Bliss Series Boxed Set: The Whole Damn Harem (27 page)
Read Bliss Series Boxed Set: The Whole Damn Harem Online
Authors: B.J. Harvey
Chapter 7: “Drinking From The Bottle”
Chapter 13: “I Can’t Stay Away”
Chapter 14: “Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover”
Chapter 18: “Just The Way You Are”
Chapter 22: “Love You Like A Love Song”
Chapter 25: “Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart”
Chapter 26: “Give Your Heart A Break”
Bonus Chapter 1: “How Long Will I Love You”
Bonus Chapter 2: “With Arms Wide Open”
To Christina and Chad
My book wife and husband
May our book ménage never end
“Romeo & Juliet”
Kate
When will it be my turn?
When will I get past all the frogs and find my prince?
I’ve always been a dreamer. A girly girl who wants the dream courtship, the big princess wedding, the white picket fence and a yard full of kids. I know that I’m still young at twenty-four and that my biological clock is far from stopping, but I still have a lot of time up my sleeve to find that once in a lifetime love.
My one true love.
But I’m impatient, I’m antsy, and I’m sick of being the single one. I go out with Mac and Daniel and it’s obvious that I’m the third wheel. And the problem is with me; they don’t care one bit. But I do.
I’m sick of Mr. Wrong, Mr. Bad, Mr. Bad Breath, and Mr. Grabby Hands. Oh and don’t get me started on Mr. Say I Love You After One Date To Get Into Your Pants. They’re the worst. That is why I’ve instigated the three date rule. No sex or below the waist action until after three dates. It seems like a good time frame to weed through the wannabes.
Except so far, there haven’t been any third dates.
I want to be loved. Is that so wrong?
See, here’s the problem. I don’t just want a good love, one of those everyday loves that you hear about. I want the kind of crazy love we’ve been warned about.
The kind of love that makes your heart skip a beat.
The kind of love that makes you want to dance in the rain and bottle up the sunset while screaming at the top of your lungs.
The kind of love that authors write about, musicians sing about, and lovers dream about.
I want true, total body mind and soul, bliss.
Surely the man who can give me all of that is out there somewhere. Maybe he’s even looking for me. Maybe I’ve already met him, and our lives will intersect again.
There was one guy that piqued my interest three months ago, but he was firmly in the ‘hands off’ category. He was definitely knight in shining armor material. A drunken night at the bar went scarily wrong, and he swooped in and saved me. He brought me home, and I came on to him. Okay, I literally threw myself at him, but he rebuffed my advances and put me to bed after making me take some Advil. I fell asleep with a kiss on the forehead and hearing him tell me that as much as he’d like to lose himself in me, he didn’t want me to regret him in the morning.
So I have to forget about him and wait until I meet my knight. I’ll continue sifting through the frogs, the toads, the dwarfs, and the dragons, and continue being insanely jealous of my deliriously happy pregnant best friend and her perfect dream guy. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that listening to their hot and horny loud sex through my bedroom wall is the closest I’ll get to any action.
It must be my turn next. It has to be. Maybe it’s time to be more proactive. Go looking for him instead of waiting for him to come to me.
That’s it.
Operation Prince Charming is officially underway.
Zander
Four months earlier
“So, Mr. Roberts, why do you want to train to become an officer in the Chicago Police Department?”
I clear my throat and take a moment to think about the question. Nope, don’t need to think about this one; it’s a no-brainer.
“Well, sir, I’ve had to look out for my mother and younger sisters for most of my life. When my father passed away, I was the only boy and the eldest, I felt I had to stand up and become the man of the house. I have a very protective nature, and I wish to serve this fine city that I’m proud to call home.
“The catalyst for applying now is that a few weeks ago I was fortunate enough to be in the right place at the right time, and I was able to save a friend of mine from what was sure to have become a sexual assault, or possibly worse. It made me realize that the situation could have escalated so easily, and I was both glad and proud that I could be there to protect her. It confirmed that this is what I want to do with my life. I want to protect and serve, and nothing would make me prouder than to do that as a member of the CPD.”
“Mr. Roberts, you are exactly the type of man the CPD recruits. I can’t give you an official answer today, but I am confident that you will make a great addition to the next induction of rookies. The official documentation will be sent out within the next two weeks. Once you have received word of your successful application, be sure to contact us for training details.” The recruiter stands up and walks around his desk, holding out his hand to me. I put my hand in his to shake it.
“I wish you the best of luck, Mr. Roberts, but something tells me you’re not going to need it. You’re going to be a fine asset to this city and the department.”
“Thank you so much. You’ve just made me a very happy man.”
“Collide”
Zander
“Take it off! Take if off!” I hear the women chant. I’m gyrating my hips just inches away from a bride-to-be’s blindfolded face, my hands on top of hers as they grip my butt, trying to pull me closer. This bride is so drunk that I’m surprised she’s still standing. They were doing tequila shots when I arrived, and the champagne has continued to flow the entire time I’ve been here. I’ve done my normal tricks; the pizza delivery boy routine is a firm favorite. The client, usually a friend of the recipient, answers the door, and I pretend to be delivering a pizza to the wrong house. By the time I’m dragged into the living room, the women are pumped up and begging to see some skin. The music is switched on, and my routine begins. Sexyback by Justin Timberlake is always a good starter. By the time I’m ripping my pants off, and honing in on the bride to be, my ears are ringing from the hollering and screaming out. Let me tell you, you may think guys can be crude and vulgar, but holy heck, some of the things I’ve had yelled at me in the middle of a routine would make Hugh Hefner blush.
Getting turned on isn’t a problem. Cracking a stiffy in a room of women is not my idea of fun, so I always whack one off before a gig to avoid the chance of a surprise erection. It was part of Stripping 101 that my manager taught me. Take care of yourself beforehand so that you lessen the chance of poking anyone’s eye out.
You’d think I’d be a pro at this stripping thing by now, especially since I’ve been doing it for the past year, but I still get nervous as all hell beforehand. I can never anticipate how a crowd is going to react, how handsy they’re going to get, or whether I’ll get out of there alive and with my thong intact. Believe me, I’ve learned to carry a spare set of clothes in my car.
I’m only stripping on the weekends now, just enough to cover the rent and bills. I’m at the Chicago PD Academy five days a week, training to become an officer. I’ve always wanted a career, but after four years at college and no end in sight, I dropped out and tried joining the workforce. Four weeks later, and with no job on the horizon, I answered an ad in the newspaper for a male entertainer.
Imagine if you will, having to strip down to your underwear and shake your ass in front of a group of drunken ladies who think that because they’ve paid for you to dance for them, they can touch you in places that would otherwise be frowned upon in public. My balls are fondled nightly which I know sounds like a guy’s wet dream, but I’ve actually had a work related injury caused by a forty year old lady, her fake fingernails, and a fondle and twist gone wrong. My balls were black and blue for a week after that.
Another Friday night and I’ve just finished my second bachelorette party for the night. I’ve called in to 42
nd
Street bar on my way home to catch up with my roommate Zach who tends bar there on the weekends. A cold Bud after a gig is the perfect way to wind down, and this particular brew is going down very well tonight. Usually, I’d be all up for burying myself balls deep inside a willing female, but since my friend Mac met her boyfriend, I haven’t felt like going out on the prowl. It’s not as if I’m heartbroken; Mac and I were friends who just happened to go off in the sack together. And don‘t get me wrong, it’s not like I don’t get my fair share of phone numbers and offers from clients, but I have a rule about that. You don’t screw on the job. No clients, no friends of clients, and no female colleagues. The only exception to that rule was Mac, but the chemistry between us was scorching. I mean, we could barely control ourselves when we first met. I banged her up against the side of her friend’s house half an hour after meeting her.
It was so fucking hot.
A few months ago, I thought that something might happen with her best friend Kate. Having saved her from a drunken asshole who wouldn’t take no for an answer, and getting her home safely, she kissed me with those perfect plump lips of hers, and it took all of my self-restraint to stop it from going further, but I didn’t want her to regret it in the morning even though I know I wouldn’t have regretted a damn thing about being with her.
Kate. My fantasy girl personified. From her fiery red hair to her five foot nothing body with curves for miles. She’s a good girl; a take home to mom kind of girl. Definitely not a one night stand type of girl who you’d subject to the walk of shame the next morning. Unfortunately, there is also the whole sloppy seconds issue which doesn’t bother me one bit, but I know it would bother her.
She’d be a good friend though, and I don’t have many female friends. Mainly because women only seem to want me on their arm, making them look good, but as soon as I catch on to that fact, I’m out the door. I work hard to stay in shape; I have to keep up with it to stay stripping, but that doesn’t make me a juice head. Not only does a woman have to like me as a person and not just arm candy, she needs to be as adventurous as I am, in and out of the bedroom. I have this thing for sex in public places. The thrill of getting caught with my pants down, and the excitement of someone possibly watching seems to get me harder than nothing else. Having someone as equally into exhibitionism as I am would be a sure fire winner in my book.
What I really need is a good girl with a naughty side; a girl who I can take home to mom and who I can introduce to my baby sisters, but who is also a firecracker behind closed doors. A girl who has the perfect mix of sugar and spice. THAT would be my perfect girl.
About three weeks ago, Zach and I got drunk one night after work. We pulled out his laptop and started surfing the net. It was going well, lots of laughs over viral videos of idiots doing stupid shit until Zach saw an ad for Chicago Singles. It was all downhill from there.
“Dude, you got to do it! I know, I dare you to go on Chicago Singles for a month and go out on at least one blind date,” Zach slurred before cracking up laughing like he’d just said the funniest thing ever.
“Fuck that. Do you know what kind of girls are on that? Cougars who are looking for arm candy, or ugly broads who can’t get a man any other way. It’s desperate, dude. No. Fucking. Way.”
“I’ll make it interesting for you,” he’d said, and it was suddenly a done deal. Two months free rent if I completed the dare. If I didn’t, I’d have to work one shift a week at the bar for Zach for a whole month.
I’m just downing the last of my bottle when I see a flash of red hair out of the corner of my eye. Turning my head, my eyes follow the short redhead to a booth where she sits down with a man who looks old enough to be her father, let alone her date. She turns her face toward the bar and her bright blue eyes widen when she sees me. My smile disappears when I see her shake her head at me before looking back toward her dad...I mean, date.