Blue Lines: The Assassins Series: A Loveswept Contemporary Romance (37 page)

“It’s not only that, though.”

“What is it? What are you talking about?” she asked, desperately confused.

“I don’t know if I can do this. I’ve been fine for the last couple months because
it’s been you and me. You are the only woman I saw, the only one I was around, the
only one I wanted and then the first day I go back to my hockey life, I find myself
surrounded by three gorgeous women who wanted me.”

Her heart dropped. No, he didn’t cheat on her. No, she wouldn’t believe that. He loved
her; she had to keep believing that. Shaking her head she said, “Okay? What does that
mean to me?”

“It means that I’m not sure if I would have tried to go home with those women if Phillip
hadn’t distracted me. I saw tits and ass and I felt like I was back to the guy I used
to be, not the guy that I’ve been with you.”

She blinked, trying to hold back her tears as she looked away. Her heart was pounding
against her chest, her mouth dry as she tried to breathe, but this was okay, he didn’t
cheat, they could move forward from this. Looking up at him, she asked, “Okay, but
you didn’t cheat on me, right?”

“No, I didn’t, but I don’t know if I would have, is what I’m telling you.”

“But you didn’t,” she pointed out. “So what is the problem?”

“The problem is you scare me, and I don’t know if I want a life full of fear of what
I might do to you or if you will leave me. I don’t want to hurt you, Piper.”

“I understand that, you’ve said it a billion times, so why don’t we just agree that
you are not going to do it and move on. You are starting a fight with me when you
don’t need to. I’m not leaving you. I love you and I believe that you won’t hurt me
because you love me.”

He shook his head, moving away from her as he ran his hands through his hair again,
“I don’t know if I agree.”

“What?” she asked, tears welling up in her eyes as she realized that he was basically
saying he didn’t love her. How did this happen? She was convinced that they were good,
that they were going to be together forever. What the hell happened? How could some
slutty-ass bitches come between them when he didn’t even do anything? She was so confused
and when the next words left his lips, she knew that everything was about to come
crashing down around her.

“I can’t do this.”

“What?” she gasped, her hand resting on her chest as she watched him pace the room.
“I think I should leave. This isn’t working. Thank you for trying to help me with
Elli, but I’ll figure out what to do. Hopefully I can stay in Tennessee to help with
the baby.”

“What?”

“I think we are wasting our time here.”

“Are you serious? You want to leave?”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said slowly.

“But you are! My heart is breaking, Erik!” she screamed at him, the tears falling
down her cheeks as she took in shuddering breaths. “For the last couple of months
I’ve been sitting here, trying to make you believe that you are a good man, while
you’ve had one foot out the door! Why are you doing this? I believed in us, so why
are you hurting me?”

“I’m sorry, Piper, but I can’t do this.”

Rage filled her as her heart continued to break. She felt lightheaded, as if all this
were a dream. Looking up at him, she could see in his eyes that he was leaving and
he wasn’t going to look back. If she hadn’t experienced the last couple months with
him, she wouldn’t have believed that he had truly changed. But the man who stood in
front of her now had his fortress back up and it was strong. This wasn’t her Erik,
this wasn’t her husband. Shaking her head, she said, “So you are leaving because you
don’t know if you can keep it in your pants.”

He nodded slowly. “That’s part of it.”

She shook her head again, tears falling so fast that she was surprised she was able
to talk through her uncontrollable sobbing. “Fine, I can’t make you stay, Erik, but
know that I love you, and when Dimitri gets here, he will, too. We will love you for
the rest of our lives, and I’m sorry that I’m not worth giving up all those women
for, but you better believe that Dimitri is. So before you even think about coming
into his life, you better be ready and remember that he comes first.”

“Piper it isn’t that you’re—”

“No, I don’t want to hear it. You’ve broken me for the second time, and believe me,
Erik Titov, I won’t let you do it again. The only thing we need to discuss is our
son, and I hope that you know what you are doing. I’ve let you hurt me, but you won’t
hurt Dimitri. So go, if you are going.”

“Piper, I’m doing this for you,” he tried to say, but she didn’t want to listen.

“Don’t try to turn this on me. You aren’t doing shit for me. All you are doing is
breaking my heart. So go, just go, Erik. Leave.”

With that, she turned and walked out of the room, almost tripping over Stanley in
the process. Looking down at the dog that had become part of her life totally undid
her. She bent down, hugging him tightly as she cried even harder. Behind her, Erik
said her name but she ignored him, kissing the dog’s fur before standing up and going
across the hall to her room.

Slamming the door behind her, she collapsed against the door, her cries so loud and
heart-wrenching as she shook with sadness. How could he do this to her? Why didn’t
he love her? What had she done wrong? She gave him everything, promised him everything,
and he still would not believe her. He wouldn’t trust that she was not his mom and
wouldn’t leave. Well, what else could she do except tell him to go? Maybe he’d figure
it all out on his own.

When the knock came at the door, she cried, “No, Erik, go.”

“Piper, please open the door, let’s try to talk this out.”

“There is nothing to talk about, Erik. I’ll always be yours. I’ll always be the one
who loved you unconditionally. And I know that if you looked deep in your heart, you’d
see that you love me, too, but until you see that, we’re done. You’ve made your choice
and it is without me. I won’t let you continually hurt me like this.”

“Piper, you are overreacting; talk to me. This doesn’t have to be like this.”

“No! Go! My lawyer will be in contact.”

“Piper—”

“You leave me alone Erik Titov or I will call Elli so fucking fast and tell her that
we’ve been lying to her from the beginning. Leave me alone!”

“You think I care about that? I care about you. Open the door, talk to me. I don’t
want to leave like this,” he pleaded, but Piper didn’t care. She couldn’t do this.
This wasn’t okay, and she refused to let him try to talk his way out of it.

“No! Go! You want us to be done, we’re done. Now go!”

He let out a roar before something crashed in the hall and then his footsteps disappeared
down it. Piper closed her eyes and heard the front door slam. She had no intention
of calling Elli or anyone else, for that matter, but she needed him to go. She couldn’t
look at his beautiful face and hear the words that would haunt her for life.

He didn’t want her.

She didn’t understand his reasons. She thought they were fucking stupid and a part
of her was sure that even he didn’t understand them. The only thing she did know at
that moment was that she was done with Erik Titov.

No matter how much it hurt.

Piper was done.

Leaning back in her chair, the first smile in a week came across her face. She couldn’t
believe it. Seven months of living in the world of Mrs. Octopus and she was finally
done. She was done with drawing for authors. She had let Emmaline know and, thankfully,
she understood. Piper already had three murals lined up to draw after Dimitri came,
and she couldn’t have been more pleased.

The only thing that was keeping her from being happy was that her heart was still
breaking for Erik. She had never experienced such heartbreak in her life. She felt
numb all the time. Her eyes hurt from crying and her heart felt as if it wasn’t beating.

She just hurt.

Piper hadn’t been anywhere, hadn’t done anything since he left, and she knew that
was part of the problem. She also hadn’t lied as much as she had since he left, which
made no sense in the world. She used to feel horrible lying to her family and friends,
but now she didn’t care. She missed her baby shower and all of the other events her
sisters had planned; all she wanted to do was to stay in her house and cry about losing
Erik. It was selfish but she didn’t care.

She did make it to her doctor’s appointments for Dimitri. He was healthy and staying
put; all was good with her and the baby. But she had skipped all of her Lamaze classes
and realized she would pay for that later. She couldn’t attend class without Erik,
especially with Fallon, Audrey, and their husbands all there—they’d all ask questions
and at this point she didn’t have answers, nor did she want to talk about it. If Erik
wanted to explain what happened, then fine.

Nothing outside of Dimitri mattered; she was too heartbroken to care.

Packing away the sketches for
Mrs. Octopus’ Eight Tentacles
, she wrote out Emmaline’s address and then one for the publisher before sealing the
boxes. Throwing them on the counter for FedEx, she made her way back to Dimitri’s
room. The nursery was completely done, and beautiful. The colors were bright and Piper
was convinced that Dimitri would love it.

She walked over to the corner where her presents from her baby shower sat, and sat
down cross-legged on the floor to open them all. Harper had dropped off the presents
the day before
with well wishes from everyone. The lie of being sick and too tired to go seemed like
a good idea at the time, but now Piper was completely annoyed with herself. Everyone
kept popping by, bringing her stuff and fussing over her. The sad thing was she didn’t
want them.…

She wanted Erik.

With a sigh, Piper began opening the presents. She got the cutest things, sweet little
outfits and all the necessities she would need for the baby. The coolest gift was
the one Elli had gotten her. It was a monogrammed baby bag with Dimitri’s name on
it that also was filled with shirts, socks, hats, burp cloths, and bibs, all with
D’s on them. They were so precious and Piper couldn’t wait to see Elli to thank her
in person.

Moving to the rocking chair in the corner of the room she sat down and rested her
hands on her stomach.

“Everything’s going to be okay,” she whispered as she rubbed her extended stomach.
She said it more for herself than for the baby, because she needed that reminder.
She was nervous, scared, and unsure what her future held. Reaching for her Kindle,
she started rocking as she read out loud. She had gotten so used to reading that way
when Erik was there that she decided to keep doing it. She knew that Dimitri enjoyed
her reading Harry Potter. He was her kid, for goodness sakes.

She was well into the book when the doorbell rang. Laying her Kindle down, she made
her way down the hall. She still got a little anxious thinking it might be her husband
coming to confess his devotion, but that wasn’t likely to happen. He hadn’t been back
since he left. He only called or texted, saying that they needed to talk. She was
pretty sure that everything they needed to say had been said, so really, she had no
clue what they needed to talk about. He wasn’t calling to say he loved her or wanted
her back; he only wanted to know that she was okay and he could hear that from everyone
else.

Reaching the door, she was surprised to see that it was Alla and Cooper. They hadn’t
called, because if they had, she would have made up some kind of excuse as to why
they couldn’t come over. Opening the door, she greeted them with a small smile and
said, “Hey, I wasn’t expecting y’all.”

Alla smiled, wrapping her arms around Piper for a big hug. She pulled back, cradling
Piper’s stomach as she said, “He’s getting big.”

Piper nodded. “He is.”

She looked down at where Alla held her and smiled. She was all baby.

“We came by to drop some stuff off and to check in on you,” Cooper said, giving her
a half hug before turning to grab what seemed like a million bags.

“We kind of went a little crazy,” Alla mentioned as they passed by her, bringing bags
into the house.

“A little crazy?” Piper said as her living room started to fill with packages from
different baby stores.

Alla laughed as she helped Cooper bring in a bassinet. She turned with a smile on
her face as she said, “Erik went with us, too. He wanted to make sure you have everything
off your registry.”

Piper was excited that she now had everything she needed but was sad that Erik couldn’t
even come over to drop it off himself. He sent his parents, which was basically like
another knife being stabbed into her heart.

“He’s worried, you know,” Cooper said softly. “He said you won’t answer his calls.”

Piper looked away as she nodded. “There is nothing to talk about.”

“Maybe you could call him?”

“I can’t. Just let him know everything is fine.”

“Piper, honey, I know that you must be upset,” Alla said slowly. “But it doesn’t have
to be like this. He still wants to …” She trailed off and Piper knew it was because
she didn’t know what to say. Piper wanted to laugh at the uncertainty of that man,
but she couldn’t; all she could do was cry.

“I can’t do it. I need time to get over him because I still love him and I miss him
so much,” she cried, her hand resting over her broken heart. “And I can’t face him
right now.”

“I understand,” Alla said softly.

“And we are sorry, Piper. I wish that things would have gone differently for you two,”
Cooper said, reaching out to take her hand in his.

The tears came faster as she shook her head. “No, don’t be sorry, because it’s as
much my fault as it is his. I didn’t fight hard enough for him and I’m sorry I gave
up but it was so hard loving someone who didn’t love me back.”

Alla came over, taking Piper’s face in her hands. “No, Piper, you didn’t give up,
he did, and he sees what he did was wrong,” she said sternly. “He loves you, so much.
He is just afraid
of hurting you and is trying to hide behind walls that have been up since he was a
child.”