Black Chalk (31 page)

‘I understand,’ said Jolyon.

‘That’s all it was,’ said Jack. He paused for a moment and then, with a jolt as if coming out of a daydream, he looked up at Jolyon and waved the empty envelope. ‘So if anyone’s taking bets, my money’s on you. Good luck, Jolyon,’ he said, and then he extended his hand.

They shook and Jack slid off the bar stool and began to work his way through the crowd. And then Jolyon, a strange feeling inside him, looked down at his hand. He frowned and picked up his change and the drinks from the bar. And then he realised it was the first time he and Jack had ever shaken hands.

*   *   *

LIV(iv)
   It was hard for Chad to find a moment when Jolyon and Dee were not together and his feelings built and built, his sense of anger fermenting.

It was not until five days had passed that the two of them were alone together. They were in the Churchill Arms, Dee having left for the library, a tutorial in three hours’ time and her essay not yet finished.

As Dee departed, Jolyon felt a waft of discontent, a weight in the air around him. He took a gulp of his beer and decided it was safe to confide in Chad. ‘Chad, do you mind if I tell you something?’ he said. ‘The thing is I, well, I’m just going through a bit of a difficult time right now, you know?’

Chad looked sour. ‘I think you’ll live, Jolyon,’ he said.

Jolyon felt pricked by the response. How many times had he listened to Chad unburden himself? ‘I know I’ll live,’ he said sharply, ‘Obviously I’m not saying I think I’m about to die, Chad.’

‘Shut the hell up, Jolyon.’ Chad sounded weary. He took a large drink, leaned back and glowered at his glass.

Jolyon took a small sip of beer. He picked up his cigarettes and lit one.

Chad waited and waited but Jolyon only smoked and enough was enough. And so Chad began to shout. ‘It’s a goddamn conflict of interest.’ It was a restrained shout, a voice half raised in a crowded place. ‘It’s an injustice, Jolyon.’

‘OK,’ said Jolyon, nodding and blowing his smoke. ‘What is?’ he said.

‘You and Dee together,’ said Chad. ‘There are three left in the Game and two of them are now screwing, so how exactly is that reasonable? Tell me one thing that won’t make me feel like I’m being cheated, I’m pretty confident it can’t be done.’

Jolyon looked down and thought hard. ‘OK then,’ he said, not feeling any appetite for a fight. ‘Yes, I can see what you mean.’

‘So what the hell are you going to do about it?’ said Chad.

Jolyon considered the problem, taking several drags from his cigarette. ‘I think…’ he said, ‘No, I would
certainly like to think
that you trust me. Because I would never take advantage of any relationship outside of the Game. I promise you, Chad.’ Jolyon marked his solemnity by putting out his unfinished cigarette, pushing its stub in the ashtray until it bent in two. Then he looked up at Chad.

Chad met his friend’s look and Jolyon thought that soon they would buy more drinks and everything would be right between them again. But instead Chad tore himself free of Jolyon’s gaze and exhaled hard as if he had been holding his breath. ‘Jesus, Jolyon, that’s just not good enough. You promise? Sure then, well, that’s me totally over the moon.’

‘Look, I’ve promised you, Chad. What else can I do? What happened between me and Dee can’t be undone.’

‘It was bad enough with Emilia,’ said Chad, ‘but at least that was only two out of six. Two out of three is a way bigger problem, Jolyon. A
majority
, it’s an outrage.’

Jolyon was shifting uncomfortably in his seat but he chose to say nothing.

‘It’s way beneath you as well,’ Chad said. ‘I can’t believe that you of all people would pull a stunt like that.’

Jolyon jerked back his head. ‘A stunt?’ he said. ‘You don’t actually think me sleeping with Dee is some kind of tactic, do you, Chad? I really don’t care about winning so much that I’d whore myself just to score a few points.’

Chad said nothing, only looked away.

‘Exactly what is it you think I should do?’ said Jolyon. ‘Why don’t you tell me
your
solution, Chad?’

‘OK then,’ said Chad. ‘You have to break it off.’

The response made Jolyon’s body twitch. ‘Break up with Dee?’ he said, blinking hard. ‘Don’t be ridiculous, Chad.’ Now Jolyon was loud. ‘I mean, if that’s what you think, you can really go fuck yourself.’

‘Then I’ll break it off,’ said Chad.

‘How can you break it off?’ Jolyon leaned in across the table, his restraints beginning to snap. ‘This is between me and Dee and you’re not invited. No matter how much you’d like it, Chad, it’s not a
ménage à trois
.’

‘That’s absolute crap, Jolyon. That’s screwed up in the head.’

‘I saw how you used to look at Emilia,’ said Jolyon, leaning back in his chair. ‘And recently I’ve seen you start to look at Dee the same way.’

‘Well, if that’s what you believe, Jolyon,’ said Chad, ‘if that’s what you truly think, then why the heck would you go right ahead and sleep with them both? If we’re supposed to be friends then tell me exactly what kind of a friend would do that?’

Jolyon lit himself another cigarette and dragged hard. He began shaking and shaking his head so that the smoke came out in ripples. ‘It’s women, Chad,’ he said. ‘It’s different rules.’

‘No, Jolyon, I’ll tell you exactly why you did it. It’s because you have to be the big man, the top
frickin
horn-dog.’

‘I have absolutely no idea what you mean.’

‘Alpha Jolyon and everyone else, the whole secret clan, has to bend to his will.’

‘That’s utter bullshit, Chad.’

‘Really? Then tell me why. Tell me why you would do that. And don’t give me that different rules BS.’

Jolyon blew his smoke carefully from the side of his mouth. ‘OK then, I slept with Dee because I could, Chad, that’s why. Just because I could.’

Chad snorted. ‘That’s pathetic, Jolyon. You could. And that’s it? And I suppose I couldn’t. That’s what you’re trying to imply, is it?’

Jolyon sighed. ‘Chad, whatever self-worth issues you have going on here have got nothing to do with me. Go tell a shrink how your dad never loved you, blah boring blah, and leave me the fuck out of it. You’re behaving like a bitter, spiteful little kid. And I’ve always tried my best with you, introduced you to all these people, and the rest of it is your problem now. I wash my hands.’

‘My God, you arrogant prick.’ Chad pressed his fingertips to his temples. ‘Who on earth do you think you are? My
frickin
messiah? Go to hell.’

Jolyon’s lips vanished, his mouth barely a slit in the flesh of his face. ‘I’ve had enough of this,’ he said. ‘I’ve got more than enough to worry about without having to play nanny to all your immature insecurities, Chad. If you really need someone to shout at, why don’t you just go home to Mitzy and spill all this pent-up rage over her.’

‘And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?’ Chad’s voice was unleashed now, other people in the pub began noticing them.

‘Go home, wait for Mitzy to make one of her virgin cracks and then stand up to her for once. And don’t take it out on me any more. Go back to your own people, shout at Mitzy, fuck Mitzy, either or both, I truly don’t give a shit.’

Chad frowned furiously. ‘How do you know about Mitzy? I haven’t mentioned her to you in weeks.’

Jolyon slumped back theatrically in his chair. ‘How do you think I know, Chad? Dee told me. She told me in bed. Is that what you want to hear? That I fucked Dee and held her and we whispered sweet nothings in each other’s ears? Because that’s what people do after they’ve fucked, they tell their secrets to each other. Maybe you should try it some time, Chad, the fucking I mean. And then you won’t have to share all your tales of woe with me night after night after over and over…’ Jolyon’s voice trailed away wearily while he shooed Chad away with a dismissive wave.

Chad’s body was rigid. He stared hard at Jolyon while he thought what to do. And then, studiously, he stood up and walked slowly to the bar. When he returned to the table he had only a single drink. He sipped from the pint, stared at Jolyon and said nothing.

After perhaps a minute, Jolyon also got to his feet and went to the bar. And when he returned, he too had bought a single drink from which he took only the barest of sips.

And they sat there in their silences, Chad and Jolyon, waiting each other out. Chad’s body was stiff, like a boy determined not to lose a staring contest, but Jolyon seemed loose and relaxed. Sitting at a nearby table were six or seven students in boat-club hoodies, loud and laughing at everything. Jolyon smoked another cigarette and then another and barely touched his drink.

Fifteen minutes later Chad finished the half a pint that was left in his glass in one gulp. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and shook his head bitterly. He stood up, waited a few seconds, and left.

*   *   *

LIV(v)
   The table at which Jolyon was sitting was beside a wall – or not so much a wall as a short partition, the pub was full of nooks and holes and hidden snugs. There were black-and-white photographs on the wall. There was one of the Queen, fifteen years younger. She was standing behind the bar of the Churchill, the landlord showing her how to pour a pint of beer.

Jolyon looked at the photo, drank half his pint in one go and let out a deep breath. And then, from the other side of the wall, Mark appeared.

He took the seat opposite Jolyon. ‘And to the victor the spoils,’ said Mark, smiling gleefully. He pointed to Jolyon’s glass. ‘Can I freshen you up?’

‘What do you want, Mark?’

‘We’re best friends now, aren’t we?’ said Mark. ‘I mean, we spend all this time together. And I’m enjoying our law lectures so much, I think I might put in a request to change courses. Maybe I’m like Chad and secretly I want to be just like you, steal all your best bits. Anyway, after what just took place I’m your only remaining candidate for best friend. So why shouldn’t I buy you a congratulatory pint?’

‘To congratulate me on what exactly?’

‘Oh, I don’t know. So many things. Ridding yourself of Emilia, getting Dee in the sack, making it to the final three. But perhaps most of all, your points victory just then over Chad. I could hear it all from the other side there. Your willpower truly amazes me, Jolyon, I could feel the crackle and buzz, all of that cold stony strength. Of course, it now makes me realise what a tough nut to crack you are. Which means that we’re going to have to move swiftly onto phase three.’ Mark leered, making Jolyon feel sick. ‘So what about that drink then?’

‘No thank you, Mark,’ said Jolyon.

Mark sat back. He said nothing for some time and then he laughed. ‘Oh, this is funny,’ he said. ‘Look, we’re into another of those stand-offs like the one you just won against Chad.’ He tapped a finger against his lips. ‘Or a sit-off, actually, that’s what we should call it.’ Mark acted thoughtful. ‘So what are the rules of a sit-off, Jolyon? Is talking allowed? You know what, how about some role reversal? My turn to make up the rules as I go along. Yes, talking is definitely allowed,’ he said, and then he boomed out, with mock authority, ‘Like mighty Jolyon, I decree it so.’

‘Just go away, Mark.’

‘Oh no, going away is automatic loss of game. And loss of deposit as well.’ Mark tapped his lips again. ‘So what shall we talk about? Emilia? Have you seen poor old Em hobbling about on her crutches? I think that would crush me, seeing Emilia’s leg in a cast and knowing it was all my fault. I paid her a little visit to find out what happened. Oh, I played it ultra sympathetic. At first she said an insect flew into her eye and she should have just stopped pedalling … And then poor little Em started to cry. You could tell she just wanted someone to talk to at last. And that’s when she told me that actually it wasn’t an insect that caused her accident. No, it was you, Jolyon, you made her cry. But don’t worry, Emilia’s so sweet she wouldn’t even judge you too harshly. She simply told me the facts, how she thought you would’ve protected her, and wouldn’t allow anything like her miners’ strike consequence. It was disappointment in her voice, she really is the forgiving type. I think she might even still feel a great deal of affection for you, Jolyon. Only now you’ve moved on to Dee, haven’t you? And how’s that going to make poor Em feel? Not even a fortnight since you almost killed her by breaking her heart, you’ve decided to finish the job. Already got the next girl in the sack. Although I must say, you’ve been keeping it very quiet, this thing with Dee. Even I didn’t notice, and I’m your best friend.

‘You know, I’m probably going to bump into Emilia tomorrow. I wonder what we should talk about? But enough about that. Where was I? Oh, phase three. Actually it was going to visit Em that gave me the idea. As you know, they let her swap rooms after the accident so that she’s on the ground floor. And soon after seeing Em in her room, well, that’s when I suggested to your neighbour that he might like to swap with me. I mean, I got so lucky in the room ballot with my palatial place on Hallowgood Court. And those rooms at the top of staircase six are a little poky. I told him I liked the view better from your floor. He jumped at the chance. So that’s my news, Jolyon. Best friends and now neighbours as well.’ Mark raised his glass to offer a toast. ‘Cheers, Jolyon, you know I think we’re going to have a lot of fun,’ he said with a wink.

*   *   *

LIV(vi)
   Chad didn’t go home. Jolyon had told him to go home, so he didn’t. Instead, when he left the Churchill, he turned toward Pitt.

He wanted another drink but the bar in college didn’t open till six. And so, glancing frequently behind as he walked, he headed for staircase six. He judged that if he ran up the stairs and was quick about it, even if Jolyon had already left, he would still have time.

The door to Jolyon’s room was unlocked. Chad found a bottle of gin and left quickly. As he passed the fridge at the top of the stairs, he took from it a bottle of water. Down on back quad he hid behind a shrub, emptied the water and poured in the liquor. And then he went to sit in the gardens.

When Chad had drunk perhaps a half-bottle of gin, he saw Emilia on her crutches heaving herself along the gravel path. She paused when she saw Chad and waved at him, so he smiled and beckoned her over.