Beware the Fisj (17 page)

“I don’t want to go,” said Sidney plaintively.

“It’s all arranged,” said Bruno. “We’ll go right after dinner and settle this once and for all.”

“Bruno, you’re crazy!” Boots exploded. “Do you really think that if you walk up to The Fish and tell him you don’t like wearing a tie, he’ll just say, “Oh, well, then the dress code is off?”

“Maybe. Come on, eat up. We’ve got to get going on this.”

* * *

“Mildred,” said Mr. Sturgeon to his wife, “Walter C. Wizzle is an idiot.”

Mrs. Sturgeon poured the after-dinner coffee. “Now, dear,” she said soothingly, “you haven’t given the young man a chance.”

“I’ve known him for over a month and my opinion stands,” said the Headmaster sourly. “Besides, he doesn’t need a chance from me. He has WizzleWare
and
the Board of Directors on his side.”

“WizzleWare?”

“His software program. He wrote it just for Macdonald Hall. How fortunate for us!” He stirred his coffee violently. “Do you know what he had the nerve to tell me right to my face? He called our school out-of-date! And hopelessly old-fashioned! And archaic! What do you think of that, Mildred?”

“You have to make allowances for his enthusiasm. After all, he’s just out of university and eager to try out his new ideas.”

“Why does he have to try them on my school?” complained the Headmaster. “Why don’t things like WizzleWare happen to other schools?”

The doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it,” said Mr. Sturgeon wearily. “Maybe it’s Wizzle with another PowerPoint presentation. I wish I had the power to point him straight out the main gate …” He opened the door to reveal Bruno, Boots and the rest of the committee.

“Hello, sir.” Bruno greeted him with genuine pleasure. “How was your summer?”

“Very busy and very enjoyable, thank you,” said the Headmaster briskly. “It’s good to see you back again, Walton — O’Neal — boys.” He acknowledged them all with a curt nod. “Is there something I can do for you?”

“Well, sir,” said Bruno, “as a matter of fact, we’ve been doing a lot of talking about the new dress code.”

“Oh?” said the Headmaster noncommittally.

“Yes, sir. We were wondering, since there’s never been one before — uh — we discussed — and, uh — well, sir, how about calling it off?”

A smile tugged at Mr. Sturgeon’s thin lips, but he stifled the impulse. “You’ll be told all about everything tomorrow at the assembly.”

“But, sir, tomorrow the dress code will already have started!” Bruno blurted in dismay.

“Yes,” agreed Mr. Sturgeon. “And please abide by it. I’ll see you all tomorrow in the auditorium. Good evening.” He shut the door on the committee and returned to the dining room.

“Who was at the door, William?”

The Headmaster sat down, chuckling with great satisfaction. “I think, Mildred, that it was the thorn in Wizzle’s paw.”

She frowned. “What on earth are you talking about?”

“It was Walton and O’Neal and a delegation of boys come to tell me they don’t like the dress code.” He laughed. “I’ll bet WizzleWare doesn’t have a category for Walton.”

“Are you hoping for trouble for poor Mr. Wizzle?” she accused.

He looked at her righteously. “Archaic indeed!”

* * *

“Bruno, go to sleep!” exclaimed Boots O’Neal from the bed near the window.

“Never!” growled Bruno. “If I go to sleep, I’ll have to wake up; and when I wake up, I’ll have to put on a tie!” He tossed violently, kicking at his blanket. “Did you hear what The Fish said? ‘Obey the dress code!’ Just like that!”

“If you don’t go to sleep,” explained Boots patiently, “morning will probably come anyway. Either way, you’re wearing a tie.”

“A petition!” raved Bruno. “We’ll get up a petition!”

“Bruno …” yawned Boots.

“And demonstrations!” added Bruno, warming to the subject. “We’ll organize lots of protest demonstrations! And we’ll burn a whole stack of ties in front of the Faculty Building!”

“Right,” agreed Boots indulgently. “First thing in the morning. Now go to sleep.”

“The girls will help us,” Bruno went on enthusiastically. “We’ll have to sneak across to Scrimmage’s tomorrow night.”

Boots put his head under the pillow and groaned. The thought of involving the girls from Miss Scrimmage’s Finishing School for Young Ladies, located across the highway from Macdonald Hall, alarmed him. Some of the girls were wildly unpredictable.

“Yeah, that’s it,” concluded Bruno triumphantly. “We’ll call in Cathy and Diane and the troops. That dress code is as good as gone!” He rolled over and promptly went to sleep.

Boots tossed and turned, sleepless.

Gordon Korman’s first book,
This Can’t Be Happening at Macdonald Hall!
, was published when he was only fourteen. Since then he has written more than seventy teen and middle-grade novels, including six more books about Macdonald Hall. Favourites include the
New York Times
bestselling
The 39 Clues: Cahills vs. Vespers Book One: The Medusa Plot
;
Ungifted
;
Schooled
; and the Hypnotist, Swindle and Island series. Born and raised in Canada, Gordon now lives with his family on Long Island, New York.

This Can’t Be Happening at Macdonald Hall!

Go Jump in the Pool

Beware the Fish!

The Wizzle War

The Zucchini Warriors

Lights, Camera, Disaster!

The Joke’s on Us

“I love riots.”

—Bruno Walton

Macdonald Hall is a grand old boarding school. Its ivy-covered buildings have housed and educated many fine young Canadians.

But this year there are two students who want to shake things up a little: Bruno Walton and Boots O’Neal. They’re roommates and best friends, and they know how to have fun. To Headmaster Sturgeon — a.k.a. The Fish — they’re nothing but trouble.

Soon they have to face their worst nightmares. Boots is moved in with George Wexford-Smyth III, a rich hypochondriac, and Bruno has to bunk with science geek Elmer Drimsdale.

But they won’t let that spoil their school year, oh no. Whatever it takes — even skunk stunts and an ant stampede — they’ll be together again by the end of the semester.

And this is only the beginning.

“This is the darkest hour in the history of Macdonald Hall!”

—Bruno Walton

For the students of Macdonald Hall, there’s nothing worse than losing to York Academy. And until the Hall gets its own pool, those York turkeys will win every swim meet. A pool is out of the question, though: the Hall’s budget is fifty thousand dollars short. School pride is plummeting. There’s even talk of Boots O’Neal’s father transferring him to York Academy.

But Bruno Walton has a brilliant plan. It’s time for the students to take matters into their own hands. How hard can it be to raise fifty grand? A few bake sales, a talent show, a rummage sale … they’ll be there in no time, won’t they?

Won’t they
?

“You identify the enemy, and then you fight!”

—Bruno Walton

Macdonald Hall is under attack. Where once tradition and freedom of speech ruled the campus, now there is Mr. Wizzle.

That means a dress code — ties, even. Demerit points for just breathing the wrong way. Psychological tests for all students. Surprise dorm inspections. All in the name of progress.

Are the students of the Hall going to stand for it? Not on your life! Wizzle doesn’t stand a chance against The Committee — a secret society of Macdonald Hall loyalists who meet out in the woods, late at night, to plot their revenge.

Whether it takes toilet-paper rolls, a touch of romance, or even an earthquake, it’s unanimous: Wizzle must go!

“Well, football is really a man’s game. No offense, girls. You can be, you know, cheerleaders or something.”

—Bruno Walton

It’s the start of a new school year at Macdonald Hall. But instead of the recreation centre they’d put in for, Bruno Walton and Boots O’Neal are bummed to find a brand-new football field, paid for by Hank the Tank Carson: ex-football player, current zucchini-snack tycoon. The school doesn’t even have a football team.

But Hank the Tank offers the students a deal: if they can put together a winning team, he’ll build them their rec centre. Suddenly on campus, it’s all about football.

Still, the Macdonald Hall Warriors stink. How will they ever get good enough to rate a wide-screen TV and pool tables?

Meet their new star quarterback. Cathy Burton. From Miss Scrimmage’s Finishing School for Young Ladies.

“I never get caught.”

—Bruno Walton

Macdonald Hall has been Chosen. It is Fabulous. Perfect. Ideal — as the set for a Hollywood movie, with superstar Jordie Jones.

Bruno Walton would do anything to be in the movie. Boots O’Neal will do anything to keep Bruno out of trouble. And the girls at the school next door would do anything to meet Jordie Jones.

When they discover that the star just wants to be a normal guy, one who plays hockey, hangs out with friends and goes to dances, Bruno and Boots decide to help Jordie out.