Blood-Red Tear (13 page)

My first reaction was to ease his upset
, even though inside I was dying and wanting to scream out my frustrations. “You don’t have to explain. I understand. Of course you need to go, I am sure there are others of your kind who need you and problems you must see to.”
I am not going to cry, I am not going to cry,
I repeated in my head as if I could will that to happen, but I could feel the tears forming in my eyes even as I repeated the mantra in my head repeatedly.

“This will be good
for you. Your life will be easier, less complicated, if I am not around,” he explained, lifting his head to meet my gaze.

As our eyes
met, I was besieged by the emotions he was feeling. I felt his despair at the idea of leaving me, the pain he felt for hurting me, and, most importantly the all-encompassing love he had always felt for me. That glimpse into his true feelings was enough for me to realize what was between us wasn’t one-sided at all. That I wasn’t the only one who would be hurt by our parting and, knowing that, something inside of me snapped. I couldn’t believe that if he felt the way I did he would just go. And as unreasonable as it was, I had to tell him how I felt.

“Better for me,
for you, or my family?” I asked. His eyes grew wide, and I rose to my feet before him and confronted what he had been trying to hide from me, what they had all been trying to hide. “I know how you feel about me, Aidan. I’m not asking you to declare your undying love for me, but I want you to understand that I know.  I get that it’s too soon, that I’m too young, but let us not pretend this is for any other reason than what it is. My family is afraid, you’re afraid, and to be honest, even
I
am afraid of what is between us. It is too much, too overpowering, too consuming. I’m afraid I am falling …” I realized what I was about to admit I was in love with him and stopped talking. It would do no good to say it out loud, to give it meaning when there was nothing either of us could do about it.  I dropped my head and turned to walk away, too embarrassed to continue, but he grabbed my shoulder and turned me to face him.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” h
e hissed, as if it were too painful to admit. “I never wanted to bring you this pain. It is too soon for us. This should never have happened now; you’re not old enough to fully understand the implications of a relationship with me and I refuse to take advantage of your youth to get what I want. The feelings I have for you are intense. They consume me day and night, urging me to claim what I want most, regardless of the consequences. You cannot possibly understand what it would mean if I was to lose control around you, and I don’t want to make that mistake. I don’t want to find you only to lose you because of my lack of control. I have to do the right thing and walk away now, before something neither one of us could live with happens.” He put his hand under my chin and lifted my face so I was staring into his beautiful blue eyes. The agony I saw there was humbling, and tears rolled down my cheeks freely. “I can’t stay; I am trying to reconcile these new feelings I have for you, and I do not trust myself to just take what I want and let the consequences be damned.” His eyes pleaded with me to understand, and although I was trying, it hurt unbelievably. “Please do not despise me for doing the right thing by you.” He moved closer and in a moment of weakness, his lips brushed mine.

It felt so right when
he kissed me and I responded eagerly, wrapping my arms around his neck, tangling my fingers in his luxurious hair as the kiss deepened. I was lost, consumed by him and the emotions that flooded me, completely overrun by desire for the man who held me.

H
e pulled away, looking as startled as I felt by the emotion that flared so easily between us. “This is why I must go; I forget everything when I am with you. I fail to remember how very young you are and how much more growing you have to do before we can be together.” He took a deep breath and went on. “I am begging you, Katie. Live. Let yourself experience all life has to offer. Can you do that?” I nodded but he wanted more assurance. “Promise me. Promise you will do as I ask.”

“I will,
I promise,” I whispered, unable to deny him anything.

“Thank you,” h
e whispered, hugging me close, and placing a gentle kiss on my lips. “I will be around for a few more days while I wrap a few things up, but I think it is best for us to make this our goodbye,” he said, before disappearing into the night.

I l
ooked around the garden, feeling lost and unsure what to do. He wasn’t even really gone yet, and already I felt his absence deep within me. I hugged my arms around myself, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall, as I moved slowly toward the house. In a zombielike state I walked inside and up the stairs before locking myself in my room. Then I let the tears I had been desperately holding back fall freely. I cried throughout the night until my pillow was soaked with tears and I could no longer keep my red, swollen eyes open. And then I dreamed: horrible dreams, which had me panting for air and crying out far into the night.

Chapter Ten

I forced myself to get ready for school the next day, doing all I could to hide the damage the night of misery had done to my face, but my tear-swollen eyes and red nose were still visible even after my desperate attempts to cover them with makeup. I gave up and picked up my bag, then went downstairs. My family, I knew, would not be happy to see me in such a sad state, but I was unable to do anything about it.

The look of sympathy in my mother’s
eyes was too much as she handed me my breakfast plate, so I escaped to the dining room with a muttered thanks. I sat and picked at my food in the empty room, thankful my father had seen fit to give me space, before walking outside to find Paul waiting for me.

My brother
swore under his breath as he noted the dark circles under my eyes but said nothing until we arrived at the parking lot of our school.

“I am sorry,” h
e muttered after helping me out of the truck.

“Why? This is what
you wanted, isn’t it, for Aidan to leave? You should be ecstatic,” I reminded him.

“
All I wanted was for you to be happy and live your life the way it should be without his interference.”

“Well
, now I can,” I sneered, turning and walking away, leaving poor Beth to scramble after me.

*****

“What’s wrong?” Jess asked worriedly as I opened my locker.

“I don’t feel well,
” I lied. I could tell by the look on her face she did not believe me, but to her credit she did not push me for more. She just patted my arm and kept close to me the rest of the day, her presence a comfort even if I could not talk to her about my feelings for Aidan. 

The day passed with an agonizing slowness
. Thoughts of Aidan and his impending departure kept me in a funk and I found myself swiping tears from my eyes often and making excuses to leave the classroom just so I could be alone. I practically ran to the parking lot at the end of the afternoon, eager to go home so I could wallow in my misery without so many people bearing witness.

Beth and Pau
l respected my need for silence as we drove home. Once there, I went directly to my room and sat for hours, trying not to think about Aidan or his leaving. I put on the television but could not find anything to watch; I tried to read but could not concentrate. Finally, I gave up on anything remotely fun and decided to just do my homework. I grabbed my book bag, took out my books, and reached in the front pocket for my mp3 player but couldn’t find it. I searched everywhere, but came up empty-handed. I remembered then Aidan tossing my bag into his car the day before and realized it must have fallen out.

Needing the release my music gave me, I trudged
to the garage, where I knew his car was parked when not in use. I switched on the light, walked to where the vehicle sat under its cover, and pulled it back enough to get inside of the passenger door, unprepared for the horrific sight that greeted me.

I gasped
loudly as I looked over the mangled wreck that was Aidan’s car lying before me. The front and hood of the car was smashed back into the vehicle, the windshield had a large, gaping hole in the center, and there was the coppery scent of blood in the air that freaked me out. As if compelled, I walked to the driver’s side of the car and lost my breath when I saw the  door hanging precariously on its hinges, bent back like the lid of a can to reveal massive amounts of blood staining the cream-colored seats and tan carpet.

Fear
for Aidan filled me. I knew vampires were nearly invincible, but with the amount of blood I saw in the car an irrational panic set in. Before I could even consider the foolishness of my actions I ran for the guesthouse, praying the entire way that his injuries were not as bad as I imagined them to be. Which, of course, was the worst possible scenario my overactive mind could conjure.

Sometime during my hibernation in my room, it had started raining and t
he ground was wet under my bare feet, making me slip more than once as I ran recklessly forward. The wind was cold, slapping against my rain-soaked clothes as I raced down the pavement and across the gravel driveway toward the guesthouse. But I ignored the shivers of my body and continued on, needing to know for my sanity that he was unharmed. Once at the guesthouse, I pounded on the door repeatedly until the lights came on and the door opened…to reveal a hale and healthy- looking Aidan.

He
stared at me in shock for one brief moment, taking in my disheveled appearance and heaving chest, before he pulled me close with a growl, wrapping me in his embrace. “Katie, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Tears ran down my fac
e, and my body shook as I stood in his arms sobbing, oblivious of the rain pouring down over us. He hugged me closer and I savored the feel of his arms around me, giving a silent thanks to God that he was alive and well.

“It’s okay, whatever it is
, I’ll protect you. Can you tell me what’s wrong?” I tried, but the words would not come. I was not sure how long we stood there with me crying while he whispered calming words, until finally he pulled away and placed his hands on my shoulders. “Can you tell me what happened now?”

“I wanted my mp3
player,” I explained my voice shaky and barely audible. “I thought it might be in your car, so I went to get it.”

I could see he understood instantly what must have happened
, and he rushed to reassure me. “I’m fine. Do you know how hard it would be to kill me? One little car accident is not going to do it.”

“Little!” I screeched
, upset he seemed so calm about the entire thing. “Aidan, that car is a complete wreck.”

“It was nothing.
I was going too fast and not paying attention. My car went off the road and hit a tree. It looks worse than it really was.”

“Are you kidding me?” I asked
, unable to believe his cavalier attitude. “Your car is mangled. If you were human, you would be dead right now!”

“But I am not human,
” he reminded me with a half smile. “I am sorry this incident has upset you so much, but I am fine. Really.”

“I didn’t
know, no one told me; I saw the car and all of that blood,” I rambled on feeling utterly stupid for overacting. Of course he was fine.  He was a vampire, able to withstand injuries that would kill humans. But still, I had been horrified.

“I’m fine
, really. Look at me, not a scratch.” He stepped back and I looked him over, seeing no obvious signs of injury.

“I just thoug
ht…I’m sorry...” I turned to go.

“Katie
, wait.”

I stopped walking and turn
ed to face him. The desire was obvious as he slowly raked my body with his heated gaze, taking in my sopping-wet tank top and shorts with an intensity that made me blush.

With a
growl, he shook his head and appeared before me.  “Let me take you back to the house.” His arms trembled as he picked me up, cradling me against him. My head fell against his shoulder, and I closed my eyes as he moved quickly across the driveway and through the house.

Once inside my bed
room he placed me carefully upon my feet and a towel appeared almost magically in his hands, which he wrapped around me before handing me dry pajamas and pushing me towards the bathroom.

I
dried my hair, changed numbly, and walked back out to my room expecting him to be gone, surprised when I opened the door to find him there waiting for my return. Without a word, he picked me up and carried me to the bed. With a sweep of his hand, he moved back the covers, gently laid me down, and covered me with the warm blankets. I looked away, unable to bear saying goodbye to him again, but he turned my face toward him, his eyes boring into mine.

“I know
you don’t understand, but I am giving you this time for your own good. You should have the time to be with your friends, to date boys your own age, and find out what you really want. I promise: if it is me, I will be back for you.”

“When?” I asked softly.

“When what?” he asked, looking confused.

“When do you think I will have lived enough? How many boys do I have to date? How long must I live without you before it is enough to convince everyone we belong together?”

“It’s not something you can put a timetable on,” he answered, running his hand through his thick black hair in frustration. “I will come back, I promise, but for now  I must go. Do you understand?”

His eyes drilled into mine
and I nodded, feeling suddenly tired, and fighting to keep my eyes open.

“Sleep
now,” he whispered, compelling me to do as he asked. He kissed my forehead then brushed my lips softly with his own. “Goodbye for now, Amado Uno,” he murmured.

“
Aidan,” I mumbled, my eyes closing before I could say anything more.

*****

The next morning upon waking I felt an emptiness in my heart that assured me Aidan had indeed departed. With a heavy sigh I got up and dressed for school, doing what I had vowed to Aidan I would do…live.

I
heard Paul yelling from the dining room as I descended the stairs. “Why would he do this now?”

I stopped instantly
, knowing in the pit of my stomach he was talking about Aidan.

“Paul,
your temper isn’t going to help today. Katie is going to be crushed that Aidan is gone.”

“
He did what he feels is best,” my father stated calmly. “Look at what happened yesterday.  He lost focus for one moment while thinking about Katie and wrecked his car.”

I took a deep breath and stifled my shocked gasp with my fist so they would not hear me.

“But why would he leave now before her birthday? We all agreed he would wait until after to make things easier for her,” Paul argued.

“The feelings between the two of them are
too strong, too soon. After yesterday, we felt it best for him to go immediately,” my mother explained.

My stomach rolled with anxiety
and I felt as if I was going to throw up. I was to blame for Aidan’s accident. If it weren’t for me, he wouldn’t have wrecked his car at all.

My mother walked out
into the hall, startled to see me standing on the stairs, gripping the rail for support. “Katie?” she said, her face stretched with worry as she rushed to my side. “Sweetheart, are you alright?” she asked reaching out to me.

“No
, Mom, I don’t think I am,” I ran back up the stairs to my room, tears filling my eyes and collapsed on the bed.

“I know it hurts right now
but it will get better,” my mother told me, sitting on the edge of the bed where I lay sobbing.

“Why does it hurt so much? Why do I have these feelings
for him?” I curled into a ball, unable to cope with the loss I was feeling, and remained that way for the rest of the day and well into the evening before I finally fell into an exhausted sleep.

As if in response to my upset, t
he dreams that plagued me that night were very different from all of those that had come before. This time, as the vampire was about to finish me off in the cave, Aidan did not come. With no one to stop him, the vampire tore into my neck with his gnarled fangs. Horrible, searing pain ran down my arms and legs, immobilizing me as he drank my life away. I could feel death creeping over my body as the vampire devoured every bit of the life-giving liquid my body had to offer. With my last strangled breath I called for Aidan, but he never came.