Blind Spot (23 page)

“If you want, I’ll ask the doctor to give you something to help you relax.”

Alexa stared out the window. “This is ridiculous,” she muttered. “Just because you’re a psychologist, just because you see diseases that aren’t there, I have to take all these stupid tests.”

“Humor me, please,” Suki said. “Just be a good sport.”

“You’re the one who thinks something’s wrong with my brain because of what happened to Jonah, not me.”

“These tests don’t have anything to do with Jonah,” Suki said, striving for patience as she battled the morning traffic heading into Boston. “This is because of your headaches, your nightmares. It’s more to rule out any neurological problems than because I really think you have any.” She slammed on her brakes, barely missing a car illegally merging from the right into the Fresh Pond rotary. The other driver flipped her his middle finger, accelerated, then slammed on his own brakes as he barely missed a car illegally merging from his right.

“But what about my chemistry test?” Alexa whined. “I’ve been studying all week.”

Suki reminded herself that nothing would be gained by fighting with Alexa, and that much could be lost. She pictured the quiet beach where she and Stan used to go on Key Biscayne. The old lighthouse rising above the rocky precipice that formed the southern tip of the island, the scurrying sandpipers, the soft pounding of the gentle surf. “We’ll have you back at school by lunch.”

“Chemistry’s second block.”

“Do you want me to come in and talk to your teacher?” Suki offered. “I’ll explain that this was the only time we could do this, and ask him if you can stay after school and make it up.” She imagined she was a bird, gracefully flying above the warm ocean, riding the tropical updrafts.

“Forget it,” Alexa grumbled. “Just forget it.”

Suki drove along Memorial Drive, past Harvard, toward MIT. The sun sparkled on the Charles River, and the trees on the Esplanade were in full leaf, the bright chartreuse of spring. Multicolored sails bobbed in the water. Alexa stared out the window, her jaw clenched and her eyes narrowed, as if she were viewing a scene of nuclear destruction rather than urban beauty. Suki let her stew.

Cambridge is one of the few cities in the world where taking three lefts in a row will never return you to your starting point. And, to make matters worse, there are no signs designating the street you are on, only the one you are crossing. Predictably, Suki got lost, even though she was looking for Second Street, a place that in any other town would be easily accessible once having found First and Third.

In the middle of their second loop under the Longfellow Bridge, Alexa said, “I don’t want to go to private school.”

Suki had attempted to discuss the topic of changing schools last night, but Alexa had refused to talk about it, claiming she had a headache, she was too tired, she needed to go to her room. Suki wondered why she was willing to talk about it now. Probably because she knew her choice was not her mother’s.

“I’m going to stay at Witton High,” Alexa declared.

“If that’s what you want to do, I suppose it’s all right with me. I just worry about the kids—about how difficult they can make things for you. Someone like Warren Blanchard won’t always be around when they start in.”

“You were holding his hand the other night—for a long time.”

“I think it was an appropriate gesture under the circumstances.” Suki could have kicked herself for mentioning Warren. She glanced over at Alexa who was staring straight up, as if she could see through the roof.

“I had a dream last night that we were living somewhere else,” Alexa said. “New Hampshire or Vermont or somewhere. And there was a strange man there. Living with us.”

“I’m sure we’ll hear from your father any day now.”

“It wasn’t about Dad,” Alexa said. “I just didn’t like the mountains.”

Suki thought about the dream Alexa had just related. Of course it was about Stan. Suki put her hand on Alexa’s knee. “About the last thing I’m interested in right now is a date. I’m only interested in trying to get you out of this mess.”

Alexa sniffled and turned to stare out the window.

Suki finally saw the sign for Kendall Radiology and pulled into the parking lot. Although she had referred many patients here, she had never visited the facility. She looked up at the blue-tinted glass cube that housed millions of dollars of high-tech equipment and was staffed by Harvard-affiliated doctors. She was glad she knew the system well enough to get Alexa the best care.

Alexa was far from impressed. She climbed from the car as slowly as was humanly possible, then stood with her back to the entrance until Suki was forced to put her hands on her shoulders and turn her around. She grudgingly followed Suki into the office, then dropped into one of the leather director’s chairs ringing the waiting room and stared at the large modern oil painting on the wall across from her, her face set in a mask of weary irritation.

Suki ignored Alexa, scribbling on a clipboard as she carried on a friendly discourse with an elderly woman named Molly, who sat down in the chair on the other side of her. Molly was here for a PET scan. “That stands for positron-emission tomography.” Molly giggled like a young girl. “Sounds like something out of
Star Trek
, doesn’t it?”

The waiting room was busy and, even this early in the morning, the staff appeared to be running behind schedule. Suki offered a year-old copy of
People
magazine to Alexa, who refused it, then began to thumb through the pages herself: announcements of weddings that had already ended in divorce, Broadway plays that had opened and closed. She dropped the magazine back on the table and listened as Molly cheerfully described her symptoms.

Molly was well into the details on her latest EEG when Suki sensed that Alexa was no longer staring at the painting. She turned and saw that Alexa’s face was animated, interested, alive; for the first time in days, the girl looked like her old self. Suki patted Alexa’s arm encouragingly. “I’m sure it’ll only be a few more minutes.”

Alexa didn’t respond. Her eyes were focused on the door. She was watching a tall woman in an orange work shirt and pants enter the waiting room. The woman was Lindsey Kern. Darla held one elbow, an officer Suki didn’t recognize held the other. There were no handcuffs.

Suki was momentarily baffled. Yesterday, she had told Lindsey that her private life was her own, not up for discussion or interference. So what was Lindsey doing here now? Then rationality kicked in: Lindsey was here for the tests she had ordered, the same tests Alexa was having. What incredibly bad timing.

Lindsey smiled. “Hi,” she said to Suki, as if meeting her had always been part of the plan.

Suki nodded stiffly, then reminded herself that this wasn’t Lindsey’s fault. If it was anyone’s fault, it was her own. “Hi,” she said. They must have allowed Lindsey out without handcuffs on the assumption that she wasn’t a danger to the public. Still, Suki was surprised.

“Good morning, Dr. Jacobs,” Darla said. The other officer nodded.

“
Dr
. Jacobs?” Molly leaned closer, and Suki was overwhelmed by the smell of rouge. “You’re a doctor?”

“A psychologist,” Suki said. Molly’s face fell.

Lindsey turned to Alexa. “I’m Lindsey Kern.” She held out her hand. “You’re Alexa.”

Alexa’s eyes were bright with excited anticipation. She extended her hand and grinned the way she grinned when her grandfather showed up unexpectedly. “Glad to meet you.” She paused and tilted her head to the side. “Do I know you from somewhere? You look familiar.”

Lindsey flashed Suki a wicked grin. “Could be,” she said to Alexa. “I get around.”

Before Suki could stop her, Darla pointed to the empty chair next to Alexa. “Sit there,” she said to Lindsey. “I’ll get you checked in.” The other officer sat down on Lindsey’s right, his hand still clamped to her elbow.

Alexa leaned toward Lindsey. “How do you know my mom?”

Suki was relieved when Lindsey looked to her for guidance. “Through work,” Suki told Alexa. “We know each other through work.”

“You and I haven’t met in this lifetime,” Lindsey said to Alexa. Suki threw her an exasperated glance, but Lindsey pretended not to notice.

Alexa took in Lindsey’s faded outfit, the illegible stenciling over her left breast. She turned and watched Darla talking with the receptionist. She started to speak, then she closed her mouth.

Molly, who had been eavesdropping without embarrassment, leaned across Suki. “Do you believe in reincarnation?” she asked Lindsey.

“Yes,” Lindsey told her. “Along with more than half the people alive on the face of the earth.”

“That can’t be right.” Molly shook her blue curls. “What about all the Christians? The Jews?”

“Just a piece of the world’s population,” Lindsey said. “But there have also been a lot of Christians who believed in reincarnation—the Cathers, for example. And Jesus did, too.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Molly sputtered.

Lindsey was unfazed by Molly’s skepticism. “Apparently the apostles—principally Saint Paul, I think—decided to keep this particular part of Jesus’ teachings out of the New Testament. But Jesus was supposed to have said something like, ‘To be reborn, all one has to do is remember.’”

“That doesn’t mean he believed in reincarnation,” Molly argued.

Alexa was listening intently.

Lindsey shrugged. “Voltaire and I both think it’s no stranger to live once than to live twice,” she said. That shut Molly up.

“I believe there are lots of things, like reincarnation, that everyone thinks aren’t true, but are,” Alexa said to Lindsey.

Lindsey appraised Alexa, her beautiful gray eyes probing and intelligent. She smiled. “At one time ‘everyone’ thought the world was flat and that human beings would never fly to the moon. It’s never easy to defy conventional wisdom. No one respects it. No one respects you. They think you’re crazy or they lock you up—sometimes both.” She raised an eyebrow at Suki.

“Do you think a person can know something’s going to happen before it does?” Alexa asked Lindsey.

“Of course,” Lindsey said, turning back to Alexa. “Happens all the time—as you well know.”

Alexa leaned closer. “Does it happen because you see it, or would it happen anyway?”

“Leave Ms. Kern alone, Alexa.” Suki stood and walked to the receptionist’s window. “We had a nine o’clock appointment,” she informed the young woman behind the glass. “My daughter needs to get back to school as soon as possible.”

“This is more important,” Alexa interrupted before the receptionist could answer. She looked hard at her mother. “I want to hear what she has to say.”

The receptionist quickly appraised the situation. “Please, come right this way,” she said, standing and opening the door to her left. “We’re just about ready for you.”

As Suki steered Alexa through ahead of her, Alexa turned back and stuck her head through the doorway. “Maybe some other time,” she called to Lindsey.

Before Lindsey could respond, Suki pulled the door closed behind her.

Suki had thought Alexa was hostile and uncommunicative on the drive down to Cambridge, but just a few minutes into the trip home, she realized she hadn’t begun to plumb the depths of Alexa’s hostility or reticence. When this girl was mad, the girl was
mad
, and she was going to make sure Suki knew it.

Suki’s attempts to ask about the MRI were met with a stone wall; they drove entombed in icy stillness. Dr. Smith-Holt had not been at the lab, and Suki was informed that he wouldn’t be able to review Alexa’s scan until next week. Even when Suki gave them her credentials, the technicians would tell her nothing, claiming they didn’t know how to read the results. Although Suki knew this was probably not the case, there was nothing she could do about it.

They were almost back in Witton before Alexa broke the silence, startling Suki. “I was supposed to talk to Lindsey Kern.”

“It was time to go in for the test,” Suki said.

“But she knew about
me
. She knew what happened.”

“Lindsey Kern spends her days locked up in a tiny prison cell,” Suki said. “What she knows is what she reads in the newspaper.”

“Don’t you get it?” Alexa cried. “I need to talk to someone who believes me! Who understands what I’m going through.”

Suki took a deep breath. “Alexa,” she said, “I can see how appealing the idea is, but I’m afraid Lindsey’s just playing with you. Messing with your head.”

“You’re wrong,” Alexa said. “You think you’re so smart. That you know everything. Well, you don’t. Lindsey has something to tell me. Something that will help me, I know she does.”

The familiarity with which Alexa spoke Lindsey’s name filled Suki with dread. “I don’t think so, honey. Really I don’t. Just because you want something to be true, doesn’t mean it is.”

“And just because you
don’t
want something to be true,” Alexa retorted, “doesn’t mean it isn’t.”

After dropping Alexa at school, Suki drove right to the farmhouse, arriving fifteen minutes before her first patient’s appointment. No one was in the suite, so she went into her office and called Kenneth at the police station. He was there, but she sat on hold for five minutes before he came to the phone. This gave her more than enough time to consider all the possible reasons why he hadn’t called for two days.

“Something’s wrong, isn’t it?” Suki asked, as soon as she heard Kenneth’s voice.

“I’m fine, thanks, and you?”

Suki couldn’t help it; she laughed. “Sorry, but I’m a bit edgy these days.”

“Let me call you back on a line that isn’t monitored.”

“There really is something.”

“I’ll call you right back.”

When the phone rang, Suki picked it up and said, “Tell me quick.”

“Charlie’s taken me off the case.”

Suki was simultaneously relieved and horrified. She had expected Kenneth to tell her that an arrest warrant was being issued, that she and Mike should be ready to bring Alexa to the station. This was both better and worse. She still had some time, but she no longer had Kenneth. “Can he do that?” she asked.

“He’s the chief.”

Suki turned her chair and stared at the rolling farmland edged by a thick forest of oak trees. Oaks came in late, and the web of delicate branches still held more brown than green. “Is this because you pushed?” she asked. “Because you were trying to find out something that he doesn’t want you to know?”