Blind Reality (12 page)

A kiss!

I wanted more. I want more now, and every second that we spend together just increases my desire for him. The hand holding and random kisses are not enough to sustain me for three months. Last night in the bathtub I could feel that he wanted me, so I know attraction isn’t the issue. No, the issue is his bullshit rule that we can’t be married outside of the house. Does he not see how that makes me feel? I’m on this show to find my forever, like Millie. Not my temporary.

Joshua and I are nothing like Amanda and Gary. We get along and we want to spend time together. Those two are at each other’s throats all the time and she can’t keep her eyes off of my husband. It’s annoying, and even though he and I will be done when the show is over, she doesn’t know that.

I try to read the novel in my hands, but my eyes want nothing to do with the words printed on the page. No, they’re focused on Josh and the beads of sweat that I imagine are dripping over his well-defined valleys and traveling over his hipbones. The V that every woman desires in her man is like a beacon in mine. I want to mold my body to his so I can feel him pressed against me, just one time.

The gasp next to me causes me to lose focus and look to my left. Thankfully, dark sunglasses cover my eyes and Amanda can’t see my eye roll. When is she going to stop gawking at someone that will never belong to her? I shouldn’t say that. Maybe Josh and her have a connection that I’m not aware of. I should ask him, but then again I’d really hate knowing she’s his type and I’m not. That thought alone drives me deeper into my self-induced-let’s-feel-sorry-for-Joey depression. I can’t fault her, though. Of all the guys here, she sort of got the short end of the stick. Gary is that guy who didn’t grow up around a lot of women. He doesn’t know how to act. He’s a bit crass and definitely rude, nothing like Joshua and Cole. It’s easy to see why he’s still single.

Millie comes out with three glasses of wine, handing one to Amanda and I. It’s hot and I shouldn’t drink, but what the hell? What’s the worse that’s going to happen?

A lot
.

“How was last night?” Millie asks, as she sits down next to me, creating a Joey sandwich with Amanda on my other side. Amanda spins her legs around and faces me. Of course, she wants details. I look at Joshua and wonder how he’d feel if I made up a night of passion or if he’d want me to go with the standard “no comment” that he gives so many times when answering questions about his personal life. If we’re not living a life outside the house, what does it matter?

I shrug nonchalantly. “I’m not sure I really want to talk about it. I mean, I didn’t ask you, Millie.” I decide playing coy is the only way to go. I don’t want to lie, and I don’t want anyone to know that he just held my hand all night. The less ammunition Amanda has the better, in my opinion.

“Huh,” Amanda says before turning back around. “I never thought about that. I guess I wouldn’t want you guys asking about Gary and me. I mean, Cole told everyone when he was asked. I suppose we just wait until the next live show.”

Great, 
she
 has to be the voice of reason.

“Yeah true. It’s just that Joey is living out a fantasy that we’ve all had, and I was curious if the hype is there or if he’s a complete dud in bed.”

I spit out the wine I had just begun to swallow and both of them start patting me on the back. My eyes meet Joshua’s, and even from across the yard I can see the concern. I shake my head slightly, hoping he knows that I’m okay and that he doesn’t need to come over here. I don’t want the others getting a good look at his chest, even though he likes to go around shirtless. I think he does that to drive me nuts, to get my lady bits worked up only to be let down at the end of the night.

He has to know he’s hot.

“Joey to the confession room.”

I groan at the robot coming over the intercom. This morning we were told that our confession room sessions would start today. It’s nice how the show has eased us in, and not thrown everything at us from the get-go, but the confession room is something I can do without. I don’t have anything to talk about, and I have a feeling the questions or prompts will be invasive.

As I walk toward the door, Joshua stops me. His hand on my side sends waves of tingles all over my body. I take a deep breath, inhaling his cologne, and muster the strength to look at him. Big mistake. He’s already tanning from the sun and his eyes are perfect. Beads of sweat sit on his torso are making me wish I were a towel so I could clean him up.

I need help.

“Remember, the viewers are going to hear this so you want to appease them.”

My masked expression must relay enough so I don’t have to answer him.

“Just be yourself. We’re falling for each other and you want to play into the hands of my fans.”

“Right, your fans … And what? We’re falling for each other?”
His fans
?
We’re falling for each other
? I don’t think anyone, other than myself, is falling anywhere and I’m heading down the
Alice in Wonderland
hole of fictional reality. This man … I want him to fall for me. I want the fantasy that plays out in reality. I want his fans to know that their heartthrob found love on a reality show. Is that too much to ask?

He smiles his thousand-watt smile that makes me weak in the knees. “Of course, and we just spent our first night together. They’re going to want to know. Just be yourself.” He kisses me on my forehead and slaps me on the ass, sending me on my way.

When I step into the house, goosebumps rise on my skin. The air conditioner is on full blast and not a single soul is in the house. I hit the thermostat and shut it off. I know I’m not paying the electric bill, but unless we’re in here to enjoy the cool air, there’s no need to have it on.

The confession room is inviting, which makes it deceiving. The circular sofa is cream colored and littered with every color, shape, and size of pillow known to man. I choose to sit in the middle and on the edge of the cushion and slide my hands under my legs. I don’t want to be comfortable.

“Hello, Joey. These questions have been submitted by fans.”

The voice is female and still a computer. The producers really keep themselves hidden and void of any emotion when it comes to us. It wouldn’t hurt them to just be themselves for once, but I guess that isn’t how the game is played.

“Hi,” I say in response. I already know I’m not offering up anything without being promoted. I’m not ready to confess, or break down for the viewers.

“You’re married to one of Hollywood’s rising stars. How does that make you feel?”

Biting my lower lip, I think about how it does make me feel. Special, stupid, lucky, like a failure—the list could really go on and on, but Joshua’s voice in my head reminds me of what I’m meant to say.

“I’m blessed,” I start with. “I don’t look at him like he’s Joshua Wilson the actor, but as Joshua Wilson, humanitarian and good person.”

“You haven’t hidden from Joshua that he’s your celebrity crush. Do you feel that with him knowing, it makes things awkward?”

Of course they heard that confession in the bathroom and no doubt aired the audio of the kiss I gave him when I threw myself at him. I thought things would be awkward, though. I thought he’d think of me as a stalker and ask that he be removed from the show. But he didn’t.

“No, I think it made things better for us. He doesn’t have to worry about what I’m thinking when he talks about work and he gets to know what a fan of his is truly thinking.”

“Do you think you’ll be able to survive in Hollywood?”

No!
I want to scream, but can’t.
Stay poised and don’t let the questions get to you
. Hollywood has already won where I’m concerned. Because of Hollywood, I won’t have my husband, but a piece of paper saying that my once marriage doesn’t exist. Although if we have sex, he’d have to divorce me and I’d get to keep his last name and be known as his ex-wife. Sex shouldn’t be the answer to everything, but for me it is.

“Hollywood and I will get along just fine as long as it treats Joshua with respect.”

“Thank you, Joey.”

I can’t tell if the camera is switched off or not as I sit and continue to stare at it. I know I should get up and rejoin everyone, but they’re going to ask what the confession room is like. I’m the first one to use it and have a feeling I’ll be the popular candidate considering Joshua’s fan base. Maybe he and I need to sit down and go over the way I answer the questions. Make sure they’re on point and acceptable to him.

My mind is made up when I hear Gary being summoned to the confession room. The last thing I want is to be caught in this room with Gary. The door opens as I stand. He smiles and my insides cringe. He’s nice enough, but there’s something about him that rubs me the wrong way.

“Your husband is a nice man.”

I look at him questioningly. “Um, thank you?”

He nods and pulls his shirt up to rub his forehead. I turn away, not willing to even see what he has under there.

“He’s helping me get in shape so I can win Amanda over, maybe get her to fall in love with me.”

His words not only break me but also make my heart swell with pride. Of course Joshua would find a way to do something worthwhile in the house.

“Listen to him,” I offer as advice when I pass by. “He may be onto something.” I give him a soft smile, hoping to show him that I agree with him working with Joshua.

I walk outside and let the sun beat down on my face. Being on a studio lot, I give credit to the set designers and how they make sure we still get our daily dose of vitamin D. Even in the world of reality television, if it’s raining we can go out and dance in the rain. I’ve never been kissed in the rain …

Music is blaring while Joshua and Cole workout. Amanda is sunbathing and Millie is lounging on the outdoor couch with her hair piled on top of her head and her eyes covered in huge Liz Taylor sunglasses. I sit in the spot that gives me the best angle to stare at Josh. With his shirt off, each time he lifts his arms I can faintly see the muscles in his back move.

I sigh heavily when Josh bends over, earning a righteous laugh from Millie. I look away, knowing that if I keep staring he’s going to catch me.

“God, you guys must have had some crazy monkey sex.”

I can’t help but laugh when she says that. In my head, yes, we’re all over the place: bed, wall, dresser, bathroom counter, shower, stairs, couch, and kitchen chair. Any surface, really, and I can picture myself succumbing to his needs. Or mine, it doesn’t matter really. I’m jealous of Millie and her relationship with Cole. It seems like they have the same connection as Josh and me, but they’re getting the good stuff. Oh yeah, that makes me sound like a slut, but when you have man candy like Joshua Wilson kissing you, touching you, you tend to want to lose yourself and I so want to get lost in him, repeatedly.

“I need a drink,” I say, changing the subject. I can’t talk about the lack of sex we have. For one, we’re always being recorded for those lovely
“hey look at what Joey did on Married Blind”
recaps. And two, admitting it out loud really stings. I said it in the shower and it hurt to say those words.

“Oh drinks would be fun.” Millie stands, adjusting her suit before she turns to Amanda. “Wanna cocktail?”

“Did someone say drinks?” Gary asks as he steps out into the yard, almost colliding with Millie. Beaming at him, Millie nods her head as she moves past him and into the house. I watch as Amanda walks toward Gary; she pauses and lifts her sunglasses to the top of her head. If I’m not mistaken, the shining smile she’s giving him tells me that she maybe falling for him after all. Of course, it shouldn’t have taken Josh’s help, but whatever.

“Guys, I have chips, dip, and booze,” Millie yells, getting Joshua and Cole’s attention. I’m not sure what man would turn down chips or booze, so to watch them actually jog over here is comical. And to think, all I said is that I needed a drink.

“We should play N
ever Have I Ever
,” Amanda suggests, and my stomach turns instantly. Depending on the questions I may have to lie. Like if Amanda were to say “never have I ever had sex with a celebrity?” The answer is no, but I can’t tell anyone that. Amanda would ruin me. Her talons would come out and she’d scratch her way to my man.

“Sounds fun,” Gary replies as he sits down next to her and I want to gouge his eyes out because no, this isn’t fun.

Joshua sets up six red cups as our shot glasses and pours tequila in each of them. Cole slices enough lime to get us stared. I’m thankful to whatever producer makes sure we have ample booze on hand because I’m going to need it to get through this game. I have a feeling I’m going to be the winner.

Once the cups are ready, Joshua sits back, putting his arm around me. I take advantage and lean in. I mean, why the hell not, right? He’s my husband so I should be entitled to touch him whenever I want. If someone would give him the memo on the rules of being married, I’d be forever in their debt.

Amanda perches on the edge of the couch, pushing her boobs out for Josh and Cole to see. I glance quickly at Josh to see where he’s looking and I’m met with a piercing stare. If I didn’t know better I’d say he’s happy to be sitting next to me, but I do know better. He’s content and simply playing the game.

“Never have I ever …” Amanda looks at all of us, pushing her blonde hair off her shoulders before shrugging in her attempt to be cute. It’s not working for me, but maybe it does for Gary. “Touched my own boobs,” she giggles but drinks, defeating the purpose of getting others drunk first.

“Stupid, that’s what self-breast exams are.” I lean over and lick the top of my hand and add the salt, slam my drink, and put the lime between my lips. “I hate this game already,” I mumble as the tequila burns my throat.

“My turn,” Millie says with far too much excitement. “Never have I ever been to a strip club.” She drinks, much to my shock, and gives a little shrug. “What? I’m a police officer, it’s a job hazard.”

“Okay.” Joshua and me are the only ones that don’t drink. “I’m happy you’re with me on that one,” I tell him as he suddenly downs his shot.