Read - Black Gold 2 - Double Black Online

Authors: Clancy Nacht,Thursday Euclid

- Black Gold 2 - Double Black (3 page)

BOOK: - Black Gold 2 - Double Black
11.01Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

“I am so fucked up,” he muttered, disgusted with himself for wanting his father’s boyfriend and resentful that his father was dating someone so much younger—more appropriate to Cole’s fantasies than an old man’s.

Trying to be smooth, Cole pulled off his shirt to reveal the tank underneath. For a moment, he wondered if the choice made him look even more like Jett; the rocker rarely appeared in public in actual shirts. Then he let out a brash laugh at the thought that his well-defined six-pack had to look better in it than his junkie-thin, tattooed, heavily scarred father did.

Cole climbed onto the stationary bike, deciding he wasn’t afraid of Goldie noticing a bulge. Why did it matter? He was eighteen and a virgin. What else could be expected?

Maybe Goldie would be flattered.
“So you spend a lot of time alone? Huh. I always thought you and Jethro must spend all day writing music and practicing together. Shows what I know.” Cole cast a sidelong glance at Goldie, allowing his gaze to linger on the faint sheen of sweat glazing the perfect profile.

What would it taste like? How would that stubble feel under his tongue? “I could arrange to keep you company more often, if you wanted. I mean, Jethro’d freak out, I’m sure, but I really love your music, and you seem real. Not what I expected.”
Goldie smiled and inclined his head. “Ah, well, we did practice together at first, when we put out the album together, but now I’m doing my solo album, and he’s doing the community relations for our record company. Gives TMZ a lot of fodder. We should charge commission.”
Maybe Cole was imagining it, but he thought Goldie’s gaze roved over his torso before he faced the wall again.
“I wouldn’t mind it if Jett wanted to help me with my solo work. Or even make it another Black Gold album, but I guess he’s too busy schmoozing. I love collaborating, though. Do you play?”
Cole had never considered playing music until this moment. Now he regretted never trying. How cool would it be to jam with Goldie?
“No. I like music, but I never learned. I’m more physical.” Cole wondered if that made Goldie think less of him. He didn’t know how much was the urge to compete with Jett, but he desperately wanted Goldie to like him. “Jethro doesn’t seem that physical. More like a geek made good. You, though, you’re amazing when you dance.”

In spite of the insult, Goldie laughed. “Oh, he’s physical enough.” Seeming to realize what he had said, Goldie blushed and ducked away. “Anyway, I’m a geek made good. Ballet isn’t exactly the sort of hobby that attracts the studs.”

Cole poured on the speed, pushing himself despite the fact the stationary bike was going nowhere. If nothing else, he outstripped Jethro when it came to athleticism. He beat most people at that. “I bet you’re in ten times better shape than him. You’re here working out while he’s having a liquid lunch. In ten years, he’s gonna look like Axl Rose, and you’re gonna have to dump him.”

Goldie increased his pace to match Cole’s, then pedaled faster. Goldie raised a brow, daring Cole to keep up.
Cole grinned and pushed himself harder. He focused on the movement of his legs, the burn in his muscles, the steady in-out of his breathing. Everything became simple, beautiful, when reduced to sheer action.
At first, it felt like he could go forever, but Cole tired after a few minutes. Laughing and embarrassed, Cole slowed to a cooldown phase. “Okay, maybe you’re in ten times better shape than me too.”
Goldie slowed also, though he didn’t appear winded. It made Cole wonder just how long he could go.
“I do this every day. But you know, if you do decide to hang around more…” Goldie gave him a longing look, more lonely than sexual. That was a strange emotion to ascribe to Goldie, but Cole felt a thrill of satisfaction that maybe he’d lessened it. “You are in good shape. I think Jett might pull something trying to get on the bike. Then again, he’s surprisingly flexible.”
That insinuation was difficult to miss. Goldie’s smile seemed lost in fantasy.
“Ugh, gross!” Cole climbed off the bike. His legs felt like jelly. He didn’t want to know that kind of stuff, but he couldn’t stalk off in a huff without falling on his ass. “Well, now you owe me the best dinner on earth, because nothing else is gonna whet my appetite after that.”
“Sorry!” Goldie giggled, high-pitched and oddly infectious. Cole found himself laughing along, though he wasn’t sure what was so funny other than Goldie’s red face.

Goldie hopped off the bike and blotted his forehead with a towel that sat on the handlebars. “All right. We have a personal chef, so what do you like?”
“Chocolate cupcakes. And Chex Mix.” Cole sidled closer. The scent of Goldie’s sweat sent a shock of want through him. He bit his lip as his gaze went blurry. The moment reminded him of his last birthday, when he and Kyle had eaten just that as they curled up together on the couch. That night, Cole thought maybe they would get closer, but Kyle started talking about college. Cole had no way to pay for it, and the evening ended awkwardly.

Cole shook it off. “Root beer floats?”
“Oh, you
are
eighteen, aren’t you?” Instead of seeming repulsed or angry, Goldie pulled him into a tight hug. “Okay, it sounds like you like crunchy salty. I’ll get Hasani on that. However, you will have vegetables. As long as you’re under my roof, I will not let you be a junk-food junkie.”
Goldie held Cole at arm’s length, looked him over, and then pulled him close again. After a few moments, Goldie patted his back. “You’ll need to get cleaned up. I’ll set out something for you to wear in one of the guest rooms. I think we’re about the same size.”
Cole rested against Goldie’s surprising strength. He looked so slender, like he might disappear if he turned sideways or vanish into a sunbeam, but he felt solid, comforting to hold. There was something satisfying about hugging him, almost like his mom before she wasted away.
That thought reminded Cole why he was here, and he jerked away as if burned. He bolted from the room and stood in the hallway like an idiot, not knowing which way to storm off to. He wanted to yell or hit something, but he remembered Goldie saying,
“You’re more like him than you know,”
and held it in.
His mom had said something similar.
“You have his fire. It wasn’t random, Cole. I wanted a child with that fire.”
But Cole didn’t want it. He wanted to be like Kyle: laidback, stable, happy.
Goldie followed without comment or question, which was almost as demoralizing. Was Goldie used to this because Cole was behaving like Jethro?

When Cole had come in, he’d passed a grand spiral staircase in the entryway, but Goldie took him to the end of the hall and up a modest set of stairs that led to a long gallery overlooking the foyer. At its end stood large double doors, presumably the master bedroom. Of the five other doors along the path, Goldie opened the one in the middle.

The room shared the amazing view of the valley that he’d seen from the living area. The floor was the same polished blond wood, but inside was a play on the sterile elegance of downstairs with quirky accent pieces like a retro lamp and amber throw rug.

Goldie gestured to a door at the end of the brushed-steel bed. “That’s the bathroom. I’ll grab some things for you to choose from and leave them on the bed.”

Cole nodded and walked into the bathroom to undress. He felt exposed even with the door closed. The hairs all over his body stood on end as currents from the air conditioner brushed over his heated skin.

He pressed his ear to the door, listening for Goldie to return with clothes. A soft rustle sounded like fabric being placed on the comforter, and Cole suddenly wanted to walk out naked to see what Goldie would do. He wanted to masturbate right in front of him and force Goldie to look at him as a man and not a child.

Then the wild urge passed and his Midwestern decency prevailed. Just because Jethro Black had given Cole half his DNA didn’t mean he had to act like trash. He might be angry with his mom, but she’d taught him better.

He listened for Goldie’s footfalls heading away before he turned on the faucets and climbed into the shower. He rushed through bathing, half afraid of what he might do or think about if he stayed in too long. Afterward, he crept out of the bathroom and pulled on a pair of jeans and a shirt that each had to cost more money than Cole had ever had. He felt stupid, but there was something undeniably cool about hanging out in Goldie’s house, wearing Goldie’s clothes, eating dinner prepared by the star’s personal chef.

Cole made his way downstairs and followed his nose toward the kitchen. If he steered his thoughts carefully, he could avoid thinking about Jethro. There was no sign of him in the neatness and order of the household. Goldie might as well live alone as far as Cole could tell.

“Goldie?” Cole’s voice echoed through the house.

Hasani poked his head out of the kitchen. He had a sweet smile and long, black hair combed back. Though he was on the short side, he was fit. It was hard to imagine leaving Goldie alone with a man like that. And hard to believe that Goldie felt alone with such an attractive man bringing him food.

“You’re almost there. The dining room is just past. Took some liberties with your Chex Mix, threw in some dried edamame for protein. Shouldn’t change things much, just a bit healthier.” He winked and vanished back into the kitchen.

Goldie waited in the airy dining room, wearing a purple mandarin-collar shirt and black jeans. His damp hair hung loose on his shoulders. He gazed out the window like he was a million miles away.

Cole shuffled his feet.

Goldie spotted him and stood. “That outfit really suits you. You should keep it.” “Oh, I couldn’t. It’s not my style. I always—” Cole cut himself off before he could announce he got most of his clothes from Sears. He thought a moment. “I’m usually a lot less flashy.”
The words “unlike my father” remained unspoken.

Cole pulled out a chair next to Goldie and sat. He wanted to talk about something important to make him sound like more than a stupid teenage fan or some lame rock star’s son. Nothing came to mind. Hasani appeared with Chex Mix and a salad, and Cole perked up. Even if it was supposedly healthy, it looked pretty great. It tasted better.

As Cole waited for Hasani to leave, he chomped a few mouthfuls, then pointed to where Hasani had been. “So Jethro is cool with you lounging around the house with sexy guys? That’s pretty arrogant.”

Goldie smiled and poked at his salad. “I think the word you’re looking for is
trusting
. He trusts me as I trust him. It can be difficult to maintain that trust with people picking at it.” He gave Cole a pointed look, then returned to his food. “So you find Hasani attractive?”

Blood rushed to Cole's cheeks. “I don’t know. I didn’t say me! Are you saying he’s not objectively a good-looking man to whom you might be attracted?”

He hadn’t bothered to hide his interest in Goldie, but Goldie was used to everyone being interested in him.
As he thought about it, Cole’s anger built, as rapid-spreading and uncontrollable as a wildfire. “I’m gay too, okay? Like you, not like my father. Real gay. Not fake ‘gay for you,’ like his bullshit. He’d fuck a tree stump if you put some lipstick on it!”
Between the look on Goldie’s face and the shouts ringing in Cole’s ears, he realized he’d crossed a line.

“Sorry.” He ducked his head sheepishly, ate another mouthful, and peeked at Goldie from behind damp bangs. “It’s just hard, where I come from. You caught me off guard. I know you weren’t being ugly.”

Goldie patted Cole’s hand. “I used to wonder if Jett would suddenly look at me and realize I’m a man and that he’d made some horrible mistake. But the truth is, Cole, there’s more than gay and straight in the world. Jett’s not into labels.”

Before Cole could protest, Goldie went on. “How was it to be gay in Kansas?” “Look, I don’t hate Kansas. It’s a good place to live. It’s a nice place full of nice people, and it’s part of me. Jethro probably said it sucks and it’s not cool, and he got out as fast as he could, but I didn’t want to leave. I wanna go back, actually. I wanna go to school. I want a life there, a normal life, with normal things. It’s why I’m here.” The words tumbled out in a rush, and it wasn’t until Cole caught his breath that he realized he still hadn’t answered.

Cole stared into Goldie’s eyes as he spoke. “It’s like hiding. Being ashamed and confused and always afraid you’ll never meet anyone else who’s gay. It’s like you’ll just live alone and die alone, and then when you die they’ll find your porn collection and refuse to bury you in the nice cemetery with the decent folks. It’s like that. It’s taking gym showers with these sexy guys and being terrified someone’s going to beat your face in for getting turned on even though they don’t think they should get their face beaten in for staring at girls and getting hard. It’s wrong. It’s not fair. I didn’t ask for this.”

“Jett doesn’t talk about Kansas much, but I get the feeling he didn’t feel comfortable either.” Goldie pulled his chair around to sit next to Cole. “So you came all the way here to get back to Kansas?” Goldie looked pensive, then tapped his lips. “Reminds me of Dorothy Gale who goes all the way to Oz. Her black-and-white world goes Technicolor, and then all she wants to do is get back to that life. I never understood it. Do you really want to live somewhere that you feel threatened?”

Cole snorted at that comparison. He wondered how anyone missed that Goldie was gay. Still, it was apt.
As Cole brooded, he grew aware of how close Goldie was, how beautiful his eyes were, and how wonderful he smelled. “There’s no place like home?”
Goldie smiled.
That smile lit the world. Cole wanted to keep impressing him, to earn more of those smiles. He tried to look and sound grown-up and thoughtful. “When my mom died, the medical bills ate all the money she’d saved for my education. I thought my dad would step up and help, but he wants nothing to do with me.”

The blood drained from Cole’s face. His skin felt numb. “He said he knew no son of his would be a faggot, that he should’ve known when I came out to him. He said I wasn’t his and he didn’t owe me a damn thing.”

Cole’s righteous fury ignited in his belly and drove out the chill. It gave him strength.

That sense of rightness was all he had left.
“That’s why I’m here. Jethro Black is my father, and he needs to accept responsibility for destroying my mom’s life and mine and my dad’s and…” He balled his fingers into fists. “He fucked it all up, and he ran off, and he’s all famous and rich and doesn’t give a shit about anything but himself, and he owes it to my mom to make sure I go to college.”

BOOK: - Black Gold 2 - Double Black
11.01Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

Other books

The Man Game by Lee W. Henderson
Little Croker by Joe O'Brien
Colors of a Lady by Chelsea Roston
Kill Zone by Loren D. Estleman
The Pale House by Luke McCallin
The Death of Faith by Donna Leon