Beyond Affection (25 page)

Shane looked up from the table, knowing Michael was speaking from his own experiences.  Yet it applied to all of them.  Kane’s eyes never left the gun as he rubbed the same spot over and over again.  He, too, knew the truth of Michael’s words, and was no doubt remembering scarier times when his wife had been brutally attacked in the shelter at which she volunteered.

“But somehow, we get through it.  And it makes us stronger, and we’re better men for it.  Because now we really and truly understand.  We get it.  And it makes each day so much better than the last.”

No one spoke.  Michael rose from his seat and paused by Shane to place a hand on his shoulder, then proceeded out to the porch, probably to call his wife, Maggie.

Like Shane, Michael was generally quiet by nature.  Extremely intelligent with a special gift for healing.  Definitely not prone to offer unsolicited wisdom or truths, but maybe this was a form of healing, too. 

Shane sighed.  Everything Michael said was true.  Would he be a better man for it?  He didn’t know.  He did know that Lacie made him a better man, though.  She filled a part of him he hadn’t even realized had been empty.  To Shane, she was hope and love, comfort and home. 

They would get through this.  Somehow.  Together.  Because if there was one thing Shane knew for certain, it was that he would never, ever be without her again.  He wanted to marry her, have a family with her, and spend the rest of their days getting the most out of life together.  As long as they were together, they could handle anything life threw at them.  Even this.

Was it a test?  Or was it God’s way of revealing the truth to them?  Being raised as an Irish Catholic had certainly shaped a big part of his life.  He might not be a regular at Sunday Mass.  He hadn’t been to confession since he left parochial school for public high school.  But he never doubted in a higher power.  Not once.  Except maybe for a few brief seconds when Lacie lay lifeless in that bedroom while Michael pounded on her chest and Shane breathed his life breath into her lungs.  And in those few moments when he was afraid he had lost his
croie
and possibly a child they had created - he had thoughts he was now acutely ashamed of. 

They saved Lacie, and Michael said that she would make a full recovery.  Physically, it would be relatively quick.  But emotionally – that would take longer and require a lot of patience and support.

There was no child to consider, not at this point.  Had there been?  Perhaps it was better if he didn’t know.  Jake had known.  Taryn had been nearly three months along when she lost their first child.  And Shane knew not a day went by that Jake didn’t think about his unborn son.  Lacie wouldn’t have been anywhere near that point, but...

“She’s resting,” Rebecca said later, emerging from the side room where they’d taken Lacie.  “Angus and Lily are watching over her.”  Angus and Lily were the bear-sized canines Rebecca had adopted from the animal shelter.  They had taken to Lacie instantly, and had appointed themselves her guardians.  Since Lacie was okay with it, so was everyone else.

“Does she remember?”  Shane couldn’t contain the question any longer.  Given the shape she’d been in and the amount of drugs in her system, there was the distinct possibility that she might have been mercifully unaware for a good part of her captivity.

Rebecca’s face, ever a vision of serenity, clouded over.  “She’s confused.  She spoke of nightmares, but is having trouble distinguishing them from reality.”  Rebecca paused.  “I think she’s in denial.”

Shane felt as though someone thrust a blade straight through his ribs and twisted.  He had hoped she was too out of it to realize what was happening.  Rebecca’s hand touched his arm.  “But a woman always knows in her heart, even if her head can’t process it,” she said in that quiet way of hers. 

He exhaled heavily.  “She’s more worried about you right now,” Rebecca continued, surprising him.  “Me?  Why?”

Big, soft golden brown eyes regarded him.  “She feels stupid.  Betrayed, Humiliated.  I think she’s afraid that you see her as at least partly responsible, for failing to see the signs, for not doing enough to prevent it from happening.”

“Jesus Christ, Rebecca.”  Shane was absolutely stunned.  “How could she ever think that?”

“Because, Shane,” she said slowly.  “It is what
she
believes.”

Shane stared at her in disbelief, but there was nothing but truth in her eyes.  Truth and an unspoken request that he do something about it.

“Fuck.  How do I fix this?”

“You can’t,” she said gently.  “But you can be there for her.  Make her understand that no matter what, you always will be.  That when she looks in your eyes, she won’t see her own horror reflected back at her.” 

K
ane and Rebecca told her she was welcome to stay for as long as she wanted, but Lacie declined.  She thanked them, explaining that what she needed more than anything else was to be back in her own private space, surrounded by her own things.  Rebecca said she understood.

“Can I call you?” Lacie asked quietly as she hugged Rebecca goodbye.  “I love my sister, but I’m not really sure I’ll be able to talk with her about this.  Not all of it, anyway.”

“Yes,” Rebecca assured her emphatically.  “Please call me.  Anytime.  Kane and I are driving down next weekend.  Maybe we can go out for lunch or coffee or something?”

Lacie nodded, relieved that she would not have to place her burden on Corinne, thankful she would have something solid to look forward to and get her through the next week.  It was going to be tough, she had no illusions about that. 

“Maybe Taryn can come, too,” Lacie said.  Rebecca had told her that Taryn had been in a similar situation, and suggested that maybe Lacie could speak with her, when she was ready. 

“I think she’d like that,” Rebecca said sincerely.  “Having someone who truly understands can make all the difference in the world.”

“Lacie,” Rebecca said before stepping away.  Her glance slid over to where Shane waited by the car.  “Shane loves you, honey.  Let him help you through this.  He needs it as much as you do.”

“I find that hard to believe,” she said with a little smile.  She felt so fragile, as if any moment she was just going to shatter into a million pieces.  And Shane was a rock.  So solid.  So strong.  Unbroken.

“If you do,” Rebecca said when Lacie told her how she felt, “Shane will pick them up and put you back together.  Trust in him, Lacie.  The love a Callaghan man has for his
croie
knows no bounds.  There are no limits, no conditions.  It just
is
, and it is everything.”

The ride home was relatively quiet, but it was a nice silence.  Neither of them felt the need to fill the time and space with senseless platitudes or polite conversation.  Something much deeper, much more profound passed between them on that trip down the mountain and back into Pine Ridge.  Lacie sat next to him, holding his hand, grateful for the warmth it was generating deep in her soul. 

She had been so worried about what he would think, but there hadn’t been even the slightest hint that he was anything but thrilled to be with her again.  It was in every word, every touch.  When he held her, she swore she could actually feel his love pouring into her, infinite and unconditional.

“I love you, Shane,” she said as they crossed over the final ridge that would take them down into the valley.  “Be patient with me, okay?”

He squeezed her hand.  “Always and forever,
a croie beloved
,” he promised.

Lacie found herself thanking God for about the thousandth time for bringing him into her life.  He was her rock, solid and warm, anchoring her to everything that was good and decent in this world.  And she loved him so much it physically hurt.  She hoped beyond hope that once all the dust settled, he would still be there.

* * *

L
acie’s homecoming was nothing more or less than he had expected.  Shane wished he could have made it easier on her, but there was little he could do.  Lacie needed her family.  Her parents had been worried sick; they’d cut their cruise short and made arrangements to fly home as soon as they’d received Corinne’s call.  They rushed out of their house the moment Shane pulled up in the driveway.

Without letting him out of her sight, Lacie held herself together pretty well in front of them as they hugged and cried and hugged again.  None of them knew the details, of course.  Lacie didn’t want them to.  But one look in her haunted eyes and they could probably guess.

The next few hours were tough.  The police came out to the house.  With Shane watching over her protectively and giving counsel, she made her statement.  There was no reason to go into specifics.  She kept her answers concise and truthful, based on what she had endured while she was conscious. 

There was no point, Shane advised her, in speaking on what she believed happened while she was drugged.  Lacie was relieved that she could spare her family that at least.  They were still reeling from the realization of how far gone Craig had been.  News of his death was met with the numb acceptance that comes with shock.

Lacie was afraid that news crews would be pulling up all afternoon, but Shane assured her that his family had a couple of contacts in the media and that everything would be kept quiet. 

The school year was officially over, so Lacie didn’t have to worry about going back into the school and facing everyone and all the questions they surely had.  She’d felt bad about missing the year end carnival and seeing her kids before they became “graders”, but agreed that it was probably for the best.  This way she had the whole summer to concentrate on taking those first few steps toward healing.

Lacie moved back into her parent’s house temporarily; Corinne took care of retrieving whatever she needed from her apartment.  Shane and his brothers had made a complete sweep of the place, finding and removing Craig’s surveillance equipment.  Lacie was unaware that Craig had been spying on her, and Shane saw no reason to tell her.  If she ever asked, he wouldn’t lie, but it was not information he would volunteer.  At this point it would do nothing but provide more fodder for her nightmares, and she had enough of those as it was.

Corinne said she still woke up most nights in a cold sweat, shivering and crying.  Shane ached to be the one who was there for her, holding her through the terrors, but knew Lacie needed her family, too.  He spent every evening with her, sitting quietly, talking, going for brief walks while she recovered.

Two weeks after their return to Pine Ridge, when Shane was certain Lacie would be fine without him for a little while, he told her he had to go out of town with his brothers for a few days, but that he had something special planned for when he got back.  He refused to say any more than that, but he promised her she was going to like it.

* * *

I
t was harder than she ever would have thought to let him go.  Those few hours spent with him each day had become the center of her universe.  She looked forward to it, reveled in it, then ached when he left her with nothing more than a chaste kiss. 

She understood that he was giving her the time and space she needed, and she was grateful for that.  The intimacy they shared went far beyond the sexual.  She craved everything about him – his scent, the warm heat of his skin, the glowing eyes, deep voice and clever wit.  The world made sense when she was with him; the rest of the time she was lost.

“Come back to me,” she whispered, clinging to him as he was about to leave.

The way he’d looked at her then, his eyes reaching deep into her very soul, reinforced his words.  “I will always come back to you,
a croie beloved.
”

* * *

B
rian McCain flinched when he heard the heavy door leading into their underground cell creaking open and mentally prepared himself.  They had been left alone for so long he prayed his captors might have finally given up, realized they weren’t going to get any useful information out of them, and moved on.

He quickly hid the tiny, six-inch-long piece of bone that was their last chance of escape, the last remaining piece of the poor bastard that had occupied this hellhole before him.  Progress was slow, but he wasn’t giving up.  He would get them out of here, or he would die trying.

What would it be today, he wondered grimly?  More torture?  Or perhaps just another few slices of that moldy shit they kept shoving at them and some of that rancid water.  His stomach cramped just thinking about it.  But as bad as it was, they would eat it.  He wasn’t going to give the bastards the satisfaction of starving to death. 

Then he heard it.  A string of vile curses –
in English
!  He shook his head, sure that he’d misheard.  But no, there it was again!  Every swear word he’d ever heard, ringing through the air like the most beautiful music, barked in deep, masculine American voices.

Brian forced himself to his knees and gripped the bars, afraid to breathe.  Lights.  He saw lights, heard heavy footsteps approaching double-time along the narrow passageway.  The beam of a powerful flashlight flicked over the interior, into his cage.  His arms flew up to protect his eyes.

“McCain?” a deep voice had asked.  He wanted to weep with the pure joy of it, but he simply gave a jerky nod instead.

“How many with you, soldier?”

Brian lowered his arms and opened his eyes slowly, getting his first look at the men filing into the cave.  Seven of them.  Huge fuckers.  Black shadows in the darkness, making no sound but for the spoken words. 

“Two besides me.  We’re the last.  Who are you?” 

Brilliant white teeth flashed.  “We’re the ones who are going to take you home, Brian.”  It was the last thing he heard before he blacked out.

He thought he was dreaming, finally having succumbed to the inhumane conditions they’d been forced to endure.  But when he opened his eyes again he was on a stretcher and being moved.  He was in and out of consciousness for a while, had vague recollections of being washed and bandaged. 

When he woke up again, his next clear memory was of a man sitting beside his cot, holding out an honest-to-God, ice-cold Coca-Cola for him.  “The beer and burgers come later,” the man told him with a knowing smile.  “Mick says your stomach can’t handle the real stuff yet.”