Blood of the Rainbow (49 page)

Jared groaned. “You ran from me!” he countered.

Sara swallowed hard. “I know, but I was scared Jared. I thought I was coming between you and your destiny. I don’t believe in that kind of thing, but you obviously do. I’d just like to know if there’s a possibility you’ll run again, or will things stay the way they are now.”

Jared sighed, rolling on to his back, hiding his eyes under his arm. Sara suspected it was because his eyes were changing to a crimson color. It happened when he got upset or agitated with her. It wasn’t clear, whether or not Jared was angry yet, but he was plainly getting agitated. Whether it was with her, or himself, Sara couldn’t be sure. She waited for his answer.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” he finally said. “I thought we were past all that now.”

“Well, we are. It’s just that, we’ve not been very
careful
and I’d like to know, where I stand as far as – you know – that is concerned.”

Jared moved his arms off his eyes and stared at the stars. Sara was right. His eyes
were
glowing. In the dark, they looked like two glowing embers from a fireplace. “Are you frightened of the possibilities?”

“A little – I guess, but I’m ready for it – you know – the whole family thing.”

Jared’s eyes turned pure crimson. He balled his hand into a tight fist. He sighed, exasperated. “I think we should do something about that.”

Sara’s eyes must have said more than she’d intended them to. “Really?”

Jared sighed deeply. “I think we need to get some kind of protection, so we don’t have any – accidents.”

That cut to the core. It wasn’t what Sara was expecting. “I see,” she said, sounding disappointed.

“Well, what did you think Sara? You’re still too young!”

Sara narrowed her eyes and furrowed her brow. “I am?” she asked, rhetorically. She hadn’t been expecting a response from Jared, and, it was a worthwhile thing too. He wasn’t prepared to give her one, but neither was Sara prepared to leave it either. “Well, when do you think I won’t be, as you put it, too young?” she asked cautiously, feeling Jared’s mood darkening.

Jared got up, and walked to the edge of the water, looking into the night. “I don’t know – someday – maybe.”

Sara stared up at his back for a long while. The evening was taking a turn, and she didn’t like its direction. Sara knew if she didn’t do something fast, the night would be ruined. Depending on how this conversation went, it could drive another wedge between them. One not easily removed.

------------

“Steve… what are you…?” Before she could say anything else, Steve’s lips touched hers. His kiss was warm and soft. Not rushed or demanding, but clearly not meant to be a friendly kiss. Lucy kissed him back.

Steve kissed the side of her neck and worked his way back to her lips. This time he deepened the kiss, pulling her closer to him. For a moment, Lucy was lost, her heart pounding, her head spinning. She suddenly pulled away, and moved to the other end of the boat, turning her back to Steve. “This was a mistake Steve. Why did you have to do that?” Tears streamed down Lucy’s cheeks.

Steve’s eyes filled with rejection. A lump quickly rose in his throat. He reached out to her. “Luce… I….”

Lucy didn’t know how to respond.
What’s happening? What am I feeling? Why did this seem right? It shouldn’t feel this way. What am I doing?

“I think we should go back now. I’m not looking for charity Steve. Just because I can’t be with Jared….”

“Lucy – it’s not like that. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have moved so fast. It’s just that – well – I’ve been – you were in my arms and I.” He groaned, exasperated with himself. “I’m botching this up really good. I didn’t want to hurt you. I want to help you.”

“What do you think you are Steve – the love doctor? Do you think I’m this love sick puppy who needs your special therapy? That I’m some kind of broken china doll, and you’re the glue to put me back together again? Do you
honestly
think you could compare to…?”

Steve’s eyes turned to ice.
Is that what she thinks this is? That I don’t compare with her brave Navajo warrior? The mighty Jared! God – I’ve been such a fool.
“You know what Lucy – you’re right. This was a mistake. I should have known my love wouldn’t be good enough for you. Forgive me for losing my heart for the last ten years to the wrong woman! Now, that you’ve set me straight, maybe I can move on!”

------------

Sara stood, walked behind Jared, and put her arms around his waist, resting her head against his back. “It doesn’t matter, not right now, anyway. We can talk about our future another time. You’ve given me everything on my list but that. I suppose I can let you by this time,” she said, turning him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “That is – if you don’t deny me
anything
else.”

Jared caressed the back of her head with his hand. “Sara, I don’t think we should be quite so,
eager
, until I can get you some contraceptives.” Jared’s tone was final. He wasn’t giving Sara a choice. He’d already decided not to take the risk. That hurt Sara, but it had some logic behind it. Still, there were other ways than the pill.

“Jared, I hope you’re not suggesting I start taking birth control pills,” she said, a little more forceful than she’d intended. She’d read horror stories about women getting cancer, and not being able to conceive after taking the pill for an extended period. True, she didn’t want children right now, but she wanted to leave her options open for the future too.

“I don’t want you to use an IUD. There are too many risks with that too, and diaphragms are about as reliable as condoms. All in all, the pill is the safest, unless we consider a more permanent method. I could always get a vasectomy, and then we’d never have to worry.”

Sara was outraged. “What? Are you saying you
never
want to have a baby with me? And what if something happened to me and you remarried? Would that be fair to you, or her?”

Jared looked away and then back at Sara. His eyes were crimson, glowing with rage, cold and set. “I never said I didn’t want to have children with you. Sara you’re twisting my words, and making it harder on both of us. Besides, when something happens,” he paused and closed his eyes a second before finishing his statement, his voice calmer. “If
anything
happened to you – I wouldn’t even try to find somebody else. You’re my perfect match Sara. There will never be another, after you.”

“What do you mean?” Sara was trying to keep her anger in check. “Jared, it’s fantasy to think we can live our lives on the assumption that nothing will ever happen to either of us – it’s a fact – we live with it, and move on. If I died, trust me, you would find someone else. In fact, you could have your choice.”
One person immediately comes to mind.

“No I wouldn’t! I don’t want anybody else. I don’t want to risk losing you, that’s all. Too many women die in childbirth, even today. I want you Sara, not a part of you, and not a memory that will fade over time.”

Jared pulled Sara close, holding her as if he were afraid she was going to disappear. “Sara, I’m not stupid. If there’s anyone who knows we can’t steer, or control our destiny – it’s me. And that’s the reason I’m going to do
everything
in my power to keep you as long as I can. Even if it means never having children with you. We could always adopt.”

“Jared, I don’t want to adopt a baby. I want your baby. Something that’s part of both of us. I don’t really want it right now, but someday. Don’t you want that?”

Jared stared into Sara’s eyes. “More than anything, but
not
enough to risk losing you! Don’t you understand what you mean to me? Do you have any idea how many long, lonely nights I’ve spent, wishing you were with me? Sara I used to go to sleep early and get up late, just for that tiny chance that you might visit me again in my dreams. And when you did, I didn’t
want
to wake up. I’d decided if that were the only place I could have you, I would have happily chosen to die in my sleep. Now that you’re here, in my arms. I would walk through the fires of Hell before I gave you up – even for a baby.”

“Jared, how many times have we made love already,
without
any protection?”

Jared groaned. “I never should have done that. I should have waited until we had protection, but you are so irresistible,
dangerously
irresistible,” he said, kissing her. “Dangerous to me, and dangerous to yourself. Still, I’m a doctor; I know the odds, I should have taken precautions. I’m sorry for putting your life at risk Sara.”

Sara laughed. “You’re making it sound like I didn’t have any part in this. I love you Jared. I wanted you, all of you. I didn’t want some imitation barrier between us – I still don’t, and I don’t want you to do something stupid, and make it so we’re never able to have children, or so you can’t ever have them with someone else if I died.”

Jared walked away from Sara, and started staring into open space again. Sara walked in front of him, determined to get to the bottom of this. “You’re not going to die,” he said through clenched teeth, his jaw tight, and his eyes like burning crimson orbs.

“Let me ask you something else. Suppose I’m pregnant already Jared. You feel so strongly against our having a baby, what do we do if we find out that I am pregnant?”

“If you are… we can stop it, before it’s too late.”

------------

Carl heard Steve’s jeep as it pulled into the drive way, and came to a screeching halt. Lucy couldn’t get the door open fast enough. She was almost to the end of his driveway before he groaned, slammed his arms against the steering wheel, and ran after her. He grabbed her arm. “Lucy, stop! Please.”

“Let go of me Steve!” Lucy’s eyes were wide. She fought bitter tears.

“No – I’m not going to let go until you listen to me.”

“Steve - I said - let go of me.”

“On one condition. You let me apologize.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for. Just let go of me, and let me go home.”

“Lucy, do you feel anything for me?”

“I did – we were good friends. I depended on you. I could talk to you when I couldn’t talk to anybody else. Now you’ve destroyed all of that. And why now Steve? Just when ‘Raging Storm’ was about to go somewhere. Why did you choose now to reveal this pining love you’ve had for me for the last ten years? How did you expect I would react Steve?”

Steve sighed and rolled his eyes.
Ah screw this!
He crushed his lips to hers, kissing her. Holding her until she stopped fighting him, and started kissing him back. It wasn’t as it had been before. This kiss was demanding and full of passion. All of a sudden, Lucy realized she was doing it again. She pulled back, pushing away from him.

Steve narrowed his eyes and grinned. “Now – go home! And when you think Jared is the only man good enough for you – remember that!”

Lucy stared at him for a few seconds, tightened her jaw, and slapped him hard across the cheek. “Bastard!” she spat and stormed across the street.

“No Lucy. I’m not a bastard. I’m a crazy bastard!” he yelled back and stormed in the house.

Carl was sitting on the couch, watching a late movie. “How did it go – did you tell her?”

Steve stormed to the kitchen. He went to the cabinet, took out a bottle of Jack Daniels, and filled a tumbler.

Carl stood at the door.

Steve gulped down a third of his drink and refilled it. “Yeah – I fucking told her.” He took another giant gulp and kicked the snack bar. “Shit! Damn! Fuck!”

Carl grimaced. “I guess it didn’t turn out the way you’d planned….”

Steve glared at Carl, nursing his throbbing foot. “
Don’t
fucking
ask
!”

------------

Sara stared at him in disbelief, stinging tears dimming her eyes. “What did you just say?” Sara’s voice was almost a whisper. “Did you just say you would ask me to…?” Sara couldn’t even bear to say the words. If Jared found out she was carrying his child, he was going to ask her to get an abortion. He would just
stop it
; make it go away as though it never happened? She didn’t know what to think she was so angry and hurt. Sara could
never
take an innocent life. “I won’t do it, Jared. I’ll run away; I’ll leave! I won’t let you do that!”

“Sara, we’ll do a test to make sure, and then we’ll get you started on the pill. Despite what some people may believe; it’s not that easy for a woman to conceive a child.”

“No, but it is possible!” Sara argued.

“Yes!” he sighed, sounding exasperated. “Yes Sara - it is possible, but not probable.” He pulled her into his arms and held her close again.

When Jared said he would take precautions, Sara wasn’t sure what he meant until he made love to her that night. There was something different. He pleasured her, but he’d kept his own passions at bay. It left Sara feeling cheated that he hadn’t got as much satisfaction as she had.

Jared lay on his back, and positioned her head on his shoulder, wrapping his arms around her. Despite how frustrated Jared might be, he was determined they were going to sleep now. Why? Why was he holding back? Sara drifted off to sleep with that question floating around in her head.

Chapter 21

Sara got up the next morning and put on her robe as usual. Jared roused, yawned and sat up in bed. “Where are you going?”

Sara lifted her eyebrow. “The bathroom – is that ok with you?”

“No!” Jared said, jumping up and throwing on his jeans and t-shirt he’d had on last night. “Are you desperate?”

“No, but I do need to go.”

“Then just wait, I’ll be right back. Don’t go to the bathroom until I get back,” he said, kissed her cheek and darted downstairs.

Sara sat on the side of the bed, dazed as she tried to comprehend what just happened.
Why can’t I go to the bathroom?
Then it dawned on her. Their conversation from last night. Jared was serious. He’d no doubt hurried off to the local drug store to buy an EPT. He could have had her tested at his office, but he wasn’t willing to wait.