Blonde and Blue (24 page)

Every creature, human or otherwise, was driven by some kind of hunger, some dark desires. Knowing that didn’t make me feel like any less of a monster. As a naive newbie to the supernatural world, I’d truly believed using my abilities to hunt others was doing good, making it all right somehow. Now I saw the other side. My job was no more than a way to ease the urge to kill while reducing the risk of public exposure. Even that was no longer enough for me.

The bloodlust rose up to remind me that I would have no relief. Between the hunger for human blood and the yearning for more than what hunting newborn vampires could give me, I was like a junkie in need of a fix. I was sick of being a slave to my desires. Something had to give. 

Flirting with the idea of finding my own willing victim, I, like many others, was drawn to The Wicked Kiss. If the source of the blood I desired was willing, how wrong could it be? It seemed so simple, like a twisted bloodlust booty call. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to do it once I got there.

As close to a vampire as I was, I still was not one. Letting myself come to their feeding ground seeking a fix made me feel more like a junkie than anything else I’d done so far. I couldn’t do it. The wolf and the woman that I was refused to allow it. I found relief in that. The vampire inside could only push me so far. I was wolf, and I’d been born human; I had to hold tight to that.

It wasn’t the first time I’d stared around the inside of the nightclub and felt the shadow of regret. Binding myself to Arys wasn’t what I wished I could take back. I feared the future I’d created for myself. Rising as a vampire had seemed like some far off event that might or might not happen. But, it would happen. I would be one of them, and that knowledge sickened me. The deeper I sank into their world, the more I realized that I didn’t want to belong to it.

Leaning against the wall in the dark, I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at the floor. I couldn’t stand to watch the human donors throw themselves around. I’d never understand why they wanted to flirt with death in such a way. Surely some of them held to the hope they would be turned. They were all fucking crazy.

I was torn up inside and frightened by some of the thoughts and future scenarios playing out in my head. Bound by blood to a vampire, I was destined to rise as one after my death. It sounded pretty cut and dried, but was anything ever so simple? I could never voice these feelings to Arys. He would take it personally when it had nothing to do with our emotional attachment at all. This was all me.

I sensed the presence of a werewolf seconds before Shaz strode through the door separating the club from the private area. My heart skipped a beat when my gaze landed on the black-haired vampiress at his side. The wolf within rose up with a vicious snarl, and it was all I could do to contain myself.

The shock on his face when he saw me mirrored my own. All sense of rationale went out the door with what was left of my sanity. I was halfway across the room in seconds. The power swelled inside me so that I felt like a bubble about to burst. The bite on Shaz’ wrist taunted both my jealousy and my bloodlust.

“Alexa, let me explain.” Shaz held both hands up in a gesture of surrender. His companion merely regarded me with curiosity.

Enraged and crushed, I flung out a hand, casting enough power to throw the vampiress off her feet as well as several others in the vicinity. I wanted to slap him. Hell, I wanted to throw him across the room. So, Shaz had a dirty little secret of his own.

“This is running with Kylarai? You lied to me? So you could come here and be a blood whore for a vampire?” The truth was harsh. It hurt me to see it in his eyes.

I spun on my heel and rushed out of the club. I felt sick, like I might vomit. Shaz was right behind me, grabbing my arm in an attempt to stop me. I shook him off, determined to escape the sudden and ugly situation. I shoved past the people making their way inside and hurried through the parking lot. My power was massive and wild, triggering a chain reaction of car alarms as I passed.

“Alexa! Just hold on a damn minute!” Shaz easily caught up to me. He forced me to stop and, with both hands on my shoulders, held tight so I couldn’t pull away. “Can we talk about this?”

I looked at the bite on his wrist, and my stomach flipped. I tried to shove him off me, but he held firm. “Talk about what? Your recent decision to become a donor? I don’t even know what to say.”

“Just let me try to explain. Please. I know how bad it looks. I was going to tell you, but I didn’t know how.” Anguish filled his jade green eyes, and I choked on my own guilt. “I’ve been kicking my ass over this. I wanted to tell you, Lex.”

I sucked in a deep lungful of summer night air. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. “So tell me. Tell me how long this has been going on. Is it just blood? Do I even want to know?” I was flustered and panicked. It showed.

It was never just blood. That’s what Arys would say. To vampires, the exchange of blood is more intimate than sex, especially when both parties are willing. The thought of Shaz sleeping with her was like a knife twisting in my guts. My breath came fast, and I felt faint.

Shaz gazed deep into my eyes, forcing me to look at him. “I tried to resist. I really did. Since that night with Arys, it’s been in the back of my mind. It fueled the curiosity and the temptation. I couldn’t help it. I know that’s no excuse. I should have told you.”

Shock washed over me like a cold bucket of water in my face. This was my fault. I’d drawn him in, and like that first hit of heroin, the rush had claimed him.

How could I not have known? Vampire bites heal quickly on a werewolf, but there should have been some other sign, something I missed.

“Are you having sex with her?” I didn’t want to know, but I couldn’t not know either. “Is she the only one?”

When he was sure I wouldn’t run off on him, Shaz released me but didn’t step away. “There have been others. No intercourse.”

Short, simple and painfully clear, an image flashed through my mind, the vampiress on her knees before my white wolf as she pleasured him. A pained sound came from me, rough like a growl. No intercourse. Yeah, I knew what that meant.

“Alexa, I’m so sorry.” His voice broke, and I had to look away.

“Don’t be too quick to apologize. I guess I couldn’t have asked for a better way to tell you that things went too far with Kale.” The urge to cry was strong. The certainty that I didn’t belong in the vampire world grew. They were ruining everything and everyone I loved.

Shaz was silent for a moment. His energy was roiling with guilt, pain and now fury. It hurt, and I had to block it out.

“That isn’t as much of a surprise as it should be.” With a heavy sigh, he ran a hand through his platinum hair and stared at the traffic that passed on the street.

“I’m sorry I ever dragged you into this godforsaken world, Shaz.” I sat heavily on a concrete parking curb, staring at my feet. “It destroys everything.”

“I don’t blame you for anything, Lex. You’ve never forced me into a situation I wasn’t willing to be in. We’re not human. Not even close. This world is ours, vampires and all.”

My heart sunk. “You like it. And, I hate that.”

He joined me on the curb. We didn’t look at each other or touch. It was too awkward to pretend that everything was ok.

“You like it, too. What do you expect? We can’t go through the motions of what normal life used to be. There is no nine to five job, no minivan full of kids and no picket fence. Not for us. I don’t know about you, but I need more than that anyway.”

I nodded, bitter with the truth he spoke. I was a mess of jealousy, hurt and guilt. “I don’t want to be one of them.” The confession slipped out, but it felt good to give voice to it. “The thought terrifies me, and I can’t tell Arys.”

Shaz did look at me then. Guarded concern shone in his eyes. “You’re not going to do anything stupid, are you?”

“How much stupider could my actions possibly get right now?” I laughed bitterly.

“I’m serious. Don’t you dare do anything to put yourself in danger, or worse. If you do something drastic, if you leave me here without you …” He didn’t have to finish that thought. The fear that gripped him was palpable even though I tried to shield his energy.

The wolf in me wanted to nuzzle him, to adorn him with wet wolf kisses. “Honestly, right now, I feel like throwing myself in front of a train, but I’d never do it. You know that. I’ve come too far to go out like that.”

His expression was scrutinizing. I wasn’t lying. Werewolves can detect a lie, an advantage that even vampires didn’t seem to have. Finally he nodded, and some of the tension he’d been holding slipped away.

A particular question was floating around in my head, demanding that I spit it out. It was there, on the tip of my tongue, but I bit it back repeatedly. With a frustrated growl I blurted it out. “Why here, Shaz? With the vampires and blood whores that are nothing but junkies. Why not with Arys and me?”

I watched his eyes go wolf, and anger had his beast glaring out at me. “Wow. That’s selfish, Lex. You know how I feel about Arys. He’s not the easiest guy to deal with. I love you. You have to know that. But, just like you can’t get everything you need from me, there are things I can’t get from you either.”

That hurt. It was brutal in its truth, and like they say, the truth fucking hurts. I heard a roar in my ears, like the sound of an entire ocean crashing over me. With my cheeks burning and pulse racing, I got up and walked away. One foot in front of the other, I walked down the street with no destination.

Shaz’ words rang in my ears. He was right. I was being selfish because I didn’t want to hear that. He deserved to find his own way, too. I knew that. I just couldn’t accept it yet.

I could hear him calling my name. He would come after me because that’s who he was.

I wanted to fall to all fours and run blindly through the streets seeking escape. But, nothing would make this all go away. I could run, but my past would be with me. Always.

I reached the end of the block when Shaz caught me. He was aggressive, grabbing me with clawed fingers that cut into my flesh. I yelped from surprise more than pain.

“You don’t get to walk away from me! I’m sorry if you don’t like what you hear, but we have to be honest with each other. You can’t stand to hear it? Well, how do you think I feel?” Shaz bared fangs at me as his wolf pushed to break free. “How do you think it makes me feel to see those vampires crawling all over you? To have to share you with them? It makes me sick.”

I recoiled in horror, wanting to escape both Shaz and his awful words. “So running off to get a few vampires of your own is the solution? Isn’t that a bit hypocritical?”

His voice dropped suddenly, soft but deadly. “Maybe you’re not the only one with a dark side.”

Before I could fire back a retort, a sharp pain shot through my skull, blinding me. Maxwell stepped out of the shadows flanked by two lackeys. His assault on me was fierce, and I dropped like dead weight hitting the ground. With a commotion, the vampires quickly took Shaz down. I fought to see through the agony tearing through my brain. I was helpless.

Maxwell was a blur when he crouched beside me. The black veil of unconsciousness began to steal over me, and I struggled against it.

The last thing I saw was his mocking smile as he gazed down at me. “I’ve got to say, so far it has been a real pleasure doing business with you, Bitch.”

Chapter Fifteen

I drifted in and out of consciousness. It felt like my head was in a vice. Maxwell clearly felt he had to keep me incapacitated which was a dead giveaway that he felt I was a threat. It was too soon to tell if that was a good thing or not. It might just get me killed that much faster.

Despite the pain that racked my brain, I was aware that we were being transported by vehicle. I could sense Shaz near me. My wolf paced inside me, anxious to burst forth and tear out some throats. I had a bad feeling that wasn’t going to happen.

The scent of car exhaust mingled with cigarettes. Some vampires clung to old, useless habits. The smoke made me feel ill.

It was hard to tell how far we traveled before coming to a stop. I concentrated on gathering my power and forming a circle, but Maxwell had stripped my power. Opening the mental door between me and Arys was painful but possible. Forming thoughts enhanced the mind-shattering agony.

I sensed Arys’ panic right away. He knew that if I was opening this link between us, it was bad.

‘They have me and Shaz. I don’t know where we are.’

‘I can find you. Don’t shut me out, beautiful wolf. I’m coming for you.’