Blood of the Pure (Gaea) (64 page)

“I do not use
Mediums
,” he stated with an unmistakable superior tone, almost as if using them was something unworthy or cowardly, and I tried to look for some kind of explanation in Lea, but he didn’t seem willing to participate in our conversation.

“But you said that Jonathan is Alexander’s
Medium
,” I noted and he nodded.

“In their case it’s inevitable.”

“Why? What’s a
Medium
for?”

“I guess the easiest way for you to understand would be saying that he’s a shield,” he said, raising his head as he decided to give me an explanation. “Some
Deiwos
use
Mediums
, a part that only a Human Being can fulfill. Which means that, during combat, all the damage that a
Deiwos
receives will be directly transferred to his
Medium
. The
Medium
, on the other hand, should possess the ability to dissipate the damage as fast as possible, or he’ll end up dying.

“When one uses a
Medium
, all physical injuries are automatically canceled. All the rest, like the pain from those injuries, are passed on. For example, if you were really my
Medium
, I wouldn’t have been hurt at all. In compensation, you would have received my pain, and felt all I was supposed to feel, as well as any other psychological damage implied; everything except the actual physical damage. Normally, we are only able to actually injure a
Deiwos
once his
Medium
has been destroyed, which normally ends up happening sooner or later.”

I tried to integrate the information he provided as fast as possible and nodded. I wouldn’t allow myself to cast any other kind of judgment and would only try and accept things how they really were. It was the least I could do after insisting so much for him to stay, which inevitably meant my involvement in all that mess.

“I see, but Jonathan didn’t die. And from what I gathered, this wasn’t the first time.”

“Sigweardiel says that
Gaalgha
... Human Beings like Jonathan, are the best
Mediums
. Something to do with their ability to quickly dissipate the damage they receive. I don’t really understand, but it would seem he’s right. It was thanks to having Jonathan as his
Medium
that they were both able to survive in this war up till now. Sigweardiel may be a considerably strong
Mazzikin
, but he is not the strongest, not to mention how weak he is when compared with a
Shedim
. In any way he never showed any interest in increasing his power. So, I guess making Jonathan his
Medium
was their only chance. It was certainly the only
Deiwos
-like action I saw him take.”

“Because it was the only way they could survive. Because if he dies, Jonathan will also disappear,” I summed it up and he nodded in a confirmation. “I still think he should tell him the truth!” I added.

“That’s something that only he can decide. It’s none of my concern,” he stated in what could well be described as a cold, indifferent tone, but the way he subtly lowered his gaze clearly told otherwise. In the end he wasn’t at all that indifferent, at least not as much as he wanted to look like.

When we finished our late lunch, Lea took his leave, after presenting me with one of those smiles that made me all warm inside as he disappeared out the door, his bell jingling all the way just as though he was about to go and play in the park.

I immediately started doing the dishes before he could think of doing them himself, the idea of him wandering up and down in that small kitchen making me uneasy, and he remained seated in his place, watching me in silence.

I tried as hard as I could to just ignore the pressure of his gaze on my back and turned on the hot water.

“Are you going back to school?” I asked, trying to break through that awkward silence and, for a moment, thought he wouldn’t answer.

“I think it’s best if I don’t. The justifications needed would be endless. Besides, my presence is no longer needed and I’d only be further interfering with your life. I do not wish to disturb your friends, and I’m certain that Stephanie wouldn’t appreciate seeing me back.”

My hands stopped under the scalding water at the mention of Steph’s name. He’d been back for more than a day now, and I hadn’t thought about her even once, not even when I’d asked him that question. I smiled ironically and rinsed the plate I was holding in my hands.

“My friends,” I mused. “In the beginning they wouldn’t stop asking about you to the point I already didn’t know what else to say. But then, now it’s almost as if they all forgot that you even existed. As if the questions with which they’d torture me on a daily basis are no longer important.”

“Yes. That’s how it should be.”

“Sometimes I wonder if I were to simply disappear, just like that, if they’d also only ask for me the first two weeks and then end up forgetting I’d ever been there.”

“It’s different.”

“Is it now?” I put the plate on the dish drainer and he didn’t answer. “Sometimes I get the feeling that they’ve already forgotten me, even though I’m right there, sitting beside them.” We were silent for a moment while I washed the glasses. “But I guess you’re right. Steph probably doesn’t want to see you. Although she’s back with Mark, she’s still not talking to me,” I said and almost bit my tongue at how ironic my voice had sounded, wishing he wouldn’t notice it.

“I’m sorry. That was never my intention.”

“I know. It’s fine either way,” I responded, trying to sound nonchalant, even though my mind still blamed him; for what, exactly, I couldn’t tell.

The sound of the phone ringing came at the right time and I carefully made sure I was smiling when I turned to the door, relieved to have an excuse to leave that kitchen. I reached it in the corridor by the third ring and picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Mari! Hey! How are you?”

Michael’s worried tone immediately transformed my fake smile into a real one. His voice sounded suddenly much warmer than I could remember, and I wondered if it had been really him whom I’ve been listening to these last few days.”

“Hi, Michael,” I greeted him, genuinely happy that he’d called.

“How are you doing? Feeling any better? I heard that you were sick. Want me to go there? Need anything?”

He sounded really worried and I couldn’t help feeling guilty knowing that my fake illness was the cause of it.

“I’m fine. It’s just a cold. Tomorrow I’ll be going back to school.”

“Are you sure? I should have gone there immediately after school!”
he reprimanded himself, but I was inwardly grateful that he hadn’t. I didn’t know how to explain Gabriel’s return, or even the presence of the rest of them.

“I’m fine, really. My neighbor just brought me dinner and everything.” I lied with ease. Filling guilty or not, I could never allow him to even consider the idea of making me a late night visit. I heard him sigh on the other end of the line, and smiled as he sounded less preoccupied.

“If you say so. But promise me you’ll really be going to school tomorrow!”

“I promise. You know I don’t like skipping classes,” I assured him.

“I missed you.”
His voice echoed in the immediate silence that took over my mind. Again, his words almost sounded like a confession and my eyes were immediately on the ribbon around my wrist. I felt nothing — no burning, no pain, no strange feelings.

The air around me became heavier, harder to breath, and I turned back with a startle. Sure enough he was standing there, by the kitchen door, watching me. I was instinctively thankful for the fact that he could not read my thoughts and hoped that his hearing wouldn’t be keen enough to hear what Michael was saying.

“I got so used to our talks that, without you around, I just don’t know what to do during lunch breaks.”
Michael went on, laughing softly as if that was enough to dilute the weight of his words, and I chose to act as if his strategy had worked.

“All right, all ready! No more whining! I promise I’ll loyally fulfill my part as your talk partner from now on,” I joked with a fake smile, while keeping an eye on Gabriel’s mood, and Michael laughed.

“I’ll keep you to that!”

“Be my guest,” I replied, wishing I could end that phone call as soon as possible.

“All right then. See you tomorrow.”

“Sure.”

“And if you need anything, just call. At any time!”
he insisted, like he’d insisted dozens of times before and, although I really appreciated his willingness to put himself at my disposal like that, all I could think of was how much I’d like to put the phone down right that instant.

“Thank you.”

“Get well soon. See you.”

“Bye,” I answered and put down the handset before he could say anything else. I smiled, although I didn’t really feel like it, searching for some kind of reaction on his face, but he remained impassive, watching me in silence.

“It was Michael,” I ended up saying awkwardly, as if he didn’t already know it. “He was worried that I missed classes today.”

“Michael,” he repeated. I blinked, half lost, trying to pull back the oppressive feeling that came over me. I just couldn’t understand how a name that had always given me a warm, secure feeling, could sound so cold just because it had been said in his velvet voice. “All this time. He didn’t tell you anything?”

I looked away, my face burning from embarrassment, and only then considered that I could have just pretended I didn’t know what he meant, in hope of avoiding the subject all together. Anyway, I’d already decided, right? I’d decided I wouldn’t hide anything from him, that I’d be completely transparent, so that I could have the right to demand the same thing from him. And so I sighed.

“He tried,” I confessed. “But since Michael doesn’t have any memories from his past, he feels confused about a lot of things. Since there’s nothing in his memory that can help him understand his own feelings, he just doesn’t know what to call them. In his head, the boundaries between friendship and love aren’t defined at all. It was easy taking advantage of his confusion to simply avoid listening to any of that. I was extremely cruel and forbade him from ever talking to me about that again. Even though I don’t really know what’s needed to fulfill the conditions of our Contract,” I added, facing his obvious fake smile.

“Oh, that’s rather simple, really. All he has to do is admit before you that he loves you, be it by words or actions,” he informed me and folded his arms with a critical expression. “But who would‘ve guessed, about to have what you so much desired and trying so hard to make sure that it doesn’t come true. The price of our Contract must really displease you!”

I frowned, annoyed at his words as much as at his tone. Suddenly it was as if we’d just gone back to the beginning.

“It does displease me!” I confirmed, facing his sarcasm with my head up. “But contrary to what you might think, it’s not the idea so much that I dislike, but the situation in itself! If I am to sleep with you, then I’d rather do it right now, knowing that it is my choice, than having to do it because I’m being forced into it! I’ve already told you before! If that’s all you want from me, then I’m yours this instant! I’ll not fight battles I cannot win. That’s the same as trying to fight death,” I said completely sure of my own words, and waited.

“So, what you’re saying is that you’d rather choose when to die, than just wait for death to come?”

“If I’m dying on someone else’s childish whim, then yes! I do! So?” I asked, keeping the offer, and he looked away, still obviously annoyed.

“Go and get some rest. Didn’t you just promise to go to school tomorrow?” I smiled at his angry expression.

“Wanna know what just crossed my mind?” He didn’t answer. “That, in the end, you’re much more Human than you’d like to admit, and that we’re not all that different, you and me. Up till now we’ve never given in to one another without it implying an exchange of sorts, right? This time around, however, I made you a request and you made it come true, and didn’t ask for anything in return. So, I’ll give you my thoughts. And I’ll prove to you what I just said, that we’re not that different. I guess you’d already figured that out if you had all your powers, and maybe things could have been different. But since that’s not the case, this is the only way I found. You probably won’t believe half of what I tell you, but that’s fine as well.”

“That’s ... what I told you before,” he whispered, his voice almost inaudible. “That you probably wouldn’t believe my word, but you still did.”

“Because you’re the only one I can trust,” I replied. “It really doesn’t matter if what you say are truths or lies. To me they are all the truth that you give me. If I didn’t think like that, how could I ever have accepted all that happened and all I saw? If you tell me to trust Alexander, how can I doubt that? If you tell me that there’s a war out there, how can I not believe it? What does it matter if there really is one or not? This is the reality you’re giving me, and so it’s the reality I have to live in and, in my insignificance, accept as my own. I spent too many sleepless nights trying to question your every word, your every action, your every intention, and I almost went insane. Like this, all I have to do is follow the path you show me. I’d rather do that than be completely lost.”