Bittersweet Hope (5 page)

Chapter Five

In the house, people my age milled around everywhere, plastic cups in hand. Some danced to the country music that blared out of unseen speakers. There was a group throwing darts, and they had a picture of an older man taped over the face of the dartboard. Caleb, who was walking in front of me, turned around.

“Look. Most of my friends will probably be down in the basement shooting pool. You can come down there with me if you want to. But if you don’t want to, you’ll know where to find me. Okay?” He raised his eyebrows.

I just nodded, words failing me at the moment. I couldn’t for the life of me think what I was going to do with myself, but hanging around Caleb didn’t seem like the ideal situation. I didn’t want him to think I was some huge loser. He stared at me for another second, so I tried to put my best brave face on. Finally, he headed in the direction of the music. It wasn’t long before he disappeared from sight altogether.

I glanced around. Not a single face looked familiar. Some people met my eyes, but when they realized they didn’t know me, they looked away, disinterested. I sp
otted what looked like a door leading outside, so I went toward it. Maybe fresh air would make the annoying dizzy feeling in my head go away.

When I stepped out onto the back porch, there was a keg directly in front of me. For a second I thought about grabbing a cup and getting a drink from it.
I’d never drank before. I hadn’t wanted to turn out like Mama, and alcohol had seemed like the place to start. But right now, in a place where I felt lonely and vulnerable, two feelings I was not familiar with and did not like in the least, it seemed like a good way to ease my discomfort.

I took one step toward the metal cooler before stopping. No.
No no no no no. I would not be like her. I would never be like her. I’d made it this far without having to rely on that as a crutch, and I certainly wasn’t going to start now.

Settling into a lawn chair, I decided to just watch. As I sat, surrounded by people who couldn’t care less about who I was, I noticed the smell of a thick, musty cologne wafting toward me from some unknown guy in the crowd. I wrinkled my nose, the hair on the back of my neck
involuntarily standing up. I knew that smell. I just couldn’t remember how. Scanning the faces, nobody stood out as the least bit familiar. Hmmm. Maybe one of Mama’s johns used to wear it. In any case, I hoped it would go away soon. It was sort of making me feel sick.

After about an hour of people watching, my eyes were growing heavy.
I’d just closed them when the sound of a loud crash startled me, and I literally jumped out of the chair I was sitting in.

Somebody, no doubt drunk out of his mind, had knocked the now empty keg of the table. As the guys around him started howling with laughter, I stood. Now seemed like a pretty good time to get out of here.
I just wanted to find Caleb, and maybe get the keys to Anna’s car. I would like it better if I could just sit by myself until he was ready to go.

As I made m
y way through the throng of people, trying to get back inside so I could find the basement, something out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. A familiar figure, with a head full of hair the same chocolate color as mine, rushed past me. Sadie?

I whipped ar
ound, searching the room. I was almost positive I’d seen my sister. But now, as I looked through the sea of faces all around me, she wasn’t anywhere to be found. I wanted to call out her name, to see if she responded, but somebody might think I was crazy.

Maybe I imagined it. I was still feeling sort of loopy from falling half asleep. Sadie wasn’t here. She couldn’t be.

I took a deep breath and finished making my way through the house until finally finding the stairs to the basement. Caleb was there, right where he said he’d be, shooting pool with three other guys, and it appeared to be his turn. He noticed me immediately and raised his eyebrows. I nodded, knowing somehow that he was asking if I was ready to go.

He slipped the pool stick through his fingers and it connected with the eight ball, knocking it into one of the corner pockets. One of the guys, who I could only assume was Caleb’s partner, stomped his foot.

“What the hell, man?” He snapped. “We were winning!”

Caleb lifted his broad shoulders in a
n easy shrug. “Sorry.” A grin crossed his face, but I didn’t think anyone else saw it. “That’s it for me tonight, guys. I think I’m gonna head to the house.”

His
pool partner cursed under his breath and the other two guys nodded their good-byes to Caleb. He headed over to where I was standing.

“You didn’t really have to leave.” I told him. “I was just going to get the keys and sit in the car until you were ready.”

He shook his head. “Nah, it’s alright. Judd’s a crappy partner anyway.”

“No good at pool?”

“Sore loser.”

“Oh.”

Caleb smiled at me, and the blood running through my veins seemed to speed up and slow down at the same time.

“Ready?” He asked.

I nodded, thankful to be going home. Or to Anna’s. Or home. I didn’t know how to title it, but I was glad I was going back.

Chapter Six

The next morning, I found Anna in her bedroom, using a pretty rose colored yarn to crochet what looked like a scarf. I tapped on her door, not really wanting to bother her. I couldn’t bear another moment going by without knowing how Sierra and Sadie were doing, though.

“Hey, Anna? Can I call my sisters now?” I hadn’t been able to think about anything else since I got home last night. My skin still prickled when I thought about the girl at the party.
She’d seemed so much like Sadie, and I hadn’t even gotten a good look at her. It was just a feeling, a sensation that I knew my sister had been close to me, and I couldn’t shake it off.

“Hi, Audrey.” She smiled warmly at me. “Sure. I’ll go get the numbers.” She put her work aside and we walked down the stairs and into the living room. Anna took the
phone numbers from a folder on the roll-top desk, and I settled into the oversized leather couch, my pulse feeling like it was going to explode before Anna came back to sit in the chair beside me. It had only been one day, but I missed Sadie and Sierra so much it was almost as if I were feeling physical pain.

“Here they are. Just let me speak to the adults first, and then we’ll go from there.” Anna sat in her recliner and pulled out her phone.

I nodded, chewing on the inside of my cheek. I wished I could just call them myself. But Anna had told me earlier the other foster parents would expect some ground rules set up first. That was what Mrs. Anderson had said.

Anna dialed the first number on her
cell, and it seemed like it took ten forevers for somebody to answer. I thought about the moment Sadie got dropped off. There had been a girl on the porch with her parents, not much younger than me maybe. She’d been dressed all in black, with her face painted white, and even had on dark black lipstick. She’d stuck in my mind, because I’d hoped she wouldn’t cause trouble for Sadie. Now, she moved front and center as I tried to imagine what my sister had done all day yesterday.

“Mrs. Gable?” Anna finally said, bringing me out of my thoughts.

Mrs. Gable. That was Sadie’s foster mother. I remembered Mrs. Anderson saying the name when we pulled up in front of the brick house. My knuckles turned white from clutching my hands together so hard. I tried to loosen them, but it was like I’d lost all control over myself. They wouldn’t budge.

Anna looked at me and winked. “Mrs. Gable, this is Anna Whitley. Audrey is with me, Sadie’s sister? We were wondering if she might be able to speak with Sadie this morning.”

Inhaling deeply, I watched as Anna picked at her fingernails, reminding me of Sierra. Her forehead and nose wrinkled as she listened. She glanced at me, then looked away.

I let out my breath.
Well that didn’t look good. My palms were sweating as I started twisting them together.
Calm down, Audrey. She’s only been on the phone, for like, a second.

“I see. You don’t think for even a few minutes—?” Anna paused, allowing me to hear the murmurs of Mrs. Gable’s voice. “I understand.” Anna said. “Thank you, Mrs. Gable. Yes, we’ll give her a call in a couple of days.”

Anna pressed her French manicured fingernail on the end button and placed the phone on the end table beside her.

“She said no?” My insides were all tangled up as questions roared inside my head. Why couldn’t I talk to my sister? What were they doing to her?

“She said not today, Audrey.”

My heart rate didn’t slow. “Why?”

“I suppose Mrs. Gable has kept lots of foster children. It’s not like here—you’re the first one we’ve taken in. She said Sadie isn’t adjusting well and it would be best for her not to speak to you for a few days, until she gets used to things. She said it happens a lot, and it just helps to wait.”

My ears buzzed and I felt dizzy. Sadie wasn’t adjusting well? What the hell did that mean? My head throbbed, a migraine the size of Texas forming behind my eyes. I rubbed at my temples, trying to make it go away.

“I don’t understand. What’s wrong with my sister?”

Feeling too frantic to sit, I stood and paced around the living room.

“I’m not sure. I assume she’s still very upset.”

“I’m upset too! We were all upset. But if this wacko woman is saying Sadie isn’t doing well does it mean she’s holed up in some room crying her eyes out or something? Why can’t I talk to her? I can calm her down, I can make her feel better—.”

Anna stood. “Everything will be fine. Just give it a little bit of time. You’ll see her at school next week. Mrs. Anderson told me the three of you would all be enrolled in Thorne County.”

Not even the fact that the three of us would
be at the same school after all could make me feel better. My mind spun, every scenario imaginable playing out. Sadie crying. Screaming. Not eating. Stuck in some room miserable and hurting. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

“What about Sierra? Can I talk to her?” I looked at Anna, searching her eyes, which were downcast now.

She bit her lip. “I don’t know. We can call and ask.” I could tell she was trying to sound hopeful but it wasn’t working very well.

I nodded, dragging my feet back to the couch to sit down. Clasping my hands together, I looked at her. “Okay. Let’s call.”

Her face was pale. She was probably scared Sierra’s foster family would say the same thing and I would freak out again. I felt terrible for being the person to put that look on Anna’s kind face. As my heart rate steadied it dawned on me how awful I’d just acted, and I wanted to kick myself. It made me feel like such a horrible brat.

“I’m sorry, Anna. It isn’t your fault. You’ve been real nice to me.” I tried to force myself to smile, but it felt like it came out looking lopsided.

Anna nodded. As bad as I felt for being rude to her, it felt worse not to be able to speak to Sadie. I waited, my nerves clawing at my insides and attaching like leeches, while Anna picked up the phone and dialed the next number.

“Hello, Mrs. Morton?” Anna asked when a voice came on the other end of the line. “My name is Anna Whitley. I have Sierra’s sister Audrey at my house, and we were wondering if the girls might be able to talk.” Her eyes lowered as she waited.

After a second, Anna’s face brightened. She smiled. “Yes, thank you. I’ll hand Audrey the phone.”

She grinned at me and passed me her cell. I raised my eyebrows and when she nodded I snatched the device from her hands much harder than I’d intended. Damn it.
Watch yourself, Audrey.

“Hello?” I said into the phone. “Hello, Sierra?”

“Audrey?” My sister’s voice came over the line. “Are you there?”

The sigh of relief I let out s
eemed to fill the entire living room. My eyes burned with unshed tears, and my heart ballooned inside my chest.

“Yes, I’m here. Are you okay? How is everything?” Anna watched me
intently, but I turned away from her.

“Things are good. The Morton’s are really nice, Aud. They bought me clothes! We just finished breakfast, too. A real breakfast, eggs and toast and bacon. Can you believe it?” Sierra paused. “But I miss you guys. It’s not the same without you.”

“I know. I miss you so much. Same here with the clothes and everything. Mrs. Whitley—Anna—is super cool. She’s been very kind to me.” I turned to smile at Anna, but she’d gotten up and headed into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee.

“Have you talked to Sadie? How are things going for her?” Sierra’s voice deepened at the mention of Sadie. She cleared her throat.

“No. I tried. They wouldn’t let me talk to her.”

“What?” My sister’s voice went from gravely to high pitched in a matter of seconds. “Why the hell not?” I heard her fumbling with the phone, like she’d dropped it.

“Sorry Mrs. Morton.” She said sheepishly. Her voice returned to me. “Why wouldn’t they let you talk to her?”

“I don’t know.” I choked out. Sierra didn’t need to hear me cry, and Anna surely didn’t need to see it. “Something about her not adjusting well, whatever that means. It sounds bad to me. She has to be a mess.”

“Yeah. Oh my God, Audrey, do you think she’s okay?”

We were only on the phone, but I sensed Sierra’s worry. I knew she was chewing her nails. That was what Sie
rra did. Just like I chewed on the inside of my cheek. Like Sadie twisted her hands.

“I hope so. I can’t wait to see her Monday. Anna said we’d all be at the same school, Thorne County.”

“The Mortons told me that a little while ago. I can’t wait to see you guys. Especially now. I’m glad we don’t have to go back to Rocky Creek, though. I hated that stuck up place.”

“Yeah, speak for yourself. I’d just gotten Zach Cochran to like me.”

“Zach Cochran? He’s a loser.”

“He’s hot!”

“Negative. Sorry sis.”

“Whatever. It doesn’t matter now, anyway.”

“Audrey?” Anna broke in. “That might be enough for today.”

I wanted to ignore her, to shoo her away. But things would only be more awkward if I did that. “Okay.” I said.

“What’s wrong?” Sierra asked.

“Anna wants me to get off the phone. Call me tomorrow?” My breath caught in my chest.

“Sure.”

“I love you, Sierra.”

“Love you too.” The phone clicked in my ear and she was gone again. My heart slid down into my stomach, but knowing I could talk to Sierra the next day took some of the pain away.

The floor suddenly creaked behind me and I turned, my eyes meeting Caleb’s.

He looked at me but didn’t say a word. I wondered if he’d heard my outburst. I didn’t care if he did. He wasn’t the one torn away from his sisters and dropped off with strangers. For a minute I thought he wasn’t the one who had just lost his mother, but Caleb had lost his father the year before. He might have actually won on that one. It was probably harder losing a real parent than one who was never around.

I got up and took the cell phone to Anna. “Here you go. Thank you. And, I’m sorry for before.”

She smiled and shook her head. “It’s okay. I could never understand what you’re going through. I was an only child.” She laughed. “I always told myself I wouldn’t do that do my kids, they’d have brothers and sisters to play with. But, here I am with just one.” She walked over and tussled Caleb’s sandy blonde hair.

“Hey, being an only child meant I didn’t ever have to share.” He winked at her.
A small act, but it knocked a tiny chink in my armor. I’d never had that kind of moment with my own mother. It would have been nice to have someone who really wanted to take care of me, to make sure I would always be okay. Resentment and jealousy splashed over me, but I shook it off.

“Well, now you have a sister.” Anna looked at me and grinned.

“Yeah.” He said. He glanced at me.

My eyes couldn’t seem to pull away from his. Did he have magnets in there or
something? I blinked several times, trying to loosen the hold.

“Hey, do you guys want to
go to the arboretum?” Anna asked. “It’s usually pretty this time of year.

Caleb opened his mouth to say something, but the hopeful look on his mother’s face seemed to make him stop.

“Sure, mom.” He responded. “I can’t think of anything I’d rather do on this beautiful Saturday then to spend it with you two pretty ladies.”

I blushed, but I tried to look away before he noticed. I didn’t know if I’d succeeded.

“Audrey?” Anna asked, turning her attention to me.

“I’m in.” I said. I probably didn’t really have a choice. But, I didn’t want to disappoint Anna, especially the way I’d just acted. I suspected Caleb hadn’t wanted to disappoint her
, either.

“Great!” Anna exclaimed. “We’ll eat at the tea room, too. It will be the perfect day.”

“The tea room!” Caleb exclaimed. I thought I saw him wink at me. “I’ve always wanted to go there, Mom.” His excited was fake as hell, but Anna didn’t seem to pick up on it. I put my hand over my mouth to stifle my giggles.

“Really?”
Anna looked confused, and at that point I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing at the amused look that crossed Caleb’s face.

“Sure.” He said. How he g
ot the word out without cracking was a miracle. I couldn’t believe Anna didn’t notice him about to bust.

“Well, Caleb. I’ve never been because I always thought you would think it was silly. It’s more of something a mother/daughter duo would do, I guess. I just thought that
with Audrey here, you might be more open to joining us.”

“Well, it’s such a good thing she’s here then.” Caleb walked over and
slung an arm around his mother’s shoulder. He turned his attention to me. “Thank you, Audrey.” He winked again.

“My pleasure.” I answered.
I couldn’t believe
I
could get any words out without laughing. Somehow though, I did. I just hoped the two of us would be able to get through the day.