Better (Too Good series) (3 page)

“I thought they took you!” she cried.

She clung to him desperately, sobbing into his back whil
e he watched toothpaste ooze from the corner of his mouth. He thought spitting in the sink would turn the whole scene comical, but he had no choice.

He spit. She cried harder. He rinsed and gargled. She shook uncontrollably.

“It’s okay,” he said, gently peeling her arms from his waist. He turned around and hugged her. “It’s okay.”

“
Mrs. Jackson said you were going to jail!”

“I’m not.”

“But that’s what she said!”

“Cadence, it’s all right. I’m not going to jail. I spoke with my attorney today.
It’s fine.”

“What?”

“Everything’s okay. They can’t charge me with anything. Losing my job is the extent of it.”

“Oh, God!” Cadence wailed. “Oh Go
d!” She clutched him greedily. “I’ll kill them! I’ll kill anyone who takes you away from me!”

Mark
trapped her face in his hands and looked at her, concern poking at his heart for the first time since she flew through the door. It wasn’t comical after all. Her eyes were wild with fear—like those of a hunted animal—and he tried to think of how to take it out of her. The fear. She’d been living in fear since her father hit her.

“I’ll kill them!” she screamed at him.

“Shh, it’s all right,” he said soothingly.

“I don’t care what happens to me! They won’t take you! They won’t!”

“No one’s taking me, Cadence. It’s okay,” he said.

The panic pervaded her limbs and twisted her face. He never saw her so frightened. Not even when she pounded on his door a few days ago, sporting a black eye. Homeless.
Helpless.

“I can’t take it anymore!” she screamed.

He knew what she meant. Her parents: Gone. Avery: Gone. Security: Gone. It was the meltdown he’d been anticipating.

He
took her hand and led her to the kitchen.

“I’m here. Cadence? Look at me,” Mark demanded.

She turned her face to him. He could tell her mind was far away.

“I’m. Here. This is our apartment. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll never leave you.”

He pulled a glass from the cupboard as he spoke. Calm. Reassuring. But her anxiety triggered his own, though he’d never reveal it. Jobless. Limited funds in his bank account. They would be fine for a while if he couldn’t find a job right away, but he really didn’t want to touch that money.

He filled the glass with water. “Drink,” he said
.

She
took a few sips, then wiped her nose with the back of her hand.

“Better?”

She nodded. He didn’t believe her. It was one of those absent nods—the ones people give when they don’t believe what they’re agreeing to. They just agree because they think it’ll make the other person feel better.

She followed him around all morning, watching him go
about his business. Collecting paperwork for a few jobs he applied for. Rinsing dishes in the sink. She helped him load the dishwasher, watching him surreptitiously from the corner of her eye. She didn’t want him out of her sight.

She sat in his lap on the floor while he organized a bottom shelf of records. And when
that task was complete, she asked him to accompany her to the bathroom.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said to her as he held her hand down the hallway.

She didn’t believe him and made him keep the door open and stand where she could see him while she peed.

“I’m not crazy,” she said after she flushed the toilet.

Mark furrowed his brows.

“But I’m losing it, Mark. If one more person says you’re bad, I’ll fucking kill them.”

“Cadence . . .”

“I’m tired of it! I’m scared. I’m alone—”

“You’re not alone,” he interrupted.

“I am! You can’t be everything to me. Don’t you get it? I miss Avery. I miss my parents.
I’m supposed to have other people in my life! I’m supposed to have parents! They’re supposed to do parent stuff with me! You know, be there and help me.”

“I’ll help you.”

“I’m supposed to have parents, Mark!” she yelled. “They’re supposed to love me!”

“I know.”

She pushed past him for the living room. He followed. She said very little for the rest of the day. She mostly stared off. He scratched everything off his to-do list and focused on mending her heart, assuaging her fear. He knew it was only temporary—her meltdown. He couldn’t shake the idea that it was all his fault.

I should have left her alone
, he thought.
She would still have a relationship with her parents if I’d only left her alone.
But how? How could he? He knew he was selfish. He knew he’d complicate her life. And he didn’t have the power to stop himself. No, that’s not entirely right. He didn’t
want
to stop himself.

He cradled her in his lap that evening while they watched a movie. It was a comedy, and it worked to erase the tension in her muscles. He felt her body sink into him—pliable, soft, and yielding—and he knew she’d be better in the morning.

And she was.

**
*

“So what do you think?” Mark asked. He walked around the back of th
e car where Cadence stood.

“What do I think? I think you’re not buying me a car. That’s what I think,” Cadence replied.

The car owner raised his eyebrows at that. Mark didn’t want him to think they were wasting his time, so he shook his head, silently communicating, “Don’t listen to her,” and the man nodded. Mark wished at the moment he didn’t bring Cadence.

“You need a car,” he
said. “You have a job. You’re gonna be starting school in a few months.”

“I cannot allow you to buy me a car. It’s a balance of power thing,” she replied.

The owner smirked.

“Will you give us a minute?” Mark asked him. He nodded and walked away. “Balance of power thing?”

“Yeah. You buy me stuff, you have the upper hand. Power over me.”

“Cadence, no one in the world has power over you. I
’ve already learned that. And my buying you a car has nothing to do with power anyway. It’s practical. No, not even that. It’s a necessity. We can’t share a car.”

Cadence was quiet for a moment.

“How are you paying for this?”

“Money.”

She gave him an exasperated look. “Money from where?”

“My bank account.”

“That money is for your doctoral program.”

“Yes. And a car for you. So now listen. I know it needs a new paint job. It’s a little dinged up here and there, but I’ve picked apart that engine, and it’s sound. Really sound.” He leaned
in and whispered to her, “This guy is selling it for way cheaper than what it’s worth.”

Cadence
listened to his reasoning and nodded.

“It’s a great deal. And it’d be foolish for us not to get it.”

She nodded again.

“Are you telling me that I can buy you this car
?”

She nodded for a third time.

“Use your words, Cadence.”

Her head snapped up,
and she looked at him oddly.

“What? It was supposed to be a joke,” M
ark said, confused.

“No, I was just thinking about the auto shop . . .” Her voice trailed off
, remembering. Her confession to Avery. And Avery’s promise.

“Cadence?”

“Avery said that to me a long time ago. ‘Use your words.’ You just reminded me. That’s all.” She walked to the driver’s side door and opened it. She stuck her head in, looked around, then stood up and turned to Mark. “Let’s do it.”

It took a few miles for Cadence to get used to the clutch in her new, worn car. She’d been driving Mark’s Volkswagen to school an
d had gotten comfortable with that clutch. Now she thought she was learning to drive all over again, stalling at two lights and inviting the obnoxious sounds of blaring horns. Since when did East Cobb become Bitch Central?

“You need some practice,” Mark said, when they were safely home.

“Tell me about,” Cadence replied, shutting the car door.

They w
alked together to their apartment.

“I wanna pay you back,” Cadence said. “It’ll take a really long time, but I wanna do it.”

“You’re not indebted to me. And I don’t want you to pay me back. I want you to save your money.”

She opened her mouth to object.

“That would make me happy,” he added. He smiled at her.

“You’ll take it away if you get mad at me,” Cadence whispered.

Mark’s jaw dropped. “What?”

Cadence shook her head and mumbled, “Never mind.”

“I’m not your father,” he said carefully.

“I know.”

“This isn’t that kind of relationship. I don’t give you things with a condition attached to them.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

She didn’t know. She didn’t believe a word of it. Her father scared her into thinking that everything was conditional: gifts, time, love.
She was wary, even of Mark’s intentions. She blamed it on a damaged heart. She didn’t trust anyone.

“I believe you,” she lied. She looked him in the eyes to appear convincing.

“Nothing in this relationship is conditional,” Mark explained. “Ever.”

“May I still pay you back?”

“No.”

Cadence sighed. “All right.
Thank you for the car.”

There was no point arguing over it. She thought maybe she’d just start slipping bills in his wallet when he wasn’t looking. Five dollars here. Ten dollars there. She’d keep a ledger in a notebook she’d hide somewhere in the guest bedroom. Then she wouldn’t feel so helpless and needy.

It wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t trying to make her dependent on him. She didn’t think so, anyway. He was being practical. But she didn’t like the shift in power. Oh, who was she kidding? There was never a shift in power because he’d always had it. Bigger. Stronger. Older. More money. Suddenly her sneaking-bills-into-his-wallet plan seemed foolish and immature.

“Cadence?”

She looked up at Mark. “Yeah?”

“What are you thinking?”

“Is the tag office still open? Don’t I need a tag and all that?”

He nodded. “
You’re right. I forgot.”

“I’m paying for it,” she decided.

He nodded again. He wouldn’t argue with her. He could see her brain working hard, trying to figure out how to make things even.

“Have you heard from your attorney?” Cadence asked suddenly.

Mark shook his head. “Why would I? Everything’s done.”

And that was the truth. He arrived at Crestview High early Tuesday morning last week
before any students showed up. He was escorted by Officer Tyson to his old room to collect his personal belongings. Not really much there. Just a few pencils, pens, and notebooks. Oh, and a CD he’d forgotten he shoved in his desk drawer.

The whole experience creeped him out, and for the first time since he started his secret affair with Cadence, he felt ashamed. The principal, assistant principal, police officer, secretary all eyed him suspiciously as he walked down the hall. They wanted to intimidate him, and it worked a little. He even thought he should go home and look up that law once more, read it over again, make sure it really said what he thought it did.

I’m not a monster
, he thought as he stepped over the threshold of the front doors. He would never return. He would never step foot inside another Georgia high school. That part of his teaching career was over. He wasn’t sad to say goodbye, but he couldn’t be without a job for long. He had a girlfriend to support.

“Everything’s fine,” he said, noting Cadence’s look of concern. “I promise you that it’s over.”

That was a partial truth. His trouble with Crestview High was certainly over, but now the real work began. Securing a job. It wouldn’t be easy, but he was determined. He had a purpose. And she was standing in front of him.

***

Cadence didn’t want to alarm Mark. There was no point in telling him that the bullying at school escalated as soon as word spread about their affair. Students were relentless. They were all in on it. Even Jacob had changed, but she understood why. He was freaked out by her bizarre behavior last Monday morning. She
did
wrap her hands around his throat, after all. She couldn’t expect him to say “hello” to her in the halls anymore. But he wasn’t abusive towards her. He just steered clear.

“Gosh, if I was fucking my math teacher, I guess I’d be graduating, too,” Alaina said to Cadence before class one morning.

“I earned my grade,” Cadence replied.
Why? Why Cadence? Why would you say that? Why engage her at all?