show might be great” (
22
).

What were they going to use as a set? How about Bette Midler’s real home? “They took Polaroids,” Bette was to explain. “It’s very odd. My husband thinks the set is not grand enough. He thinks people don’t want to see what my life really looks like, that they want the dream of how a star lives. I say, if they’re looking at the set, I’m in deep trouble” (
22
).

Bette got a big laugh out of von Haselberg’s first visit to the TV set. “My husband didn’t think it was anything like our house. He keeps saying, ‘Where’s the staff?’ ” (
173
).

Then came casting. It seemed like a natural choice to see if Marc Shaiman could play the musical director in the series, since the role was based on his own life. According to him, “I even auditioned to play myself. But they decided to go another way” (
22
). Ultimately, they chose James Dreyfus to play Oscar, Joanna Gleason became Connie, Kevin Dunn was cast as husband Roy, and Lindsay Lohan portrayed daughter Rose.

Character actress Joanna Gleason first found fame when she was cast as the Baker’s Wife in the Stephen Sondheim hit Broadway musical
Into the Woods
in 1987. Kevin Dunn is most notable for playing a father whose son is embroiled in a murder in
Stir of Echoes
and as a frustrated military officer dealing with innercity anti-lizard duty in
Godzilla
.

And, naturally, Bette played Bette. According to her at the time, “This is the ‘me’ that I wish I was. I get to wear beautiful clothes. I wear high heels all day long. And I have a really nice bosom line” (
22
).

Explaining the vague line between the real Bette and the TV Bette, Midler explained, “Oh, it’s a complete send-up of my life. There’s a little bit of truth in it. But it’s a send-up—it’s a farce” (
120
).

The reason that it was a huge mistake for Bette to play herself was that she would play the entire series trying to be the most coiffed, most beautiful version of herself. Instead of just letting herself become a character, like the crass Shelley in
Outrageous Fortune
or even as silly as Lilly in
That Old Feeling
, she chose to play the one character who made her the most self-conscious—herself. The daughter on the series had to be sweet and behaved, or it would reflect unflatteringly on Bette’s own daughter. The husband on the series had to be good-natured and centered—or it would reflect poorly on Bette’s own husband. They certainly weren’t going to portray him as a man who would wear an inner tube around his waist and exploding whipped cream on top of his head—like the real Harry Kipper had in
Mondo Beyondo
. Maybe they should have; it would have been a hell of a lot more interesting than the way it unfolded on this series. Furthermore, the Bette on this show was always well-coiffed, in full makeup, and looking fabulous. This meant that all of her comedy had to be isolated to facial expressions, broad gestures, physical humor, and endless mugging.

Both Midler and Jeffrey Lane defended their decisions. According to Lane, “I told her, ‘If you do a show, you really should play yourself because if you do anything else, you’re not going to use everything” (
173
).

Said Midler, “Because it’s my life. It’s really all I know. I mean, I could play a school teacher, but what’s the point? You know, I could play a librarian or a bookstore owner, but what’s the point? When do I get to be flamboyant and wear my clothes? When do I get to wear my
shoes!?”
(
120
).

Regarding the blurry line between fact and fiction, however, she
noted, “It isn’t exactly like my life, but it’s enough like my life that it’s very odd.” (
173
).