Better (Too Good series) (12 page)

Gracie. Why did she care so much? Gracie ratted her out—betrayed her in the most vile way. No, she wasn’t responsible for the rift between Cadence and her parents, but she was responsible for something. A black eye, perhaps? A world turned upside down? That didn’t warrant an assault, if an assault did, in fact, take place, but it sure as hell didn’t warrant Cadence’s time and attention.

***

She didn’t realize she was searching the campus for Gracie until Michael pointed it out to her.

“Pay attention, Cadence!” he cried. “I’m trying to talk to you. I mean, what the hell? What are you looking for?”

And like his words were the incantation that conjured her presence, there she was—just yards away—sitting on a bench with a book in hand.

“I’ll catch you later,” Cadence said absently, and walked over to Gracie.

Gracie felt someone hovering over her. At first she ignored it, but then Cadence cleared her throat. She looked up. “You know, we don’t have to talk just because we go to the same school.”

“I know.”

“Just because you see me on campus doesn’t mean you have to say anything to me.”

“I know.”

“I see you all the time and ignore you,” Gracie pointed out.

She did?
Cadence thought. This was the first time she’d ever seen Gracie, and she didn’t think it was coincidence.

“How are you?” Cadence asked.

Gracie cracked a smile. “Seriously?”

“I just wanna know how you are.”

“Why?”

“Because . . . because I remember seeing you at that frat party. And talking to you. Well, I remember a tiny bit of conversation anyway. But you got up and left with those guys—”

“I’m fine, and what do you care?” Gracie said, cutting her off.

“They were just really big guys. That’s all,” Cadence said quietly.

“I chose to go back there, Cadence. No one forced me,” Gracie pointed out.

“But you were wasted.”

“Not so much that I wasn’t aware of what I was doing.”

“But that’s not you to do something like that,” Cadence said.

“Something like what?”

“You know . . .” Cadence’s face burned. She couldn’t say it out loud. She didn’t even know what to call it. An orgy? A gang bang? Gross.

Gracie giggled. “This is hysterical, you know?”

Cadence bristled. “What is?”

“You giving me a hard time for do something bad.”

“I’m not giving you a hard time. I’m making sure you’re okay. Gosh, Gracie. Had you even had sex before all those guys?”

“Yes.”

Cadence couldn’t hide her surprise. Gracie noticed.

“So . . . you just have sex with random dudes?” Cadence asked.

“Maybe. What’s it to you?”

“Are you, like, trying to rebel against your parents or something?”

“No. And anyway,
I’m an adult. I can do what I want.”

Cadence nodded, unconvinced. She wondered if Gracie’s promiscuity didn’t have more to do with a lack of self-respect than with being an adult. She wasn’t an adult. Hell, neither was Cadence. They were both in this weird, in-between stage where they were stumbling through the
process of growing. No longer children but not really full-fledged adults either.

“They didn’t force you?” Cadence asked.

Gracie sighed heavily. “Leave it alone.”

“I just . . . I just don’t understand this new person,” Cadence said quietly.

“How would you? We’re not friends. You’ve no idea what’s been going on in my life for the past year.”

“You wouldn’t let me,” Cadence said.

Gracie waved her hand dismissively. “And anyway, I don’t understand you either. You’ve changed. Why can’t I? You make it like you’re the only one in the world who can be a different version of yourself.”

“I don’t think that. And I didn’t choose some of the stuff that happened to me, Gracie.”

“Oh really? Because I’m pretty sure if you do drugs, you
chose
that.”

“I don’t do drugs.”

“You did.”

“One time. And I regret it. But I didn’t choose to be struck by my father after you ratted me out.”

Gracie averted her eyes. “I thought I was doing the right thing,” she whispered.

“Really? Because I think you were just trying to pay me back,” Cadence countered.

Gracie looked flustered. “You know what? I don’t have to discuss this with you. It’s in the past. It happened. I thought I was doing the right thing. And that’s that.”

“Is it?”

“Yes!”

“If those boys hurt you, you need to report it,” Cadence said.

“We’re back to this?” Gracie cried. “They didn’t! I wanted to fuck them, okay?!”

A few heads turned in their direction.

“And I don’t need you to judge me for it!”

“That’s rich coming from you,” Cadence said.

Gracie shot her a nasty look.

“Come on, Gracie! You judged the hell out of me all senior year for being immoral. Can’t you, at least, try to see the irony in this?”

“Fuck you.”

“I rest my case.”

“Leave it alone, and leave me alone!”

“All right
. I’m just saying that I woke up with a bad feeling,” Cadence explained.

“Well, that
’s your problem!” Gracie barked. She gathered her books and stormed off.

Cadence took a seat on the bench Gracie j
ust vacated and reflected on her ex-best friend’s words: “That’s your problem.” Perhaps. Perhaps it was her problem. Didn’t erase the aching in her chest when she woke up in the morning. Something was wrong. Call it feminine intuition, divine understanding, whatever. Something was off. And that something had to do with Gracie.

Of course, Cadence also had to consider the possibility that she’d let one too many Lifetime movies shape her picture of frat parties. After all, people could have orgies and it not be rape. But what happens when the girl is trashed out of her mind and the boys aren’t? Don’t the boys have the unfair advantage? And if so, doesn’t that change the picture?

“OMG.
Hello
?” an exasperated voice said.

Cadence snapped her head up and shielded her eyes against the sun.

“You were supposed to meet me at the union,” Avery huffed.

“Oh, that’s right.
Sorry.”

“And, was I hallucinating or did I just see you talking with Gracie?”

“I was talking with Gracie,” Cadence replied. She gathered her bags and walked with Avery towards Bleecker Hall.

“Um, why?”

“I just needed to clear something up with her,” Cadence said.

“Like why she’s such a fucking bitch?”

Cadence cracked a smile. “Something like that.”

“Are you trying to be friends with her again?” Avery asked. Her tone suggested mild alarm.

“Seriously, Avery?”

“Well, how the hell should I know? It looked like a long conversation.”

“Were you watching us the whole time?”

“So what if I was?”

Cadence’s grin turned into a full-set-of-teeth-showing smile. “You were jealous!”

“Get over yourself,” Avery said dismissively.

“You were totally jealous,” Cadence replied, nudging her friend.

“Oh my God. Whatever.”

“You want me all to yourself, and you were afraid I was trying to work things out with Gracie because you’re a jealous jellybean and—”

“What the fuck is a jealous jellybean?” Ave
ry asked, laughing. “Cadence, you’re such a weirdo.”

Cadence giggled.

“I can’t imagine you’d try to work anything out with her after what she did to you,” Avery said, opening the door for her friend.

They grabbed sandwiches and found an empty table near a window overlooking the outdoor amphitheater.

Cadence shoved a straw in her Coke. “I have to forgive her at some point.”

“What?”

“I can’t just carry around all this hate for the rest of my life,” Cadence explained. “And anyway, forgiving her wouldn’t really be for her anyway. It’d be for me.”

Avery bit into her sandwich. “I think she needs to get run over by a truck,” she said with her mouth full.

“Avery, come on.”

“Well, something bad oughta happen to her. Seems fair to me,” Avery replied.

Cadence tensed then bit into her own sandwich. She wanted to change the conversation.

“Have you heard from Gavin?” she asked.

“Why would I?” Avery replied.

“I dunno. You guys dated all last year. He hasn’t even tried to get in touch with you?”

Avery shook her head.

“Why?”

“Because I’m too complicated.”

“He’s a jerk,” Cadence said.

“They usually are.” Avery wiped her mouth and eyed Cadence carefully. “You feel sorry for me, don’t you?”

“What?”

Avery’s lips curled into a grin. “You feel sorry for me because I don’t have a boyfriend.” She burst out laughing. “God, you’re one of those girls.”

“Shut up! I’m not one of those girls! And I could care less if you have a boyfriend,” Cadence snapped.

“I don’t know how I’ll go on, Cadence,” Avery said dramatically. “If I don’t have a boyfriend, there’s just no point to any of this.”

Cadence rolled her eyes.

“I mean, why even get up in the morning? Why shower? My life is so—” She paused for effect, then whispered, “—pathetic.”

Cadence stared at her friend. “Are you done?”

“Seriously, the only thing I miss is getting laid,” Avery said. “I think sex helps me function better.”

Cadence blushed and hung her head
.

“And I guess sex helps you function better, too,” Avery observed.

Cadence shrugged.

“How many times a week do you guys do it?”

“Not your business.”

“Oh, come on. We’re best friends. It’s code. You
have
to tell me.”

“But it’ll just make you feel even more pathetic,” Cadence teased.

Avery giggled. “Oh, I don’t care. Just tell me. And give me some details.”

“What? So you can masturbate to them when you get home?”

Avery’s eyes went wide. And then she put her hand in the air. “Freaking. Awesome,” she said as Cadence slapped it.

“I le
arn from the best,” Cadence replied. “And we do it every night.”

“Bitch.”

“You asked.”

“What about when you’re on your period?”

“We don’t do it then,” Cadence said, crinkling her nose.

“So not every night.”

Cadence smiled patiently. “No, Avery. Not every night.”

“So what do you guys do?”

“I’m so not giving you details.”

“Oh, stop being such a tight ass prude and just tell me something. And if you say you only do it missionary style, I’m
gonna barf all over this table.”

“There are other ways to do it
?”

Avery grinned. “Clever cunt
,” she said, and Cadence burst into a fit of giggles.

“We do it under the covers with the lights off.”

“Sounds like you,” Avery replied.

Cadence chuckled. “Actually he straps me down to the bed and pours hot wax all over my body.”

“Ha! I knew Mr. Connelly was a kinky motherfucker.”

Cadence laughed. “When are you gonna stop calling him ‘Mr. Connelly’?”

“Maybe never. I find it hilarious.”

Cadence shifted in her seat. Avery noticed.

“Not hilarious that you two are together,” she added. “Just hilarious because—” She paused. “—well, because I imagine it’d annoy the crap out of him.”

“You plan on testing this out the next time you see him?” Cadence asked.

“Most def.”

“Do you think it’s ridiculous that we’re together?” Cadence asked softly.

“Are you kidding me? I think you two couldn’t be more perfect for each other. You make each other happy. Tie-downs and wax and all.” Avery winked.

“Your parents don’t suspect that we see each other? I mean, they have to know I go to school here,” Cadence said.
“Aren’t they worried?”

“Talk about a su
bject change. There wasn’t even like a segue or anything.”

“I’ve got a lot on my mind.” Cadence
checked the time. “And only a few more minutes to spare.”

“They don’t know we’re friends,” Avery explained.

“How?”

“I told them I’d never speak to you again after what you did to me.”