Blurring the Line (27 page)

“See you, Thomson.”

She always knew this was how it was going to end, with Martinez dead, after all that is how she had gotten Torres to sign on the dotted line. She had dangled Archila’s killer like a carrot. She was culpable. Martinez was a detail, so why did it hurt to breathe?

***

It took just under an hour to pack up. Beth had a time-honoured system of throwing things into boxes. Anything that broke wasn’t worth having anyway.

“We’re going home, baby girl.” Beth caressed the baby’s soft curls. “Well I’m going home. We’ll get you home too. I promise.” Beth picked her up and kissed the top of her head.

Beth reached out her hand to Cynthia. They had shared a house for almost two months. She was going to miss the knowing looks the older woman shot her. They were always laced with judgement but Beth would miss them all the same because goodbyes were hard for her. Beth would even miss a thorn in her side because the empty space was worse than the pain. “Thank you for taking such good care of Alejandra.”

The baby smiled when she heard her name.

Cynthia took her hand and then surprised her by pulling her into an embrace. “Take care, Beth.” She was pressed against her, her arms soft and comforting.

“You too, Cynthia.”

Cynthia took Alejandra and put her in the car while Beth did one final sweep of the house to make sure she hadn’t left anything behind. In truth she just wanted to see the house again one final time, say goodbye as it were. She really was bad at transitions.

Slowly she made her way to the end of the hall. She stared at the closed door of her bedroom for a long time. A lot of memories were made there. She closed her eyes. Time to move on, from the house, from this part of her life; time to say goodbye.

***

Her house looked so small, and different, it didn’t feel like home any more. Maybe it never had and being away just made it more apparent. Beth shrugged, it didn’t matter: Texas would never really be her home anyway.

Patterson had made sure it was ready for her coming home. He had stocked the house with fresh groceries and diapers for Alejandra. When her partner wasn’t being an ass, he was actually very considerate. She would rather die than admit that, which was probably for the best because Patterson would kill her before he let go of his ass hat persona. He rarely showed it, but under the jackass exterior, he had a good heart.

Beth thanked the agent who drove her home. He set up Alejandra’s crib in her spare bedroom while they played in the back yard. Beth offered to make him a cup of coffee but he wanted to get back to his family in San Antonio. Alejandra waved to him as he drove off, leaving them alone for the first time. “It’s just us,
mija
,” Beth sighed.

Beth sat the baby on the couch next to her. “So baby girl, what do you want to do?”

Alejandra grabbed the remote control and put it in her mouth.

“Really. That is what you want to do? The world is your oyster, baby, think bigger than remote controls.” Beth tickled her tummy. Alejandra laughed and swung her arms back and forth.

“Baby girl, this is the first time in two months nobody has wanted to hurt us. We need to celebrate. Yes we do.” Beth ticked her tummy again and Alejandra squealed her delight. “Yes we do.”

In truth Beth just needed to get out of the house. She buckled Alejandra in the back of her Jeep Grand Cherokee. She adjusted the rear-view mirror so she could see the baby.

There was no place to be and no time she needed to get there. Beth hit the freeway and drove.

“Where should we go?” Beth asked. She glanced in her rear-view mirror. Alejandra’s head rested on the side of her seat, fast asleep.

Beth smiled. “Transitions hard on you too, baby girl?”

Beth took the next exit. She didn’t want to go home. She wasn’t ready to start this chapter of her life. Maybe she shouldn’t have offered to take care of Alejandra. She had no idea what to do with a baby or how long it would be.

Beth pulled over to the side of the road. She needed to talk. She pulled out her cell phone and dialled her sister’s number.

“Hey, I was beginning to think you had entered the witness protection programme,” Paige said.

“I kind of did,” Beth admitted. She stared at a field of bluebonnets on the side of the freeway as she poured her heart out to her little sister. Once she started talking, everything came out, details she had forgotten, details she was hoping to soon forget.

“My God, Beth, you had a hit out on you and you didn’t think to call me?” Paige said when Beth finished talking.

“I know. I know. I know. But it is over now. I’m fine. We’re fine. I still have the baby. Mexican social services still need to sort things out, so I have her for the next couple of weeks. I have no idea how I am going to manage to take care of her and work.” That reminded her she needed to phone the day care and make sure Alejandra was fine to start in the morning. Patterson said he had taken care of it but she wanted to double check.

“You’ll be fabulous. You could do the mom thing in your sleep.”

“I’m not sure,” she said dubiously as she glanced at Alejandra in the rear-view mirror. “It kind of freaks me out that I am responsible for a little person. I don’t know what I’m doing, I just make stuff up as I go.”

“I think that is the definition of parenting.”

“I’m not a parent. I don’t want to be a parent. I am a temporary guardian. Can you believe someone has trusted me with a care of a child?”

“The baby will be fine. You never fail at anything. Think of keeping her happy and alive as a project. Someone somewhere will be grading you.”

Beth shook her head. “No that makes it worse. I usually fail at everything the first time but keep going until I get it right.”

Paige laughed. “Again I think that is another way to define parenting.”

“Again not a parent. Legal Guardian.”

Paige laughed again. “You’ll be fine. Now tell me about your agent. You have it bad for this guy. When do I get to meet him?”

Beth shrugged, forgetting that her sister couldn’t actually see her. “You won’t. I don’t know, God I don’t know anything.” Beth shook her head.

“You love him, I can hear that in your voice.”

“I know. I’m so stupid. I feel like mom.”

“Why, did your guy rob a bank too?” Paige joked.

Beth closed her lids together.
No, worse, he murdered someone
. But Beth couldn’t tell her sister that. He had probably killed several people but Beth had ignored those details. People’s lives were details to her. She shook her head. “He just isn’t right for me, that’s all.”

“What does right for you even mean? I’m still waiting to find someone that wrong for me.”

Beth smiled. Her younger sister was beautiful, far prettier than Beth. They looked very similar except Beth was the messy first draft that needed heavy edits before it would be presentable and Paige was the polished manuscript, her hair shinier, her features softer, her body more graceful. There was no doubt that Paige would have many great loves. Beth just hoped whoever Paige chose loved her as much as Beth did. “Hey Paige. I want you and Mom to come see me. I am going to send you tickets.”

“OK. We would love to see you. When were you thinking?” The silver lining with her mom being fired was she had all the time in the world to spend with Beth in Texas. Beth wouldn’t let herself think about how much time she actually had left with her mom being the woman she recognised as her mother.

“Today,” Beth said. She needed her family now, not tomorrow, not next week.

Paige laughed. “OK. Call me when you have the details. I love you Beth. Thank you for calling me, I missed my big sister.”

Beth’s heart constricted. She missed her too.

Beth drove home. She carried Alejandra’s sleeping form into the house and laid her in the crib. She watched her sleep for a minute before she quietly closed the door. She opened her computer to book tickets for her mom and sister.

Beth took a deep breath. In her inbox was the message from Patterson. She hadn’t opened it yet because she didn’t want to see it. Did she want to see it now?

Beth closed her eyes as she clicked on the attachment. The photos downloaded slowly, sixteen in total. Beth scrolled down through each one. She forced herself to look at each one, take in every detail.

The first photo was the slumped body of Martinez. In the forefront of the picture was a pool of blood but it was what was in the background that caught her eye. Through the open window she could see El Carmen Church. She immediately recognised the red and white horizontal stripes that covered the building’s exterior. The beauty of the building was in the unique candy cane-styled cladding. No other building looked like it in historic Bogotá.

Beth tried to work out in which building Martinez had been living. She shook her head. Did it matter? He was dead. She was looking at a picture of his dead body and she was admiring the architecture. Had the violence become so second nature to her that the most prominent feature of the photo was a glimpse of a building she had admired ten years ago? God she was sick. No wonder she could view murder as an inconvenient detail.

She scrolled through the photos. She memorised each of them before she moved onto the next because she had no intention of ever looking at them again.

The pictures became more graphic as she scrolled through them, the angles tighter, the detail more vivid. God she was doing it again, critiquing the quality of the photography instead of focusing on the real issue: a man was dead and Torres had killed him.

She forced herself to look at Martinez, only see him. It didn’t matter that he had a statue of the Virgin Mary on the table by the window. It didn’t matter that he had obviously just sat down for a meal when he was attacked. Why were those the details her eyes went to? What about his tongue that was cut from his mouth and placed in his hand? What about the sockets that once held eyes or the open cavity in his chest where his heart once beat? God she was sick. Why didn’t those keep her attention? Maybe she was a sociopath. That could be it. Maybe that is why people were only details to her.

The person that had done this was sadistic and evil. Patterson was right; the culprit had enjoyed it. Why couldn’t she feel that? Where was her empathy? The first thing she thought when Patterson had told her Martinez was dead was that she would never see Torres again. Sick. She was sick in the head.

Realisation slapped her hard in the face. She was responsible for this too. She had sought Torres out, pushed him into this. She knew exactly what was going to happen. She knew before she knocked on his door how her plan was going to play out.

Oh God she was going to throw up. What was wrong with her?

Beth ran to the bathroom and hunched over the toilet. Her stomach cramped as she was sick over and over.

Beth sat back on the cool tiles. She pushed a lock of hair out of her eyes. She couldn’t be this woman. She couldn’t look past what Torres did. Killing was one thing, but torture was another. She shook her head. She was rationalising murder. Did her mom rationalise the bank robbery? Beth wasn’t that woman.

She stood up and washed her face. She might be sick in the head but she wasn’t going to be that woman.

Chapter Eighteen

Beth picked up Alejandra and headed for the door. This was the first day of their new routine and she had managed to get Baby Girl up and ready before 7am. It had very nearly been a victory but Alejandra decided Beth’s silk blouse was the perfect place to rub her apple sauce. In all fairness, it was Beth’s own fault for trying to dress up for work. It was her first official day back and she wanted to try to make an effort, but it really wasn’t her and everyone in her office already knew that. She didn’t need to fake it with them. Beth stripped off her blouse and put on a white T-shirt under her navy suit.

“OK I think we have everything. I packed your lunch. I have two changes of clothes for you, a bag of diapers, and your wipes. What else?” Beth asked but Alejandra was no help. She just smiled and grabbed Beth’s car keys. “No,
Mija
. I need those.”

OK they were finally ready to go. Beth balanced Alejandra in one arm and opened the door with the other. She held her key ring between her teeth and the baby’s bag under her chin. Yes, she was getting the hang of this mom thing. She could do this for the next month or so.

“Hey.”

Beth’s head shot up and the bag she had skilfully placed under her chin fell, spilling the contents over the wooden floor.

Beth’s mouth dropped open and her keys fell out of her mouth and into her modest cleavage. Her heart stopped and then started again, beating erratically, first fast and then slow and then fast again, finally settling on a bit just short of fibrillation.

“Torres.” His name came out a whisper.

He was here.

His hair was still short to his head but he had not shaved it. Nor had he shaved his beard. He was wearing his trademark white T-shirt and faded jeans.

She didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t supposed to be here. She always knew once Martinez was dead Torres would be gone. But he was here.

“
Hola, Gatita.
” Torres smiled. He reached down and picked up the wipes and clothes and put them back in the diaper bag.

“What are you doing here?” Beth asked. The photos of Martinez flashed in her mind like morbid snap shots. Beth took a step back. Instinctively she held Alejandra closer. She was looking at Torres but all she could see was the dead body sprawled out on the tile floor.

He reached out to touch her. Beth flinched. There was no conscious thought behind the action, just her body’s attempt to protect her.

Torres’ eyes narrowed. He placed his hand on her wrist. He was testing her to see if she would pull it away. Beth forced herself to stay perfectly still.

“What’s wrong?”

Beth’s back straightened. “I didn’t expect to see you.” She left out the words ‘ever again’ but that is what she meant. It shamed her that she kept her phone beside her bed last night. She told herself it was in case her sister or Patterson needed to get a hold of her but it was for the pathetic part of her that had hoped Torres would phone, but he didn’t. Why would he? He had gotten what he wanted from their deal.