Blood-drenched Beard : A Novel (9781101635612) (16 page)

Was it someone from here? Was he a local?

The man shrugs. His ears have no outside folds, as if someone had cut off their edges when he was a child in an act of insane cruelty. The veterinary clinic's reception area is actually a fully stocked pet shop. Tall piles of bags of dry dog and cat food take up most of the small space, and the strong smell unearths childhood memories, visits to stables and agricultural fairs with his father. Once when he was barely a teenager and the whole family still lived in the house in Ipanema, he ate dog food just to see what it was like. The floury taste and gritty texture come back to him. He used to feel sorry for the dogs that had to eat it. He sees a poster on the wall with illustrations of every dog breed in the world and fading photos of what appear to be members of several generations of beagles from the same family. A poster about vaccination. On the glass door is a large sticker with a drawing of a cow munching on grass that says
ANIMALS A
RE FRIENDS, NOT FOOD.
Plastic doghouses, padded pet beds, collars, and multicolored shampoos. He hears a small animal yelping at the back of the clinic.

A blond woman in a white coat appears in reception.

Are you the owner of the dog?

There is a smear of blood near the waist of the coat.

Yes.

You know she was hit by a car, don't you?

Yes. Where is she?

In the consulting room. I've just stabilized her. Please, let's go into my office because I need to explain a few things to you.

They sit facing each other at her desk. On top of it is a portrait of her next to her husband, a stout, bald man. He reminds him of his student Jander, who owns a pet shop.

Are you Jander's wife, by any chance?

Yes. Do you know him?

He's my student at the swimming pool.

Oh, so you're his instructor?

He says yes with a little smile and takes a deep breath. He rests his forehead in his hand with his elbow propped on the edge of the desk.

The vet explains that Beta has a fractured humerus and a lumbar spine injury, probably with a complete fracture of vertebra L6 or L7, which means that she will probably be paralyzed. The vet's tone of voice is funereal. She may also have a fractured pelvis. In addition to her abrasions, which are ugly. In a case like this, she says, we need to offer the owner the option of euthanasia.

I don't want to put her down. Try to save her.

Of course you don't. But think about it a little.

Can't you operate?

I can. But even if she survives, it is almost certain that she'll never walk again. And no matter how much you love your pet, you should give some thought to what things will be like afterward. She may suffer a lot, she won't be easy to care for, she'll need a trolley in order to walk.

So there's a chance she might walk again?

It's almost impossible. I'm sorry.

Can I see her?

It's better if you don't. In general we don't allow it. You think you want to see her, but you don't. Believe me.

I don't have a problem with these things.

Even if you're a doctor or a vet, it doesn't matter. It's not a question of being used to seeing blood. You don't want to. It's better if you talk to me. Trust me, I've seen this before.

Sweat drips from his chin. He is still breathing heavily. He remembers that he is in a T-shirt and Speedos, barefoot.

Excuse the state I'm in. I ran here from the gym.

Don't worry. Look, forgive me for insisting. I'm really sorry, and I know that you love your dog a lot, but I need to emphasize that it would be best—

Your name's Greice, isn't it?

Yes.

Greice, I understand. But I need to see her before I decide. I won't leave without seeing her.

She stares at him for a moment.

Come with me, then.

There isn't much in the operating room: a wall cabinet, a support trolley, plastic tubes, cotton wool, not a surgical instrument in sight. In the center, on an aluminum table under an operating light with four bulbs, is his father's dog.

I've cleaned and sedated her. But like I told you, she's badly hurt. You'll get a shock.

He walks over and looks at the dog.

Then he approaches the vet, who stayed in the doorway, and talks to her in a low voice close to her face.

Do everything you can, Greice. It doesn't matter how long it takes. I don't care how much it costs. I'll pay more than normal if necessary. I'll pay whatever you think is fair. If you need to take her somewhere else, let's do it. Do whatever you can for her to survive and to get as well as possible.

You understand that she's going to be paralyzed? That there's no guarantee that she's going to walk?

Yes.

The surgery costs around two thousand
reais
. But it might end up costing more.

That's fine. The price doesn't matter.

Leave your contact information with William in reception. Cell phone and everything. I'll call you as soon as I've got some news. And she'll need to stay in the clinic for at least thirty days. That'll cost you too.

Okay. Do everything you can.

I promise you I will.

Thanks.

He gives William his contact details and walks back into Garopaba.

 • • • 

T
he news has spread
through the gym. Mila hugs him and kisses his neck. He feels the satiny skin of the Chilean descended from Mapuche Indians on his. She strokes his hair with her hand and offers him a slice of wholemeal chocolate cake. She says he is pale and looks weak. Débora is signing up some new clients but straightens up in her chair and asks how the dog is with pity written all over her face. She tells him to go home as it's almost time anyway, and Saucepan is watching his students in the swimming pool. He thinks about calling his mother as he gets changed in the dressing room but decides not to. To her, Beta is just a dog, if not to say a kind of enemy, and he realizes how absurd it is to be jealous of a dog and a dead man, even if not entirely without cause. When he told his mother that he had decided to look after Beta after his father's suicide, she shook her head, unable to understand. If it were up to her, she would have pressured someone in the neighborhood to take her in. But her son keeping the dog? It was a kind of offense.

He arrives early to pick up Pablo from school. When the children get out, Pablo appears accompanied by a teacher. He lost the fingernail of his index finger in a game. He is sporting an oversized bandage on the finger, a thick wad of gauze held down with plasters. The teacher strokes his hair.

He had to go to the health clinic, didn't you, Pablito?

Yep.

And what did the doctor say?

The nail will grow back, says Pablo with a sideways glance, paying attention to something else.

He puts Pablo in the bike seat.

Ready?

Ready!

Can you hold on properly with your finger like that?

Yep.

Did it hurt a lot?

Yep.

He continues asking questions the whole way, and Pablo answers them as succinctly and directly as possible and with an honesty that still hasn't been contaminated by sarcasm or irony. When they get to Dália's mother's house, she asks if he has read the last e-mail she sent him. He confesses that he hasn't yet.

I had another vision with you in it. Or a dream, if you prefer. This time it was really strange. I want to know what you think.

I promise I'll read it as soon as possible.

On his way home he stops in front of the pizza parlor on the main avenue. He identifies Dália by her height and exuberant curls. She is in a meeting with other employees at the counter of the bar and signals through the window for him to wait a minute. As she walks out, she makes a funny face with twisted lips and squinting eyes.

Hi, you wooking for me?

I'm looking for a really pretty girl who works here.

She lets the funny expression go, and he discovers her face all over again. How many times has it been now? Thirty? Fifty?

Hey there, sexy. Your beard's getting long.

Letting nature follow its course.

Been breaking many hearts?

I just came to say hi and tell you that Pablito's at home. He managed to lose the fingernail of his index finger playing hide-and-seek, but he's taking it in his stride as always. They took him to the clinic, and he's got a huge bandage, but everything's okay.

Oooh. My poor baby. I'll give him a call now. Thanks for letting me know. Actually, it's good that you stopped by. I need to talk to you. As of next week, you won't need to pick him up. I'm quitting this job. I'm just going to work in the shop, and I can pick him up when I get back from Imbituba.

I see. Changes. Some kind of problem?

No, but I don't need two jobs anymore. I make more money there. And I don't have to work nights. Thanks for helping me out. You're an asshole, but you're an angel too.

That's what folks used to say to my dad. But with him it was the opposite: You're an angel, but you're an asshole. And I recognize that sparkle in your eye.

I'm seeing someone.

Already?

She gives him the finger.

I knew it. You're looking very smug. Someone from here?

From Florianópolis. He's fifty, but he isn't as square as you.

What does he do?

He's a contractor. He's working on that project to widen the highway. What's the face for? Everyone makes that face when I tell them his age. Why?

Did I make a face? I don't think I made a face.

Fine.

I don't see anything wrong with it. I don't even know the guy. Maybe you're the one who's worrying too much about what other people think.

She doesn't answer, but her gaze is reconfigured. Now it is a look of farewell in which he can tell that she isn't saying good-bye to him, because they'll still see each other around, but to another world identical to this one except that in it they are still together, in love, and have lasted the distance, a world imagined in detail and nurtured for a time, which she is just now letting go of. A great sadness overcomes him. He suddenly wants her again. It is as if her attachment to that other world has leaped out of her body and into his like an invading spirit. Maybe he is feeling exactly what she was feeling a minute earlier.

What's wrong? asks Dália.

He feels like crying. Truth be told, he'll never know what she was feeling. He could have asked her. She'd have told him. He clears his throat and tells her that Beta was run over earlier that afternoon.

Oh, how awful. Is she going to be okay?

She's in a bad way. But she'll pull through.

Are you okay?

Yeah. I'm fine.

The other waiters start bringing the tables outside, and Dália has to get to work.

 • • • 

T
he waves hit Baú
Rock
with a thud, followed by an effervescent hiss. He mashes up a tin of tuna with mayonnaise, slices a tomato, and makes sandwiches. He can smell the dog in the apartment and sees her short bluish hairs on the ground and her empty dish abandoned on the damp cement under the clothesline.

Suddenly there is nothing to do or to think about, and in this hiatus he glimpses how and where he is going to die. The vision doesn't come to him in detail. It is less a scene and more a combination of indistinct circumstances that fit into a clear pattern. It isn't the first time he has fantasized about his own death. He is always doing it and is pretty sure everyone else does too. But this time it is different. He tears a page out of the old diary that he uses as a notebook, fishes a pen out from between the fruit dish and a pile of magazines, jots down a few lines, dates it, and signs underneath. His heart is beating fast. He opens a can of beer and calls Bonobo.

Want to come over for a beer?

Sure, sounds good. I've got a few things to sort out here at the bed-and-breakfast first. I'll be about an hour. I actually need to talk to you about something. I need a favor, and you might be able to help me.

The night suddenly turns hotter and coaxes hungry mosquitoes out of wherever it is that they hole up in the cold weather. He sprays insecticide everywhere, overdoes it and has to go outside as he lets the apartment air out.

Bonobo shows up about two hours later with a twelve-pack of beer and a salami that he peels and slices slowly with a small pocketknife. He says he is going to pray for Beta to recover fully.

He hands Bonobo the folded page from the diary and waits as he reads what is written on it.

What the fuck is this?

I want you to sign it too and put it away somewhere. Somewhere safe. Don't lose it.

What makes you think you're going to drown here in Garopaba?

You don't have to take it seriously. Just put it somewhere safe.

Sorry, dude, but I'm not signing this. Do you want to kill yourself in the ocean? Why did you sign this? What's this paper going to prove? I don't get it.

Relax. It's just something I think is going to happen. Not anytime soon. It's still a long way off.

If you really believe what's written here, you'll end up setting the thing in motion. Tear it up.

If it does happen like that, there'll be no way to know if it happened because I said it would or if I said it would because it was going to happen.

Bonobo hands back the piece of paper.

I don't want to hang on to this crap. Tear it up.

A few beers later Bonobo asks for a loan. They're already a little drunk, and through the window silent flashes of lightning can be seen in the darkness of the ocean. He is surprised by the request. He thought the bed-and-breakfast was doing well. It does pretty well, says Bonobo. It'd be more than enough if I only had to support myself here. He tells him that he sends money a few times a year to his sick father and his unmarried sister who is always ill and can barely run her day-care center. He says that, truth be told, he's always had more luck than common sense with the bed-and-breakfast. It's as easy to lose money there as it is to make it, and he's not a business-minded administrator like his ex-partner, who he had a fight with two years after they'd gone into business together because the guy had started selling marijuana and coke at the bed-and-breakfast, and then crack, until one day they ended up in a fistfight, and he gave the guy a lot of money to disappear, which he promised to do but didn't because he continued dealing in the area until he was shot in the head by a rival in Encantada. And now he owes money to the lumber dealer, the accountant, and the bank.