Bitter Ashes (Bitter Ashes Book 1) (18 page)

The torture room was only dimly lit with the unnatural lighting provided by the Salr, but it was enough to showcase the small medical table at James' side. James stroked the gleaming metal instruments on the table as if they were his favorite pets. In a way, they were.

“I've been waiting for this since the moment I met you,” James taunted as he left his table behind to approach me, “though it would be nice to see some of the fight you had in you yesterday.”

“Now, now,” I replied weakly. “I wouldn't want to go and make this enjoyable for you.”

James laughed and took another step forward so that he could rub his hand up my arm. “I'm going to enjoy this either way, Madeline.”

I stifled a shiver as James moved his hand slowly toward my breast. He smiled as he watched my face. I tried to keep my expression blank, but I'm sure some of the horror I was feeling showed through. He stopped short with his hand on my ribcage. With a another smile, he let his hand drop and turned away from me.

James looked toward the door as it opened, seemingly of its own volition, to reveal Estus. James dropped to one knee in acknowledgment of his omnipotent leader, but Estus only had eyes for me.

The small man approached gracefully while he surveyed me with eyes even paler than James'. His impossibly long, silver braid slithered from the front of his shoulder to fall against his back as he came to stand directly in front of me. He was dressed in his usual ensemble of dark colored, loose fitting shirt and pants.

I looked down at the elderly man and felt more fear than James would ever manage to cause me. While James was a sadist, Estus was a complete sociopath. Since fate had played a cruel joke upon me, making me both an executioner and an empath, I could sense what Estus was feeling, if only slightly. One might expect to feel pity, anger, or a myriad of other emotions from the person condemning them to torture, but I looked down at Estus' impassive face and knew that he felt nothing beyond his sick obsession with power.

“I will need her relatively whole,” he said as he looked up at me, though obviously he was speaking to James. “She still has a task to perform.”

Movement in the doorway drew my attention as Alaric came into view. My heart stopped at the sight of him, looking tall and handsome, and none too concerned with my fate. His dark hair was tied back at the nape of his neck, giving it the illusion of being shorter than it actually was, and leaving the shoulders of his black dress shirt bare. His dark brown eyes flicked to me briefly, then landed firmly on Estus as the old man turned to face him.

“Ah, there you are,” Estus said, sounding like a jovial grandfather who just caught sight of his favorite grandson. “I thought you might like to see Madeline one last time in her current state. It's always a pity when we have to ruin pretty things.”

I watched Alaric as his face and neck tensed, and I thought he might actually be against me being tortured, but then the moment was gone, and his face was apathetic once more.

James watched the whole scene carefully, and seemed disappointed by the results. His disappointment was nothing compared to mine as Alaric gave me one long, cold stare, then turned back to Estus.

“Will that be all?” Alaric asked blandly.

Instead of answering, Estus motioned one small, bony hand toward James.

James' face erupted into a toothy grin as he turned his attention back to me. He sauntered over to his table and lifted a dainty scalpel into his meaty palm. He twirled the delicate knife in his fingers as he walked back toward me.

My eyes flicked around the room, looking for something to help me. Coming up with nothing, I settled on meeting Alaric's eyes as panic bloomed in my stomach. I stared at him, daring him to drop his gaze as James stroked the dull side of the knife gently down the side of my throat.

I couldn't help it as my breathing began to speed, but I kept my eyes glued on Alaric. As far as I was concerned, he'd tied me up to the wall himself. I cringed as the knife turned to bite into the flesh of my collarbone, but my eyes remained on Alaric. Other than a certain tension around his eyes, no emotion was visible.

I was so focused on Alaric's unreadable expression that I was shocked when James stabbed the knife into my side. I shrieked at the sudden pain and closed my eyes, then panted as I forced them open to glare at the man who'd betrayed me.

I hoped to whatever deity might help me that he could read my thoughts, because if I escaped my imprisonment alive, I was going to make Alaric pay. In that moment I didn't care about hurting James, Estus, Sophie, or anyone else.

I looked at Alaric as pain screamed through my body, and I hoped he knew the hole he'd dug for himself. Normally I found the idea of leaving the soul in someone's dead body abhorrent, but for Alaric, I would gladly make an exception.

Not liking the lack of attention, James stabbed the knife into my side again. I screamed as I tried to jerk away, but only managed to slam my head back against the hard stone wall. I opened my eyes long enough to see Estus smile, then he turned to go, with Alaric following close behind him. The door shut on its own, leaving me alone with James once again.

He pressed his body against mine, drawing my attention away from the closed door. I took in one ragged breath after another as I looked down at him. When he didn't move, I let out a sob and spat in his face, but he only laughed.

“Now there's the fight I was looking for,” he said happily.

“Well sorry to disappoint, but you won't be getting much more of it,” I rasped as my vision began to go gray.

I could feel blood trickling down my side and onto my leg, growing cooler as it went. James smoothed his hand against my leg, smearing the blood across my skin as his hand searched upward underneath my dress.

At first I thought things were about to get sexual, but his fingers continued on to poke at the wounds in my side. I let out a grunt of pain, knowing that his fingers were pressing on the damaged flesh, but unable to feel exactly where because my pain-receptors were going haywire.

James reached his other hand beneath my dress to grip the clean side of my waist. “I'd like to offer you a deal, Madeline,” he said softly.

I was feeling so woozy that I almost didn't understand what he was saying. “W-what?” I questioned weakly.

James smiled as he moved his hands further up to my ribs. He leaned against me so he could put his mouth against my ear. “I want you to find the charm,” he said softly, “and give it to me.”

“You want to lead?” I groaned, feeling dizzy and confused, but not really surprised.

James chuckled. “No, you're not getting it, Maddy. This whole time Estus has been looking for a traitor.”

My head was spinning, but I managed to put together the pieces. “You're working for Aislin,” I panted.

Aislin was the Doyen, or leader, of several clans that Sophie had mentioned. Apparently Estus was correct in his fear that she'd try and take his clan from him. The proof was quite literally staring me in the face. 

“Bingo, kiddo,” he replied as he removed his hands from underneath my dress.

“Why are you telling me all of this?” I asked. “I could easily turn you in to Estus.”

James shook his head. “I'm your only hope of survival, Maddy. You might be stupid, but I know you're not
that
stupid.”

“Couldn't you have offered this
before
you stabbed me?” I rasped. I was actually considering his offer, though it was probably just the blood loss talking.

James pouted at me, and the pout seemed wrong since his hands were covered in my blood. “I had to put on a good show for Estus. Plus, I
really
wanted to stab you.”

I took a deep, aching breath, then cringed from the pain. “Well if I die, then I won't be helping anyone.”

James snickered. “You are Vaettir, Madeline. We are not so easily killed.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, feeling like I might vomit from the pain. “And what would I get in return for this deal?” I whispered, barely able to speak.

“Your life,” James answered simply, as if surprised that I would ask for more.

I shook my head slightly. “Someone else has already offered me that. Keep trying.”

James sighed. “I cannot speak for Aislin, but I'm sure she could find a place for you in one of her clans.”

“I want a guarantee,” I mumbled.

James raised an eyebrow at me. “You're not exactly in a place to bargain, little mouse.”

I tried to laugh but it came out as just a shaky breath. “I told you, I've had other offers. Now give me a reason to pick you.”

James eyed me with a look of what might have almost been respect. “I'll be back,” he replied.

He left me hanging, literally and metaphorically, in the darkness. Part of me wished I had simply taken Sivi's offer right off the bat, but I couldn't do that. James didn't know that though. Perhaps Aislin planned on being a better ruler than Estus or Sivi. If so, I'd be happy to give her the charm if it meant I wouldn't get stabbed anymore.

Beyond that, I wasn't sure how I felt about joining another clan. It would have been nice to just go back to my little home in the above-ground world, but I knew Estus would only recapture me. I needed protection. Plus, I couldn't help hoping that another clan would be different. It was only in that moment that I'd realized just how close I'd been to my breaking point back home.

Years of solitude out of fear of hurting someone had taken a toll on me. Even though Alaric was not the person I'd thought, my one intimate night with him had shown me just what I'd been missing. I wasn't sure if I could go back to my old life after that.

I'd accidentally killed my lover before Alaric, and now I was seriously considering killing Alaric on purpose, but perhaps there could be another lover in yet another new life. Third time is the charm, right? Of course, I'd have to escape the Salr alive first. With the blood dripping steadily down my side, my chances seemed grim.

T
he door opened again a short time after James left me. I thought perhaps he was back with whatever offer Aislin had for me, but the silhouette in the doorway was too tall and slim to be James.

Rage washed over me as Alaric came into view. He watched me cautiously as he approached. His caution was unwarranted, as I couldn't have even lifted a leg to kick him, no matter how badly I wanted to.

When I made no attempt to attack him, he closed the distance between us. He wore a worried expression, but he didn't say anything as he lifted the side of my dress to examine my stab wounds. His fingers hovered over the damaged area, but didn't touch. I felt like I should have been offended that he lifted my dress without asking, but given everything else, it seemed a relatively petty argument.

“James wouldn't have hit any vital organs,” he said softly. “You'll be okay.”

My head was throbbing so loudly that I could barely see Alaric's face, but I'm pretty sure I managed to glare at him.

“That's all you have to say!” I choked out. “I'm going to rip your lying, deceitful head off!”

Alaric took a step back with a shocked and hurt expression at my sudden outburst.

“Don't you dare look hurt at me,” I rasped. “You betrayed me. You left me in a cell to rot.
You
let James stab me.”

Hot tears began to stream down my face. The pain in my side was nothing compared to the stabbing sickness in my stomach.

“I had no choice,” he interrupted quickly before I could go on. “It wouldn't do much good if we both ended up in shackles. This was the only way, Maddy.”

I shook my head over and over. It wasn't the only way. He had a choice, and he chose to save his own hide. I wouldn't have done the same to him.

“Estus knew,” I sobbed. “He knew I was going to help Maya. You told him the entire plan.”

“He had already figured it out, don't you see?” he asked pleadingly. “When I realized what you were doing that night, I did my best to get you out of here. If you only would have told me your plans, I could have protected you. Once Estus found us it was too late. I did the only thing I could that would ensure I had some chance of saving you.”

“I don't believe you,” I said coldly. I tried to hold in my tears, but they just kept coming.

He raised his hands as if to cradle my face, but I turned my head away the best I could, and his hands dropped.

“You will see in time that everything I've done, I've done to protect you,” he replied sadly, “and you haven't made it an easy job.”

I turned back to him as anger drowned out my sorrow once more. “Well I didn't feel very protected when you let James drag me off to a cell, and I'm sure I won't feel very protected when I die from infected stab wounds.”

“The Vaettir do not contract infections,” he answered, ignoring my actual point. “You're not going to die.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but given I'd never had an infection in my life, I couldn't. I'd always just chalked it up to a healthy immune system.

“How can you be so calm about this?” I asked, exasperated. “How could you just stand there while James tortured me?”

“I had
no
choice,” he replied vehemently. “I knew he wouldn't kill you.”

I turned my gaze away from him, tears still dripping down my face. “There is always a choice.” 

Alaric stepped closer to me again. “I'm going to get you out of here, Maddy. You just need to be patient.”

I looked down at Alaric's handsome, angular face. Part of me still ached to kiss him, and I hated it. “I'm going to get
myself
out of here, and you had better hope that we do not cross paths again.”

“Maddy-” he began.

“No,” I cut him off. “Please leave.”

“Maddy, I couldn't save you if I was dead!” he whispered harshly.

I managed to stop crying and glared at him. “I told you, I don't
need
you to save me. I don't need you at all. Now
leave
.”

Alaric opened his mouth to say more, then closed it. A tidal wave crashed into my heart as he turned and left. The water coursed through my veins, wiping away my thoughts, then all was silent.