Blackstrap Hawco (103 page)

To be home.

To be here.

In this place.

He pulls up the dusty roll-top lid to see paper and envelopes tucked away in the slots. Resting there on the desk, an old-fashioned pen with ink still in it when he scribbles the nib against the blank parchment of a journal.

He pulls out the chair and sits, applying himself in the way he has been taught. A series of careful strokes patterned by hand. Trails of ink with each letter strung together to compose the meaning of a word.

Hunched forward in concentration, Blackstrap Hawco writes what he remembers, and vanishes in the telling, one story at a time.

 

Book Five

Children

 

I

Toronto

4 yrs, Jr hs hurd Ø bt vile fings bout hs dad. Junior's foster dad, Doug Tuttle, hs alw z dat Jr came frm murdering stock n dat wz Y d boy wz so useless, shiesty n la Z. Doug traced d Hawco kin lineage 2B drunkards n thieves hu ran frm Ireland. Doug z dat Jr xpect D evryting 2B handed 2 him on a silver platter. d boy alw n tears, a real sissy. prolly a fag, Doug uzd 2 s A. d boy needed 2B watchd @ evry chnc. u nvr knw w@ he'd do f u turn D ur bac on him. n Ruth wz no btr. Slutting arnd ll d tym. dey wr both lamo n ungrateful.

2 Jr, Bareneed wz a borin plce 2 gro ^ n. Ø 2 do, Xcpt woch tv n play gmes on d comp. No shpg malls or moV theatres. d foster parNts owned Junior's great-grand uncle's old hous n Bareneed. A mn named Ace had livD der a lng tym ago. d govt had done it ^ 4 ppl on welfare, tore ot mosta d insides n rebuilt.

wen d social wrkR found ot bout d hist of d hous, n d fact dat foster parNts livD n it, d social wrkR thort twas d perfect plce 4 Jr n Ruth 2B placed. aftr ll, d hous had Hawco hist 2 it. dis discovery had glad d social wrkR quite a bit. d social wrkR lOkd dat wA wen she tld Jr n Ruth bout it. She seemD rly glad 4 w@ she'd done.

der wr sme houses lk dat n Bareneed. Welfare houses done ^ nce n divided N2 2 diFrent units. d houses lOkd gud on d O/side, bt dey wouldn't stay done ^ nce 4 vry lng. Trash wd Nd ^ ot on d lawns n d paint wd peel off. sum1 hired frm d govt wd eventually cum arnd 2 fix ^ d houses. bt 1ly aftr a bunch of gripes frm d merikuns n mainlanders hu had bawt mosta d oder houses n Bareneed. doZe ppl wr alw tryiN 2 drV d welfare ppl outa doZe houses. dey md heaps of noyZ. dey had petitions done ^. dey rOt letAs 2 council. Junior's pal, Sean Mugford, had an uncL on twn council n so Sean knw dat ppl wr tryiN 2 gt d welfare ppl booted outa d comunity. Sean Mugford wz on welfare, 2.
He knw d names of sme of d ppl hu had bn complaining, so Jr n Sean wd sumtyms go arnd 2 doZe houses n smash a wndw or steal something – a TV or a stereo – and thrO it ovr a cliff N2 d sea, jst 4 a *L*. evry1 knw hu wz doiN d damage, bt Jr n Sean nvr got cort. bt d ppl hu had bn vandalized uzd d crime as a gr8r xQs 2 gt rid of d low-income housN n d comunity.

wen Ruth wz 15, she got prego, dropD outa skool, n kept d bb. movD 2 St. John's. She z it belonged 2 Muck Coveyduck, bt Jr knw d bb belonged 2 their foster dad, Doug Tuttle, Bcz he sumtyms came @ nyt. Jr hurd him. He hurd it ll W hs Iyz opN n turnD awy, staring ot d wndw, ^ d valy @ d lyts glowing n d redone houses of Bareneed. Ruth wz %-) 2 kip d bb. She movD outa dat hous n strtd workin n St. John's @ Leo's. She wz nuts 2hv kids. He wd nvr av kids. w@ wr dey gud 4? Ø bt a pain 2 feed n put clothS on their backs n buy fings 4. dey wr useless. dey 1ly md ur lyf miserable.

Jr couldn't leev d hous 'til he wz eighteen. He wtd 2, bt hs foster dad kept sAyn dat he'd set d RCMP on Jr f he lft. av him locked awy n d boy's hom n Whitbourne. So Jr stayD n hated evry1, Xcpt hs sis. He pitied her coz she let ll dat stuf hpn 2 her. She wz a lamo bozo, d wA she got on.

On hs eighteenth BDay, Jr hits d road. He tAkz off 4t hwy n heads west, drivS ll d wA ax Newfoundland, stopiN 1ly n Terra Nova n Gander 4 sme fst f%d n gas. He stops d car n Port aux Basque n waits 4t ferry dat wl taK him 2 Nova Scotia. He waits n d line n watches d huJ ferry pul N2 dock. d crs n trucks cum off n thN d crs r waved on. He drivS hs car on2 d boat n parks it n d hollow steel belly of d boat. thN he goes ^ on deck n stares bac @ d rck. brwn cliffs n green spruce. That's ll there's 2 it. A plce 2 leev. wen d ferry pulls awy, he stares 'til d l& S gon. Ø bt d drk blu of H2O. dat nyt, n d bar on d ferry, there's a;-o playN Newfoundland muzc. d ppl r drinkN n clapping along 2 d tunes. d ppl n d bar rly lk d muzc. itz foolsh 2 him. He wonders Y d guy isn't playN sngs frm d radio. aftr he hs a few (B), he calls ot requests. bt nun of em r plAd. Mac Babb, d guy W d grey beard n guitar, jst sEz he doesn't knw doZe tunes. n evry1 n d bar sEmz hpE bout dat. dey clap n holler. wen d ferry arrives n nth Sydney Jr can't w8 4 hs tires 2 tuch asphalt. He can't st&d d sway of
d boat. d massiveness of d sea. ll dat H2O. ll dat blu. It maks him feel sick.

He follows d hwy signs n keeps drivN 'til he maks it 2 Ontario. there's NOT! he's gunA stop along d wA. Nova Scotia S lk Newfoundland, d l& l%ks d same, 1ly d trees r bigA. n thN d signs *t changiN 2 french. Quebec. He stops ina gas st8N n asks f he's goin d ryt wA. d pRsN @ d countA sEz somit n french n pts 2 a map on d countA. Jr buys 1 n unfolds it on d passenger seat, chekin 4 road #s. @ lEst d road #s Rnt n french. itz evn hrdr 2 kip trak of fings @ nyt. He begins 2 drift off, catching himself fallN|-| a few tmes, 'til he pulls ovr n sleeps. d sun wakes him. d heat. &he drivS on. hngry bt nt wantN 2 stop. finaly, hes drivN thru opN fields of farmland dat seem peculiar 2 him. Farm houses n big barns set bac frm d hwy, sittN der ll solo. Big bails of hay n d fields, lk d big boulders on d barrens bac n Newfoundland.

He drivS ryt N2 Toronto. nt a clue whr he's goin, bt he sEz d big clump of buildings n d distanC. It l%ks sml. cUd it B Toronto? It's lk he cn C d hol CT. drivN on roads W 4 or 5 lanes. evry1 speeding lk maniacs. CABs almst clipping him. thN, wen he gets nearer, hes 404. Buildings towering ovr him. Streets ll d same. He's lkn4 a parkN space. It tAkz a yl. ll d crs mak hs Iyz hurt. He lastly finds a parkN space n pulls n. He notices der r signs n d windoz lkn4 employees. hlp wtd. He goes N2 d 1st plce, a donut shop n asks 2 apply. He gets d job ryt awy. d boss finds ot dat he nEdz a plce 2 stay n recommends a plce run by d manager's bro. It's a rooming hous on Brock st.

aftr he gets hs bearings, he goes 2 d subway n asks h2 gt2 d Eaton centA. He's hurd bout dat. d subway trains r fst. dey rck thru blackness. He lyks d feel of em movN lk dat. 1 plce 2 nothA qkly. He gets ot @ d Dundas stop. tAkz d stairs ^ N2 d Eting area. Keeps walkin thru 'til he finds d escalator. stors evrEwhr. He wnts a job n d comp gmes stoR, bt he duznt gt it wen he applies. nt smrt nuf. dats hw d boss l%ks @ him. d guys workin der r smrt. dey ll av glasses, bt don't lok lk jerks. dressD n rly QL clothS n sneaks. dey knw evrythin. He nos evrythin bout d gmes der bt he cnt Xpln it 2 d boss wen d boss asks him ???s.

bt dey hire him n d sneaker stoR. He lyks ll thOs sneakers. XpNsiv.
He triS 2 figure ot a wA 2 steal a few pairs, bt they're watchd prety teyet. aftr a yl, he hears frm 1of d guys n d boarding hous dat he cn B mking jst as mch $ on welfare. He duznt tel em he's gunA quit &he tAkz a pair of three-hundred $ joggers W him n sme csh frm d til wen he goes. d nxt dy, he applies 4 welfare.

sum1 tells him dat d welfare S bst n Ontario. evrytings btr on d mainland. Jr S glad 2B outa dat plce. Newfoundland S Ø bt a sht hol. d rck, dey cll it, lk it's somit specl. bt it jst sits der stuk n d midL of d sea. lamo baywops. lamo accents. He's proud wen ppl sA he doesn't sound lk a Newfoundlander. Who'd wn2 sound lk a Newfoundlander? ‘Ow she goin' b'y. A big Newfie jk. ‘ow's she get'n on, pal?' Retarded. He lyks d CT. It's QL. tunz of moV places. hs mum ded. hs dad n jail. jst a crim. n doZe Fkng foster parNts. He cUd nvr go bac der. nvr wd. Who'd evr wnt 2? Toronto S wA btr.

He nvr thort of it mch. bout hom. He triD nt 2 tnk of it. d wA fings shudve bn. He remembers d tale bout hs dad slicing d moose's throat. d tale hs dad tld him B4 he wz taken awy. dat wz QL. He collects knifs frm a stoR on Yonge st. Keeps em ll n hs rm. He'd lk 2 slit d throat of a moose. D throat of a dog. D throat of a fox he did once.

B4 Junior's mum died on him, deserted him, &he wz put n dat hous. hs dad on TV. d 1ly survivor of d drill rig dat sunk. On TV. d mn hu sank dat Portuguese trawler. A hero, dey cllD him. hs foster dad laffin n shaking hs hed. lamo fckr, z hs foster dad, (B) n h&, wotchN Blackstrap Hawco on TV. w@ a Fkng loser.

d 1ly reasN he's contmpl8N it nw S coz of d f@ Nvelop dat wz n hs bx dat AM. Twas addressed 2 Jr Hawco. W no addresses on it Itha n no stamp. jst Jr Hawco. dat isn't evn hs lst nme no mor. hs foster dad had Jr n Ruth's lst nme chngd 2 Tuttle. He cUd do dat coz he adopted em. d Nvelop hs d nme Blackstrap Hawco ^ whr d rt adr wz, bt it l%ks lk d nme wz prntD by a lil kid.

He wonders hw d mail gotta him. hu wd knw whr he lyfs. No 1. He nvr tld NE1.

He tears opN d padded Nvelop n pulls ot a thik bunch of folded sheets of ppr. There's also an old b%k n der. myt B wrth somit. He stands der n opens d b%k. d pp r yellO. Old. d wrds r ritN ot n old styl ryTN. He triS readN em, bt it's ll big wrds n it tAkz 2 lng. He finx
bout bringiN it 2 dat b%k shop dwn on d Danforth. d 1 W ll d old bux n d wndw. mayB he cn gt sme $ 4 it.

He l%ks @ d sml TV on d seat n d crnA of hs rm. An ad cums on 4t nu moV W Jenna Darcy n it. She's Canadian. She lyfs n Toronto frm w@ he read on www bout her. He nos whr she lyfs evn. u cn gt NEfin frm d www.

wen d comercial S ovr 4t horror moV, Jr unfolds d letta pp. He reads evryting dats ritN der. d old b%k isa jnl dat Blackstrap found n uncL Ace's old hous. A jnl dat uncL Ace rOt wen evry1 thort he wz outa hs mnd. wen he wouldn't sA a wrd. dis S what's ritN on d letta. He reads thru d pp. thN he reads it ll ovr agn. stuf bout d 1880s n bout ppl he doesn't knw. sum1 named Patrick Hawco. Fishermen. n men n women frm oder countries. Ireland. England. Merchants. What's a merchant? sum1 hu owns a stoR ina mal. Merchant somit or oder. He remembers hearin dat. What's a trapline? He skips ovr big sections coz it's borin. It's suposD 2hv somit 2 do W him, bt he an't C d point. It's lk somit he had2 read n skool. borin poo bout hx. hu cares bout w@ hapnd? wuz dat hav2 do W nw? hs nme isn't NEware n it.

He triS readN d pp ovr agn. bt evn on d 3rd n 4th try it maks no senZ 2 him. Ø S rly hapNg. Xcpt 4 sum1 frezn 2 deth. That's prety QL. n d shipwreck stuf. bt mosta it's ll 2 slO. mayB it isn't frm hs dad @ ll. d stuf he wz readN sounded Ø lk hs dad. nt a wrd of it. hs stepfather tld Jr dat Blackstrap wz iliter8. dey z dat ryt on TV wen he sank dat Portuguese boat. An iliter8 fisherman st&ing ^ 2 Portugal.

Jr thort d wrds myt B bout prizN n stuf. killN ppl. mayB sum1 jst sent it 2 him as a jk. That's w@ it feels lk, a jk. Didn't he Nta dat contest 2B on a tv shO wen he bawt d nu TV lst mth? dat must B it. dey go aftr ur past lkn4 stuf u didn't knw bout. stuf that'd MbrS u, bt u win gr8 prizes. clothS n cmputAs n Ntrtainmnt systems n cell fons. He rOt hs nme dwn 4 dat. n synD it. givin em permission 2 do NEfin. fnd ot NEfin bout him. Must B w@ it's bout. wen dey gt thru havN fun W him, thN he gets 2 battle it ot W 10 oder ppl 2C hu survives. e@tiN gross fings or makin hs wA thru d jngl. d 1 hu survives gt a million $. He'd gt thru dat ez. Survive NEfin.

He can't hlp bt . mayB he'd gt2 mEt Jenna Darcy. He shakes hs hed n puts hs arm ovr d bac of d seat. hs Iyz go evrywhr arnd hs room,
lukin ^ @ d ceiling n @ d walls, 1dering whr d camRA S hidN. It cUd B NEware.

He checks hs woch. tym 2 hed 4 Yonge st n ck ot a strip joint. He's ReD, dressD, hs nu outfit, baggy pants, baggy shirt, nu sneaks, hs D:-) hat on sideways. He lks W styl, W ata2ud 2 d door n goes dwn d stairway ot N2 d st. ppl ll arnd him, he passes an alleyway n trns hs hed 2 ck der. Hands grab him, n there's a curse thru skrood ^ lips. A gun n hs face. d smel of steel n oil. Pulled deeper n deeper 2wrd d dumpster n Bhnd it. Banged against it. d bac of hs hed smacking der, hurtin.

‘ur Fkng wallet.'

‘Got no wallet. Don' carry nun.'

‘ur Fkng $.'

‘Got nun.'

Hands n hs pockets. Ø bt a bunch of chng n subway tokens. Flung ax d alleyway, bouncing n jangling off brick. Iyz jerking frm hs face, dwn ovr hs bod, 2 d ground.

‘ur sneakers, MoFo.'

‘No, Fkng wA.'

‘Now.'

‘No Fkng wA.'

‘Now, u fckr.'

‘No, fuK off.'

‘fuK u.'

‘fuK u, fckr.'

‘FUUUUCKKK u.'

‘FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKK!'

 

gunshot bang'n

wyt boy's face

red 187

footsteps runN

slap my streetment

hrd W bl%d

sEz so hom 2 d 'ho

hu suk my dik

'n she no knw

i blast a hol

n 1 mor

whip-cracker

mastA

 

U
NIDENTIFIED
M
AN
F
OUND
D
EAD IN
A
LLEYWAY

( from the
Toronto Star)

(Toronto, ON) Aug. 12 – An unidentified man found dead Saturday in a burning dumpster had been shot to death, the Toronto medical examiner's office has ruled. The body was discovered in an alleyway off Brock Street West by firemen responding to the blaze.

Police do not have a motive or a suspect in the homicide. They are asking anyone with information about the crime to contact the Toronto Police or Crime Stoppers.

 

CityTV News Update:

 

City police are still trying to identify a man found Saturday morning in a burning dumpster on Brock Street.

The man, described as between 18 and 30 years old, was shot in the alleyway before being dragged to the dumpster. Investigators have no further details about the case.

Anyone with information is asked to call the nearest Toronto Police detachment.

 

II

Cutland Junction/Bareneed/Corner Brook

Catherine, Amanda, Emily, Ruth, as he hopes to believe.

It is Agnes Bishop who has come, not as a doctor but as the woman he expects, a visitor he refuses to see; she has made the journey regardless. Agnes, near enough now to hear his final words: a litany of injuries she reads again and again from the autopsy report in the yellow envelope she keeps in the drawer beside her bed.

It is she who finds him in the water after the boat crash, identifies his features, sprinkled with windshield glass, unzips his drowned bloated body from the survival suit, turns her face away from the body parts left once the locomotive has passed, hears the flesh-trapped slosh of water in the lungs. It is she who is called to his cell and loosens the tightly knotted sheet, marvels at the heart-stopping gunshot wound, the antler gouged through the heart. It is she who notices the locket around his neck, the fine strand of chain cut into his skin, and gently plucks the progression of tiny links from the flesh etching, exposing the trail of strangulation, her fingers lifting the locket to slide her thumbnail into the crack. The split not so easily opened. She must use both thumbnails, prying them into the silver crevice, forcing them deeper until the pressure pops the clasp. And in the confined space, so small that they might barely be contained, two photographs are fitted. On the right, there is Ruth. On the left, Junior. A sight Agnes cannot bear for its duplicity, the reflection of features in each of her eyes melding to imprint a single image of Blackstrap. The pale ovals of two children's faces watching each other for all eternity across the quarter-inch chasm once the locket is shut. With Agnes' fingers fastening the catch behind her neck, the length of chain dangles, the locket slipping down to settle in the divide of her barren breasts.