Beyond the Breaking Point (53 page)

“Phillip and Amber started this whole ball rolling,” he corrected automatically. Suddenly, a lot of things made sense. “You blame yourself for our being together.”

She winced. “It sounds stupid said aloud, I know, but part of me feels guilty as though everything that’s happened since that night is my fault.”

Max could only shake his head in wonder at the complexity of the female mind. “Let’s get a few things straight. You might have made the suggestion, but I’m the one who jumped on it. If we had the power to go back in time and do the whole thing over again—Amber, Phillip, the rest—I wouldn’t change a thing. Not if it meant I’d lose you.”

He frowned, reconsidered, then corrected, “Well, I would change one thing if I could. This baby would be mine.” He laid his hand on the slight swell of her belly.

Cassidy squirmed on his lap and his body hardened in response. She caught her breath as she felt his reaction. “Max, let me up. I can’t think when you’re this close. I really did ask you over to talk.”

Max wasn’t sure he wanted her thinking clearly. “We’re talking,” he protested, but allowed her to shift to the sofa. He planted his hand on her thigh to keep her from going too far.

She twisted to face him, bringing the leg he had his hand on up on the cushion between them. “Your mother said—”

“I know what she said.” When she glanced askance at him, he said, “Nicco told me. I wish it had been you, but once I knew what kind of guilt trip she’d laid I understood. You know, you should consider converting to Catholicism. You have the requisite guilt complex already.”

Her jaw dropped and she punched him lightly in the chest. “That’s a horrible thing to say.”

Maybe, but it was true. “You let me worry about my soul and my family. Momma was wrong, interfering the way she did. I’ll be having a long talk with her about it.” Max pressed a finger to her lips, halting the protest he saw forming. “You heart is a lot softer than mine, so of course you don’t agree. I’ll deal with my mother and I’m apologizing now for my family’s behavior. I knew they’d be a little distant. I didn’t expect them to be downright rude. You are my choice. If they don’t like it, too bad.”

Slowly, he lowered his finger. Cassidy remained silent, though her eyes were stormy with emotion. They were making progress.

After a long silence in which Max could almost see the wheels in Cassidy’s head turning, she quietly asked, “What else did Nicco say?”

“A lot.” When she frowned he added, “All of it on your behalf. He basically told me to get my head out of my ass. Then your friend, Erika, followed that up with a threat of what she’d do to my person if I hurt you.”

Cassidy’s brows drew together in confusion. “When did you talk with Erika?”

“I went to her house, looking for you. After leaving Nicco’s I went home and discovered you’d left. You weren’t answering your phone. I got in my car and came here to find the apartment empty. So I went searching for you.”

She stared at her foot, poking at the sexy red polish on one toenail with her short blunt fingernail. “When you first stormed out, I sat there wondering what hit me. Then I got pissed.” Cassidy glanced up at him, eyes narrowed with what he hoped was residual anger. “All of it wasn’t you. I know that now. I was still furious from my meeting with Phillip. I think you got the overflow. I grabbed all my stuff, threw it in the car, and left Philly.”

He hadn’t been home since that night and hadn’t noticed she’d taken her things. Since she’d mentioned Phillip, now seemed like a good time to probe. “Erika said Phillip threatened you…?”

Obviously caught off guard, she blinked owlishly at him. “What did she say?” she asked guardedly.

Oh no you don’t, he thought grimly. Max wasn’t going to give her a chance to evade or deflect. “I’d rather hear it from you,” he said.

Cassidy sighed again. She straightened the leg on the couch so both legs were stretched out before her. Then she drew up her knees and rested her chin on them. Her arms she wrapped around her legs. The image she presented was of a woman closed in on herself. Max didn’t like it.

“I tried to keep you out of it as much as possible. You already had your own issues with Phillip after the Amber incident. Besides, Phillip is something I need to handle myself.” She cut her gaze toward him. “You understand?”

He nodded. Yeah, he understood pride.

She told him about the “significant changes” Phillip had said he might find necessary to fight for should he be forced to accept their divorce as inevitable. “I was livid and scared when Chris, my lawyer, said he could possibly win.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, furious on her behalf.

She arched a brow. “Your reaction now is one reason. Besides, what could you do that wasn’t already being done?”

Max assumed she meant legally as he was entertaining quite a few thoughts that weren’t.

“Until Phillip officially responded to the summons, anything he said was speculation and conjecture meant to scare me into giving into his demands. I told my lawyer so she could be prepared if things went south.”

Max considered, remembering. “That’s why your hours at work changed.”

Cassidy twisted her lips to one side. “That’s part of the reason. My elevated blood pressure was the main one. Phillip was right about one thing. Doctors do have a higher rate of miscarriage because of the long hours we work on our feet.”

He stroked her cheek and inwardly added that to the list of things he worried about. “You were under all that pressure and then I dumped my crap on you too. All I can say is I’m sorry. A part of me has been worried since the beginning Phillip would somehow convince you to change your mind and you’d leave me to go back to him.”

“The way I did before?” she asked quietly but not, he was happy to note, angrily. Cassidy appeared to understand his fear.

“Yeah, something like that,” he admitted.

Cassidy exhaled heavily. “While I kept waiting for you to decide being with me was too much trouble and walk away. It scared me.”

Max stared at her. He should have realized. She’d as good as said she thought she was a rebound from Amber. He pulled her close. “Cassidy, I never felt for Amber even a tenth of the love I have for you. I think she simply came along at the right time. I was tired of playing the field and was ready for a family of my own. My friends were all married or engaged. It was time and she seemed like a good candidate. While I’m sorry for the pain she caused you, she actually did me a favor.”

“But you loved her,” Cassidy said.

“I loved her, but I realized I wasn’t in love with her. I was comfortable with Amber. We got along well and the sex was good. I thought it was more, but once I got over the shock of her betrayal, I realized my mistake. Truth be told, Phillip’s betrayal cut more than Amber’s.” Max hoped Cassidy not only understood what he was saying, but believed him.

“I was devastated,” Cassidy said. “And I felt like a fool. We’d been through counseling and I’d thought… Well, you know what I believed. Then the biggest blow came when I got home.” She told him about the computer and what she’d found. Then she told him some of what her and Phillip’s sex life had been like.

Her revelations blew him away. He’d known some of it from comments Phillip had made. Had guessed more from things Cassidy had let slip, but he’d have never guessed his former best friend had been so crazed.

“His constant demands for more was slowly destroying me. I loved him, wanted to try and work things out, but at what cost? I’m not sure, even if the Amber incident hadn’t occurred, how much longer we could have continued. Our sexual incompatibility was like a cancer, eating away at our relationship,” she confessed.

Max pulled her into his arms. “Phillip’s a fool. You’re the sexiest, most exciting woman I know. Ten, twenty, hell, fifty years from now I still wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you. I see you and get hard. You smile at me and I want to strip you naked.”

He kissed her, proving his point. They were both breathless when they parted and Cassidy was half on his lap. Max pressed her close and she rested her head on his chest. “I wish you’d have told me this sooner. It would have saved me a lot of troubled nights.”

She brought a hand up and laid it against his heart. “Sex is private. Even though Phillip and I are no longer together, I believe some things shouldn’t be open for discussion with those not involved,” she said, her tone defensive.

“So…you don’t discuss our sex life with Erika?” he asked, not believing it for a moment. Those two discussed everything.

She gasped indignantly. “No!” A brief pause. “Well…”

Intrigued, Max tilted her chin so he could see her face. She was blushing. Grinning devilishly he demanded, “Tell!”

She wiggled some. He figured it was a combination of guilt and embarrassment. Knew it for certain when she bit her lower lip. “I sort of mentioned our first night together…in a roundabout way, on the drive to Atlantic City.”

Now he was really curious. At that point, neither of them were thinking about a relationship with the other. “What did you say?”

“I asked Erika if…” She paused and the flush darkened. “I asked if it were possible to only be friends with a man who’d given you…” She cleared her throat. “…mind-blowing, back- clawing, screaming orgasms.”

Max laughed. He couldn’t help it. His ego had just gotten a healthy boost. For him that night had been life-altering. He was glad to see he hadn’t been the only one affected.

Cassidy rushed into speech. “You’d just come by the apartment to pick up the key. It was the first time I’d seen you since we parted and I was so
aware
of you. It disturbed me.”

Max hugged her tight, still chuckling. He’d been aware of her that day as well. He’d wanted to kiss her. Lay her on that brand-new mattress in her room and see if his memory of that night had been accurate. He couldn’t then—didn’t have the right—but he could now.

He tilted her back and kissed her. It quickly became heated. When it ended, they were both sprawled on the couch with him in his favorite position, on top of Cassidy. Max was ready to skip the discussion and go straight for the make-up sex. They’d survived their first fight and come out stronger for it.

“I love you.” Max waited for her response.

She cupped his cheeks and gazed solemnly into his eyes. “I’m a married woman, Max.”

“I know,” he said patiently. “It doesn’t change how I feel and I’d like, just once, to hear the words from you. I know you love me, Cassidy,” he said when she remained quiet. “I can see it, feel it, taste it, touch it. I’d like to also hear it.” He held her gaze, allowing no retreat.

Cassidy closed her eyes and when she reopened them, they sparkled with unshed tears. “I love you, Max Desalvo.”

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Her words lit a fire inside him that would never be quenched. Groaning, Max covered Cassidy’s mouth with his, pressing her deeper into the couch. He wanted inside of her now. Max sat up and tugged off his tie. The shirt and undershirt quickly followed. “Marry me. I’m willing to wait however long it takes for your divorce to be final.”

Cassidy pushed at his chest, silently demanding he let her up. As soon as she was free, she got up from the couch and walked to the window. Max didn’t understand the sudden tension in her. Hell, this wasn’t the first time he’d mentioned commitment. They loved each other. Marriage was a natural progression.

“I’m not,” she said determinedly. “It’s why I went to see Phillip, to try and convince him to give in and sign the papers. He wouldn’t budge. Instead he offered me a deal.”

Max rose to his feet. “What kind of deal?” he asked warily.

She told him.

“You’re considering it,” he said flatly, a cold hard fist in his stomach again.

Cassidy made a motion with her hand. “Not at first, no. In fact, I went to Nell hoping she’d talk some sense into Philip.” Now she faced him. “After speaking with her, I now know Phillip will never accept our divorce. Even if I wait two years, at the end of it he’ll still fight me. Drag it out for as long as possible.”

Max wanted to deny the implications of what she was saying, but… “You’re going to accept, even if it means losing me.”

She took a step toward him, her hand outstretched. Then Cassidy stopped and dropped it. “I want out of this marriage and I don’t want to wait two or more years to be free. I can beat him at this. More, I need to. I need to prove to Phillip, to you—”

“Me?” What the hell did she have to prove to him?

“…but most of all myself that this time is different. This time I won’t forgive him no matter how much counseling we have. And if, in the process, I lose you…” She took a deep, shuddery breath. “Maybe we weren’t meat to be together after all.”

Max spun away from her and took a few steps to put distance between them. How could she say “I love you” in one breath and causally mention returning to her husband in the next? 

“My father said because of the way we came together, there is a part of you that will never fully trust me. A part that will always question my feelings toward Phillip. Always be jealous of our former relationship. He said the baby and the bond it will create between Phillip and I will only make things worse as time goes by,” she continued, speaking to his back.

“It was also mentioned that because we hadn’t given ourselves time to heal, there would always be a layer of uncertainty between us. A weakness, if you will, in the foundation of our relationship.”

Max wanted to yell at her, argue with her that she was wrong. They were good together and only getting better. But, the hell of it was, he had a strong suspicion her father was right. Look at how he’d blown up at her being alone with Phillip a few hours in their former home. Because of the child, Phillip would never completely be out of his and Cassidy’s life. How long would he be able to deal with the jealousy, the knowledge Phillip was always in the background, actively trying to win Cassidy? How long before the strain of it caused him to do something stupid again?

“Let’s say, just for conversation’s sake, I agree with you. What did you have in mind?” He kept his back to her, not able to look at her just now.