Bind Me Before You Go (Entangled Brazen) (Serve) (12 page)

David flinched as she said “I love you,” and she bit hard into her bottom lip in order to quell the rising cries in her throat from surfacing.

The social worker part of her was proud of herself for being vulnerable, for taking a chance on love. The street-smart part wanted to smack the social worker—and all the other parts of her psyche—on the side of the head for letting a guy into her heart in the first place.

But she couldn’t help it. He’d helped her find her true self, the part she’d repressed yet always longed to set free.

He took a couple of steps, getting right into her face, their noses almost touching. She squared her shoulders and raised her chin in an attempt to ready herself for whatever else he was going to lay on her. Because she recognized that steely determination in his eyes. Before, he’d been strong for her. And now, though it took everything she had, she would make one last, desperate gamble by being strong for him.

“Go home, Cassidy.”

“Don’t send me away. Please…” Goddamn, she was
actually
begging him. She didn’t know why she bothered, because she could tell by the resigned look on his face that he was already gone.

“Listen, it’s been a lot of fun, but I’m sorry. I just don’t love you.”

That was it. The final nail driven deep.

It didn’t matter whether he meant it or not. Whether he felt the love for her that she felt for him. The fact that he was in a place where he’d tell her he didn’t love her meant this was wrong. All wrong.

She pressed her lips together. Hard. Anything to not lose it in front of him. To not break down, collapse in a puddle on his doorstep, spineless.

Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Standing there, watching him see through her, turned her bones to ash and her heart into an open wound.

“It’s done then,” she told him, her voice so small, back to the tiny thing she’d originally come to him with two weeks ago. “I’m gone, okay?” For a second, she thought she saw a flash of pain run across his face. “Take care of yourself.”

She turned and walked away. Not looking back. Not knowing how she managed to put one foot in front of the other when the very ground beneath her was crumbling into dust.

Chapter Twelve

“Never thought I’d say this to you, of all people, but you are one Grade A fucking asshole.”

David knew he shouldn’t have opened the door for Leo, especially since he was about to leave for an overseas assignment, one that would be particularly risky, as well as long. He’d be gone for a month—and that was only if everything went according to plan.

It was a job he originally was going to refer to another security group, but after breaking up with Cassidy, he desperately needed to get away. A distraction. Hostile insurgents, flying bullets, a mission so dangerous and politically explosive that his own government had been afraid to touch it, thus hired his team to handle it instead. Anything to try to expunge that look on her face when he lied and told her he didn’t love her.

“Nice to see you, too,” he answered, only mildly surprised when Leo barged forward into his place. “Come on in. Make yourself at home, why don’t you?”

Not that he expected Leo to wait for an invitation, but he was surprised that he stalked past the foyer, looking madder than David had ever seen him.

“Man, if you came here to hassle me about Cassidy, I don’t want to hear it.”

Leo dropped his arms and rested his hands on his hips. He was shaking his head, almost wide-eyed. “Just tell me why, man. That woman was made for you and you threw her away. I don’t get it.”

David brushed past him, bumping his shoulder on the way. He wasn’t trying to be a dick, but talking about Cassidy made that permanent burn he had going in his gut ache even more. He went straight for the whiskey, poured himself two fingers’ worth, and downed most of it in one shot. Without looking away from the rim of his glass, he answered his buddy.

“Leo, man, you
know
why I did what I did. I know she’s upset now, but trust me. Someday, she’s going to meet someone else and get married and have lots of schizophrenic-free babies, and I’ll be just a memory. I won’t be the one who got away. I’ll be the disaster she narrowly avoided.”

Leo leaned his hip against the kitchen island, nodding while scratching his chin. “Yeah, man. You’re right. Cassidy can definitely do better than you. Good thing you decided that for her. Being the independent woman that she is, practically raising herself and coming out shining like a diamond after growing up in filth, it’s a damn good thing you’re looking out for her. She’ll appreciate that in time.”

David gave a glare that might as well have shot daggers straight through Leo. “I know what you’re doing, and it ain’t gonna work. So leave it alone.”

He put both of his palms up in surrender, “Hey, no problem! Consider the subject dropped. I don’t know why I even brought it up.”

“Good,” he spat. “I’m glad we understand each other.” He drank the last of the whiskey in his glass and wiped his lips with the back of his hand.

“Yep, we do. And just as well. Cassidy has moved on, too. Or is about to. She finally came in for her interview.”

He lowered his head. “Did she?”

“Yep. And I let her know yesterday she’s been accepted as a member.”

He’d known something like this would happen. Of course she’d moved on. He just hadn’t expected it would be at Serve.

At least it wasn’t likely he’d see her again, not when he was leaving for a new mission so soon. Hell, if he had his way, he’d stay on missions from now on. No time off. No vacation.

“Fine,” David said.

“She’s already got her first scene set up. I think she’s meeting with Ethan tonight. It’ll be their first time together.”

His head snapped up. “What the
fuck
did you just say? Ethan? Ethan Price from the
club
?”

“Oh that’s right,” Leo drew out, enjoying playing his friend like a fiddle. “I forgot. You haven’t been coming to Serve.”

“Cut the shit and tell me what you know.” It felt like his blood was boiling, through his veins, under his skin.

“I don’t know if Ethan’s going to be her Dom or if they’re going to go for the mutual Shibari sharing thing you two did,” Leo said while rubbing his neck and chin, as if deep in thought. “But she asked me to pair her up with a man who’s capable of teaching her the whole nine. In the private rooms.” Leo gave him an apologetic shrug. “Sorry I don’t know more, man.”

David’s chest felt heavy. Constricted. And his hands felt like they were on fire. “I need to hit something,” he said.

“Hit yourself, you big idiot,” Leo said.

David leaned his hands on his knees and fought to catch his breath. If Ethan Price had been standing there, he would have hit him. Knocked him to the ground like a caveman defending his territory. And then he’d have taken back his woman.

Except she wasn’t his woman. He had no claim over her. He’d made sure of that when he’d told her he didn’t love her. But the truth hit him like a punch in the gut. He did love her. And the words, once realized, were waiting to explode out of him.

He slowly stood up.

Leo clapped him on the shoulder. “You ready to win back your woman?”

He looked away from his friend, out the window. The city of Brooklyn in his view. His birthplace. The city he expected to die in. Did he expect to live this life alone? Did his brother’s illness have to be his mark of Cain for the rest of his life?

Cassidy hadn’t even
blinked
when Dante had come at her with that trash mouth of his, spouting his whack conspiracy theories. Then she’d really showed where she was at by telling him she loved him.

“She’s the bravest person I’ve ever known,” David said. “She makes me and my men look like a bunch of cowards. I don’t know if I’m worthy of that kind of woman.”

“Why don’t you let her be the judge of who’s worthy of her? You taught her to claim what she wants. Let her decide if that should be you.”

He grabbed his motorcycle jacket and headed outside, but he stopped at the door. “I’m not gonna survive if she doesn’t want me.”

“No guarantees out here in this mortal coil, my brother. Gotta take whatever sweet we can and savor it. Suck out the marrow. Take in lungs full of clean air when we find it.”

He nodded, went outside, and climbed on his motorcycle.

“Hold on!” Leo said. He rushed over and got on the back of the bike.

“You’re coming?”

“Are you shitting me? This is your big movie moment. I wouldn’t miss it for the end of the world.”

David handed him the second helmet. “Then you better hold on.”

A normal ride to the club took twenty minutes. He planned to be there in ten.

…

It was a Saturday night at Serve, which meant the club was especially packed. Wall to wall people of all shapes, colors, and spectrums of sexual proclivities.

David was ready to rip through the crowd, but he kept it together. Just barely.

Leo had asked around when they first arrived and found out that Ethan was in one of the private rooms upstairs. The top floor, to be more specific, which was significant because, at Serve, the higher the floor, the more intense and risky the play.

“Be cool, man,” Leo warned as they got on the elevator. “Remember, you let
her
go. You’ve got to win her back, and pummeling Ethan into a bloody pulp won’t get you to your goal.”

He gave a curt nod as his only response. They rode up the elevator and got out.

“Leo, I think this is where I have to finish this on my own.”

“I know. I’ll be right here, waiting, no matter how it goes.”

Then David walked down the longest hall of his life.

What was he was going to say to her? He didn’t want to talk. No, all he wanted was to shove his fingers through the golden honey halo of her hair and pull it back, expose her neck, and run his lips and tongue down the column of her throat.

By the time he pounded on the door, the pull in his dick was so strong he thought he’d pass out just from the sight of her. He waited for the door to open, clenching and unclenching his fists, trying to shake off some of the adrenaline.

Then the door swung open, and it was a good thing David had taken a moment to collect himself, because he had been expecting that prick Ethan to open the door. He had mentally prepared himself to see his Cassidy all tied up in someone else’s ropes.

Instead, it was her. Cassidy was standing right there. And son of a bitch, Ethan was behind her, a set of ropes in his hands. And she wasn’t in one of her lingerie outfits. She was in jean shorts and a fitted T-shirt.

Just what the hell kind of scene was this, where Cassidy was still wearing her clothes?

“Tell me I’m hallucinating right now,” she asked, going from flummoxed to pissed off in about three seconds.

“I don’t understand,” David said. “What are you doing?”

She glared at him. “You’re not supposed to be here. What are you doing here?”

Ethan dropped the ropes and came toward her. “Is this okay?” he said.

She held up her hand. “It’s fine.” Then she turned back to David. “He’s instructing me on the correct ways to conduct a scene and help people open up to me. The way you helped me open up to you. Not that I owe
you
”—she pointed her finger into David’s chest—“any kind of explanation.”

God, she was even prettier than he remembered, and he had a very good fucking memory. Okay, so she was angry, but he’d expected that.

“No,” he said. “You don’t owe me anything. But I do owe you something.”

“I don’t want it. You don’t…” Her voice cracked, and she swallowed. “You don’t love me. So why are you even here?”

Seeing that hurt in her gorgeous green eyes just about slayed him. He tried to reach for her, but she took a step back from him, which cut him even further.

“I’m here to make things right. I fucked up.”

She brought the heels of her palms to her eyes, then glared at him. He’d expected tears from her, some sign of what she felt for him. Not this cold stare.

Ethan came over to her and touched her arm.

“Do you want me to kick him out?” He eyed David one more time, as if saying,
Try me, I dare ya
.

David’s jaw muscles twitched, but to be fair, he’d have done the same in Ethan’s position. If anyone hurt Cassidy, he’d have their ass handed to them. Hell, just knowing
he’d
hurt Cassidy tore him up with guilt. He wasn’t good enough to breathe her air, but he knew he’d spend the rest of his life working to earn the right to love her the way she deserved.

“No,” Cassidy said. “I can take care of this.”

“Okay.” Ethan glared at him. “Take better care of what’s yours, Cavill, and there won’t be a problem. Fuck up again and you’ve got no say.”

The prick was right and they both knew it.

“Neither of you has a goddamn say, do you hear me?” Cassidy said.

David shared a glance with Ethan, and then said, “You’re right. What do
you
want, Cass? If you want me to leave, just say the word. But please, don’t tell me to go until you’ve had a chance to listen to me.”

Ethan raised his eyebrows, then rubbed Cassidy’s shoulder. “I can see why you wouldn’t stop talking about him,” he said. “You’ve still got the room for another ninety minutes. More than enough time to make him work for it.”

David would have laughed if so much weren’t at stake.

After a moment, Cassidy gave a short nod.

“Okay,” Ethan said. He gave David one final look, then left them and closed the door.

Once David heard the click of the latch, he turned and caught a glimpse of the hurt in Cassidy’s eyes before she schooled her expression back to a blank version of herself.

He didn’t like that. He didn’t like it at all. After everything he’d done to help her break down her walls, he’d hurt her enough for them to be right back up again.

“
Don’t
shut down on me,” he quietly pleaded as he stepped forward, into her space.

She backed away again, denying him her warmth, even her scent. With her close but out of reach, he felt the hole she’d left. Was this what everyone meant when they talked about true love? How could he have ever thought he could live without this woman?

“If you care about me at all,” she whispered, looking down at the ground, “then please don’t do this to me.”

He cupped her chin with his hand and lifted it, making her meet his gaze. “What do you think I’m here to do?”

She blew out an exasperated breath. “Look, I know you’re about to leave town for this job. So you probably figure it’s okay to hook back up with me one last time. But I can’t do that. I can’t be your girlfriend of convenience, one you can toss aside when you’re done. I won’t be treated like some cheap fuck.” She finally looked at him, her eyes begging. “I won’t survive that. So if you care about me at all, then just go. Okay?”

“You’re not a girlfriend of convenience.” He swallowed. “You’re not just some cheap fuck.”

“Then what do you want me to be?” She looked him in the eyes. “This is your last chance. Tell me.”

He couldn’t take it anymore—her pain, the sorrow he’d laid on her doorstep.

“Oh, Cassidy,” he said. “Don’t you know? I want
you
.”

She walked forward and placed her hands on his chest, at first tender, but then she pounded her fists against him. “That’s not fair. Not after everything else you said.”

He took every impact she made against his chest. He deserved each blow. Every single one.

“What will it take for you to trust me again?” he asked. “To believe in me? In us?”

She pushed him back a step, then looked at him, as though she was building her courage. “Will you do anything I ask?”