Beyond Revenge (The Ransom Series) (10 page)

Her Heart

∞

The way she always
looked at me

beyond the
hardened shell

to the vulnerable
interior.

To the darkness.

She wasn’t afraid.

She embraced me, touched
me there.

With her heart, her
caring and love.

All her being.

The steady thud of
her pulsing life

reverberating long
after.

Driving me back to
the light.

∞

Despite all attempts to remain positive,
I’ve found myself losing hope.

After hearing Morgan’s terror in her
screams and cries through that last phone call from Mark
a month
ago
,
we stopped all efforts to affect his
business.  He exercised his leverage over us, and we couldn’t risk him hurting
Morgan
any further.  We couldn’t let him lay another finger on her
or
the unborn baby
undoubtedly
growing
inside her.

Robert is back at work
on the
police force.  H
is vacation
that
turned
into a
leave of absence
came
to an end not long after we stopped fighting back against Mark’s business. 
There were days before he made that decision in which we both just sat
at
the dining room table saying nothing, overwhelmed with the
blank thoughts of having no idea where to find the woman we both love who needs
us
to rescue her
.

I spend the hours of the days that
Robert is at work poring over maps and notes about every single place I can
think of where Mark has had some presence since I’ve known him.  Robert’s
office has turned into the
control
center of
information about everything Mark. 
Robert
even pulled
boxes’ worth of his former research about Mark from storage, from back when he
was looking for any evidence that would lead to Mark’s whereabouts
and
be sufficient proof to lock him up
in prison
.

From the outside we must look obsessed,
and I guess in a way we are.  The goal
s
of our lives
ha
ve
shifted.  Everything else has been put on hold. 
The only thing that matters is finding Morgan, and we will never give up.

At least that’s what I’ve been telling
myself, though internally I’m starting to doubt my resolve.

Sleep has
n’t
come
easily to me
since Morgan was taken away
, but it’s
been exceptionally hard to find rest at night these days.  Morgan visits me in
my nightmares, her screams resounding in my ears, thick blood covering her
face, Mark’s hands all over her body.  And then I see her belly, watching it
grow unnaturally fast with time-lapsed speed until it’s the size of a
basketball beneath her skin.

My mind never goes beyond that,
though.  I don’t actually see the baby or Morgan holding the tiny life in her
arms with a proud smile on her face.  There are no mental images of me with
them, basking in the love and joy of having created such a miracle with the
woman I love.

Everything inside me
hurts just thinking
about her and that baby and how far away I am from finding both of them.

Distraction.  I need something to take
my mind of
f
her today.  I’m in desperate need of
reprieve.

I offer to make dinner tonight.  It’s
something I should have done weeks ago
,
but I was too
used to devoting all my time to destroying Mark’s business and finding Morgan. 
I realize now that
,
if I’m truthful with myself,
taking a couple hours out of my self-imposed exile in Robert’s office isn’t
going to affect our search.  We could spend every waking minute of the rest of
our lives searching and still not find her.

I’m admittedly not the best cook, so
Cindy made it easy for me.  I’m tossing frozen stir-fry vegetables and
pre-cooked grilled chicken around with oil in a fry pan while water heats up
for instant rice in a pot on the stove.  She already set out the teriyaki sauce
and box of instant rice on the counter. 
When s
he
started to raid the cupboards for plates and glasses for the table, I handed
her a glass of wine and shooed her away despite her protests.

I glance back from the stove to see her
sitting on the couch taking sips of the wine while reading a magazine, and I
wonder if this is the first time she has taken a moment to truly relax in
recent months.

I’ve just put the rice in the pot and
covered it with a lid when I hear the front door open.  Robert and I share a
brief glance when he walks in, the lack of emotion on both of our faces making
it clear that neither of us have had any breakthroughs today, which is about
the same as every other day.

Robert takes the mail out of his jacket
pocket and tosses it on the counter with his keys, badge, and gun before he
realizes I’m standing in front of the stove tossing stir-fry.

“Taking up a new hobby?” he asks with a
questioning look.

No, just losing my mind trying to
find our girl
.
 
“Cindy
needed a break,” I say back to him quietly.

He glances over at his wife who sets
down her wine and magazine and approaches us.  She pulls Robert into a hug
,
and as he hugs her back
,
I look away. 
When I hear them kiss
,
I busy myself with adding the
teriyaki sauce to the stir-fry, trying to avoid the awkwardness.  It’s still
not entirely comfortable for me here in this atmosphere of family and love that
somehow manages to persist in this space even though the house is missing a
vital piece of the family.  I vaguely remember that feeling with my parents
before they were killed.  It’s been
almost
completely
absent in my life with Mark.

“How’s it coming, Leo?” Cindy asks. 
They’ve pulled apart
,
but she’s still holding on
to Robert’s shoulder.

“Good.  Almost ready,” I reply, motioning
to the dining room table.  “Why don’t you both take a seat?”

Cindy smiles brightly at me before
pulling her husband by the arm toward the table.  He somehow manages to snag
the mail from the counter as she drags him.  I can’t help
internally
laugh
ing
at his inability to just sit
still and do nothing when he has
two
spare minutes.

They’re going through mail together as
I’m setting the table.  By the time I’m bringing the food over
,
there’s an unmistakable look of concern on Robert’s face.

I set the bowls of stir-fry and rice
down in the center of the table, instantly forgetting about dinner and focusing
my attention on Robert.  “What is it?”

He doesn’t speak but turns over the blank
white envelope in his hand, carefully running his finger under the sealed flap
to open it without tearing it.  He pulls out a single sheet of crisp white
paper folded into thirds.  Cindy stands up and moves behind him, wrapping her
arms around his chest and leaning down with her head on his shoulder as he
unfolds the paper.

I feel weak, like my knees want to give
out on me.  Pulling out my chair, I collapse into it and immediately put my
head in my hands,
elbow
s on the table, my heart racing
beneath my ribcage.

I don’t want to see it.  I don’t know
if I can properly handle or process what that piece of paper
says
.

My eyes close.  My breathing becomes
deep and deliberate.  The silence in the room is deafening
,
and when Cindy starts to cry
,
the dread
I’ve been trying to ward off seeps throughout my body.  I need to look at her,
to understand her tears and pain.  I open my eyes and see her, though I’m
filled with
utter
confusion.

She’s smiling.  She’s crying happy
tears.

Robert looks in shock as he hands me
the envelope and the letter together.  I grasp on
to them like they are the most precious objects in the world.

I read the words that I dread yet
crave.

Family,

I’m okay.  I’m being treated well. 
You don’t have to worry about me.

We’re having a baby.  I heard the
rapid heartbeat with my own ears, and it was the most beautiful sound.  My
belly’s starting to show, just a bit.

My love for this tiny life grows
more each day even though I can’t see it.  I feel its presence, though.  So
close, yet so far, but at least I’m not alone.

Missing you and thinking about you
endlessly.

– M

It’s impossible to properly describe
the range of emotions I feel in reading these words from the woman I love.  I
look up from the letter to Robert and Cindy with my lips parted in disbelief
and tears in my eyes.  I seem to have lost all motor control of my body, the
envelope and letter slipping from my fingers and falling to the floor.

I move to quickly pick them up, not
wanting a single crease to ruin the pristine condition of the only real words
we’ve heard from Morgan since Mark took her from me over two months ago.  When
I pick up the envelope
,
I notice something fall out of
it.  For a moment I wonder if I’ve just imagined it, but when I glance around
and find it
on the tiled floor,
I know it’s real.

It’s a small piece of
a
pine needle.

I sit back up in the chair and set the
envelope and letter
a
side.  I place the single
piece
of
pine needle on the table in front of me.

“What the hell is that?” Robert asks. 
He stands up from his chair and moves behind me, leaning in to get a better
look at my discovery.

“Some kind of pine needle.  It fell out
of the envelope.”  I immediately grab the envelope and check it for any other
surprises.  The envelope is completely blank
,
and the
inside is empty.

Robert pokes and prods at the pine
needle, as curious as I am about what the hell it was doing with the letter in
that envelope.
 
“She’s telling us something,” Robert
says, his face lighting up.  “We need to find out what kind of tree this
belongs to.  We
can
rule out plenty of states with
this, maybe even narrow it down to a region.”

Robert walks into the living room to
grab a couple plastic evidence bags out of the cabinet.  As he’s carefully plucking
the pine needle from the table and placing it in the bag
,
I pick up the letter and read through it again, studying every
single word and pulling at my memories of Morgan to piece together any other
clues she may have given us.

Family
. 
She addressed the letter to her family, not
to her mom
and
dad
.  It can only mean one thing: she knows I’m
here.  She’s figured out that I’m working with
Robert
. 
I hope to God it gives her faith that we’re going to find her, no matter what
it takes.

We’re having a baby
.  Mark may have thought otherwise, but in these words I know she’s
talking to me.  She’s letting me know I’m going to be a father whether I’m
physically there with her or not.  We created life together, pieces of both of
us combining into someone new, borne out of love and unyielding loyalty.

So close, yet so far, but at least
I’m not alone
.  She’s talking about the baby
inside her, the child she will carry with her in the months to come just inches
beneath her skin, but could she mean something more?  From the moment we heard Jack
went off the grid after Morgan was taken from me
,
I’ve
figured Mark kept him around to play doctor for his unborn child and the mother
who carries it.  Maybe
Jack’s
become a larger part in
her life, though.  He could be giving her the support that we can’t
provide
while separated from her.

If there
’s
anyone else besides me
and Morgan’s parents
who I’d
want looking after the woman I love and the baby I may never meet, it’s Jack.

Missing you and thinking about you
endlessly.
  My fingers automatically move to the
tattoo on my wrist, the almost complete black circle with a notch missing from
the right side that represents
my determination to break
the endless cycle of Mark’s business ruining my family.  I bring
the tip of my pointer finger and thumb together with my other hand and connect
it where the missing notch in the line is located, mimicking Morgan’s
mirrored
tattoo that she got with Mark’s supervision
only days before
she was taken from me. 
She changed the meaning of
my
tattoo.
  I
t stands for love and commitment
now
. 
It’s half the symbol of infinity, Morgan completing the other half,
just
like she completes me
.