Blood Judgment (Judgment Series) (25 page)

“Yeah. You don’t need to go with me. I’m sorry, Saranna. You must think I’m a total piece of shit.” He looked like he was going to cry.

She grabbed his arm. “No! I understand. I do. I just want to know you’re safe.”

“Saranna, you’re the most generous person I know. If I could have a sister, I’d want her to be you. But you can’t make a difference. No matter how hard you try. The odds are stacked too high against us.”

“That isn’t so! Don’t you believe it.”

“I don’t have to believe it. I’m living it.” And now he did cry. “I just want it to end because I know there’s nothing better for me. There never will be.”

“No. No.” Saranna choked. “There has to be something better for all of us. It won’t always be like this.”

Pounding boots drew Saranna’s gaze. She clutched at Raven, drawing him close. A cluster of black-clad men jogged toward them. Her heart thudded as they approached. The red insignia on their uniforms left no doubt about who they were.

Saranna’s grip on Raven tightened when they march-jogged past. The killers didn’t give her and Raven a second glance. She released Raven and her racing heart slowed to a more normal pace.

“I wish you were right.” He took her hand. “Don’t worry. I’ll make it back to the shelter. It’s out of your way and you should go home to your family.”

“I want to go with you.”

“No. You can’t help me any more than you already have. And I need to be alone for a while.” He squeezed her hand. “Don’t worry, I’ll be as okay as I can be.” He stumbled away.

She quelled the urge to stop him. He didn’t want her company and she needed to respect his wishes. Her heart burned with pain for him and for the things he’d said. Was it true? Were her efforts for nothing?

No. She wouldn’t accept it. She’d helped lots of her kind.

Had she really? She’d taken lots of people to the shelter. She’d given money to strangers. But, other than Julian, and Vali to a degree, she didn’t know if they were doing okay.

Raven sure as hell wasn’t.

It had made her feel good to think she was helping her kind. And she was, temporarily. But what happened when they left the shelter?

Thanks to Raven, her assumptions were now exposed as nothing but wishful thinking and arrogance on her part.

Who was she to think she could make a real difference? It was a bad joke and it was on her.

With her chest twisted in pain, she headed for home.

SID PICKED up a chair and threw it against the wall hard enough to break off a leg.

Tommy viewed the carnage with disgusted amazement plastered on his face.

The three cages were empty of their valuable cargo and Mike and Allen lay sprawled on the floor. They wouldn’t be getting up any time soon. Flies circled lazily, landing a moment on bluish skin, then buzzing around the bodies again.

“Goddamned vampires,” Sid snarled. “I’d like to catch the mangy bastards who did this. I wouldn’t bother selling them either. I’d gut them and chain them out for the sun to finish.”

“They were shot. Maybe someone else did it.” Tommy’s gaze lingered on the corpses.

Sid turned on him. “No one else did it. No one else would have let those flea bags out of the cages.” He whipped out his cell phone and dialed.

“Samuels,” A familiar voice answered.

“I need a cleanup. Two bodies at HQ. Now.” He hit the hang-up button without giving the man time to argue.

“Who’ll take care of this mess?” Tommy pried his eyes away from the fly-fest.

“Cleanup crew,” Sid said without elaborating. He wasn’t going to enlighten Tommy about operations that didn’t concern him.

Tommy grunted.

Sid’s left eyelid twitched. He took out his cell and dialed.

Jess Martin answered the call.

Sid gave a quick rundown before launching into a tirade. “I’ve lost two more men to those sons-of-bitching leeches. I need some recruits.”

“You think I can fart and produce men for you?”

He hated Martin, but the bastard usually managed to find good recruits. “Yeah, yeah. Just get them and have them call me.” He clicked off.

Sid rubbed his temple. “Whoever did this was brazen as hell. They may come back and try it again. And if they do, Tommy-boy, they’re going to get a little surprise.” He took out his phone and dialed again.

“Samuels.” This time the voice sounded wary. He must have seen Sid’s ID or had a special ring tone for him.

“Sid again.”

“What the hell do you want now?”

“Yeah, listen, I want some monitoring equipment installed here. Those fuckers will be back. You can almost bet on it.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

Sid had to work to keep from yelling into the phone. “I want it installed tonight. Got that?”

“Sure, I got it. Doesn’t mean I can get anyone out there, though.”

“Just take care of it.” He clicked off and shoved the phone in his pocket.

SARANNA COMBED her fingers through her hair and stared at her reflection in the large mirror over the vanity.

She hadn’t been able to shake her suspicion that her efforts had been for nothing. From there, it hadn’t taken much to relive the horror she’d been put through.

The things they’d done to her shouldn’t happen to anyone. Yet, any degradation a human inflicted on a vampire was legal. In the eyes of human society, they were no more than animals.

It didn’t matter to anyone if she’d been harmed. It didn’t matter that she was afraid to sleep with the male she wanted. It didn’t matter that she had been violated and made dirty.

The dirt on her wasn’t visible, but it was there. It didn’t matter how many showers she took or how long she soaked in the tub, the filth didn’t wash off.

If only Julian were home. She shivered. The more he worked with them, the more likely Ashton would make him a member. And the more time he would spend with Slade.

Julian cared about her. That alone warmed her and banished some of the horror locked inside her. But not enough.

She stopped combing her hair and crossed her arms over her towel-covered breasts as if trying to hide them. A chill pebbled her skin. She lowered her arms. She’d done nothing wrong, why should she hide herself? Why should she be afraid to be with Julian? He wouldn’t hurt her.

Rage flashed through her, a wildfire of uncontrolled emotion. She yanked the towel from her body. What would he see if she gave herself to him? Would he see the filth, smell it on her skin? Her heart thundered and her chest tightened. She panted for breath.

She snatched her blood-red robe from a hook on the door and pulled it around her. Whorehouse-red. She tied the belt and crossed her arms against the chill in her body.

She thought of Bobby and Jeff raping her. Time after time. The bastards had gotten turned on watching each other and as soon as one finished, the other took her again until she was bleeding and begging them to stop. And all the while, they demanded she pretend to enjoy it. To move and groan. To touch them. To touch herself.

She moaned and her stomach clenched. She’d been helpless and unable to stop them, but it didn’t make her any less dirty. Her vision blurred and she wiped angrily at the moisture pooling in her eyes.

The flood-gates burst open and choking cries ripped out of her. Her legs let go and she sank onto the cold tile. She curled into a ball and let it out in great racking sobs, pouring her anguish out like stagnant water.

She cried until there were no more tears in her. Lying on the cold tile, she remembered every minute of every attack. She relived the feel of them on top of her, inside her, hurting her, shaming her. The phantom scents of sweat and semen made her stomach roll. Their grunts filled her ears. Their panting breath blew in her face.

Anger flared to life again. She sat up and wiped at her eyes. Those pigs were
not
going to destroy her. She couldn’t erase what had happened, but if she didn’t move forward, she might as well still be in the whorehouse. She would be a prisoner to her past same as she’d been trapped by locked doors and barred windows.

How would she be able to help others if she couldn’t help herself? The anger sparked hotter, spurring her determination. Those bastards weren’t going to win. She was a survivor, dedicated to helping their people, and she wouldn’t be stopped.

She struggled onto her feet and met her own eyes in the mirror. “You aren’t going to beat me,” she whispered to the memories. She grabbed a washcloth and cleaned her tear-stained face.

They had defiled her, but she didn’t have to spend the rest of her life letting it overshadow and destroy her.

She shoved her hair away from her face.

I’m going to survive this. No matter what happens, I’m strong enough to survive it
.

Chapter Twenty-three

AS JULIAN walked up the apartment steps with Saranna, he hoped Ashton wouldn’t call. He wanted to spend the evening with her.

He had divided his time over the last two weeks between Saranna, Ashton, and playing fiddle tunes on the streets. The money wasn’t great, never more than a hundred dollars a night, but it helped out and he didn’t feel like so much of a mooch.

He enjoyed every moment spent with Saranna. And he’d sensed a change in her. Maybe she was putting some of the trauma behind her. At least he hoped so.

His time with Ashton had also been well spent. Ashton had taken him out several times, showing him where suspected enemies lived or gathered. Ashton was warming up to him and he hoped they forged a real friendship.

Slade never accompanied them. He made excuses Julian didn’t believe. Slade didn’t want to be around him and Julian felt likewise. He’d made an effort to be friends. If Saranna’s brother wanted to act like an ass, Julian could live with it.

He locked the apartment door behind them and, unable to stop himself, drew Saranna to him.

“Julian?” Her gaze locked with his.

He bent his head and pressed his lips to hers. His hand cupped the back of her head. She returned the kiss, then pushed gently against his chest.

He backed off. Shit. He’d scared her. Had he lost all sense of control? He knew better than to push her.

“I need a shower. I smell like a bar.” She slipped away and vanished into the bathroom. A moment later, the water came on.

He groaned at his stupidity. What the hell was wrong with him? He settled on the sofa and anxiously waited for her to come out. Apologizing wouldn’t be enough, he would beg her forgiveness.

After a long while, the water shut off and she rustled around in the bathroom. Was she avoiding him? He had to make things okay with her.

Realizing for the first time how much her affection meant to him, he wasn’t sure what to make of it. He’d never been in a position like that before. She’d penetrated his defenses. Something no human woman had ever done. His heart beat hard. What the hell was she doing to him?

A half hour later, she emerged. She’d put on a dusting of makeup and a subtle perfume which complemented her natural scent. Dressed in a teal, silk top and form-fitting black pants, she looked like a model. For a moment, he forgot to breathe.

She sat beside him and met his eyes. “Kiss me, Julian.”

Caught off guard, he hesitated. He wanted to kiss her, wanted to make her feel good again. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything.” Despite her words, a tiny tremor shook her voice.

With the utmost care, he drew her close and his mouth found hers in a soft press. She kissed him back. This time, she didn’t pull away. She slipped her arms round his neck.

Heat lashed through him. Her heady fragrance, wonderfully intoxicating, curled around him. He wanted to get drunk on her scent. His hand burrowed into her hair, cupping her head while his other hand slipped over cool silk and warm skin beneath it to her waist. He held her lightly.

She shifted and nipped at his lower lip. Groaning, he pulled her onto his lap. Her fragrance enveloped him, intoxicating him. She kissed him again. But she didn’t linger at his mouth. She kissed a burning trail across his jaw. “I’m hungry.”

A growl rumbled out of him and he pulled her down to his throat. Without hesitating, her fangs sliced into him. Sharp pain quickly faded into erotic pleasure.

His rock-hard cock pushed at his jeans. He didn’t try to hide his body’s reaction. No point in it, she knew how he responded to her. He wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her closer.

She moaned against his throat and drew on his vein. The feel of her sucking mouth set him ablaze as his internal temperature went fever hot. He wanted her so badly he feared he might not be able to rein himself in.

She pulled hard on his vein and he groaned, the pleasure overwhelming, soul searing, and sensual. He loved having her in his arms. He loved feeding her. Feeding and being fed were the most erotic experiences he’d ever had. He wouldn’t care if she drank him dry. If he had to die, he couldn’t think of a more pleasurable way to give up his life.

After long moments of pleasure, she licked the wound with slow sweeps of her warm tongue, cleaning the bite. He shuddered, fearing for a moment that he might orgasm in his jeans.

This time there was no pulling away, no breaking the erotic spell feeding wove between them. She claimed his lips in a blood-flavored kiss. He groaned against her mouth, wanting her with a frightening need, barely holding his control in check. He had to stop. If he didn’t, he wasn’t going to be able to and he didn’t want to push her into something she wasn’t ready for.

Her scent had intensified and, as his body temperature escalated, so had his. The mix formed a delicious aroma, perfuming the air around them.

Panting, he broke the kiss. “Saranna, please… I’m going to be on you if we keep this up.”

“I want you. I’m not over it. I may never be. But I’m not going to let my life be ruined by what happened.” She buried her face in his shoulder. “Help me through this, Julian.”

Heat surged through him. He gathered her to him and pressed his lips to hers in a gentle kiss. Without breaking the kiss, she slipped her arms around his neck. Holding himself in check, he let her take the lead. She was fragile and any roughness on his part might be disastrous.