Blind Impulse (31 page)

Simon grabbed her.  “Juliana, what’s wrong?”

“
This is all my fault!” S
he sobbed an
d pushed away from him.  She ran for her room and Simon looked at Alyna, his expression agonized.

Alyna jumped to her feet, reaching Juliana’s door before she could slam it closed.  She pushed her way through, shutting it silently behind her.  “Juliana, wh
at happened?  Johannes wasn’t rude to you, was he?”

“
Oh nay, he was kind.”  Juliana remained frozen in the room, still crying.

Alyna stepped forward and tugged her into an embrace.  Juliana sagged against her while Alyna tried to calm the poor girl.

“
He...
he kept asking me why I didn’t support my brother
,” she gasped, her voice muffled against Alyna’s shoulder.  “As I explained everything to him, I realized even more what I fool I was and how terribly I acted.  Johannes could not understand why I would fight against m
y own brother so hard, why I could not believe in him.  And then he asked why I changed my mind.  That’s when I had to tell him about you and what happened because I betrayed Garin.  The expression on his face...oh, Alyna it was terrible.  He was horrified
and appalled.  I realized I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I don’t deserve to be happy with Simon when all I have brought is agony upon you and Garin.”

Alyna’s arms tightened around her.  “Hush, Juliana, do not say such things.”

“
Then Johannes said he be
lieves my actions gave
Chause
cause to annul your marriage.  He thinks Naworth appealed to
Chause
after the siege
with very large tithes and
saying my change of heart was forced because I feared for my life, especially after Garin killed Peter.  My courting Simon has only cast more
suspicion on the matter.  Because he is low in rank, and so devoted to Garin, Johannes said others will believe Garin ordered him to court me.  No one denies his reputation on the battlefield and by courting me the threat to my life is constantly next to
me.”

Alyna sighed, squeezing her eyes closed.  “All of us know that is nonsense.”

“
But others don’t!” she wailed.  “Don’t you see?  That’s why I have to end this with Simon.  If I cease his courtship then others will realize he holds no threat over me and
it will take that argument away.”

Alyna grabbed her shoulders and pushed back enough to glare down at her.  “You will not end this courtship!  Do you understand me?”

“
But, I have--”

“
You will not!  I will not see two more broken hearts in this, Juliana.  S
imon loves you as much as Garin loves me, you will not hurt him.”

She swallowed hard, tears still streaming down her cheeks.

“
Juliana, listen to me, if Johannes is as good at his work as he boasts, then he will find another way.  You are not at fault here.
  You made mistakes but then you made every effort to correct them, and correct them you did.  You are my sister now, I love you and Garin loves you.  Why else would he knock Simon flat on his back when he worried for your honor?”

Her words had the desired
effect as Juliana’s lips twitched.

Alyna smiled and smoothed Juliana’s hair back.  “We all love you, Juliana, nothing will ever change that.”

Juliana threw her arms around her again, hugging Alyna tightly.  “Thank you,” she whispered.  “Simon was very rig
ht about you.”

“
What do you--”

They heard a crash in the great hall.

“
Oh dear,” Alyna said and spun, rushing through the door with Juliana right behind her.

She saw Simon raging in fury, her father standing between him and Johannes, trying to push Simon ba
ck.  Johannes pressed himself against the wall, his eyes wide.  A pace beside him lay a shattered chair.

“
What did you do to my lady?” Simon roared.

“
Renwick,” Geoff bellowed, shoving him back a pace.  “Killing the law cleric is not going to help!”

“
Simon!
” Juliana cried and rushed forward.

Simon froze, staring at Juliana. 

She threw herself into his arms.  “Simon,” Juliana said.  “Johannes did nothing, this is not his fault.”

His anger suddenly faded as he held her and closed his eyes.

Geoff relaxed and s
tepped away from them, looking at Johannes.  The law cleric sighed and straightened his rumpled tunic, still eyeing Simon nervously.

“
What happened?” Alyna asked as she approached her father and Johannes.

“
I fear Sir Renwick thought I caused the lady’s dis
tress,” Johannes said.  “I vow I did not mean to upset her so terribly.”

“
Don’t worry,” Alyna said.  “I talked to her.”

“
The ending of the courtship was her idea, not mine,” Johannes said.  “I pray she does not go through with it or I’m a dead man.”

Julian
a led Simon away, speaking with him intently.  Simon shot a glare at Johannes but continued, his arm firmly around Juliana’s shoulders.

“
You don’t have anything to worry about,” Alyna said and winked at her father.

Geoff chuckled.  “Aye.  But remember Joha
nnes, Sir Renwick is a man bred for war, he will react to any threat the only way he knows how.”

“
I shall remember that, Sir Salkeld, and I thank you for stopping him.”

Geoff chuckled again and walked away.

****

Although Johannes made progress, to Alyna
it was agonizingly slow.  Fortunately, Juliana did not end her courtship with Simon, and the young knight stayed away from Johannes.

But Alyna found her nerves in tatters as time passed.  The breeding sickness intensified instead of fading.  All she could
stomach were light soups and a bit of bread.  Her retching and dizziness grew worse.  Sometimes vertigo struck so suddenly her vision went black and she feared she would faint.  Alyna grew concerned, although her belly developed a subtle roundness, it seem
ed as if she was losing weight instead of gaining.

She said nothing, fearing if she spoke she would only worry her father.  Johannes finally finished the interviews, and locked himself in the study with a large stack of manuscripts.  He left the room only
to eat on occasion and attend mass.  Alyna grew concerned for him as well.  He worked well into the night and his expression seemed haggard and weary.

One evening, just as Alyna rose from the table in the great hall, intending to go to bed, Johannes emerge
d from his study and called her inside.

She entered, wondering what question he had come up with now.

“
My lady,” he said, pointing to a stack of parchment neatly arranged on his desk.  “I have arrived at a decision.”

Her heart lurched and battered her ribs
.  She felt the blood drain from her face and she forced herself to suck air into her lungs.  “And that is?”

He leaned against the desk, folding his arms over his chest.  “
Chause
does not have the authority to annul this marriage, but that is not enough to
overrule his decision.  Many times, arch-deacons have ruled on annulments and the bishops have supported their decisions in a simple effort to reduce their own overburdened courts.”

Alyna’s fists tightened on her skirts, her palms clammy with sweat.

“
Tha
t being said, I have found
Chause’s
actions to be most questionable.  My extensive interviews and research have shown me a remarkable event in the fact that Garin Swein succeeded so well.  When your father first contacted me, I must admit I seriously doubt
ed his claims.”  He paused, shaking his head.  “But my arrival here showed the error of my doubts and I found myself wishing I had indeed been present to see this miracle.  So, lady, I mean to go directly to the source.  I want to meet your husband and spe
ak with him.  If he
confirm
s
all we have done here, then I can and will take action against
Chause
.  But I caution you, if I do not find proof of these claims within Garin, then I have no choice but to support
Chause’s
decision.”

The world s
uddenly spun around her and Alyna trembled violently.  She battled to understand his words.  There was a chance of their marriage surviving but it all depended on Garin.

Which is exactly where the fact of the matter had been all along.  Only Garin’s streng
th and courage had given him the ability to rise above his fate.  She had assisted him, loved and believed in him, but only Garin could truly earn the victory.

“
Thank you, Lord Johannes,” she said her voice a bare whisper.  Tears suddenly streamed down her
cheeks.  “I know Garin will not disappoint you.”

Johannes frowned at her.  “Lady, are you all right?  Your face is terribly white.”

“
I am fine, thank you.”  She turned to leave but that was a mistake as everything spun and her vision went black.  She sudd
enly felt as if she were floating but then she realized she was falling.

“
Dear God, Alyna,” Johannes said.  She felt his arms wrap around her as he kept her from pitching head first into the ground.  “Sir Salkeld!  Lady Juliana!” he bellowed.

The door flun
g open and her father rushed through.  “What happened?”

“
She swooned,” Johannes said as he lifted her into his arms and quickly pushed his way through the door. 

Juliana rushed forward, touching her face.  “Oh dear, get her upstairs.” 

Alyna fisted her h
and into Johannes’ tunic, trying to grab something solid to slow her spinning world.  Johannes carried her to the solar and eased her onto the bed.  Juliana placed a cold cloth on her forehead which helped clear her muddled thoughts.

“
What happened?” her f
ather asked again, his voice strained.

“
I think it is simply her breeding sickness,” Juliana said.  “She can barely keep down any food and the stress of all this has been too much for her.”

Johannes sighed, gripping Alyna’s hand.  “Worry not, lady, this sh
all be as God wills.”  He stepped back, explaining his decision to her father.

Alyna squeezed her eyes shut trying to gather herself.  Juliana made a tea which calmed her stomach and eased her dizziness.

“
I plan on leaving for
Croglin
in the morning,” Joha
nnes said to Geoff.  “You are welcome to accompany me.”

“
I will,” Geoff replied firmly.

“
As will I,” Alyna said.

Her father glanced at her startled.  “Alyna--”

“
Nay, father,” she said pushing herself onto her elbow.  “I will be fine and you have no right k
eeping me from this.  This is my life and my family.”

“
Alyna, you must rest and consider your child.”

“
I am considering my child!” she snapped.  “And I will rest tonight.  You would have to tie me down to keep me away.”

“
Alyna,” her father said, his temper
rising.  “I will not allow you--”

“
Not this time, father,” she said her voice soft but strong.  “I will accompany you and no one...no one...is going to stop me.  And that is all I will hear on the matter.”

Geoff took a breath to reply, dragging his hand t
hrough his hair.  Alyna arched an eyebrow at him.  Abruptly he turned on his heel, stomping out of the room, muttering under his breath.  “Foolhardy...stubborn...ill tempered....” she lost his words as he stormed down the hall.

Johannes flashed her a brigh
t smile and winked.  He turned and followed Geoff.  “Sir Salkeld,” he called.

Alyna heard only the sound of voices, not their words, but suddenly her father cursed.  “She doesn’t get it from me, you bloody fool,
it’s
her mother!”

Surprisingly Johannes laugh
ed.  “Somehow I doubt that, Sir Salkeld, for you are the most stubborn, ill-tempered man I have ever met aside from Renwick.  And those qualities, both in yourself and your daughter, are probably what will win the day.  Now come, let’s avail ourselves to a
cup of wine.”

Her father’s voice faded down the hall but then she heard one last curse.  “I am not stubborn or ill tempered!”

Alyna looked at Juliana who fought down a giggle and failed.  Abruptly they were both laughing so hard they were crying.