Bliss (7 page)

Kara sat at the round table in her room and glanced through the conference schedule. After dinner with Grace, she’d excused herself to come back to the room to read the workshop descriptions and decide which to go to. The conference didn’t officially start until Monday morning, so tomorrow was a special early-bird day with a choice between two half-day sessions in the morning and two in the afternoon. Grace was giving one of the morning workshops about how to get past sexual issues and relationship problems by looking at past experiences and understanding what patterns one tends to repeat, so they can be avoided. Jeremy Smith’s Tantra workshop was one of the afternoon sessions.

Kara took out her pink highlighter to mark the ones that interested her for the rest of the week. She scanned the page with the Monday workshops, and stopped at one about sensual massage. She made a pink stroke over the title. Next, she found a panel where the audience could ask questions of a psychologist who specialized in sex and had written a couple of books on the topic. She made another pink stroke.

The write-up right below that described a session on orgasms—the different levels of orgasm in women, how to improve the intensity, and how to achieve them for those who had problems. She definitely wanted to go to that one. It would give her some great material for her column.

Another that caught her eye was one on women’s sexual fantasies with a discussion of what was popular and why. Use of sex toys, not just for solo enjoyment, but also to increase pleasure with a partner. Unfortunately, the latter conflicted with the one on orgasm, which she didn’t want to miss.

She scanned through the subsequent days on the schedule, continuing to highlight sessions she’d like to attend, until she worked out a solid schedule for the week. Then she rose and stretched her legs, changed into her pajamas, and slipped into bed. She turned on the TV and watched a little of a late-night talk show until she began to yawn. She flicked off the TV and turned off the light . . . then stared at the ceiling. She closed her eyes and rolled over but knew she wouldn’t fall asleep soon. This always happened when she was in a strange bed.

Except last night. But then, she’d been with J.M. She hadn’t fallen asleep right away, since J.M. had kept her a little busy, but when they’d finished their phenomenal lovemaking, she’d immediately fallen asleep in his arms.

She pulled the covers tighter around her. She wished his arms were around her now. The image filled her with a comforting heat, which quickly turned to tingles quivering through her as she remembered his hands caressing her breasts and his tongue teasing her nipples to hard buds. They swelled in response. Damn, this frustration would make it even harder to sleep.

Maybe she should have taken Grace up on her offer to meet her friend tonight. If Grace liked this Jeremy, maybe he wasn’t all that bad, despite his elitist attitude about sex. At least he’d do his best to please her. His reputation as a Tantra expert relied on it.

On the other hand, there was an alternative.

Chapter Six

Kara flicked on the light and slipped out of bed. She found the tote bag on the dresser and sifted through it until she found the little package with the silver bullet. She ripped open the cellophane and stared at the silver device. It was small, but she bet it would do the trick.

Damn, she didn’t have any batteries. She flicked the switch and it purred in her hand. Great. The organizers thought of everything. She tugged off her pajamas and tossed them on the chair, then climbed into bed again. She set the bullet beside her and lay back, then thought of J.M. She closed her eyes and pictured him in bed with her, gliding her fingers over his hard, muscular chest, down his ridged abs, then wrapping around his hard cock. Big and heavy. Thick. She ran one hand over her breast, then toyed with the puckered nipple. Her other hand explored between her legs and slipped inside. She was already wet and ready. She imagined J.M. kissing her lips, then his big masculine body prowling over her. His hot cock, so hard and thick, brushed her slit, then the cockhead pushed against her. She remembered the heat of his body against her. His mouth capturing hers . . . then moving to her breasts and sucking her nipples . . . gliding lower . . . his tongue slipping inside her, then quivering against her clit.

She grabbed the bullet and pressed it to her wet flesh, then turned it on at a low vibration. It fluttered against her clit and she sucked in a breath. Pleasure rippled through her. As she imagined J.M.’s huge, hard cock slipping inside her, she eased the bullet inside. She thought of his cock impaling her deeply and she tightened her muscles around the device. She turned up the vibration and squirmed at the intense sensations. His cock drove deep as the bullet quivered inside her. She squeezed it and rocked her pelvis.

It wasn’t quite right. It wasn’t big enough . . . didn’t go deep enough. She drew it out and pressed it against her clit. She imagined J.M.’s arms around her, his hard body against hers as his cock drove deep. The little device continued to quiver against her clit. Intense, sharp pleasure spiked through her and she sucked in air. She thought about how J.M. had thrust into her . . . again and again. How pleasure had rocketed through her, building to an incandescent flash of joy.

She turned the device even higher and an orgasm was wrenched from her. She gasped, then moaned. The device whirred.

Finally, she collapsed on the bed, spent.

She’d achieved orgasm, but it was empty at best.

Damn, but she missed J.M.

Kara walked through the atrium toward the Iris Ballroom, where Grace’s workshop would be. She peered in the room and saw Grace standing at a table at the front of the room facing about twenty rows of chairs. About a third were already full.

Grace noticed Kara and waved. Kara stepped toward her.

“So it looks like you’ll have a good crowd.”

Grace glanced around. “I think you’re right.”

“Are you nervous?”

“A little. Listen, may I ask you a favor?”

“Uh . . . sure.”

“I’m going to need someone to come up for a demonstration partway through and . . . I could ask for a volunteer, but I was wondering if you’d do it instead.”

“You don’t want to take someone from the audience?”

“Well, I never know if I’m actually going to get anyone to volunteer, and I usually have to cajole people and then they’re nervous and I have to take time to calm them down and . . . no matter what, if you sit in the front row, you can be up here fast and we can keep things moving along. And after people see what’s involved, others will be willing to volunteer later in the session.”

“Okay, sure.”

Grace smiled. “Great. Thanks.”

Kara glanced around at the room, now nearly full, and her stomach quivered. The thought of going up in front of all these people made her nervous.

“Um . . . what will I have to do during this demonstration?”

“Oh, I’m just going to ask you a few questions about your romantic relationships.”

“But—”

Grace smiled. “Don’t worry. You’ll do great. Right now maybe you should grab a seat before there are none left up front.”

Kara nodded. She really didn’t want to do this, but she couldn’t back out now. That wouldn’t be fair to Grace. She settled into one of the few chairs left in the front row, off to the right.

The session started and Grace introduced herself and the fact she was a natural healer. She mentioned several techniques she used that Kara had never heard of, like craniosacral something-or-other and NET, or Neuro Emotional Technique, which helped release emotional stress stuck in the body that stopped people from achieving goals. Kara wasn’t interested in all the details of what a naturopath did, or the energy mumbo jumbo. She doodled in her notebook while barely listening, mainly because her stomach continued to flutter in anticipation of what Grace would ask when Kara was in front of all these people.

“So how many of you have had trouble finding a satisfying relationship?” Grace asked.

Kara immediately straightened in her chair. About two-thirds of the people in the room put up their hands.

“If you want to have a sound relationship, you want to go into it with a sound goal. So often we repeat the mistakes of the past and continue to seek the same type of partner we’ve had before, even though that relationship didn’t work out. Of course, finding a good alternative healthcare provider who can help you remove whatever blocks you have against finding a happy and lasting relationship will help immensely, but there are some questions you can ask yourself.”

She glanced at Kara and smiled. “Kara, would you come up, please?”

Kara stood up and placed her notebook on her chair. She smoothed her skirt as she approached Grace. Grace pulled a chair back from the table and set it in an open area at the front of the room and gestured for Kara to sit.

“I’d like you to think back on all the romantic relationships you’ve had, then I’d like you to think about the list of qualities you’d look for in the ideal man.”

She paused for a few moments while Kara thought about the men she’d dated and the qualities that had drawn her to them.

“What qualities would your ideal man have?” Grace asked

“Okay, well . . . I want a man with intelligence . . . a sense of humor . . . and similar interests to mine.”

“Did most of the men in your past possess those qualities?”

“Yes, mostly.”

“Okay, good. Now think back on the relationship you most wish had lasted. Why do you think that one didn’t last?”

She thought back to the man she’d dated about three years ago. Perry. He’d been smart, fun to be with, and he’d made her feel special—at least for the first few months they’d dated.

“I don’t know. . . . Interest just seemed to fizzle. We didn’t seem to spend much time together anymore. He was an architect and worked long hours. And, of course, he was a guy, so he wasn’t interested in any kind of commitment.”

“Anything else?”

“He . . . could have been more affectionate. You know how some men tend to be distant.”

“So looking back at your list of qualities for your ideal man, do you have on there: puts his work ahead of you, is unwilling to show affection, and doesn’t want to be part of a committed relationship?”

“No.”

“Of course not. But it is what you’ve learned to expect. Your choice of words gives us a hint. You said since he was a guy, he wasn’t interested in commitment, and that men tend to be distant. Your beliefs about what you would find in a relationship came true.”

Grace rested her hand on Kara’s back and turned to the audience. Kara could feel heat emanating from her palm similar to what she’d felt from J.M. on the plane. Kara felt the tension fade from her body.

“One of the best things you can do to help attract the right kind of person into a relationship is to look at your beliefs and expectations about what that relationship will be. Find the negative attitudes you have and cleanse them with positive self-talk. Kara has identified three negatives that she would be destined to repeat in her relationships. Now she can do something about them with affirmations, meditation, or any number of other techniques. An energy healer could also help her release those blocks.”

With Grace’s warm hand on her back, Kara felt very relaxed, despite sitting in front of this huge crowd of people.

“So a simple thing you can do to achieve a great relationship is to picture the perfect mate, remembering to think about how that mate will react to you. You want someone who will love you, treat you well, want to be with you. Remember those things when you do your visualizations.”

Grace removed her hand from Kara’s back. Kara moved back to her seat, feeling extremely relaxed. Grace faced the audience and continued her talk. At the end, she took questions. After she tied up the session, people crowded around Grace. Kara stood up and grabbed her notebook from her chair, then slid it into her bag.

Grace’s workshop had been interesting. Was Kara really destined to repeat the same type of failing relationship if she didn’t purge herself of her negative expectations? She hadn’t even realized she’d had negative expectations about her relationships. Or, at least, she’d thought they’d just been natural skepticism. Of course, Grace would probably ask what the difference was.

Could finding the perfect man really be that simple?

Kara remembered J.M. He had the qualities she looked for in a man . . . and she had a feeling he wasn’t afraid of commitment. But Kara had made a break for it as fast as she could. It wasn’t J.M. she was running away from, it was the intense feelings he inspired in her—feelings that made her feel completely out of control. None of her past relationships had ever stirred the potent emotional response in her that J.M. had. When those relationships had ended, it hadn’t been a big deal. The powerful feelings she had for J.M., however, threatened her emotional well-being and shook her to her core.

The crowd around Grace had dissipated. Kara stood up and joined her.

“That was great, Grace.”

Grace smiled. “Thanks.” She collected her things and slipped them into her conference bag. “Do you want to grab some lunch?”