Blessings (9 page)

Her fingers grazed his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

He tipped his chin to give her a smile. “It’s okay. You’re worth it.”

Pink flooded her cheeks, and she hopped from the hood. She twisted her apron around her hands. “Do you trust me to try it now with the car?”

“That’s why we’re out here.” But suddenly teaching her to drive was secondary. Just
being
with her out on the open landscape with the wind whispering through the cornfields and the Kansas sun warming their heads was a pleasure beyond compare. He stifled a groan. Would he be able to make Trina his in every sense of the word?

She bustled around the hood and climbed back into the driver’s seat. Graham followed more slowly, and when she reached for the ignition, he caught her hand. She sent him a look that was half puzzled, half scared.

“Trina, this week was the longest of my life. Know why?”

The breeze through the open window caught her ribbons, making them twirl beneath her chin. She licked her lips, shaking her head slightly.

“Because I didn’t see you.”

“You could have if you’d taken me to the singing like we’d planned.”

He cringed at the slight accusation in her tone. He regretted not going after her, yet the hurt had still been too deep. Meeting her gaze, he hoped his eyes reflected an apology. “I don’t want to go another week like that.” He hesitated then braved a question: “Do you?”

A smile trembled on her lips. “I missed you, too, Graham.” She swallowed. “I really don’t want to displease you.”

Her innocent expression, the sweet words, gave Graham the courage to slip his fingers between hers, linking their hands. “I know you don’t.”

She removed her hand from his grasp, curling it over the gearshift. “And I appreciate your teaching me to drive, even though we had a falling-out.”

“It’s easy to forgive you, Trina.”

She shot him a quick look, her brows low, but she didn’t say anything.

Graham went on. “And I’m willing to wait while you get your animal-care whim worked out of your system.” He released a chuckle and said teasingly, “Tony told me you’re doing a lot of scrubbing. I figure it won’t take you too long to get tired of that.”

The answering smile he expected didn’t come. A weight pressed on his chest. “What’s wrong?”

“Graham, I’ve tried to tell you. This isn’t a whim.” She closed her eyes for a moment, drawing in a slow breath. When she faced him again, the seriousness in her expression made him hold his breath. “Do you really love me?”

He leaned toward her. “You know I do.”

“Then can I trust you to keep a secret?”

Graham glanced out the window, scanning the empty landscape. He lifted his shoulders in a shrug and met her gaze. “Yes.”

She looked hard into his face, seemingly deciding whether or not she truly could trust him. He resisted fidgeting, frustration building. Finally, she gave a little nod, as if giving herself a private message, and then she spoke. “Learning to drive is just the first step in becoming a real animal doctor. I’ve been using Beth McCauley’s computer, and I figured out how I can get the equivalent of a high school diploma. After that, I plan to enroll in online classes. It will probably take me several years, and I might even have to leave Sommerfeld for a little while, but eventually I’ll be a real veterinarian.”

“College.” Graham tried to hold his temper, but he knew the word barked out. “You’re really going to do it.” He had hoped the long week of distance between them had awakened her to what really mattered—namely, becoming a wife.
His
wife.

She nodded. “That’s what I’m working toward. Maybe it won’t happen, but I have to try. This. . .this tug on my heart is too strong to ignore. I
have
to try.”

Her pleading expression tore at him. He faced forward, away from the silent entreaty for understanding. “College, Trina, is against the fellowship.” He didn’t say it was against what he wanted. She already knew that.

She ducked her head. “I know. And it’s hard to think of going against the rules of the fellowship, but—” Her head came up, her hand grasping his arm. “Why would God give me these desires if I wasn’t meant to follow through with them? That would be cruel! Don’t you see?”

Graham carefully removed her hand from his arm. “All I see is you are foolishly chasing a dream that will lead to nothing but heartache for—” He started to say “me.” Realizing how selfish it would sound, he amended, “Your parents. Have they approved this?”

Her quivering chin gave the answer. Suddenly, he wondered about something else. “Do they know I’m teaching you to drive?”

She pulled in her lower lip and slowly shook her head.

“Then you’re sneaking around behind their backs. That’s a sin, Trina!”

“I don’t want to sneak, but if I tell them now, they’ll say no. They need time to think about it. Once they see how much it means to me, they’ll come around.”

Graham considered her statement. Did she think he, too, would come around? He’d just told her he was willing to wait for her, but now, looking down the road to years of college classes and her using the earned degree, he feared he may have told a lie.

Slamming out of the car, he stomped around the hood and yanked open the driver’s door. “Scoot over.”

She blinked at him, her mouth open in surprise.

“I’m driving you back to town,” he said, his voice grim. “I won’t help you deceive your parents.”

Tears trembled on Trina’s lashes, but she worked her way over the gearshift to the opposite side of the seat. Graham sat behind the steering wheel and gave the ignition a vicious twist that brought the engine to life. He jammed the car into first gear, revving the engine. Not until he had shifted into third and they were traveling at fifty-five miles per hour with a cloud of dust whirling behind them did Trina speak.

“Graham?”

He grunted, his eyes aimed ahead.

“Even if you won’t teach me to drive, you–you’ll keep my secret, won’t you?”

His jaw clenched, the back teeth clamping down so hard it hurt. But he gave a brusque nod.

He heard her sigh. “Thank you, Graham.”

He wouldn’t need to tell. There were no secrets in Sommerfeld. It wouldn’t be long. Her folks would get wind of her plans, and they’d bring an end to this nonsense. Then maybe she’d listen to reason and accept his marriage proposal.

N
INE

H
i, sweetheart.” Beth set the paper bag she was carrying onto the kitchen table and opened her arms for Sean’s hug. “I didn’t expect to see you until late this evening.” He had left before dawn that morning for Kansas City to meet his father and representatives from a church in Olathe.

“The meeting ended early.”

“Did they like your plans?” Beth knew Sean had worried over the drawings of the church addition, mixed messages from various committee members making it difficult to pinpoint their exact needs.

He sighed, his breath stirring her hair. “Back to the drawing board.”

“Oh, hon, I’m sorry.” She burrowed closer. “And then you come home to no wife and no dinner started.”

“That’s okay.” Sean nuzzled her ear, his hands roaming up and down her spine. “If nothing else, we’ll walk to the café and grab something there.”

“It’s Wednesday—they close at three, remember?” With a gentle push against his chest, she freed herself, reaching up to tousle his thick red-blond hair. “But I can throw together some grilled cheese sandwiches and open a bagged salad.” She didn’t pretend to be a good homemaker, and so far Sean hadn’t complained. Of course, they were still in their honeymoon period. Sometimes she wondered how he could bear to leave her as often as he did with his business travels, and other times she savored the privacy.

Sean crossed his arms and yawned. “So where’ve you been? I called the studio to let you know I was on my way. Andrew said you’d left early, but you didn’t answer the cell.”

Beth crinkled her nose. “I left it at home—sorry.” She moved to the sack and reached inside. “I went to an auction in Carston this afternoon. They’d advertised a Depression-era bedroom suite. I thought if I could get it reasonably, I’d fill up the second bedroom.”

Sean came up behind her and curled his hands over her shoulders. “I take it you didn’t get it?”

“Nope. Went higher than I wanted to spend. But”—she lifted a stack of books from the sack—“I got all of these for a dollar.” She laid the books across the table, brushing the covers with her fingertips. “Look—high school textbooks. They’re outdated, but they’re better than nothing.” Trina would be delighted with her find.

Sean reached to pick one up, a frown on his face. “Algebra.” He looked at the others on the table. “American history, geometry, and earth science? What are you going to do with these?”

Beth laughed, rising on tiptoe to deliver a quick smack on his lips. “They’re for Trina so she can prepare for her GED.”

Sean’s frown deepened. “So you’re helping her, huh?”

She shot him a sharp look. “Is there some reason I shouldn’t?”

He sighed, plopping the book back onto the table. “You know how the Old Order Mennonite feel about higher education. Letting Trina explore on the Internet is one thing, but buying her books so she can prepare for a GED? That’s overstepping some pretty big boundaries, Beth.”

Beth took a step back and gawked at her husband. “So I should leave her floundering alone? The poor kid is getting trampled from every direction—her parents, her boyfriend, even Andrew, who should know better than to stomp on somebody’s dream.
Someone
needs to offer a helping hand.”

“Now don’t get all defensive on me.” Sean reached out and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. She jerked her head away from his touch. He clamped his jaw for a moment then dropped his hand. “Stop and think about it, Beth. We already have trouble fitting in around here since we aren’t Mennonite or Amish. Do you want to give the community another reason to distrust us?”

“I’m not going to let their attitudes dictate what I do,” Beth protested. “Trina’s a smart girl with a lot of ambition. It isn’t fair that she can’t pursue veterinary school if she wants to.”

“It might not be fair,” Sean countered, “but we don’t write the rules. And I’m afraid you’re going to open a can of worms if you get involved.”

Beth opened her mouth to argue, but Sean placed his fingers over her lips.

“No, let’s don’t fight about this.” He slipped his arms around her again, drawing her close. She allowed his embrace but held her body stiff, still disgruntled with him. He murmured into her ear. “I’m tired and hungry. Let’s drive into McPherson or Newton and get some supper, relax, and talk about nothing, okay?”

Sean’s hands roved gently over her back, reminding her how much she had missed him during his absence. Beth relented, relaxing into Sean’s embrace. “All right. That sounds good. Let me change my shirt, though—I got really sweaty out in the sun.” She lifted her face for his kiss then headed to their bedroom to change.

“I’ll put these books back in the bag,” Sean called after her, “and put them on the utility porch.”

She sighed. “Fine.”
Out of sight, out of mind,
she supposed. She didn’t want to fight with her husband, but Trina was the first person in Sommerfeld to befriend her. She owed the girl something. If that something turned out to be assistance in seeing her dreams become reality, then Sean would just have to accept it.

Trina slammed the book shut and released a strangled groan. From the computer, Beth looked over her shoulder.

“What’s the problem?”

“Algebra. Rational expressions, factoring, complex numbers. All I had in school was add, subtract, divide, and multiply. None of this stuff makes sense to me!” She put her forehead on the books. The musty smell of the old textbook filled her nostrils, reminding her of the generations-long rules of the Old Order community. Who did she think she was, trying to change the traditions? “Maybe I should just forget it.”

A hand grabbed her shoulder and pulled her upright. She looked up into Beth’s stern face.

“Trina Muller, I never took you for a quitter.”

“But, Beth,” Trina said, “it’s pointless! Even if Mama and Dad do say it’s okay, I’ll never pass the test.” Flopping the book open, she pointed to a problem. “Look at this! If
x
-
y
= 1, and 2
x
-
y
= 5, then what are
x
and
y
?” She clenched her fists. “I don’t know!”

Beth sat down next to Trina and looked at the problems in the book. She sighed, sending Trina an apologetic look. “I took algebra in high school, but it was a long time ago. I’m afraid I don’t remember a lot about the formal steps involved in resolving algebraic equations, but I know with this we can do a little simple problem-solving and find the answer.”

“How?” The feeling of hopelessness made Trina want to cry. For the past week, she’d spent her late evenings holed up in her room reading the history and science books Beth had purchased. Those subjects were interesting, almost like reading stories or taking a walk through nature, and she’d enjoyed them. But neither algebra nor geometry was enjoyable. Certainly both mathematics areas would be on the GED test, and Trina would have to master them in order to pass. She blinked back tears. “Can you show me?”

Beth picked up Trina’s pencil. “Look. You know in each of the equations,
x
and
y
have to be the same number. So let’s just explore. Start with 2-1, which equals 1. Put the 2 for
x
and the 1 for
y
in the second equation. Does it work?”

Trina frowned at the problem. “No.”

“Okay, then go to the next two sets of numbers that will equal one–3-2.”

Trina worked her way through Beth’s system. When she tried 4 for
x
and 3 for
y
, both problems worked. She clapped her hands and crowed, “Success!” Her euphoria lasted only moments, however; an entire page of problems—more complex than the one she’d just solved—waited. She wilted again. Looking at Beth, she implored, “Tell me again I can do this.”

Beth caught one of Trina’s string ties and tickled her nose with it. “You can do this! I believe in you!”

Tears of gratitude flooded Trina’s eyes. “Thank you, Beth. It means so much to have you encouraging me. I just wish I had a private teacher—what is that called?”

“A tutor.”

“Yes, a tutor. But I don’t know anyone in town who’s had this kind of math.”

Beth flicked a glance into the front room, where her husband sat watching television. Trina’s heart skipped a beat. Sean McCauley drew blueprints for elaborate buildings. Surely he was familiar with these different types of mathematics. She waited for Beth to ask him to help, but instead she turned back to Trina.

“Well, it isn’t as if you have to know the whole book to pass the test,” Beth said. “There will be basic math and a spattering of the higher-level mathematics. If you do well on the other parts, then a so-so score on the math part should still let you pass.”

“Do you really think so?” Trina pressed both palms to her stomach. “When I think about taking that test, I start to feel queasy.”

“And how do you feel when you consider not taking the test and giving up?”

Trina’s lips trembled into a weak smile. “Queasy.”

Beth laughed. “So you might as well feel queasy and forge forward, huh?” She tapped the book. “Study. Do at least five of these.” She got up and returned to the computer.

With a sigh, Trina got back to work. It took nearly half an hour to work five problems, and she was almost relieved when the telephone rang and Beth held it out to her.

“It’s your brother.”

Trina took the phone. “Hello?”

“Mom said to call and have you come home.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I think she’s upset about all the time you’ve been spending over at the McCauleys’ lately. Might want to step careful when you get here.”

Trina stifled a sigh. Never demonstrative, Mama had been downright cold to her ever since she started working with Dr. Groening. Between Mama’s chilly treatment and Graham’s avoidance, Trina carried a constant heartache. She said, “Maybe I’ll swing by the park and pick her a few daisies. That usually cheers her up.”

“Okay.” Tony brought his voice back to full volume. “See you in a few minutes.”

Trina handed the telephone back to Beth. “I have to go—Mama’s missing me.”

Beth smiled. “Well, you have been spending a lot of time here. She’s used to seeing you all day, every day. I imagine she does miss you.”

Trina forced a light chuckle as she gathered up her papers and pencils. “Probably mostly she just wonders what I’m up to over here.”

Sean pushed off from the sofa and walked to the wide doorway between the front room and dining room. “You haven’t told your parents yet?”

Trina glanced up and caught Beth and Sean exchanging a quick, tense look. She shook her head slowly. “No. I’m going to wait until I’ve passed the GED and have been accepted into a college program.”

Sean leaned against the doorjamb and folded his arms across his chest. “Was that Beth’s advice?”

Beth shot Sean a look that made Trina gulp.

“Um, no. Actually, Beth advised the opposite—to just come right out and tell them what I’m doing. But I want to wait.” She observed Sean’s expression change to approving, and Beth’s mouth unpursed. Uncomfortable with the silent messages being sent back and forth between the pair, Trina snatched up her things and bustled toward the door. “Thanks again for the help, Beth. I’ll see you tomorrow. . . maybe.” She closed the door behind her and stepped into the humid air of midevening.

Instead of going directly home, Trina headed for the area dubbed “the park” by Sommerfeld’s young people. Just an empty lot where a livery barn had burned down almost twenty years ago, the area now sported halfhearted grass, a spattering of wildflowers, and a crude picnic table and benches constructed out of scrap lumber by a couple of boys learning to use their fathers’ tools.

The farmers’ market sellers used the area, as did young people on pleasant evenings for a place to gather and talk. Trina hoped a handful of daisies, her mother’s favorite flower, might stave off an unpleasant series of questions concerning her frequent evenings spent with Beth McCauley. Mama had warmed considerably toward Beth since Uncle Henry, Mama’s younger brother, had married Beth’s mother, but she still didn’t approve of Beth’s non-Mennonite lifestyle. Anyone who wasn’t Mennonite was suspect, as far as Mama was concerned.