Blue Genes (23 page)

Envoi

As this book was going to press I faced another sudden, unexpected loss: Susan—friend, wife, mother, aunt, and grandmother, novelist, playwright, painter, psychotherapist—exemplary in all arenas—died; too young, too vigorous, far too precious to all of us to disappear so precipitously from our lives. We don’t know exactly what caused her death—some aberration of the heart—but it’s not important: her evaporation from our lives is what matters. The loss is profound.

I truly meant what I said with the words that form the dedication to this book (written before her death): Susan saved my life in more ways than one. She supported my writing and filmmaking because she knew being creative was my road to
psychological
salvation, as her works and good works were hers. She knew that our love, our travels, and our children were our
emotional
salvation. And she knew that empathy and generosity were the greatest gifts to bestow: she felt deeply, and gave generously to all. Her ability to forgive—except when someone hurt a child—was astonishing and wonderful to behold. Our own children, Megan and Gabriela, found her an invaluable companion, filled with an unsmotherable sense of humor. Whenever tension threatened to dismantle us, or events got too heavy, Susan would crack a joke and then—even as outsiders looked askance—say, “This is too important to be serious.” Susan did not get to read this book—wanting to wait until it was published. I grieve not so much because I won’t receive her measured and accurate response to it, but because she will not see how important her role was: as gentle critic, supporter, lover, partner. We buried Susan where and how she would have wanted it. An eclectic funeral, with a Scottish bagpiper high on the hill and stupid jokes mixing with impassioned, grief-filled speeches at the graveside. To say she will be missed is a paltry statement of gratitude for our lives together. Her demise makes the other deaths and crises in my life seem wan and unimportant.

Acknowledgments

First off, thanks to Linda Healey for permission to publish excerpts from Tony’s letters. Also, to the Schamberg family for permission to use a crucial letter from Ira.

Also high up on this list is Christine Tomasino, my agent, who had faith in me many years ago, continued to encourage, uphold, and support my work, and saw possibilities in this book when others did not. For mentorship, perseverance, good humor, and knowing the field of publishing, she deserves a medal of honor—if I can ever devise one.

In the family-and-friend category, aside from Susan, there are our daughters, Megan and Gabriela, who kept me sane. And Rafael Abramovitz—old friend, who told me to keep writing and let no one stop me.

Finally, Charlie Conrad, my editor, whose immediate excitement for
Blue Genes
energized me and led me to keep working on it after I believed I had finished. As a young editor in the old tradition, he has shepherded this book through the publishing world with verve and great support.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

CHRISTOPHER LUKAS
has worked as a writer, producer, and director in public and commercial television, and has won Emmy Awards for his programs. He is the author and coauthor of five books. Lukas lives near New York City, where he is continuing to make films, write books, and work as a film and stage actor.

PUBLISHED BY DOUBLEDAY

Copyright © 2008 by Christopher Lukas

All Rights Reserved

Published in the United States by Doubleday, an imprint of The Doubleday Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
www.doubleday.com

DOUBLEDAY
is a registered trademark and the DD colophon is a trademark of Random House, Inc.

Frontispiece photograph
from a family photo album: White Plains, 1939. All photographs are courtesy of the author.

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA

Lukas, Christopher.
Blue genes: a memoir of loss and survival / Christopher
Lukas. —1st ed.
p. cm.
1. Depressed persons—Biography. 2. Depression, Mental. 3. Manic-depressive illness—Anecdotes. I. Title.
RC537.L784 2008
616.85'270092—dc22
[B]
2008006648

eISBN: 978-0-385-52843-6

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