Between (21 page)

“
Merry Christmas, sweetie! Santa’s here!” Mom beamed at me, her voice overly cheerful as she lay the present on my lap. She was obviously trying too hard, which in truth, just made it worse. I gave her a quick hug and tried not to let her see how I really felt.

“
Thanks, Mom. Hi, Nick.” I gave him a fake smile that didn’t reach my eyes. Still, he seemed surprised I’d acknowledged him at all.

“
Hi, Lindsey. Sorry you have to be in the hospital on Christmas Day. That really sucks.” He caught me off-guard with his frank assessment and I laughed.

“
Yeah, you can say that again.” This time I actually did smile at him and he returned it, his eyes warm and friendly.

Mom sat on the bed at my feet, her hand on my leg. “We went over to the dorm this morning to get some clothes for you. The doctor said you’re doing really well so they’re going to let you check out tomorrow.”

“
I get to leave tomorrow? Oh my gosh, that’s awesome!” She handed me the suitcase and I stroked it lovingly, looking forward to getting out of the horrible hospital gown and feeling like a human being again. She grinned at me, obviously not done with the good news.

“
Nick and I talked about it,” she said with a sly smile, “and we decided that I’m going to come stay with you until you’re ready to go back to school. We rented a furnished apartment here in town, close to the college so you can still see your friends.”

“
Really? Oh, Mom!” I flung my arms around her neck and she laughed, kissing me on the temple.

“
Merry Christmas, sweetheart. Are you going to open your present now?” She gestured to the gift with an expectant smile. I tore off the wrapping paper to reveal a shiny new laptop computer.

“
Wow, thanks Mom. This will be really helpful at school.”

“
It’s from both of us.” She was quick to correct me. “Your old computer is really outdated so Nick picked out the top of the line laptop and had it pre-loaded with all the bells and whistles. It even comes with a wireless card so you can get the Internet anywhere you get a cell signal. Cool, huh?”

My mom was about the least computer-literate person I knew, so it was clear that Nick did all the work putting the gift together for me. I felt a little awkward accepting such an expensive present from him after hating him for so long, but I had to admit it was a really nice gift. I took a deep breath and smiled up at him.

“
Thanks, Nick. It’s great.” He looked so sincerely pleased that I started to feel bad for harboring such resentment toward him. We all smiled at one another, not sure what to say next.

“
Lindsey, pumpkin? Merry Chr—” Dad’s voice echoed in the small room as he pushed the curtain aside and stopped mid-sentence. His smile faded as his eyes locked onto Nick’s.

“
What the hell are you doing here?” Dad said, his voice filled with ice.

“
Gary…” Mom started, but Nick put a hand on her shoulder.

“
It’s okay, Elizabeth,” he said.

Dad flinched when Nick touched my mom and he narrowed his eyes, seething hatred. “It’s not enough that you’re sleeping with my wife, now you have to move in on my daughter as well? On Christmas Day no less?”

Mom leapt to her feet, hissing furiously at him. “Where do you get off calling me your wife, you possessive bastard?”

“
Well, that’s what I’ve called you for the last twenty-one years,” Dad spat back.

“
Well you can stop now, for God’s sake. Or have you forgotten that we’re divorced? Maybe it’s the drinking that’s fogged your memory.” Nick tried to calm her down, but she shrugged off his hand angrily. “I’m not your wife anymore, Gary. I’ll sleep with whomever I damn well please, and I don’t want to hear one word about it from you.”

Dad didn’t back down and they stood nose to nose in front of my bed, snarling at each other. “And how is that different than before, Elizabeth, since you saw fit to sleep with this asshole while we were still married? Or have you forgotten that little detail?” Nick started to jump into the fray but Dad just raised his voice, ignoring him. “And if I drink,” he snarled, “it’s only because you drove me to it!”

“
STOP IT!” I screamed.

All three of them shut up instantly, dropping their eyes to the floor. “I can’t believe it’s Christmas Day and the three of you are standing at the foot of my
hospital bed
screaming at each other.” I shook my head in absolute bewilderment. “If you can’t get along for this one day, then you can all just leave right now.” Crossing my arms, I gave them my most pointed glare, daring anyone to try and contradict me. Dad mumbled an apology and Nick took Mom by the shoulders.

“
Come on, Elizabeth,” he said. “Let’s leave them alone. I’m sorry, Lindsey.” Mom quickly kissed me on the cheek and glared at my dad as she left the room. Dad sat across from me on the green sofa with a heavy sigh and put his head in his hands.

“
I’m so sorry, baby. You’re right. It’s just… Oh God…” He stopped, fighting for control over his emotions, and I watched him in silence, unsure of what to say. “It’s just that nothing’s been the same since she left, and I thought that Christmas might be the one sacred day that she wouldn’t be flaunting him in front of me, that maybe she still cared enough to spare me that. But I was wrong. And I’m sorry.” Tears strained his voice and my own eyes welled up with compassion.

“
It’s all right, Dad.” I felt an inane urge to say ‘Merry Christmas’ but it seemed weak and pathetic after the spectacle with Mom and Nick. So instead, we just sat there in silence as he struggled to pull himself together. Finally, he took a deep breath and looked up at me, wiping his face and forcing a smile.

“
I brought you a present.” He glanced at the computer on my lap and nodded in acknowledgment. “It’s not as fancy as that, but I hope you like it.” It was a hard cover journal, its stiff pressed pages dotted with tiny flecks of color. The paisley pink cover had a swirling capital
L
in the center.

“
It’s beautiful, Dad. I love it.” I beamed up at him and his face relaxed, his pained expression melting away into a genuine smile.

“
I saw it and thought of you. I know you’ve been through a lot lately with the accident and the divorce, and I thought you might like to… you know, write stuff, to help you through it.” He reached out and tucked a stray curl behind my ear. “We’ve got each other. That’s all that matters now,” he said, almost talking to himself, then gestured to the journal with his chin. “There’s something else in there for you.” I flipped through the journal, and a cash card fell out from between the pages.

“
I thought you might like to go on a shopping spree with your girlfriends once you’re feeling better, maybe buy a new outfit or something. There’s some extra money on there to help you make it through the school year in case you need to buy some… um, toiletries or feminine-type stuff.” I giggled at his discomfort and he grinned sheepishly at me with a shrug of his shoulders. I hugged him close and kissed his cheek.

“
Thanks, Dad. I mean it. That was really sweet.”

“
Merry Christmas, Lindsey. I love you, baby.”

“
I love you, too.” He clicked on the television and
A Muppet Christmas Carol
was showing. I scooted over and he climbed onto the bed next to me where we sat together, watching the show and pretending like it was old times.

After Dad left, I took a nap and woke to find a small package on the cart next to my bed. I stared at it in a sleepy haze and looked around the room as if expecting someone to appear and claim it. When I saw the handwriting on the note inside, I knew instantly whom it was from.

“
Lindsey, I wanted to give you this myself, but I thought you might not want to see me. I bought it for you before the accident. I’m really sorry and I hope you can forgive me. Merry Christmas. Love, Ravi.”

Seeing his name pierced my heart with guilt since I hadn’t thought about Ravi at all since my memory came back. I realized with a start that he’d been in the room when that had happened.

He probably thinks I freaked out because I remembered the accident. No wonder he thinks I don’t want to see him.

And in a way, I didn’t, but not because of that. I couldn’t tell him about Aiden but I also couldn’t date him anymore. Still, he was probably my closest friend and I didn’t want to lose that. I was so torn between wanting to push him away and wanting to keep him close, and I knew it would hurt him no matter what I did because I couldn’t give him what he really wanted. Defeated, I unwrapped the gift. The shining silver necklace had a music note dangling from it, a tiny diamond set into the bottom of the note.

I just stared at the necklace, wondering what on earth I was going to do. Finally, I put it on and fingered the little silver charm, running it back and forth along the chain. What could I tell him? I had no good explanation for how my feelings had changed, but they certainly had.

Father O’Malley’s face appeared at the curtain of the room.

“
Merry Christmas, Lindsey.”

“
Thanks. You, too,” I said, surprised to see him. “But you didn’t have to come here on Christmas Day. Why aren’t you home with your family?”

“
All of God’s children are my family. And that includes you.” He pulled out a wrapped package and placed it in my lap. I grinned up at him, tickled that he’d brought me a gift. It was a beautiful new Bible with ‘Lindsey M’ engraved in gold letters on the front. He grinned mischievously, which surprised me since it was not a look I would have expected from him.

“
I saw on your chart that your middle name is Marie,” he explained. “I wanted to get you a Bible with your new name on it, but I knew it wasn’t something you’d shared with other people. So I had them just put ‘M.’ Others will think it’s for your middle name, but you and I know the truth.” Tears stung the back of my eyes at his words. The tan cover was part fabric and part leather, and I ran my hands over the top.

“
I chose a two-tone Bible,” he said, “as a symbol of the dual life you have—one here and one there. Both of the materials are lovely in their own way, but very different from one another.” I shook my head in awe at the thoughtfulness of this gift, contrasting the fuzzy fabric with the smooth texture of the leather. I smiled up at him through my wet lashes.

“
I don’t know what to say. It’s perfect. Thank you.”

His mouth broke into a full smile but he shook his head. “No, thank you for sharing your story with me. Our Heavenly Father works in awesome and mysterious ways, and I am anxious to see what he has in store for you.” We smiled at each other in silence for a while.

“
Oh, I almost forgot,” he said. “I saw you’re being discharged tomorrow, so I wanted to give you my number in case you need anything. Or someone to talk to.” He scribbled his phone number on a piece of paper and handed it to me, his hand closing around mine as he did. “Call anytime, day or night. I’m usually here at the hospital in the evenings, so you can come by if you need to.” He squeezed my hand, wished me a Merry Christmas with a warm smile and left. I clutched the small Bible to my chest and said a prayer of thanks.

The next morning, the doctor came in to sign my release.

“
You’re free to go, Lindsey,” he said as he handed me a prescription for painkillers. “Keep working on your breathing exercises like I told you and take care of yourself. Nothing personal, but I don’t want to see you back in here, okay?”

I promised to be good while Mom gathered up our bags. True to her word, she had rented a furnished, two-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment within walking distance of the college. When we arrived, Mom handed me a bag of stuff and I headed off to check out my new room. The cheerful yellow walls brought an automatic smile to my face. The early afternoon sun streamed through white lace curtains, bathing the space in a soft, soothing light. The double bed with its country quilt and ruffled pillows looked heavenly after two weeks on a stiff hospital bed. I lay down on it experimentally and rolled onto my side like the doctor had instructed. A stab of pain made me wince. He’d said I should try to lie on the side with the broken ribs as often as I could stand it, to promote healing.

“
It’s not going to be fun, but the only way to get better is to work with the pain instead of trying to avoid it,” he’d said. I sighed in resignation, thinking that was the stupidest thing I’d ever heard.

Yeah, embrace the pain. Great.

Rolling onto my back, I breathed a sigh of relief as the tension in my chest eased. The opaque edge of a plastic grocery sack caught my eye, peeking out from Mom’s pink canvas bag on the edge of the bed. Curious, I scooted over to see what it was. My favorite green sweater and jeans were crumpled into a ball in the bag. Covered in dried blood, both had been carelessly sliced open from top to bottom. My white tank top and lace bra were in a similar state, and I swallowed hard as the bile rose in my throat. My shoes were in the bottom of the bag and I thought they, at least, might be salvageable with a little industrious cleaning. Something small and round landed on the bed as I dumped out the shoes.

“
What the—”

My heart instantly stopped.

Nanny Fraser’s golden ring lie on the bedspread, the large center emerald glinting in the sunlight.

All the blood drained from my head and I let out a strangled cry before falling back against the pillow with the ring clutched in my fist.