Bird Song (16 page)

“What is it about him, Grace?
 
Can you tell me so that I can understand?
 
I’m not jealous—really, I’m not.
 
I just want to know what makes him so damn special.”

I looked at my friend, and I did what any friend would do in that situation.
 
I lied.

“Graham, there’s nothing special about him, really.
 
He’s the new guy—he has that air of mystery around him because of where he comes from, but he’s just like everyone else.”

It hurt to do it.
 
It physically hurt, and I knew it was because I had never done it before—not when I knew that the truth was what he was seeking, and not some generic answer to a rhetorical question.
 
He wanted answers because he was hurting, he was angry, and above all else, he was feeling very alone.
 
And yet, when he needed me to be his friend, the kind of friend I wanted to be…I chose loyalty to Robert instead.

I had to look away, and waited for his response.
 
When none came, I knew that something had changed between us—he knew I was lying, knew that I had chosen.
 

With a large sigh, he finally spoke, his voice straining against the bitter sting of what I could only guess was betrayal.
 
“I think that if I had been able to ask Lark out, we would have ended up just like you and Robert; defensive and protective of each other, no matter the cost.
 
I’ve already made one stupid mistake.
 
I’m not about to make another one.”

That hurt.
 
It hurt and he knew it did—he wanted it to.
 
He didn’t understand why I couldn’t tell him the truth—not that I could have explained it anyway—and so he was lashing out.

“I think I’ll head back to the house now.
 
I’ll see you there, Grace,” he finally said in a rough voice.
 
He coughed, and I looked up to see Robert approaching us, his tie in his hand, and a sad, half-smile on his face.

I whispered a faint goodbye as Graham stalked off, not knowing whether or not he had heard me, just knowing that he couldn’t stand to be around me at that moment, and all those emotions that I had thought I was incapable of feeling again started to crawl their way back into my heart.

Sensing the emotion-induced paralysis that I was slowly succumbing to, Robert helped me to stand and supported me as we walked out of the theater.
 
I felt him in my head, sifting through the many thoughts that I had jumbled up in there, wading through the nonsense and the empty pockets to find what he was looking for.

“Grace—you shouldn’t have lied to him for me.
 
Whatever I am to you, whatever you are to me, it doesn’t change the fact that Graham is your best friend, and you should be honest with him.”

I stopped walking, and looked up at him.
 
We were in the parking lot of the theater, his bike only a few feet away from us.
 
“I shouldn’t have lied to him?
 
What was I supposed to say, Robert?
 
‘Sorry, Graham, the reason you aren’t the most popular boy in Heath anymore is because Robert isn’t human—he’s the grim reaper’?”

Robert looked around us, checking to see if anyone heard what I had just announced, and he shook his head.
 
“No.
 
You know that’s not what I meant.”

Exasperated, I threw my hands up, my words coming out in great huffs of impatience and anger.
 
“Well what do you mean then?
 
That I tell him you’re an angel?
 
That you have wings and can fly?
 
How about I tell him that you can read minds, and that you can also make people do things, alter their thoughts so that they bend to your will—is that what you meant?”

In the pale phosphorescence of the parking lot lamps, I could barely make out the slight glow that radiated out from his skin.
 
I say glow, but the mood he was in caused his glow to look more like a shadow that enveloped him—my heart started racing.

“Grace, you’re being ridiculous and you know it.
 
You should have told him that you couldn’t tell him the truth—it would have hurt a lot less than lying to him did.
 
He knows you, Grace—you’ve never lied to him before.
 
Being with me has turned you into a liar…”

Few things escape me—of this I am quite certain—but when I first saw the darkness that was Robert’s glow, I was sure that he was angry at me for my outburst.
 
Instead, I now realized that he wasn’t angry at me; he was angry at himself.

“Robert,” I began, trying to think of a way to say what I felt without him hearing the thoughts first, not wanting to be redundant.
 
“You’re under the impression that you’re to blame for what I did.
 
You’re not.
 
I lied to protect more than just your secret.
 
I also lied to protect Lark’s, and mine.
 
And I did it for Graham, too.
 
He deserves the truth, but he can’t handle it right now.
 
I don’t know when he might be able to, but I know that telling him now wouldn’t help anyone out, least of all him.”

The frigid silence that separated Robert and I felt like it was clawing at me to say something, but I waited.

“Grace, you’ve been lying for us—because of us.
 
This isn’t a life meant for you-”

“What do you mean by that?” I interrupted.
 
“What life am I meant for if it’s not this one?”

“I don’t want to have this conversation here, Grace.
 
Get on the bike.
 
I’ll take you home.”

Knowing that the conversation wasn’t going to proceed any further, I capitulated and headed towards the motorcycle, Robert following me sulkily.
 
It had been a few months since I had ridden on it but my legs’ memory was very good, and the resulting hesitation was causing them to tremble.

Sensing my fear, Robert lifted me effortlessly onto the seat, situating himself in front of me with blinding speed, and then turned the key to start the monster up.
 
Its rumble beneath us caused me to squeak.
 
“Where’s the helmet?” I asked him, feeling incredibly vulnerable at the moment.

I felt the tension within him recede as his body shook with laughter.
 
“Grace, are you kidding me?”

I shook my head.
 
Of course.
 
I should have realized that there was no need to worry about safety whenever I was with Robert.
 
What better person to save you from severe injury and death than Death himself?

Thank you.

I nodded and rested my chin against his shoulder, my arms wrapped around his waist in preparation of the quick leap into motion that I knew was coming.
 
We took off through the parking lot and headed down the road towards my neighborhood.
 
I counted the houses that still had their Christmas lights up, not wanting to have any type of conversation yet.
 
I needed to go over what it was that I needed to say, what I wanted to know, and my mind’s ability to focus on more than one thing at a time allowed me to do that, all while ensuring that Robert wouldn’t know.

As we pulled up towards my house, I saw the light in my room was on.
 
Graham was there, waiting.
 
The tenseness that had permeated Robert in the parking lot had now returned.
 
I felt the air leave my lungs
 
with frustration.
 
So much for getting down to the bottom of things with Robert.

“I’m going to talk to him,” I sighed as Robert eased me off the bike.

“He shouldn’t be in your room.”

Knowing where the conversation would head if I tried to argue with him, I simply leaned into him and pressed my lips against his cheek.
 
“I’ll talk to you later.”

I started to walk away, but he held fast to my hand.
 
I could see his thoughts of remorse and I couldn’t help but smile.
 
“It’s not easy for an angel to be so wrong so often,” he mumbled as he pulled me towards him, wrapping his arms around me.
 
“I love you, Grace, and I think that messes with my ability to see what’s real and what’s not sometimes.”

“Do you know how comforting that sounds?
 
Most people would tell me that you’re not real, that this—us—we’re not real.
 
I grew up thinking that people like you don’t exist, so for you to start having delusions…it completely helps to normalize me.”

His hands made their way from my waist up to my face as he held me immobile.
 
“Grace, I love you.
 
That is real; don’t ever doubt it.
 
I know I have been behaving like an idiot lately and I apologize if I’ve hurt or upset you.
 
That is the last thing I want to do.”

The silver in his eyes were liquid, flowing in endless circles as he stared at me, waiting for my response.
 
I raised myself on my toes, and with his help, I managed to press a quick kiss to his mouth.
 
“Thank you.”

He didn’t let go of me, didn’t want me to go at all.
 
He brushed my lips with his and pressed his forehead against mine, his thoughts mingling with mine until I knew all of his hopes, and his regrets about this evening.
 
It was difficult for him to deal with such human emotions when he wasn’t one; a side-effect of being in love with one, he suspected.
 
I laughed because it wasn’t a side-effect that only affected angels.
 
Humans experienced them, too.

“And who have you ever felt jealous of?” he asked as he pulled away, but not before I managed to steal one last kiss.

“I don’t think it’s jealousy per se, but I do often wonder whether or not we’d be more physically connected if I were as beautiful as some of the girls in school that follow you around.”

I had touched a nerve, I could tell.
 
He let me go with an exasperated sigh—I was very good at making him do that.

“Grace, you and I aren’t just a pair of hormonal teens infatuated with each other.
 
Do I think you’re just as beautiful as those girls in school you’re referring to?
 
No.
 
I think you’re incomparable to them,” he said smugly.
 
He brushed the strand of hair that had fallen into my face, and made me look into his eyes, seeing my reflection in them in a way that I knew no one else had ever seen, or could ever see.
 
In them, I was beautiful.

“You’re just going to have to get used to it,” he pronounced, his voice tinged with cockiness.
 
I felt the corner of my mouth twitch at his sureness.
 
I had been living in my body my whole life, and he already thought he knew me better than I knew myself.

He was right.

“Go on, Grace.
 
He’s waiting for you.
 
I’ll be here when you wake up.”

I felt the warmth rise up in me, knowing that he meant he’d be
with
me when I woke up, and the thought filled me with anticipation.
 
He clicked his tongue in disapproval at my thoughts, and I stuck mine out as I walked away, not needing to say goodbye because he already heard it in my thoughts.

The bike was gone by the time I reached the door, but whether it was started or pushed, I didn’t know.

***

After bypassing the twenty-one question brigade from Janice, and mumbling a quick response to Dad’s “how was the movie” question, I raced upstairs.
 
Graham was sitting on my bed, staring out of the window.

“You really should knock,” he muttered.
 
He turned around and I could tell by the lines around his mouth that whatever it was he wanted to talk about wasn’t going to be pleasant.

“I wasn’t aware that I needed to knock when entering my own room.
 
Besides, you’re the one who’s in here uninvited.”

He tossed something at me, and with reflexes I know did not belong to me, I caught it.
 
For a brief moment, a glimmer of surprise passed through Graham’s eyes, but it was quickly replaced with the same despondent look.
 
I cast a quick glance at the object that I had caught, and then looked back up at him.

“Where did you get this?”

He nodded his head towards the nightstand next to my bed.
 
“I found it in the drawer when I was getting your phone out.
 
I wanted to call Lark, to explain…”

He had found one of the crystal baubles that had fallen off my lone dress.
 
Its amber color gave off a sense of warmth, despite its cold exterior.
 
I held it up to the artificial light above my head to look at its gold and brown shimmer.

“Grace-”

I lowered my head to look at him, the tone of his voice sounding so…lost, I felt a pain in my throat as my breath caught.