Beyond the Power of Your Subconscious Mind (19 page)

7. Animals pick up your fear vibrations and snap at you. If you love animals, they will never attack you. Many undisciplined human beings are just as sensitive as dogs, cats, and other animals.

8. Your inner speech, representing your silent thoughts and feelings, is experienced in the reactions of others toward you.

9. Wish for the other what you wish for yourself. This is the key to harmonious human relations.

10. The other person cannot annoy you or irritate you unless you permit him. Your thought is creative; you can bless him.

11. Love is the answer to getting along with others. Love is understanding, good will, and respecting the other.

12. Rejoice in the success, promotion, and good fortune of the other. In doing so, you attract good fortune to yourself.

13. All you owe any person in the world is love, and love is wishing for everyone what you wish for yourself—health, happiness, and all the blessings of life.

Non-Judment Day Is Near

How many of us like to be judged? I don’t, and I assume you do not, either.

People don’t like to be judged—especially prejudged. We seek first to be understood. With understanding we hope to become appreciated, valued, and ultimately loved. But, not judged.

Recently, I read a short page in a HeartMath newsletter written by staff member, Kim Allen. Kim wrote:

A college friend of mine used to believe the small peephole in our sorority house front door was put there for blind dates. She’d look through the small hole and immediately decide whether or not the rest of the evening would be worth her time.

On a few occasions, rather than open the door for a full view, she’d let the prejudged and unsuspecting young man walk away believing no one was home.

Most of us would rather not be on the receiving end of a judgment because we don’t like the way it feels. Yet how often do we see others through self-imposed peepholes? We rarely consider that the act of judging or blaming someone else can have the same ill effects on the transmitter as it has on the receiver: stress.

The other night my wife and I went to one of our favorite Seattle restaurants. This restaurant is located across the street from the hotel we have stayed at for the past 13 years prior to moving back to Seattle in 2006. Over the years we have come to know the staff of this restaurant. Their consistent, warm greetings and remembering of our names always make us feel welcome and appreciated.

One of the managers, however, (whom I will call “Tommy”) always seemed to be ambivalent about our arrival and never greeted us or acknowledged our presence. I developed the feeling he didn’t really care if we patronized his establishment or not. Over several years I began to feel he either didn’t like us or he was just cold and unfriendly. The latter seemed inconsistent with his friendly and upbeat staff.

This particular evening we arrived early, before the dinner crowd, and took a seat in one of the booths in the nearly empty bar. After Tommy had made three or four passes by our booth without saying hello or acknowledging us, I decided to confront him to see if there was something we might have said or done at one time that upset him. So, on his next pass I said, “Tommy, could you sit down and join us for a few minutes?” He sat down next to me and across from my wife.

I then said, “Tommy, as you know, Jeri and I have been coming here for over 20 years. We congratulate you on the development and retention of such a friendly and capable staff. But, I have a question. You never greet us or say hello, and I have developed the feeling you would just as soon we not even visit you. I simply want to know if I have said something or done something that may have upset you. And, if so, I would like to clear things up.”

After a pause, Tommy turned toward me with a big smile and said, “Jim, there is something you don’t know about me. I am legally blind. I don’t even see you (or anyone else) when you come in here and if I don’t recognize your “voice print,” I have no way of knowing you are here.”

It was my turn to pause. I then started laughing and said, “That is the greatest story I have heard. Tommy, I have been prejudging you for some time based on totally erroneous data and input from my own conscious mind. In fact, you have inspired me to include this story in my book.” We all had a good laugh, which resulted in a love-in.

Now when we visit the restaurant and see Tommy, I go out of my way to go to him and say, “Hey Tommy, it’s Jim and Jeri. How are things going?” And, we always have a fun and friendly chat.

Judgment: It made me introspectively ask myself the question, how often have I been quick to arrive at a conclusion with very limited or false information. And, almost every time I have done so my conclusions and opinions end up being wrong.

As Kim Allen concludes:

One of the quickest ways to eliminate judgments and blame is sincere appreciation. Like other positive emotional states, appreciation improves human performance, including the way the brain processes information. It allows the cortical facilitation and the ability to see situations, and others, from a broader perspective.

So the next time you find yourself rushing to a judgment, open the door. Find something to appreciate instead. You’ll feel better. More importantly, you’ll start to see others, and the situation, in a completely different light.

Thank you, Kim. Non judgment day is near.

18

From Me to We: Principles
of Enlightened Leadership

Have you ever wondered how some people seem to like almost everyone while others are often grouchy and constantly critical of every little thing?

Recently, I attended the Seattle Seahawks-St. Louis Rams football game, which Seattle won, giving them the Division Championship. I haven’t met the Seahawks head coach, Pete Carroll, but I have great admiration for his consistent, upbeat attitude. He just seems to always be positive and expects positive outcomes. Having participated in team sports, I have always thought Coach Carroll would be a fun coach to play for.

In the world of business, much has been written about corporate cultures and the impact they can have (positive or negative) on a company’s success. I have been blessed to have been part of the management of companies where the leadership was trained to “catch an employee” doing something right (rather than wrong), and then reinforcing such behavior with praise and positive reinforcement.

These are fun companies to work for where, management is constantly acknowledging the members in their work unit for all their positive, successful results. It doesn’t mean that mistakes don’t occur or that there is never constructive criticism. And, in some cases an employee may need to be replaced. It simply means the general atmosphere within the work place is very positive. In these environments, work becomes fun.

The reputation of companies who place high value on the quality of their employees, and a work place that fosters personal growth in addition to employee training, also attracts employees with high self esteem. People much prefer being valued and appreciated as opposed to being criticized and denigrated. The same is true outside the work place.

Some managers just seem to get up on the wrong side of the bed every morning and come to work with an attitude of trying to catch people doing things wrong so they can be reprimanded and “put in their place.” Managers with such attitudes usually have a low self concept, and their M.O. is to try to make themselves look important by putting others down. Then they wonder why they just can’t find “good people” to work for their company. Only people with low self concepts would subject themselves to working in such a negative environment. And for them, it’s only about receiving a pay check. “Fun” is what happens away from work. Unfortunately, the same people who manage their companies with such negative attitudes often manage their families and personal friendships with the same arrogance and disrespect.

The best leaders I know have excellent human relations skills. They genuinely like people. It is their
attitude
, and attitudes are all a matter of personal choice. So, why wouldn’t we choose to value high human relations skills? Life becomes so much more fun and things come together more effortlessly because good teams are the result of shared visions, with each team member embracing both their individual goals as well as the goals of their fellow teammates.

Two excellent affirmations to help develop a high sense of human relations are:

“I have unconditional warm regards for all people at all times.”

and,

“I am truly self determined and allow others the same right!”

In the first affirmation, the word “all” is used for emphasis. Certainly we would not have “warm regards” for a psychopath or someone who caused us great harm.

The most important words in the second affirmation are, “and allow others the same right!” Many people are self determined, but don’t allow others the same right. These people tend to be consistently disagreeable. When we “allow others the same right,” we can agree to disagree without becoming disagreeable.

Having a personal goal to develop great human relations is a very worthy goal and will add greatly to the value of those lives who embrace such a tenet.

Leaders of companies and organizations, who have great human relations skills, truly value and like their employees. not just as employees but as people.

I haven’t met Tony Hsieh, the CEO of Zappos, but I was very inspired reading his book,
Delivering Happiness
.* Although birthed as a customer experience, Tony and his team extended Delivering Happiness to the employees, their families, vendors, shareholders and everyone Zappos has the opportunity to touch. Tony really gets it! (I highly recommend his book.)

These kinds of “new age” management styles and corporate cultures were not a subject of much discussion within companies 50 years ago. Most management styles were traditional, managed from the top down, and had little interest or patience in hearing ideas or receiving input from the workforce. This attitude fostered the rapid growth of labor unions. The organizational hierarchy was sacrosanct and most employees lived in fear of upsetting the “boss.”

In today’s successful organizations that have transcended the old style management paradigm, there is an almost inverted pyramid where enlightened leaders understand the value and importance of “working for” those who “report to” them. They are constantly receiving input and feedback from their employees, so they can better understand the problems and issues one might be challenged with to be more productive in his work. The leader sees his/her role as helping to eliminate barriers and obstacles to heightened performance.

Let me share a model that differentiates why people may have sought positions of leadership in the past compared to what is evolving in 21st century leadership.

Many books have been written about organizational development and management structure and style. For a moment, reflect that in the year 1900 over 90% of the workforce in the United States was in agriculture. They were mostly male farmers. The industrial revolution was just beginning to birth. Within 15 years the young men of that same class were enlisting or being drafted into the armed services to serve in World War I. For many, the armed services was their first “model” of management.

By necessity, this was a top-down model. In order for things to work there had to be clear understanding of rank. One was taught to respect the uniform (title) as much as the person who wore it. Again, completely understandable (and appreciated). When under enemy fire, it was not a consideration to build “consensus thinking” or “survey the employees” to get their input and ideas. We won the war largely because of very strong leadership, great strategic planning at the top, and a military who followed orders as directed.

So, what is the relevance here to organizational development?

When our soldiers returned home, there was a great migration of families moving from the farmlands to the big cities. It was easy for these young men to slide into companies and corporations who had similar management structures. Even language learned in the military became common within the workplace, such as:

•
“We’re under the gun to get this done.”

•
“We’re on the firing line to achieve our quota.”

•
“Make sure you’re well armed when you attend that meeting.”

•
“We need to attack our competition with full force. They are the enemy!”

•
“This is not the time to retreat.”

•
And, “You’re fired!”

•
Etc., etc., etc.

The primary motivations for people to become leaders in the old management paradigm were to have personal power, to control others, and to be served by the workforce. Communication was strictly top down. Titles were very important and God forbid you should question a person of higher authority.

“Jensen, you don’t talk to vice presidents that way!” It was not uncommon for bosses to strut their power by dressing down an underling with a loud voice in the presence of fellow workers. Human Resource departments and notions of harassment didn’t exist.

The primary mood within the company was fear-based. Fear that you might do or say the wrong thing that could lead to your getting fired. The environment was suppressive. And, beneath the external veneer of the macho boss was a person also driven by fear and doubt. Fear of failure and fear of others learning of his own insecurities and doubts as to whether he really had the “right stuff” to succeed.