Blood and Guts in High School (7 page)

Left leg raised up. Right leg bent and horizontal. Hand under left leg; middle finger all way in cunt.

Legs spread; ass up. Third and fourth fingers, V open cunt wide.

Tommy was a SCORPION

He was an intellectual criminal.

He believed his plans worked and they did.

He couldn't see reality beyond his plans.

He was too smart to believe his plans.

Totally scared out of his mind in the blackness no ground SPLIT.

All the SCORPION boys hit SPLIT.

That's why they hated women.

They depended on crime and crime kept them stupid.

BEYOND CRIME, DREAMS, AND SEX: DISASTER

A conversation between Tommy and Janey before disaster hit: disaster beyond SPLIT:

Tommy:
Do you think there's a for ever?

Janey:
Anything lasts for ever?
(Thinks.)
Sure. Everything lasts for ever.

Tommy:
Huh?

Janey:
Love goes away only when your mind goes away and then you're

someone else.
Tommy:
There're no truths anymore. Nothing stands up.
Janey:
Your mind stinks, not 'cause you got all these opinions, ways of

judging, but 'cause you depend on them. You know your plans aren't real. You're a smart boy. All you see is

nothing. There's a world right in front of your eyes. It ain't money, the world

of alienated action. Anyone can do absolutely anything he or she

wants. It's all absolutely free. In the brilliant sunlights. Events rise

singly out of ... I don't know what I'm saying I gotta get money. I gotta shake hands with the death-world and death-world is killing off human beings. . . . We gotta get to a point where we can be together. . . .

I can't take you, Janey. I don't want to know who you are.

But if we're not together, we're not going to be able to live. This isn't romance. This isn't about you and me being in love.

No.

NO to you language no to anything but the money-work I'm forced to

do I sit alone in this room how do you get a book to split open,

the object the event no a big flaming NO

and only because of NO do you understand

Tommy and I are together.

We pulled into the rock club about one o'clock. It looked like a war was happening.

We had heard that this rock band called THE CONTORTIONS was gonna play in a redneck town in New Jersey and the white head singer thought he was James Brown. The rest of the band would be too drunk to stop the rednecks from beating up Brown.

James Brown was crawling baby-style across the floor.

The rednecks were jerking their cocks off in a corner.

James Brown crawled up to the redneck's boot.

The redneck, confused, jumped James.

Everyone in the club started hitting each other.

I heard cops' sirens.

I ran.

The rest of THE SCORPIONS were behind me.

We piled into the van.

Green and pink lights flashed past us, neon yellow and violet lights gleamed.

The bright lights were denser and denser.

We were moving faster.

'Hey,' Sally said, 'step on it.'

'Huh?'

'The cops're after us.'

He drove faster.

'Can't ya go faster?'

He drove even faster.

I heard the cops' sirens clearly.

'Suck my tits.' Greaso leaned over and sucked Sally's tit while he drove.

'Watch where you're going, Greaso.'

The cops' sirens were louder. Greaso's foot hit the accelerator all the way. We were in a totally black section of Newark. A tiny red light appeared in the blackness. The red light grew larger and larger.

I don't remember the crash. Everyone died but Monkey who got brain damage and me. For a few days I floated in a dream.

The blackness I now see everywhere comes from perverted because unrealized wants. I see this. I won't be able to pretend the world isn't horrible. Overwhelming fear separates me from the want I saw. Now overwhelming fear makes me part of the death-world.

She started to run from death . . . She left high-school and lived in the East Village . . .

Outside high school

How spring came to the land of snow and icicles

1 The Hideous Monster and the Beaver

Once upon a time . . .

there was a big ugly hideous monster. He lived in a hut below the living

fountain within the long icicles. All of the land was ice. The air was

almost white. Air rapidly became solid and the solid became air.

The big ugly monster kept house with a beaver. While his head was scraping against the low kitchen ceiling, he would cook for the beaver. He would bring the food to the table. Then they would sit in two huge rocking chairs and face each other across the huge round red table. They wouldn't say anything.

The beaver stood up and waddled to the upstairs of the hut. As he climbed the stairs, his tail said, 'Pad, pad'. Alone the hideous monster scraped the plastic dishes, dumped them in the sink and washed them. Then he tied up a dark-green garbage bag and dragged it outside.

The snow was falling over the ice and turning to ice. The snow was falling over the ice and hiding the ice. The poor hideous monster couldn't see anything. He started to cry and the tears turned to ice on his cheeks. He didn't know what to do. He grew scared because he didn't know what to do.

He forgot he didn't know what to do.

He just stood there.

He went back inside the hut.

You couldn't tell the difference between a snowflake and a star.

2
How a bear tried to get into the Monster's and the Beaver's House
A bear came sludging through the snow. The big brown bear was cold, hungry, and tired. All night he had been wandering in the falling snow looking for food. The falling snow had obscured the ice that hid the frozen fish. Falling snow had obscured the world. The bear saw the beaver's and the monster's hut.

When he lifted his paw to knock on a door almost the size of his paw, an avalanche of snow fell to the ground.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

The monster had just stumbled out of bed. He hadn't had his coffee yet. It was too early for someone to be at the door, so no one could be at the door.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

'Whatta ya want?' the monster grumbled. He was looking for the coffee. He didn't listen to the answer.

Knock. Knock. Knock. 'Please let me in,' the bear yelled in a little girl's yell.

'Why should I let you in? You might rape me or kill me or you might be one of those muggers who robbed three people down the street yesterday. We know all about you.'

'I'm not a robber. I'm a little girl who lost her way in the woods last night. I want to call my mommy 'cause she's worried to death about me. I want to tell her I'm still alive.'

'What were you doing out in the snow all night?'

'My mommy and my twenty sisters live in a horrible slum on the east side of town. Mommy has no limbs and ten of my sisters are paralyzed. The other ten are wanted by the police for bank robberies. They didn't really do them. So I'm the only one who can get the food. Every day I go out and gather weeds. Then my ten bank robber sisters make a soup out of them.

'There aren't any weeds left around our house, so yesterday I went farther away from the house than usual.

'Before I knew it, it became dark.

'It was the blackest night. Huge sheets of snow and hail and sleet suddenly fell out of the blackness. I couldn't see anymore and I couldn't hear anymore.' (The monster remembered when he was out in the falling snow with the green garbage bag.) 'Everywhere I turned was blackness. Everywhere was pure whiteness and blackness and cold, cold.'

'I know what you're talking about,' the monster replied.

'I started walking to my home (I had an idea of home in my mind), but I didn't know where home was. There were just unending blocks of pure blackness and whiteness. Finally grey morning light began to filter through and as I began to see, the first thing I saw was your hut. Smoke was coming out of the chimney and lights shone through the windows.

'Please let me come in for a minute.'