Better Than Me (4 page)

Whoa, is he asking me out or wanting me to work at The Space or what?
 

“Actually, I’m going to a party with Jake.”

“Like a date?” he asks.   I laugh to myself because that’s the same thing I said to Jake. 

“Just like a date.”

“Are you with him?”  I must have looked at him funny, because he’s just staring at me questioningly. 

I mumble, “I’m not WITH anybody.  It’s a date to a party with other people. I don’t know, Mavis.”

“Mavis….that is classic” he laughs and walks away, quipping over his shoulder, ”Have Fun.”

Chapter 6:  NOW-Still October

Simon, the bassist with Charlie and Jake’s band, is thumping out the opening bass section of The White Stripe’s Seven Nation Army, and advocating loudly for his choice of band names.  “I’m telling you, man, Panty Drop.  It’s an awesome name.”

“I don’t know, Simon, we’ll put it on the list,”  retorts Charlie.  “It sounds girlie or pretentious, something.  I’m not ruling it out altogether.  We need to keep thinking.”

On a short break from rehearsing, the band, along with Jules, Mel, Kris, and I, are hanging out, kicking around ideas for a name.  The rehearsal space is in the back of a local music store, where Jake and Simon worked over the summer.  It’s a funky store that specializes in vintage guitars.   Many touring musicians go there when they are in town to purchase equipment or get instruments repaired.  The owner, a well respected musician himself, lets employees use the rehearsal space for free and has taken an interest in Charlie and Jake’s band.  The space is comfortable, put together with mismatched couches and chairs that look like rejects from Goodwill.  There is a large threadbare oriental rug under the instruments in the mocked up performance area.  Jake is seated next to me, one hand on my knee, the other holding the neck of his guitar, which is upright between his legs.  He is gently rubbing my knee with his fingers.  I admit to myself that I like it, really like it.  Every time he looks at me I feel a bit more at ease with letting him in, letting him get close.    The conversation has gotten a bit heated with each member of the group throwing out a different name or ideas about a name. “It should be a single word, easy to remember.” 

“Water with Lemon.” 

“Sounds like an acoustic, granola, hippie band.”

“And it’s
not a single word.”

“Lame
.”

“Are you saying that
it is a lame name or the band’s name should be Lame?”

The group is getting punchy.  The ideas are starting to become ridiculous.

“Ferret Bite.”

“Spurge.”

“Cougar Bait.”  Not bad.  All the guys in the band would fit that description.  Jules and I have a great time teasing them about that name.

“Wait, wait, how about Officer Cox?” Charlie offers.

“Where did that come from?”

Charlie admits, “I got a speeding ticket on Manchester Road one day and I kid you not, the officer’s name was Cox.  I had to keep myself from laughing when I said, ‘Yes, Officer Cox,’ for fear of getting hauled in.”

During a lull while the rest of the group is quiet, I offer, “How about Charlie’s name?”  Everyone turns their attention to me. 
Whoa, now I’m on the spot.
“I know you guys are a group, but the band was Charlie’s idea and he IS the lead singer.”  They are still listening, but giving me nothing from their expressions.

Finally Jake jokingly says, “Call it ‘Charlie’s Band’?”

“No, Charlie’s last name.”

“Boxwood
?” Charlie asks.

“Sure, it works for Bon Jovi and Daughtry.”   I explain. 

Charlie seems to be having trouble with the concept.  “Boxwood…I’ve always taken so much shit for that name.  You wouldn’t believe it.”

“I know, I know, but think abo
ut it.  It’s strong-sounding name.  It’s novel.  Separately, and together ‘box’ and ‘wood’ are dirty and funny.  I always thought the name fit you perfectly Charlie.”  I’m doing that excited fast talking thing that makes me crazy. 
Get a grip, girl.

“I’m dirty and funny
?” Charlie says in a mock hurt voice.  Jules is laughing her ass off.

I am laughing, too.
“You said it, not me, but yeah.”

Charlie pulls Jules onto his lap
and thrusts his pelvis, “Dirty.”

Jules is still giggling, but enjoying the grinding.  In a naughty voi
ce she growls at Charlie, “and funny.  Grrr.”

There is more discussion.  The n
ame is growing on everyone.  As they discuss benefits and disadvantages of the name, the guys are setting up to rehearse again, wandering back up to their mics and strapping on their instruments.  Drummer of the week, I think his name is Colin, smacks the drum heads a few times.  I suddenly get an idea.  I run up to Charlie’s mic and push him out of the way. 

“Ladies and Gent
leman, BOXWOOD!” echoes around the room.   Everyone laughs.  I’ve always wanted to do that.

The newly named Boxwood is trying to get a bunch of songs together so they can play out.   They stick with danceable rock covers
like—Welcome To The Jungle, American Idiot and Hard To Handle. I wouldn’t mind a few more pop songs, but Charlie has a voice for heavy driving tunes.  After another hour or so, they call it a night.  Jules and Charlie are going to give Jake and me a ride back to the dorms.  His guitar safely packed in the trunk of Charlie’s impeccably mantained Impala, he slides into the back seat right next to me, leg to leg, he puts his arm around my waist and pulls me close to him and, putting his lips up next to my ear, says “So glad you came tonight.  What did you think?” 

“You
guys are a fun band.  You have got to nail down a drummer, though.  People are going to love you.”

“You think?
”

“Sure, I think you’d be great at a party,” I reiterate my approval.

“Yeah, I’m thinking we might stick with Colin.  His drumming seems to fit us.  Charlie’s gonna talk to him at the next rehearsal.” 

I nod.

“Thanks for helping out with the band name.  Boxwood?  Never would have thought of it.  How did you?”  I give some sort of answer about all the ideas that pop in and out of my head all the time and when I say them out loud they either just sound right or wrong to me.  It’s not easy to explain the way my mind works to another person.  I think Jake is listening, but am a bit distracted because he is kissing my neck under my ear and inhaling deeply.  All he says is, “Uh huh.”

It’s a short drive back to Weldon. 
Once we get out of the car, Jake gets his guitar, slings the case over his shoulder, and takes my hand.  We climb the stairs to our rooms.  When we get to the second floor where Jake’s room is, he doesn’t stop. 

I remind him,
“This is you.”

“I’ll walk you to your room, if that’s okay?”  Jake asks.

“Yeah, it’s fine.”  I reply with a small smile.

Charlie and Jules are in front of us.  Evidentl
y Jules is sleeping over...with Charlie.  Once we hit the landing of five, they turn right to Charlie’s room and say goodbye to us over their shoulders.  My room is at the top of the landing.  I stop to fish my key out of my cross-body bag.  Jake has let go of my hand and has moved his hand to my shoulder.  Before I can open the door, he turns me to him and his other hand goes up to my other shoulder.  He slowly slides them up and down my arms and looks at me like he is going to say something.  Tentatively, he moves in closer, still holding my arms.  I place my hands gently on the sides of his waist.  He leans in and kisses me.  A soft, sweet kiss.  Promising, but not pushing.  It doesn’t last long.  My eyes are closed as he pulls away a bit and then, running his nose along my cheek, slides his lips up to my ear and says, “Goodnight, Bizzy.  I look forward to our date tomorrow night.”

I open my eyes and smile at him
, softly replying, “Me, too.”  Key in hand, I open my dorm room door and step inside.  I turn and give Jake a little wave.  Once the door is shut, I flip my body to lean against it and rub my fingers lightly against my lips where we kissed. 
I can do this.  I can do this if it goes slowly and gently, like tonight.
Dr. Matt was right, I moved right through what should have been a panicky moment, using the mantra and knowing that it would be over soon.  Even though, if I’m being honest, I was a little disappointed when it was.  I sigh and get ready for bed—floating on a little cloud of what feels like hope. 

***

I love Saturdays early in the school year.  I don’t have to rush out to a rehearsal or dorm event.  That all changes once the fall theatre productions start.  I decided last night when I went to bed that I wouldn’t get up early and I would do whatever I wanted today.
  A little girl time is in order.  I want to get my nails done.  I might also have Jules trim my hair and help me decide what to wear tonight.  It’s only a college kegger, but I swear I haven’t been out on a real date in years.  Probably since I was a freshman.  When it gets down to it, Neil never took me on a date. Ever.  It was just furtive hooking up. 
What was I thinking
? I force myself to stop pulling up memories about that mess and focus on tonight.  I am going out.  On a real date.  With a sweet guy who seems to really like me.

Still in my pink and black Hello Kitty pajama pants and throwing on a black hoody, I pop down to the coffee stand and grab three coffees and a scone.  I climb back up to the fifth floor and go to Charlie’s room.  I hope Jules is still there.  She is, still in Charlie’s bed.  He is up and in the shower.  I hand her a coffee and put Charlie’s on the dresser.  I can hear him singin
g in the shower.  I think it’s Sweet Child of Mine by Guns and Roses.  This morning, these friends, bring me briefly back to the old Biz.

Jules teasingly admonishes me,
“What, no scone for me?”

“Like you’d eat it anyway.  I swear you don’t eat, even though I’ve seen you eat.  You and Charlie are the skinniest people I know.”

“I eat.  Just give me a bite.”  I do.

“You guys are so skinny, it must be like two sticks rubbing together when you have sex.  You’re at risk of starting
a fire.”  I shoot a smirk at Jules. 

Charlie walks out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. “Oh, there is no risk, it’s a certainty.
”  He winks at me and throws an air kiss at Jules, who giggles into her coffee.

I am instantly red and embarrassed, “I didn’t mean to say it like that. . .crap, you know what I meant.”

Jules chirps, “Yep, we know.”

Changing the subject, I ask Jules if she is free for the day and
then turn to ask Charlie if I can steal her away for girl time.  She is and he says Boxwood (Hee, hee, he called the band Boxwood) might practice more today, so to go ahead and go do the girl thing with Jules. 

Once she is finally out of bed and has said good bye to Charlie, Jules arrives at my room.  I’ve changed into some comfortable yoga pants, a t-shirt and hoodie.  Even though it’s getting colder outside I wear my black flip-flops because we are getting pedicures and I don’t want to wear those flimsy ones the
y give you at the shop.  We snag a couple more coffees and are off on our day of beauty. 

I always think I’ll switch it up and get a different color of
polish, like pink or teal, but always wind up with my favorite.  It’s a deep blackish plum and has the name of one of my favorite bands in its name-Lincoln Park After Dark.  The nail polish company that makes it is known for its original and creative names for their colors.  I never have really long fingernails.  I can’t maintain them, but I love for them to be painted.  Jules and I go to my regular nail place, where the owners know me well.  I love to listen to their crazy chatter.  Because they are speaking in Vietnamese, I don’t have a clue what they are talking about.  Paranoid as I can be about people talking about me after last year, I never worry about it here.  And they could be calling me anything.

Our fingers and toes
newly shiny and perfect, we grab some lunch from the deli next door and Jules drives us back to the dorm.  Jules is so easy to be around.  She doesn’t know the entire story of my summer after the episode in the cafeteria the last day of school.  She knows more than anybody else, except for my counselor back home, but not everything.  Still, I don’t feel uneasy around her at all and I’ll tell her everything, at some point. 

Back in my room s
he trims my bangs and helps me pick out something to wear tonight.  It’s between shorts with a graphic t-shirt and a maxi dress and short jean jacket.  It’s getting a bit chilly for shorts.  The shorts outfit is cute and I’m a bit disappointed I can’t wear it, but we decide on the maxi dress.  It makes me look tall, which is always a goal, but still shows my curves.  The jacket is purely for warmth, since the dress is sleeveless.  My favorite part of the outfit are my black studded four-inch platform open-toe booties.  They scream “rock ‘n roll” and make me 5’6”.  To me, that’s practically statuesque.   Jules borrows a few things from my closet to wear tonight, since she hasn’t been home and doesn’t have much in Charlie’s room.  She can only really borrow shirts and scarves, since she wears tiny size jeans and has much bigger feet than mine.  Hopping off my bed, she tells me she’ll see me at the party, blows me an air kiss and leaves.  I assume she is going back to Charlie’s room.  I decide to take a nap, since all major fashion decisions have been made. I want to feel refreshed for tonight.  Because, it’s Saturday and I have nothing pressing to do and I can.

After closing the shades to my room and turning off all the lights, I slip out of all my clothes except my t-shirt
and boy shorts and slide into bed.  I look forward to naps when I can get them.  Sleep comes easily today.  I swear I have just fallen asleep when there is loud, insistent knocking on my door.  Crap, I forgot to put out my DO NOT DISTURB sign.  I can’t believe I have to get up.