Bluestone Song (12 page)

“Maybe I give her too much support, let her
off too easy.”

“Maybe. There’s a balance. You have to find
it. Why don’t we start this way—make a list of the household
responsibilities. Make a chart of the hours in the day and when
you’re at work and she’s at school. Maybe something visual will
help.”

Beth nodded, and removed her hand from
Trinity’s to pull a notepad from the drawer next to the sink. “But
how do I trust her when I go to work at night? How do I trust her
to go to school in the morning? She told me she’s going, but she’s
skipped three days already.”

Trinity’s expression tightened. Of course she
wouldn’t like that—she spent her days caring for Jonas so Linda
could make up her classes. “We’ll just make sure she gets there.
I’ll do what you did this morning—I’ll get here a bit earlier, and
drive her to school myself.”

“I wish I could take her and Jonas to work
with me. At least there’s less of a chance of her getting into
trouble.”

“Let me see what I can do. While you make
that list, I’m going to see if there’s an Al-anon meeting for you.
Did you ever go to one when your dad lived at home?”

She shook her head.

“Then this could be a really good thing.”
Trinity saluted her with the juice glass. “We’ll get it figured
out.”

Beth woke to find Trinity gone, and Linda at
the counter with her head bent over her homework, Jonas in his
bouncy chair nearby, cooing happily. Linda didn’t say anything as
Beth shuffled into the kitchen for a glass of water.

“What do you want for dinner?” Beth
asked.

“I’ll make myself something. Trinity’s coming
by in a little bit to pick me and Jonas up.”

Awake now, Beth spun to face her. “Why?”

“Because apparently my big sister ratted on
me and I can’t be trusted alone with my own son.”

“You weren’t alone with your son. That’s kind
of the point.”

“I’m not going to get pregnant again.”

God. Beth hadn’t even thought that far. “So,
what, you just figure your reputation’s ruined anyway, so why not
try another guy?”

“I was just feeling good. Feeling pretty. You
know what I mean.”

“So you’re going to let him in your pants
because he makes you feel good about yourself? What’s wrong with
making yourself feel good?”

Linda shoved her books away in disgust,
eliciting an alarmed cry from Jonas. “God, Beth, I don’t want to
talk about that!”

“That’s not what I meant,” Beth said, her
face heating. “I mean, why can’t you feel good about yourself for
something other than being pretty? For being smart? For being
brave?”

“I’m not smart or brave.”

“Are you kidding me? You decided to go ahead
with your pregnancy and raise your baby while finishing school.
That is brave.”

“That is me not knowing how to make a
decision,” Linda countered.

“Okay, I get that. And I know it’s hard. But
you passed all your classes while you were pregnant—the only thing
keeping you in summer school is the missed days. That couldn’t have
been easy, passing with so much on your mind. But we do need to
talk about your choices, Linda. Your choosing to drink, for one.
Your choosing to invite people over here when you know I won’t be
here. Your choosing to drink also endangers Jonas. What if
something happened and you weren’t able to get to him, or carry
him, or you passed out? As much as I love him, he’s your child. I
said I’d help, but he’s your responsibility. You need to think
about it.” She drew in a deep breath. She’d debated mentioning what
the counselor had said, but decided to go ahead, to see Linda’s
reaction. “Ms. Bellows said it’s not too late to give him up for
adoption.”

Linda’s face remained impassive. “It would
solve a lot of our problems.”

If the girl had taken a knife from the drawer
and stabbed her with it, Beth couldn’t hurt more. Where had she
gone wrong with this child? Why didn’t the girl have
compassion?

“You could do that? Now that you know him and
love him, you could give him away?”

Linda’s gaze snapped to hers. “I don’t know.
I don’t know what I could do. We’re just talking hypothetical here,
right? Something Ms. Bellows suggested. Not something you want to
do.”

“Something I don’t want to do,” Beth
countered. “Something I can’t even consider doing.”

Linda’s eyes narrowed. “So you were just
testing me.”

“I suppose I was.”

“Lovely. No one trusts me anymore to know
what’s right and wrong.”

“You haven’t shown us you know. So where is
Trinity taking you?”

“To Quinn’s. I’m going to bus tables while
she and her fiancé play mommy and daddy to Jonas.”

Beth opened her mouth to protest, but she had
asked for Trinity’s help. And Linda wouldn’t get in trouble with
all those eyes watching her.

Beth set her glass of water on the counter
next to the sink. “I’m going to get ready for work.”

Quinn’s place was more crowded than ever.
Maddox had lost some of his joy in playing the last week, knowing
Beth wasn’t there to hear it. Okay, he’d been impressed when she
said she missed hearing him play. Well, he missed her, too. He
missed seeing the swing of her long black ponytail, the curve of
her bottom when she bent over to deliver drinks, missing watching
her eyes flash when she argued with her boss.

He was surprised to see Linda here tonight,
wielding a tray and clearing tables, her posture sullen, her choppy
hair falling into her face, her dark-painted lips carved in a
permanent pout. Okay, he could understand her being resentful. Her
mother had died when she was young and her father had abandoned
her. But damn, her sister had busted her ass to make life as good
as she could for the little brat. Couldn’t the kid see that?

Had he been such a pain in the ass when he
was a teenager? He didn’t think so, but maybe he should call his
mom to apologize, just in case.

During a break, he stood beside Linda at the
bar while he ordered a pop and she unloaded dirty glasses and empty
bottles.

“Is that for my benefit?” she asked.

“Is what for your benefit?”

“You ordering a soft drink. Aren’t country
singers supposed to drink beer and whiskey?”

“Not this country singer.”

“Why not?”

“Tired of not being in control.” It was only
partly true, skimming over the memories of his dependence on the
bottle, and his battle to get past it. He liked his life so much
more now, but the pull was still there, to lose himself in the
drinking. Being here, playing in the bar, was like a test. So far
he was passing. His longing had shifted to something else.

“What do you know about not having control?
You’re rich and an adult and you can do whatever you want.”

He snorted a laugh at that. “Right. I have a
boss just like everyone else, and he wants me to be somewhere
else.”

“Yet here you are.” She walked over to the
soft drink dispenser and poured him a drink.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Quinn open
his mouth to shout at the girl, but Maddox held up a placating hand
and the other man backed off. Linda poked a straw through its paper
wrapper and plunged it in the icy glass.

“True. I guess you could say it’s my
rebellion.”

“I thought you running off to Nashville was
your rebellion.”

He lifted his eyebrows at her. “Beth tell you
about that?”

“Not really.”

He took a sip and sat back on the barstool.
“I wasn’t much of a student, so wasn’t expected to go to college or
anything. My parents had set aside some money, though, and I gave
myself four years, like college, to see if I could make it.”

“Did you? In four years?”

He shook his head. “More like eight. I worked
as a bus boy before I became a carpenter, building roofs all day,
then playing all night, only to get up to do it again.”

“You must have really wanted it.”

He studied the ice in his glass for a moment.
“Not so much wanted as needed. It was like a hunger, and if it
didn’t get fed, I wasn’t pleasant to be around.” That hunger had
vanished the past couple of years. He’d only begun to feel it again
here, now. He wondered if he’d just been too well-fed until he’d
come back here. “Anything you feel that way about? Like you’ll
explode if you don’t do it?”

She considered a moment, then shook her
head.

“Well, I don’t know whether to be sorry for
you or glad for you. Is there something you want to do? Maybe
something you thought you might be?”

She glanced down the bar to where Trinity and
Leo were playing with Jonas in his car seat. “No.”

“Never? Not when you were a little girl
playing?” He’d known he wanted to sing since he was fourteen. He
couldn’t imagine not having some kind of dream.

“Do you think I’m a bad person?” she asked
abruptly.

The question surprised him. “No, I just think
you haven’t figured a lot of stuff out yet. Why?”

“Beth said the counselor said it’s not too
late to put him up for adoption.”

Maddox’s stomach dropped. Why had Beth told
her that? He would have sworn such an action would destroy Beth.
“Are you thinking about this?”

“I don’t know. It would make life so much
easier, and you know, until I saw his face, I was going to give him
up. I’d signed the papers and everything. But then I—couldn’t.”

“And you can now?”

She pushed her hands through her hair in a
gesture that was just like Beth’s. “I didn’t know how hard it was
going to be. The social worker told me, and Beth told me, but he
was so cute and tiny.”

“It would break your sister’s heart to send
him away now.”

Linda shook her head. “I don’t know. I mean,
why would she have told me if she hadn’t been thinking the same
thing?”

That gave him pause. “Maybe to give you all
your options. I don’t know. But I know she loves that little
guy.”

Something softened in her face. “Yeah, she
does.”

He noticed she didn’t say she did, too.
Without another word, she picked up her empty tray and swung back
through the crowd.

Beth’s hand hovered above the mouth of the
blue mailbox before she released the envelope and let it drop. The
first thousand was on its way to her father. She hoped that kept
him safe and far away. But, God, that money could have helped them
out in so many ways.

She’d finally returned her brother Adam’s
call, since he’d repeated it, and had dismissed his concern, saying
she and Linda and the baby were just fine, casually inviting him to
come meet his nephew, knowing he never would. She hadn’t tried to
call Joey.

She continued to be indebted to Trinity, who
watched the baby during the day and in the evenings now, while
Linda bussed tables and earned a few extra dollars. Beth didn’t ask
for any of the money, but stopped buying diapers and formula, which
meant she had a little more to send to her father sooner.

She’d almost gotten used to the shoes she was
forced to wear at the casino, thanks to the moleskin another
waitress had shown her. She didn’t think she’d ever get used to the
pinching, though it only happened when Maddox wasn’t around. How
anyone else knew he was there for her, she wasn’t sure. But even
though she’d told him not to come back, he showed up. And her
traitorous body wanted another kiss—and more.

What surprised her was that still, no one had
recognized him. Sure, he didn’t wear a hat, but he was popular
enough that people had seen him without his hat. Not often, but…she
kept thinking of the one music video he’d done where he was rolling
around in the sheets with a pretty young actress. She knew what he
looked like without his hat, and his shirt—and she was pretty sure
he hadn’t been wearing jeans, the way the sheets clung to his
hips.

Okay, maybe she knew why people didn’t
recognize him. Women, anyway.

Goodness. She wished he hadn’t come back and
awakened her libido. She didn’t have time for this.

Everything had been in such a jumble since
the night she’d gone back to his place. Beth hadn’t had time to
think about Maddox and The Kiss, until he showed up at the casino
at about one in the morning, looking delicious. She acknowledged
his presence with a nod, but didn’t approach as she hurried among
her customers.

“You should start letting me drive you over,
then come pick you up,” Maddox said when he walked her out to her
car.

“No sense you spending all that money on
gas,” she replied. “Besides, I was thinking it’s not really
necessary anymore. No one’s been bothering me.”

“Because they know you have someone watching
your back.”

“Really, it’s not necessary anymore.”

He took her hand then and turned her so her
back was to her car and he stood in front of her, too close. Her
pulse hammered and her body—craved. She had to stop herself from
leaning into him, and he hovered just far enough away that every
nerve was tuned to him.

“Because I kissed you,” he said. “It’s got
you all jumpy, and we haven’t talked about it, so…”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She hated
how breathless she sounded, how her gaze riveted on his mouth.
Couldn’t he understand that when she went to his place, when she
was indulging in his kisses, her sister was screwing up her life?
Beth couldn’t give her another chance to do that. She had to stay
vigilant.

“Get in the car. I’ll follow you home.”

“I don’t—” She’d be fine getting home.

He touched a finger to her lips. “Shut up and
drive.”

Instead of waving and driving off like he
usually did, he turned off the engine when they reached her house.
She got out of her car, tense, clutching the keys so they pressed
into her palm when he got out of the truck, closing the door
quietly.

“What is it?”