Beyond Control (26 page)

This was turning into the most complicated ‘easy’ date ever. I bounded down the stairs, hearing Jason talking to either Tomato or Sunny as he chopped something on the cutting board.

“Okay, all settled now,” I said, laughing.

“I have a lot to thank Brandy for,” he said, winking at me as he grabbed what looked to be a mixture of chopped cucumbers and peppers that he dropped into a bowl.

I shrugged and slid onto one of the stools at the island, trying to hide my delight.

“I have never seen boxers look so good,” he said, his eyes washing over me.

“Thanks.” I glanced at Tomato who was sitting patiently, hoping for something to drop to the floor. “Is there anything I can do?”

“You’ve done plenty to make my night wonderful already.”

I started laughing and slid off the stool to walk onto the patio. The wind was picking up, and I saw clouds rolling in off in the distance.

“So does your other place even compare to this?” I asked, looking over my shoulder. My pulse quickened when I caught him checking me out in baggy boxers, no less. If this was the kind of game we were going to play, I was totally intrigued with the possibilities. After a few serious relationships that made me question the entire point of dating or relationships, it was nice to be entering into one where the guy actually made me feel so needed. And that was just with one look.

“It’s just a townhouse in the city so I have somewhere to crash if it’s a late night at the shop, and the ferry service is done for the night,” he said. “I prefer it out here.”

“Interesting,” I said, watching him balance a tray and a pair of salt and pepper shakers as he came outside to the grill.

“What’s that, babe?” he asked, setting the tray on the grill.

My heart fluttered when I heard him call me that, and my insides did an insane happy dance. But I wanted to play it cool. It wasn’t like it was the first time a guy had called me that, but it was the first time he had, and I loved it.

I walked over and stood by him as he placed the salmon on the grill.

“That’s the only reason I have a place in the city. Since Brandy’s starting law school in a few weeks and we both work downtown, it made sense. But if I had my choice, I’d be here in a second,” I told him. “I mean not
here
here, but you know.”

“You do have a choice. Downtown’s only a ferry ride away,” he said, shaking the salt and pepper on the fish.

“True,” I said, contemplating what he said. How had my life turned into the please everybody else show?

He closed the lid on the grill and turned to face me. We were only a couple feet away, but it felt too far apart. Seeing how he was looking at me stirred a mixture of confusion and desire.

“Gabby, have you thought more about maybe pursuing what it is that actually makes your heart sing?” his voice rumbled through me, shaking me to my core. As his eyes locked on mine, I couldn’t help but take a step toward him.

“Gabby?” he murmured, as I looped my finger in his belt loop.

That was it. I had turned into one of those girls. I loved the way he said my name, loved how it rolled off his lips. And those lips—my God they were soft.

I stood on my tiptoes and raised my arms, wrapping them around his neck.

“Say my name one more time,” I whispered, smiling.

“Gabby,” he said bemused, his arms sliding down my back.

“Beginning tonight, I’ll always do what makes my heart sing,” I whispered, grinning. “Especially if you’re involved.”

He flashed me a dangerous grin as he flipped off the grill and pulled me into him. He slowly shook his head, while his eyes dropped to my mouth. His eyes smoldered with understanding once my intent was made clear.

“I think dinner can wait,” I whispered, my body pressed against his. “But I don’t think I can.”

He gently cupped my chin in his palm, tilting my head only slightly as his lips hovered so close to mine. “You’re sure about this?” he asked.

“More than anything,” I murmured, looking into his eyes.

He leaned into me, his lips barely skimming mine. An accidental moan slipped from my lips as his eyes locked on mine. A slight tug of his lips revealed a smile at this small victory. He softly kissed me kindling the desire deep within me as I melted in his arms.

As Jason’s kiss deepened, my head spun with wanting him, needing him like I’d never needed anyone before. My hands slid under his shirt, feeling the hardness of his body under my palms as I explored his stomach and chest.

“Would you like to go upstairs?”

“I would like that very much,” I whispered, stammering over the last word.

Jason smiled, taking my hand in his as he walked me through the house and up the stairs to his bedroom. My heart was hammering as I thought about being with him. His kisses had been so powerful that I couldn’t even imagine... A chill ran up my spine as my mind wandered.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said, realizing I was letting myself lose control with him.

The master was exactly like I pictured it would be. It matched him perfectly. The expansive master suite was covered in wide planked flooring. His king size bed sat in the middle of the room, pushed against the far wall. There was a sitting room that overlooked the water with a pair of light grey linen chairs. My gut twisted when a completely ridiculous thought jumped into my mind, wondering if anyone besides him sat in them.

I felt his eyes taking me in as I looked around the room. Everything in the room was masculine but refined; the furniture modern and sleek and the duvet a pale gray.

“I’m not sure how to handle you,” his voice dangerously low.

“Handle me?” My brow quirked as I turned to face him. “I didn’t know I needed to be handled.”

“You always like to be in control?” he stated more than asked.

“I prefer it,” I said, my pulse quickening.

“In all areas?” he asked, his brow arching as he took a step closer.

“Yes. In all areas,” I replied, feeling like maybe I could still maintain control.

“Always?” His eyes darkened a shade as he slid his fingers along the waistband of the boxers.

“Always,” I said, fighting the sensation that was spreading through me.

He took another step forward, his fingers pulling the boxers and me toward him at the same time. I looked up into his eyes, noticing the bronze flecks igniting as he narrowed his eyes at me. Leaning down, he lowered his mouth to my ear, his breath sending a shivery delight through me.

“Then we may have a problem,” he breathed, taking a step back.

“A problem?” my voice hoarse as desire pulsed through me.

He nodded, crossing his arms as he studied me.

“I want things to go right with you. Not just tonight, but beyond.”

“And?” I smiled.

“And I don’t think what you’ve done before has worked…”

“Meaning?” I folded my arms to match his stance.

“Meaning if this is to go any further, you can’t expect to be in control.” The flicker in his eyes ignited a response in me that I knew would make me agree to anything he said, regardless of my past tendencies.

“Agreed,” I said, grinning. I stood frozen, ensuring I didn’t make the first move. After all, I promised I wouldn’t.

I sucked in a deep breath. “I’m worried you’re like the others.”

“The others?” he asked, perplexed.

“I haven’t had the best track record,” I mumbled.

He raised a brow, completely amused as he watched me attempt to stand still under the duress he was putting me under.

“It’s time to change that,” he murmured, his eyes taking hold of mine.

My heart was pounding as I stood watching him take another step back from me, a smile spreading across his lips.

“Let me try again,” he said.

I nodded, looking up at him through my lashes.

“I’m not holding back with you,” he murmured. “And I expect the same in return.”

Before I could respond, his mouth was already on mine, the soft touch of his lips reassuring with each kiss. He gently tugged on my boxers, pressing my body next to his. With every kiss, a new beginning was started and the energy between us was exhilarating. Lost in his embrace, I imagined giving myself fully to him emotionally, allowing him to unwrap me wholly.

He broke his lips away, his eyes searching mine. “You’re so beautiful.”

A wave of excitement ran through me as I felt his fingers glide up my arms, stopping where the sleeves began. He took a step back. “Undress for me,” he whispered.

I froze. Undress for him? He narrowed in on my one fear… being undressed fully in front of a man. Granted, he’d seen me, but I don’t think he saw me completely. I began shaking my head. I needed strategic sheet or shirt placement, not this.

“Gabby, you have nothing to be afraid of,” his voice low. “You are nothing less than perfection in my eyes.”

“It’s not about that,” I lied.

“What is it about then?” his voice softening.

“It’s just a fear thing,” I said, my heart pounding.

“I want to help you get over your fears. I want you to lose control, give me the control.” His eyes locked on mine. “Do you trust me?” he whispered, giving me a disarming smile as he took a step toward me.

More than anything.

“Yes,” I said softly, feeling his hands slide around my waist.

His hands fell to the hem of my shirt, and he slowly began lifting it over my head. My breath stilled as I felt the air touch my skin, alerting me to where my skin was exposed, when my scar would be visible. He continued pulling the shirt up, and his fingers grazed my flesh, sending a spike of electricity through me.

“Thank you,” I whispered, closing my eyes as he pulled the shirt over my head.

I felt his lips touch my collarbone as he began slowly kissing me, as his hands ran down my arms, igniting a wave of desire through my veins. His touch was so tender, so caring. Keeping my eyes shut, I felt his tongue slowly glide down my chest. My stomach clenched slightly, knowing how close he was to my scar.

“Gabby, you’ve made me the luckiest man in the world,” he whispered, his breath tickling my flesh.

Opening my eyes, I let out a slow, steady breath and watched him slide his arms around me, admiring every inch of my body. Every touch felt so loving and generous. I wanted to cry out in joy, but instead I remained silent, taking in this man as he made me feel the way I’d always dreamt of feeling. Beautiful.

He picked me up, carrying me toward the bed. I gripped the nape of his neck as he laid me down on the comforter. His eyes traced along my body, making me feel absolutely wanted. His gaze intensified as I tried hard not to squirm in his presence, his ability.

I slipped off the borrowed boxers, and reached up for his shirt, tugging it slightly as he removed it. He leaned over me, his tongue trading for his fingers as he traced along my flesh. Jason’s touch was unhurried, exploring every part of my body. Feeling his mouth run down my breasts, left a trail of hunger as I laced my fingers through his hair, bringing him back up to me. I felt like I was going to burst with desire. I needed him. I knew I wasn’t supposed to take control, but I needed him.

“Kiss me,” I whispered, reaching down to unfasten his jeans.

His body hovered over mine, and I felt the heat pulsing off of him. Staring at his chest, I squirmed down, attempting to slide his jeans down. He shook his head, smiling. He was still in control. His mouth met mine with the intensity that I craved and a moan escaped. I wasn’t even sure whose it was as his lips broke from mine. He stepped off the bed, sliding out of his jeans, and my heart felt like it was going to explode. His body was magnificent. The golden hue of his skin highlighted the definition of his torso. My gaze fell to his V-muscles, and my cheeks flushed with wanting, needing the man in front of me.

Jason’s fingers glided along my thighs, sending chills through me as I watched him taste my flesh. He kissed me all the way up my body, discovering parts of me I didn’t even know existed in this way. Pressing his mouth gently to mine, he created an explosion of senses. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he shook his head slightly as I began to wriggle under him. His fingers gripped my hips, keeping them in place and anchoring me to the bed.

Not sure how much longer I could last, I felt his fingers move downward, enlightening parts of me as we joined together as one. I clenched my eyes shut feeling his fullness inside me as his mouth traced my lobe. His breathing shifted with every movement, and he began sliding kisses along my jaw, down my neck, before he began softly nipping and licking along my collarbone, sending quivers through me.

Jason’s mouth began tracing down my chest as his hands began securing my wrists above my head. My breath hitched in anticipation clashing with the vulnerability he was asking of me as he pinned my arms above me. There was something about being at his mercy that made my soul want to explode. My fingers dove through his hair, bringing him back up to me. His lips met mine, and I knew I couldn’t last any longer. Jason’s body pressed into mine, and his kisses deepened as our rhythm consumed us until the end.

This was where I was meant to be.

Holding me in his arms, I felt at peace, like I belonged. And I didn’t want this moment to end.

“Thank you,” I whispered. “You made me feel whole again, like my heart is my own.” And that was how I told him about my transplant, but he already knew. His tenderness showed me that.

“You’re not fragile. You’re not broken. You don’t need to be fixed. You’re perfect the way you are,” he whispered, his finger tracing my collarbone.