Blood of the Pure (Gaea) (57 page)

He nodded again, his trembling fingers softly brushing against Jonathan’s face, his pained expression making me turn away. I silently walked to the door, somehow feeling I was intruding now, and opened it carefully so it wouldn’t creak.

“Mari.” His voice stopped me halfway and I looked back over my shoulder. His curved back and desolated expression made me think of someone who’d been mortally injured. “Thank you, and I’m sorry. Before ... I wasn’t really thinking straight. I never meant to hurt you.”

“It’s fine,” I told him, stretching my lips into what I hoped was a convincing smile. “Just let him rest. And call me if you need me.” I left the room, closing the door behind me, leaning against it for a second, almost too tired to keep standing. Still, I took a deep breath and went for the stairs thinking I’d now return to Lea’s side.

Three steps were all I could manage before the world around me started swirling. Afraid I’d end up falling, I sat down at the top of the stairs, laying my head on my knees, waiting for the dizziness to fade.

My mind was completely blank, too numb for any kind of coherent thought, and yet a revolution of emotions filled my chest, things I’d even forgotten I could feel. What would become of me once the numbness cleared away and I’d have to face all those raging feelings?

The image of all that blood wouldn’t leave my mind, as if imprinted in fire on the inside of my eyelids. As hard as I tried to avoid it, I couldn’t stop seeing the pain so vividly expressed on his face, or hearing the rough sound of his delirious voice, or remembering the electric touch of his skin every time my hand unintentionally brushed against him.

If only I could lessen his pain.

I ended up falling asleep, but even in my dreams all I could see was a red sea that wouldn’t stop spreading, covering the floor, threatening to engulf me completely. His screams echoed in the air around me, filled with pain and despair, making me look around, searching for him, the urgency making my heart beat faster. I just couldn’t allow it to go on, couldn’t allow him to keep suffering like that. Unbeknown to myself his pain was my pain as well and I just couldn’t bear another second of that torture. My searching gaze fell upon a child sitting amid that red sea, and I knew instinctively that it was him.

Tears fell down his cheeks and he kept screaming, his eyes shut closed in a permanent denial of the world around him. His small, white hands were smeared with blood, and I knew without a doubt that, for a change, that blood wasn’t his. And yet he wouldn’t stop screaming, breath after breath, as if he’d been mortally injured.

I tried to get closer to him. All I wanted was to comfort him, even if only a bit, making him stop that agonizing cry. But as much as I walked, or ran, the sea of blood that now covered my knees wouldn’t allow me to advance. Sticky and heavy it kept pulling me back, making it almost impossible to move my legs.

“Izrail,” I blinked in surprise as tears rolled down my cheeks. It was the first time that I could recall that they had obeyed my feelings. “Izrail!”

“Mariane.” His hoarse murmur made me jump and I almost screamed when I saw him standing right there, in front of me. It took me a few moments to gather that I’d been dreaming and that he was real. The wave of pain that washed over me made me tremble. Panicking, my eyes were drawn to the red bandages all across his bare chest as they quickly absorbed his blood. His breathing was heavy and labored, new drops of sweat shining on his forehead. His long white hands shook uncontrollably as they held on fast to the handrail, his violet eyes glowing feverishly.

“God! What are you doing standing up like this!” I scolded him, unthinkingly, trying to keep my breathing under control. Just like before, my heart was beating like crazy, leaving me deaf, my body too tense and frozen in place.

A wince of pain contorted his face, making him take a sharp breath, and his trembling arms buckled, making him stumble forward. His white fingers flexed around the handrail even harder, the wood cracking beneath his inhuman strength. A groan of pain escaped his lips, making him lean forth too abruptly, his hair tumbling forward like a dark, silky cascade. I watched as his legs trembled, giving in under his weight, and my heart almost stopped when I saw him fall head-on. And then, my body was on the move, although I’d been frozen stiff just instants ago, and I was under his huge body, trying to break his fall.

The direct contact with his skin left me breathless and the arm that reflexively wrapped itself around my waist in search of some support erased all logical thoughts from my mind. His hair brushed my face, soft and cold, and I could feel his warm panting breathing on my shoulder, even through my pajama top. His whole body shook violently and his dead weight was more than I could support, especially with my shaking legs. He groaned again as I fell back, the impact making his muscles stiffen with pain, and his head slid inert over my chest, falling on my legs. Instinctively I leaned over him, trying to hold him in a half-embrace, fearing that he might keep sliding all the way down the stairs, even though he was obviously too heavy for me to hold. My panicking eyes fell on his back, the way his muscles contracted with every single forced breath, and I was frozen again, too terrified to even run.

“Don’t cry.” His muffled voice silenced everything else, almost as if I’d just plunged into deep waters. I thought he’d lost consciousness. His black hair covered my legs, shadowing his face, but not enough to hide his pained expression. “Don’t cry ... just for a moment ... let me stay like ... this.”

My heart hurt at his request and my lungs burnt when I was finally able to breathe again. I wished I could comfort him, maybe embrace him, the same why I’d wished I could do to the child in my dream. But, just like in the dream, I couldn’t move.

The scent that emanated from his hair was sweet and the arm around my waist kept holding on to me, as if he was afraid I might simply disappear.

I did cry, and sobbed like a child until my throat hurt. And yet, in all my pain, I didn’t shed a single tear.

Chapter Twenty-One

ZAX

– The Abyss. Choronzon, his Nature.
1
–

“The net of threads that surrounds me and tortures my skin has long ago become my home, my only shelter.

I smile at the pain it brings me and, the same way others need light and water, I can’t live without it.

There were times when I bitterly cried because of this prison.

Now, after all this time, I no longer know how to survive without its torturous embrace ...”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

woke up startled by a scream that left me sitting up again on my bed.

I felt immediately lost and realized I was back in my room. The light poured in from the half-opened blinds, telling me that it was daytime outside.

The scream echoed again and I slid out of bed, forgetting for a moment that fast and rash movements would only bring me pain. I winced as my ribs ached, pressing my right side, and left the room trying not to run.

As I passed by the stairs, I noticed I really didn’t have the slightest idea of how I’d got into my room. The last thing I recalled was sitting there, desperately trying to hold on to Gabriel’s slipping body; the soft weight of his head resting on my lap. Obviously, I also remembered how his presence had disturbed me, making me tremble as always, but I was proud of myself for having been able to get close enough to touch him.

However, I didn’t ponder much about that subject, rushing as fast as I could to my mother’s room.

“Jonathan!” I called out, knowing it had been his voice I’d heard, and I ran to hold him as I saw him sitting on the bed, wide-eyed in a pure state of panic. “It’s fine! Everything’s fine! You’re safe!” I assured him, wrapping my arms around his shaking body, and he pushed me away, screaming at me, forcing me to make use of all my strength just to not let go of him. “You’re OK. You’re OK now! It’s over! It was all a nightmare!” I insisted, trying to make myself heard on top of his screams and, suddenly, his whole body went limp, his screaming ending as if he’d spent all his energy and couldn’t even speak. “You’re OK,” I reassured him, caressing his hair, and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against his marred bare chest.

Although younger than me, Jonathan was taller and his thin arms immobilized me without effort, making me uncomfortable. I felt too small, too frail in his arms, as if I were no more than a doll that he’d decided to hold onto to keep his fears at bay.

“Everything’s fine now,” I repeated, showing intentions to pull back, but his strength didn’t diminish, keeping me prisoner. “Jona ...”

“You have to help me!” His harsh, urgent murmur right next to my year interrupted my scolding, leaving me apprehensive.

“Help?”

“To get out of here! Please, I need to get out of here!” he repeated and the despair in his voice left me silent for a moment. From the few times I’d seen him, he always seemed empty of any desires or emotions, almost as if he’d been perpetually hypnotized. And yet, the intensity of his voice now concerned me, and I couldn’t help wonder what had happened to leave him in this state.

“Leave here? Where to?”

“I don’t care! Far, far away from him!”

“Him? Alexander?” I guessed after a few moments of hesitation and his arms squeezed me even harder, hurting my already hurt ribs.

“Please, you have to help me!” he begged once again. Sure enough I had no idea of what was going on, but I could easily identify myself with the deep fear vibrating from his every word.

I wanted to know what had brought on the wave of terror I felt in him, but, agitated as he was, I was sure I couldn’t make him talk about it. And so I decided the first thing to do was to try and calm him down, and that implied taking him out of that house.

“I’ll help!” I told him and his arms relaxed enough to allow me to look at him. “I’ll help you, Jonathan.” His expression came alight with hope and I couldn’t help smile at the purity of his face. “But first we have to get you something to wear.” I jumped to my feet, my practical side taking the lead.

We left the house not long after, his giant hurried stride making me run from time to time to keep up with him.

“Where are you going?” I inquired and he shrugged. “Just stop for a minute and think about it! You probably won’t be able to cross the barrier without them noticing,” I reminded him.

“I have no other choice. I have to try,” he replied without even turning to look at me, his expression grave and intent as he marched down the street, my mom’s old tracksuit he now wore too short for him.

“What happened after you were gone? Where did you go?” I had so many questions. Above all I needed to know why he’d left without a word. Jonathan’s expression became even tenser and his voice cut the air in a murmur.

“We followed two
Deiwos
that had crossed the barrier unnoticed.”

“And did you catch them?”

“Only one. They were too strong. Mari, you should take the chance and run away too!” he suddenly told me, facing me with a serious expression.

“I can’t. The Contract binds us together. If I break it, really bad things will happen.”

“Bad things,” he repeated sarcastically. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about. At least Izrail is a
Deiwos
, a
Shedim
. I’m sure you see his indifference towards all Human Beings as proof that he is dangerous. And you’re right. But believe me when I tell you, there are much worse things out there. I heard that your Guardian is asleep? Then just take this chance and run far, far away. Don’t wait around for him to wake up.” I grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him back, making him stop for a moment so I could recover my lost breath.

“You and I ... we’re the same, right?” I asked and Jonathan turned away as if that simple question had been enough to hurt him deeply.

“Yes, or at least we were ...
Gaalgha
, as the
Merifri
call us, the Spirits of the Creator. But I’ve stopped being one a long time ago, the moment my life stopped following the normal cycle that all Human Beings follow.” He resumed his march down the road, although his pace had lost part of its initial urgency, making it easier for me to keep up.

“But Alexander told me you are Human, like me,” I argued, hesitating before saying his name, and Jonathan took a deep breath as if that could help dilute the bitterness marking his face.

“Human ... maybe. I don’t know. You tell me. Do you know any other Human who has lived for one hundred years looking like a fourteen-year-old?”

I stared at him wordlessly. Of all the things Alexander had told me I’d never taken the factor time into account. But it was logical, right? If all he’d told me had taken place before the war. But if that was how it was, how was it possible that Jonathan was still alive?

“Then how ...?” I began to ask.

“He was my Guardian, and I trusted him unconditionally. Which Human Being wouldn’t trust an angel sent from Heaven to protect him? He explained to me what I was and why he was sent to stay beside me. We were always together, even though others couldn’t see him.” His voice was almost soft as he recalled his past, but then his expression became hard and angry. “In the end they’re all the same,
Deiwos
and
Merifri
, all alike, all selfish, prepotent bastards! With the difference that at least you know what to expect from a
Deiwos
.
Merifri
are false. With their pure and angelic looks, white wings and all, they gain our trust just to betray us later on!”

“What do you mean? What happened?”

Jonathan hesitated for a moment and, when he spoke again his voice was no more than a cold, hollow whisper, the kind of voice I expected to hear from the empty indifferent boy he appeared to be.

“Love is forbidden to all
Merifri
,” he explained. “And yet they all know that there is no Guardian that doesn’t end up loving the
Gaalgha
he is sent to protect. Alexander told me all about this and, at the time, I even felt sorry for his pain. Loving, knowing that it’s a condemned love, that there’s nothing anyone can do, because
Gaalgha
are Human Beings that will soon leave this plane of existence towards another more evolved one. Believing all that I never even dreamed he’d do what he did. You saw the red marks on my body, didn’t you?” I nodded and he put a hand on his chest as if he could feel the intricate crimson pattern under his clothes. “These are the marks of my curse. In his selfishness he wouldn’t allow me to follow my path. This curse not only keeps me a prisoner of this life, it also binds me to him.”

I didn’t know what to say.

“What about ... the scars?” I asked, dreading his answer, and his bitter smile made me shiver.

“The red lines are constantly growing and expanding. If they’re not cut from time to time, they’ll end up tearing my body to shreds.”

“Is that why he
fell
? That he became a
Deiwos
?” I wondered and Jonathan nodded.

“My life is suspended. And since this war began and I became his
Medium
… I just can’t take it anymore! I’d rather die! But even that, he won’t allow it.” His arms wrapped around his own chest as he bent forward. Pain distorted his face and he staggered, almost falling.

“Jonathan!” I immediately placed his arm over my shoulders, trying to keep him from falling, and he gasped for air. “What’s wrong! Talk to me!”

“Don’t ... let him ... take me.”

As soon as the words left his lips, a soft shower of black feathers surrounded us. I raised my head, still trying to support his weight and, half expecting it, Alexander was right there in front of me. His dark-red eyes were immediately on Jonathan and his expression was one of pity, and helplessness, and pain, and, above all, the expression of a guilty man.

In a fit of despair, Jonathan tried to escape from him, catching me off guard, his sudden movements making it impossible for me to keep holding him. I saw him fall, his body folded over itself, as he writhed in pain, biting his lower lip so he wouldn’t scream as well. From the corner of my eye, I saw Alexander take a step forward and I was instantly in his way, making sure he wouldn’t reach the boy behind me.

“Mari.”

“He doesn’t want to go back with you!” I declared vehemently. In my mind, that was the only thing I was a hundred-percent sure of and that I could clearly understand. How many times had I wished and hoped in vain that I’d be able to escape as well? And, if what Jonathan had told me was really true, I certainly wasn´t about to allow him to keep torturing him like this any further.

“Mari! He needs help!” Alexander pointed out, his anxious gaze locked on Jonathan, but I kept my ground, unwavering.

“Tell me what to do then!”

“There’s no time for that! Let me through!” he commanded, trying to go around me, and I gave a step to the side, placing myself in his way once more.