Between Darkness and Light Trilogy (39 page)

I quiet my mind as best I can, which takes
far less time than I had expected - probably because letting go the
anger and pain feels like a small victory over Lucian. My mind
freed of the chains of guilt, I imagine a power link tendril rising
from the ring and feel a sudden rush as it works – it feels strong
here. Does that make sense? I’m in the great tower now, so close to
the Spire that reality is at it’s strongest. This ring must be
powerful indeed; I still don’t understand why Grandmother gave it
to me. She must have a reason, though. At first I use it to
investigate the Spire itself… it is… absolutely shielded, as if it
doesn't even exist - fascinating. I turn my attention to that which
lies without the spire, and it confuses me. How can reality simply
end just outside the Spire? I delve deeper, attempting to examine
the nature of the Universe, or more precisely, the edge of the
Universe, just at the point where there is first space between the
edge of the Universe and the great mountain.

It’s still difficult to comprehend the
concept – ever since I had stood within the Lunarium I had thought
of the Universe as infinite, and yet here it is, a barrier beyond
which… there is no beyond. My mind can't accept it – no matter what
truth the ring presents to me, I keep searching, keep pushing for
more. Nothing. Perhaps the ring doesn't have the capability to go
beyond that barrier? What can then? I do know of one thing that
seems to be able to push beyond seemingly impregnable barriers –
Harmony! Using the ring now only to carry my consciousness, I use
my Harmony to push at the barrier. I
listen
and
listen
and…
listen
- I pour everything I
have into my effort. I
hear
– a faint echo of something…
very strange, very discordant. The strangeness grows louder, more
distinct, as though it rushes toward me, then… something terrible
seems to jump at me – something from the other side.

Fire sears my mind! Pain… tearing me apart -
Ancient, evil - Hunger! I scream into the darkness. The monster
vanishes, but the pain becomes my only reality. My soul is torn -
it drains away while terrible things rush in to take its place.

“Beasts, Horrors, Tears in the Dark!”
Shadows swirl around me, consuming me then spitting me out, less
whole than before. Fire burns my skin. Horrific visions flood my
mind, “The rivers run red with blood; death and destruction of all
comes for us.” Popping noises, I
hear
popping
,
crackling
,
tearing
. I crouch down, covering my ears;
I try to hide from the
sounds
, but I am surrounded in both
space and time – there is no escape. “We will be consumed!
ABOMINATIONS!!!”

***

Cailliach appears in an uncharacteristically
intense burst of light, and enfolds Shi'ahn in her arms, returning
them to her tower. Lucian bursts in, attempting to approach
Shi'ahn.

Cailliach turns to him in anger, “The last
thing she needs now is the presence of the one who drove her to
this! Begone, this crisis is mine to resolve.’ Cailliach waves her
hand dismissively and he is sent away.

***

I feel Cailli's arms curl protectively
around me and my soul floods with calming music, returning some
semblance of rational thought to my mind, then she takes me to a
strange chamber. There is nothing in it but a single monolith, and
around the perimeter of the chamber a complex and beautiful display
of crystals forms a spiral staircase that ascends beyond my sight.
The crystals are far more intricate than I have seen before, and
vary between absolutely clear on the lower level, to shades of the
same colors of the citadel stone, first the blues and then shades
of indigo, violet, and finally ultraviolet. I recognize it from
what William has described, it is the Staircase of Enlightenment,
but we do not approach it. She shifts me in her arms and catches my
eyes… I am lost in the depth of her gaze.

“Shi'ahn, you must listen to me, focus on my
voice. The staircase interacts with the ascender according to the
state of one's mind. Look into my eyes and tell me, what is the
most powerful force in this entire Universe?”

I don’t understand, all is darkness, we are
doomed – what power remains in our Universe?

“Think back, Shi'ahn, to your earliest
teachings. What is the most important thing in all the
Universe?”

I think back to my childhood, and thoughts
of Mathair blossom in my mind. “Love. Love is the most
important.”

“Yes! Very good, Shi'ahn. Now think of Love,
and of when you felt it the most strongly. What were you
doing?”

“Dancing and singing with Mathair.”

“Then sing and dance with her again, and
fill yourself with what you felt then.”

I do as she asks. The joy of the dance
forces the pain to recede, and I give myself over more completely
to the memory. Her love drives out the terrible dark things that
have taken root in my soul – there is hope left. Cailli takes my
hand in hers and produces an ornamental knife, with which she
pricks her thumb, then mine. She places our wounds together so that
a single bead of blood forms between us. She smiles and levitates
our combined blood to the monolith.

“Keep thinking of dancing with your Mathair,
Shi'ahn, envelop yourself in the love she taught you to revel in.”
Our blood reaches the monolith, which explodes in rainbows of light
that are caught in and reflected out by the crystals surrounding
us. I vaguely notice the light of victory behind Cailli’s eyes, and
then we are rising up. Even though we do not walk upon the
crystals, they still offer up their knowledge to me. I shouldn't be
able to withstand it, but Cailli strengthens me. By the stars in
the sky, how can there be so much knowledge in the Universe? Wonder
joins the love I've entwined myself within. I can feel and hear
Cailli's mind easing my way, helping my mind evolve to contain all
I am being given. There is so much light, a small part of my mind
understands why William couldn't describe it to his satisfaction.
And everything, the knowledge, the light, it is all perfectly
accompanied by music; the crystals sing much like I do, but more
perfectly; I am humbled. We continue to rise up, up, beyond the
eighth platform, beyond the visible end of the chamber. As we rise,
my mind continues to flood with knowledge beyond anything I have
ever even contemplated before; I begin to understand…

My mind clears enough for me to notice us
reach what seems as though it should be the end of our journey, and
yet it does not end. We enter the Spire of the Universe, the end of
it, one would think. All becomes compressed into a single
dimension, a dimension of pure Harmony, and then… then something
else appears, a metaphysical reality. We stand in an amazing
clearing within a grove of ancient trees. There is a single tree in
the center, similar to an oak, but silvery and with very limber
branches. It reaches down and touches my brow – the epicenter of
the pain I had recently experienced, and… it sings to me. My body
and soul become a vessel filled with the most wondrous song I have
ever heard; I hear my name in the song, but not as it is spoken, it
sings
in Harmony. Over and over I hear my name expressed
more truly than ever before and it fills me with… power of some
kind; its music surrounds us, hopeful and triumphant; then all goes
violet.

~~~

I awake in my gilded prison, mentally and
emotionally tired beyond imagination, and yet physically energized
beyond my experience. It is a strange, confusing feeling – what has
happened to me? The pain is gone, certainly. Even if it wasn't,
there is so much in my mind now I don't know if I would notice
pain, there doesn't seem room for anything but wonder. Why has
Cailli left me like this? Couldn't she have stayed and helped me
deal with the confusion? I long to be held, soothed, as Mathair
used to do when I was in need. Now all I can think to do is take a
bath, maybe that will return some normalcy to my being. I choose
soothing scents for the bathwater, light every candle I find, and
surrender myself to the peacefulness of warm, welcoming water.
After a while I notice that it's lighter in here than it ought to
be – candles don't give off violet light – they always burn yellow.
Where is the light coming from? The bath water? That's strange. I
lift my arm out and realize – the light is coming from me! Why am I
glowing?

“Cailli? What have you done to me?” She
appears sitting on the edge of my tub.

“You were broken, your soul cracked open and
metaphysically invaded by the creatures. I helped you drive them
out, and then cured you. It's all right, you are stronger now,
better. Your soul is whole again.”

“How long will I glow like this?”

“Oh, I can't be sure, it will depend upon
your own actions.”

“Well, are we talking hours, days,
weeks?”

“Years, decades? I don't know, child. For as
long as necessary. You have much to do while it lasts. Look on the
'bright' side, you are quite beautiful this way – walking art!
Relax, try to get some rest.”

“But my body is filled with energy!”

“Ah yes. Well, just this once.” She places
her hand on my brow and all goes dark.

Chapter
22

Coming Out

Someone bursts through my door.

“Are you alright, Shi'… ahh.”

It is difficult to rise through the
darkness; I slowly become aware of Lucian staring down at me, mouth
still slightly open after having not quite completed my name. I
jump out of bed.

“How dare you come barging into my bedroom –
what do you want?” He stands there, not uttering a word. “What's
wrong with you? Answer me!”

Many emotions flit behind his eyes, but he
does not outwardly acknowledge them. He shakes his head almost
imperceptibly, “I called out to you several times but you did not
respond. I was… concerned.”

“Don't give me that, I know you far to well.
What is so important that you find the need to barge in here?”

“I have been sent by the Emperor to bring
you to him – you are all to meet with him this morning, and… you
didn't answer your outer door. Finally I realized there was
shielding around your rooms, I feared something further had
happened to you.”

“Oh, I see. Leave me, I need a few minutes.”
I don't give him the chance to protest my lack of manners, I place
my hand against his chest and push, forcing him backwards. It's far
easier than I had expected, and his expression… it reminds me of my
people on Shiral. I close the door behind him and head to my
bathroom to quickly freshen up. The vision in my mirror takes me by
surprise – Cailli must have dressed me, my light nightgown really
does nothing but add a softness to my glowing figure – oh dear. I
had better be sure to wear sturdy, dark clothing from now on.
Unfortunately, nothing in my closet is made for such a situation. I
choose something nice yet modest and use Harmony to increase its
solidity, robbing another dress of necessary matter until only a
vague glow escapes my clothed figure, not a complete glowing
outline of my every feature. I walk back to the main room and catch
a look of disappointment in his Lucian's eyes, quickly replaced
with concern.

“My question was serious, Shi'ahn, are you…
all right? You looked terrible the last time I saw you, and now…
what happened?” He seems to be trying to return to our previously
friendly relationship – what kind of fool does he think I am?

“I'm fine, no thanks to you. Shouldn't we be
going?”

He stretches his arm out to me and I look
upon it with disdain. “You yourself have lectured me quite
effectively on the foolishness of allowing personal contact; don’t
worry, I have learned the lesson.” I see a brief flash of deep
disappointment, so quick that I must have imagined it; he turns
away. “Then come with me, Shi'ahn – my father is unaccustomed to
being forced to wait for those summoned to him.” As he continues to
escort me we pass occasional servants who all seem to go into
shock. Some merely quit moving, while others drop things; some even
run away. A few faint. So, my current condition is rare to say the
least. Just wonderful – one more reason for people not to like me.
I find myself actually anxious to get the walk over with and reach
the Emperor.

Lucian's voice seems slightly odd as he
addresses his father, as though he is repressing anger. I don't
understand, this isn't my doing. “Your Majesty, as you requested;
the
Lady
Shi'ahn.”

As we approach Emperor Augustus trains an
oddly appreciative yet at the same time disapproving eye upon me,
as though he is viewing a beautiful yet utterly deadly snake.
“Shi'ahn, I should not have to point out that your current
condition is highly unusual. What happened?

I pause momentarily, but in all honesty,
what can I say? “I was really upset with…” I glance over to Lucian,
and see a look of unmitigated hatred in his eyes – directed not at
me, but at the Emperor. My anger slips away as water through my
fingers, “Well, I was angry. I decided to lighten my mood by doing
some investigating.”

“What kind of investigating?”

“I was only trying to learn about this
wondrous place!”

“How – what method did you use?” I glance
down at my power siphon ring and his eyes follow. He blinks oddly
and seemingly strains to focus upon it, and then his expression
floods with suspicion. “How did you come by that, and why are you
hiding it?”

“Cailli gave it to me, and what do you mean,
I’m not hiding it?”

“Cailli? Ah yes, the old hag. I remember you
calling her that before.” I can’t help the look of disapproval that
shadows my face with his disrespectful words, but I say nothing –
he is the Emperor, after all. He ignores my reaction and reaches
out, “Give me the ring, I would have a closer look at it.”