Blissful volume 2 (New Adult Romance) (6 page)

I sit up straight and feel my way across his muscles. I’m hesitant, though, because it feels as though I’m doing something I’m not supposed
to. As if he can run away at any moment.

But he doesn’t. He stays put and gazes at me, at my hands, as I drift across his chest.
As if he wants me to get to know him.

He’s beautiful.

Going down toward his pants, I shudder. I know I want this, but it’s so new. I’ve never had anyone else.

I undo his belt buckle and unbutton his pants. Pulling down the zipper, I can feel his cock thumping underneath.
It’s growing steadily as I lower his pants and let it drop to the floor. His amazing features draw my eyes. Muscular thighs, calves I want to squeeze, underpants that scream to be ripped apart.

Gulping, I gaze at him
in all his glory. When he notices my anxiety, he smirks.

“You’ve got quite the … package,” I say.

“Sorry. I get a little excited, seeing you naked,” he says. “It’s something I’ve been visualizing for quite some time now.” He laughs.

I smile.
“Well, I guess you got what you wanted now.”

“
Not quite, yet,” he says, chuckling.

I get up from the bed an
d wrap my arms around his neck, unable to do the last bit of work. I press my lips onto his and pull him down to the bed with me. Jack crawls on top of me, pulling the blanket over us. He’s kissing my sternum and my collarbone, trailing all the way to my nipples. It feels like nothing I’ve ever felt before. God, I love the way he kisses me.

He’s moving around, his hands down my thighs, pushing something. Noticing him rummaging about, my eyes widen when he suddenly throws his boxers overboard. He’s naked. He’s completely naked. And he’s lying on top of me.

I never imagined this would happen. Especially not tonight.

“You
okay? You look a bit surprised,” he says, grabbing a packet and tearing it open.

I chuckle. “Yeah, well, I never expected this.”

“Me neither,” he says, putting on the condom. “But I saw it happening ages ago.”

We both laugh, and he interrupts me with a kiss. I can feel him move closer and closer, his thighs nudging mine apart. He’s strong and overbearing, but I feel safe. His arms are all aroun
d me and embrace me completely.

“I want you so much, Amy.
But I don’t want you to do it just for me,” he says, licking my lips.

“I want you, too,” I whisper.

He smiles, acknowledging my sign. I can see in his eyes he knows I give him permission to love me. I’ve always given him permission.

I’m ready for him. When he enters me it’s
as if this was meant to be. I can feel every inch in my body aching for more. He’s close, and all I want is to be even closer. That he holds me like wants to be loved by me, too. And he does. His eyes are closed, but his lips are still on mine as he thrusts inside. Our lovemaking is like yin and yang, two beings completing each other, consoling each other.

I don’t care if it’s only because we need love to kill the pain. I don’t care that we’re both hurt. And I think he sees that too, now. We need each other. To hold each other, love each other, and be there for each other. At least for now. What the future brings is unclear, but for now, I want to be with him, and he wants to be with me. That’s all I need.

He’s gazing into my eyes, seeing the pleasure build up. He fills me completely, and I love the way he eases in and out, carefully seeking more. With my fingers entwined through his hair, I moan loudly, feeling the pressure build up.

Jack’s hands are all over my body, touching each part
as if it’s the end of the world and he has only one time to do it. His kisses are swift and sporadic, but so indulging. I’ve never had a man care so much about my pleasure, too. It’s so good; I can’t hold it any longer.

I’m inundated with excitement.
Jack waits until I climax before releasing himself. In his eyes I see momentary peace. We both come together, screaming in agony and lust, the bliss setting us free.

He’s still lying on top of me, even after his cock is spent. He still holds me, caresses my neck,
and kisses my jaw line. Ronnie never did this. It feels so new and good; it almost makes me want to cry.

“Are you sad?”
Jack says. “Oh god, I didn’t force myself upon you, did I?” he says, frowning.

“No, of course not. It’s just that … I liked it so much, it’s making me emotional.”

He smiles. “Okay. Good, I guess. I was starting to get worried.” He rolls off me and lies down next to me, taking off the condom.

“Oh, really? Almost sounds like you had doubts,” I say.

“I don’t. It’s just that I don’t want to hurt you. You’re one of the few girls I’ve made love to.”

“Really?”

He nods.

Strange. I always thought men like him would have loads of girls hanging on his neck. I guess I was wrong to judge him so soon. He’s a wonderful person
, and I’ve seen him opening up to me, but it’s taking a lot of time. I guess not many girls wanted it to take that long. If they only knew.

I turn around and rest my head on top of his chest. I enjoy listening to his quick breaths that sound full and satisfied. His eyes are closed, but a smile is jammed on his face
, and it makes me jittery inside. My energy is slowly waning as I listen to his heartbeat. It lulls me into a gentle and calming sleep.

Jack

It’s dark around me. I’m surrounded by complete blackness, terrifying and suffocating. I’m flo
ating in nothingness. It’s cold, and I feel like I’m lost forever.

Then I see the light.

It’s in the distance, far down below, but I can see it clearly that little spark of life.

I force my arms and legs to move to the light, swimming awkwardly through the endless space. It seems like there’s no beginning or end to it. I keep going faster and faster, but I’m not getting any closer. The light doesn’t seem to be getting
near; instead it’s drifting away from me.

I put all the power I have into my muscles and reach so close to the light that I see what it is. A car. Inside are the faces of two people begging for me to save them. One of them is banging on the window, a little kid.
Her bristly hair is flittering around her head like a giant cobweb. Brightness is leaving her eyes quickly. The other, a young woman, is silently floating as if all gravity has disappeared. Both of them are trapped.

Grabbing a hold of the car, I move to the door and start tugging it, but it’s no us
e. My power is dwindling. Air is slipping from my lungs, and I’m blowing bubbles from my mouth. I’m choking, and I need to take in some oxygen, but I can’t. I can’t open my mouth, and my nose doesn’t work.

I have to get them out, have to get them out, now.

I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.

I scream as loud as I can, hoping someone will hear me.
I have to save them, I have to save them. I can’t save them!

In between the day and night, in between the darkness and the light, my eyes are stuck t
ogether. I force them open and use my hands to drudge through a sticky mess. But it’s not a mess. It’s a blanket.

I look around and notice I’m in a bed. A hot and sweaty bed. I’m sitting straight up and I’m soaked. And my hands are on Amy.

Beneath my fingers are blue marks on her skin, which I can clearly see when I take my hands off her.

She’s shaking, her eyes barely open, but I can see she’s holding back the tears. Clinging onto the blanket, she watches me from a corner of the bed, her legs pulled up to her waist. But there’s one thing I never hoped to see in her eyes. Fear. Fear of me.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck! What have I done?

Those marks must’ve been caused by me. I touched her. No, I hit her.

“Fuck!” I scream.

Burying my head between my hands, I try to overcome the nightmare that haunts my mind. My every waking thought. My ruined memories.

I touched Amy. Physically hurt her. Even though I wasn’t aware of what I was doing, it’s still wrong. I can’t believe this happened. It shouldn’t have. In my sleep I’ve hurt the only person that still l
ikes me. And it’s all my fucking fault.

A painful moan escapes my mouth. It’s a sound of helplessness. A plea for help.

I feel something crawl up my back, and it draws my attention immediately. It’s Amy. Her hand wraps around my waist, and she pulls me closer to her. I let her drag me in.

I curl up against her, my head buried into her chest, and then I start to cry. At first it’s soft and almost soundless, but when the avalanche of tears stream out I can no longer hold back the noise that fills me. I need to let it out. The anger, the fear, the pain, everything.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, barely able to speak the words.

I’m stunned by what happened. If only I was able to stop these nightmares from entering my life. To stop myself from being consumed by them, then she wouldn’t have been hurt. If she wasn’t here, I wouldn’t have hurt her. Why did I sleep with her? I shouldn’t have stayed. She wouldn’t have gotten hurt if I’d just slept in my own bed.

I sigh and more whimpers cross my lips. She’s patting my back with one hand and brushing my hair with her other. Her fingers drift across my skin and soothe the aching a little.

“It’s okay,” she says.

“No, it’s not. I hurt you, Amy! How can you say that’s okay?”

She shrugs.
“You were dreaming. It happens. I’m okay. It doesn’t hurt.”

Wrapping my arms around her warm body, I snuggle against her.
I can’t believe she’s this forgiving of me. I don’t deserve this. I’m not good for her, and still she stays. Still, she wants to be with me, help me out, and console me, even though I’m a fucking mess.

“You were screaming,” Amy says.

I nod, although I never realized that I actually screamed. I thought it was all inside my head. I wonder how much she’s seen. Does she know what happened? Does she know what I saw? Does she know now what I’ve been going through all this time?

It scares the living shit out of me, thinking about it. I don’t want her to know all that fucking
chaos inside me. I don’t want her to have to witness my destruction. And now it’s too late.

“
What were you dreaming about?” she asks.

Sighing, I say, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

This is what I wanted to avoid. Her, tearing open these old wounds that just won’t heal. If I could only stitch them back together, maybe it wouldn’t be so terrible then. But I know that if she stays here with me, she’ll know eventually. And it’s terrifying me.

“That’s all right. I’m here for you,” she whispers, and she kisses my head.

Tears stream down my face and land on her bare chest. She doesn’t seem to mind.

“Please … help me,” I say. It sounds like a plea.
As if I’m begging. I am. “I need help.”

It’s true. I’m falling apart
, and I can barely stay afloat. I need her. I need her to be with me, to help me get through this. I have no one else.

“I’m here for you,” she whispers, and she squeezes me tight.

I can hear her heartbeat through her skin, and it makes me at ease. I feel safe with her. I know she can handle me. She can keep me from falling too far. Just by being here, letting me hold her, she helps me repair the broken parts of me.

I feel warm inside, and my tears are slowly stopping.

Suddenly I hear a high pitched howl coming from the hallway. My head instantly lifts up at the sound, because I recognize it, and it awakens the paternal urge inside me. Maddy’s screaming.

I kick away the blankets and notic
e Amy’s still completely naked. I don’t know how, but I managed to put on some boxers last night. I swallow at the sight of her, though. She’s beautiful, and it always catches my eye. Even after all these nightmares, our sex sparks affection for her inside my heart that I can’t ignore.

“Put on some clothes. Maddy’s awake
, and she’ll come lookin’ for me,” I say, clearing my throat.

Amy’s eyes widen, but then she’s up immediately. She grabs a pair of lounge pants and a black top while I get up and walk to the door. Before opening it, I check if Amy’s dressed completely.

Madeline’s crying her eyes out, standing still in the middle of the hallway. She’s looking around, yelling my name.

“I’m here, Maddy. Daddy’s here,” I say, and I pick her up.

She’s bawling her eyes out and clutches my hair as if she’s never letting me go again. Her jammies are bathing in sweat. Poor girl. I know what happened to her. I know why she’s so upset. It happens almost every night, as it happens to me. Memories that invade our sleep.

Shushing her, I take her back to the guest room Amy and I were in, and I close the door behind me.

Amy’s staring at me, sitting on the bed with the blanket folded neatly over her lap.

“Mind if Maddy sleeps with us tonight?”

She shakes her head and then pats the blanket, inviting us in.

Smiling, I put Maddy
in the bed and then lie down myself. She wriggles her way between us and gets cozy under the blanket. I watch her until her eyes close. It puts me at ease knowing at least one of us can sleep.

Amy’s arms are around Maddy, but her fingers slowly creep up along my arm. She pulls me closer. My head leans on her shoulder
, and I let out a huge sigh. She starts singing a sweet soft lullaby that could calm every soul alive. Ed Sheeran’s Give me Love. The perfect song for what we’re going through.

I don’t get to hear it until the end, though. My eyes slowly shut
, and for the first time in weeks it feels good to fall asleep.

***

Toasters and I aren’t best friends. Either I get soppy barely brown bread, or blackened bits of burned yuck. Today I decided to just bake them in a pan, see how it goes. Normally I would just skip making them and cook up some more bacon instead, but today’s different. Amy loves toast with butter. I want do anything to make her happy. Even if it means burning my fingers on that damn old pan.

Maddy’s eating her pancakes already.
I decided I’d let her eat first since it would take me ages to get this right, and I want it to be perfect.

When Amy comes into the kitchen, Maddy yells, “Surprise!”

Interrupting her own yawn, she gazes at Maddy with a befuddled look on her face.

“Where’s Jack?” she says.

I take a step back. “Hey there, little lady. A mighty fine morning to you. Sleep well?”

She seems
startled by my presence, as if she didn’t expect me to stand in the kitchen.

I wink
at her. “Would Madame be interested in some breakfast?” I say in a fake French accent, swaying the pan back and forth.

Clenching her arms together, she leans against the door and looks down at the floor. Oh god, what did I do? I hope it’s not because I was a fucking monster last night, with my crying, screaming, hurting her, and … fucking her.

Shivers run down my spine just thinking about what I did. What we did. Is she okay? I was partly drunk, and as I realize this now I feel pathetic and weak. How the fuck dare I make love to a girl intoxicated.

I let the pan drop back on the stove
, and it makes a clattering sound. She looks up at me, and I know I’ve caught her attention with that little act.

“Maddy, Amy and I need to have a chat. Why don’t you eat your breakfast? We’ll be right back.”

I walk to Amy and put my hand on her back, but she seems to cower underneath my touch. Fuck no. Is she afraid of me? Does she think I will hurt her again?

I nudge her to the hallway, well out of reach from Maddy’s ears. I grab both her hands and bring them to my lips. “I’m sorry for everything I did to you. I will never hurt you again, I promise.”

“Jack …” she says.

“No, no, let me do this. I need to say it to you. We made love. And I’m sorry if I did anything against you will. I never meant to make you feel shitty.”

She sighs. “I know …”

I put my hand on her shoulder, trying to get her to look at me, but she avoids my eyes. “Amy … I know I was drinking, and it was wrong. I hit you in my sleep,
which was even worse.” I grab her chin and lift it, forcing her to look me in the eye as I speak the truth. “But I held you in my arms, tasted you, made love to you, and damn it I enjoyed it. I don’t regret a thing about us.”

She smiles, but still looks unhappy. Her eyes are getting wet
, and it defeats the purpose of my confessional speech entirely. Shit.

“
I don’t regret it either, and I enjoyed every part of it. Still do.”

“Okay.”Phew. Glad that’s not it then.

“It’s just that I don’t know what to do. I don’t really belong here.”

Her words are like a dagger to the heart. Even though I knew she’d eventually leave, I never thought it’d be so soon.

“Yeah, you do. I need you,” I say.

“I need us as well. But I need other things, too. I miss my home. I miss my friends. I miss my … music.” She sighs. “I have no career, no friend,
and no boyfriend. What am I supposed to do with myself? It feels like I’m standing still in time right now.”

I put my arm around her and hold her tight. “
I wish I knew how to help you.”

“Well … I’ve been thinking about it and … I want to meet up with Nicole.”

I nudge her forward and look her straight in the eye. “Are you sure?”

She nods. “It’s the only way I can ever make sure if this band thing will still be possible or not. If I can have my friend back. Maybe then my life won’t feel like such a mess right now.” She grabs her phone from her pocket and st
ares at the numbers as though she’s gathering the courage to press them.

“Is this really what you want?” I ask. “Considering the pain she’s put you through.”

“Well, it wasn’t exactly her fault. Mostly Ronnie’s. He just lunged at her. I saw her slap him. I just couldn’t get the image of them kissing out of my head. Now that I’ve had some time to think about it, I think I might be able to forgive her. After all, she wasn’t exactly happy with Ronnie’s kiss. I might’ve been a little rough on her, too. She must be devastated by my sudden departure. I need to talk to her.”