Blurring the Lines-nook (7 page)

A little wrinkle appeared between his brows as he apparently weighed his options,
but finally he asked, “What if I told you I have a better idea than pills?”

“Pot?”

He laughed, some of the tension leaving his expression. “Funny. No, I’m talking about
giving yourself a break. Taking a vacation and getting away from everything for a
while.”

I sighed. It was something I had thought about and shot down more times than I could
count. The temptation to leave it all behind remained, but I’d already run away from
New York. Running didn’t work. Demons followed. “I don’t have the time or the funds
to justify that right now. I need to be painting.”

Especially since the last piece I’d had in the gallery in New York had sold three
months ago. After Harris’s suicide, there’d been no insurance money since we hadn’t
been married yet, and what we had in our joint savings had been way less than I’d
thought. So if I didn’t start producing sellable work soon, I’d be left living off
the earnings from my gran’s store, which wasn’t much after covering all the expenses.

“Funds don’t need to be an issue. Newsflash: you know a guy.”

I lifted a brow. “I knew it. You’re in the mob.”

“All I’m saying is that people throw free trips at me every week. And I happen to
have an invite for two to a private island in the Atlantic—all expenses paid, seven
days, no crazy daredevil shit. You could come along.”

I straightened at that. “You want us to go on a trip
together
?”

He shrugged. “I want to check the place out and you need a vacation. Plus, I could
keep an eye on you with the sleepwalking. It makes sense.”

“Burke—”

“I’ve seen some photos. The place looks like paradise. Endless ocean, white beaches,
no daily reminders of normal life. Imagine waking up with a whole new view for a few
days. It might kick-start your muse.”

A surprising eagerness had leaked into his tone, and I got a little swept up with
him as I imagined the scenery he painted. No daily reminders? No dark corners lurking
in my bedroom? Maybe no more blank canvases? Temptation gnawed at me. “But you never
do relaxing vacations.”

He set his plate aside and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “Maybe I could
use a change up, too. I pushed myself to my limits on the last trip. I could stand
for a little R&R. And it’d be nice not to go alone this time.”

I frowned. “You’re never alone on your trips.”

An odd expression crossed his face and he glanced away. “Gretch, those are clients.
It’s not the same. You can be alone in a crowd.”

Something about his tone made me hold back any snarky comments about the Miss Georgias
of his stories. If there was anything I knew for sure, it was loneliness. And in that
moment, I sensed that Burke wasn’t as unfamiliar with that particular feeling as I’d
thought.

But could I go on some exotic tropical vacation with him? Spend a week together? Things
would get even murkier the more time we spent with each other. A few lines had already
been blurred with me staying at his place—the kiss last night, me crawling into his
bed. I wasn’t dumb. We were friends, but there was an undercurrent between us. Something
physical and potent. Anytime I was around him, my body reminded me how starved for
touch I was. But if I gave into that lust, I’d risk blowing up the only good thing
I had in my life right now.

Part of me wished I were just another girl who’d met him on some wild vacation. I
could escape into the physical relationship and not have to worry about feelings getting
hurt. We could enjoy each other then part ways at the airport. For that, I envied
Miss Georgia.

But then I wouldn’t have my best friend.

“You’re thinking loud again,
cher
. What’s going through that mind of yours?”

I glanced up, finding Burke wearing a humorless half-smile. “I was thinking I wish
it wasn’t so complicated.”

His brows lifted. “What’s complicated about two friends going to the beach?”

“You know what I mean. I wish we were just two people without all this heavy history
hovering in the background. Like college kids—not a care in the world, heading out
for a fun spring break.”

He smiled fully this time. “When your mission is only tanning, sex, and lots of alcohol?”

“Exactly.”

He slid off the counter. “Who says we can’t be that?”

“Uh, well, age for one. And tanning really isn’t good for your skin.”

He waved a dismissive hand. “Fuck that noise. It’s not about age. It’s about how you
look at things. I say if we want a vacation from our every day lives, we do that full
tilt. No one on that island is going to know who we are. We can be whoever we want
to be.”

“Sure, easy peasy. Just become new people.”

He stepped around the counter, ignoring my sarcasm, and put his hand over mine. “It
could be that easy, Gretch. Believe me, I’ll never know exactly what you’re going
through, but I know some. I lost him, too. I know what that weight of wondering what
I could’ve done to stop it feels like.”

My gaze dropped.

“But we can’t carry that around nonstop without it doing damage. There’s nothing wrong
with putting that heavy backpack aside for a few days to live in the moment. It’s
one of the reasons I’m always going on my trips. When I’m pushing my body to the limit,
there’s little room left in my mind for anything besides immediate needs. It’s cathartic.”

I peered at our stacked hands. “But I’m not going to be hanging off the side of some
mountain. I won’t be challenging myself that way.”

“There are other ways to force yourself out of your comfort zone,” he said quietly.

My gaze lifted to his, and I could tell by the way he was looking at me that he knew
more of my secrets than I’d thought. Anxiety crept through me with tingling awareness,
numbing the tips of my fingers. “What happened last night, Burke?” 

“I told you.”

“No, you told me you didn’t take advantage of the situation, and I believe you. But
you’re not telling me everything. What happened?”

He released a breath but didn’t let go of my hand. “You called for me in your sleep.”

My lips parted, the revelation stealing my air for a moment.
I called for him.
Memories of my dream hit me with full force. Me moving my hands over Burke, the sharp
need I’d felt, the desperate way I’d talked to him. He was being kind with his choice
of words. I hadn’t called for him. I’d
begged
for him. I pulled my hand from his and rubbed my forehead. “Christ.”

“Gretchen—”

I shoved away from the counter and hopped off the stool. “I need to go.”

“What?”

My hands fluttered around in some haphazard motion, trying to clear air that would
probably never be clear again. “I need to get to the store and—”

He grabbed my arm with gentle pressure. “Hey, hold up. Don’t run off like this.”

I shook my head. “It was just a stupid dream, Burke. You’re reading—”

Before I could finish my sentence, he tugged me toward him, gathering me against him.
He lowered his head until our lips were centimeters apart, making me forget my words,
but he didn’t close the distance. His gaze burned into mine. “You asked that next
time I give you fair warning. Consider this your warning.”

I blinked.

“In three, two…”

My eyelids fell shut and no protest came. When his lips touched mine, I forgot all
of my best intentions and melted into it. He made a gruff noise at my obvious surrender,
and his other hand spanned my waist, easing me even closer. I didn’t pull away. I
didn’t resist. I didn’t want to. By the time his tongue stroked mine, my body was
fully pressed against his, my softness meeting the hard planes of his chest and thighs,
our quickly beating hearts banging out a double-time rhythm.

Touch. Warmth.
Heat
.

I wanted to cling to him, to dissolve into the feel of him. The ache I’d awakened
with fired up anew, and more colorful images from my dream flashed through my mind.
But before I could completely lose myself in the kiss, he drew back, leaving me panting
and flushed.

He reached out and moved my hair away from my face, his eyes blue embers. “Last night
you called my name, and I can’t tell you what it did to me. I know you don’t want
anything serious. I get it. But I also know you want me. And Gretch, I fucking want
you, too. It doesn’t have to be complicated. I can give you that escape you need.
Sand, sun,
and
anything else you might be craving. One week. We can be two other people—whoever
we want to be, no expectations, no past, no ghosts. At the end, we’ll let whatever
happens stay there on the island.”

“Burke—” The objection rose fast in my throat.

He put his fingers over my lips. “Don’t,
cher
. Don’t say no before you even consider it. Make your decision based on something
else besides knee-jerk fear. You have to know you’re safe with me. I would never do
anything to hurt you.”

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them again. He was right. My
heart was pounding way too fast, and I was hot all over. I was scared. Terrified.
I’d never been with another man besides Harris, and the guilt from even considering
being with his brother in that way was absolute. What kind of person would that make
me? And beyond that, it could muck up the only true friendship I had.

But as frightening as it was, the idea prodded at the back of my mind, begging for
me to open the door and pay attention. A week of freedom and escape. A week with a
version of Burke I’d only imagined. A week where I didn’t have to be that girl who’d
lost her fiancé.

I met his eyes, and he moved his hand away from my mouth so I could speak. “You could
really leave it all there? We wouldn’t have to talk about it when we got back?”

He nodded. “You have my word. The choice on how you want to handle it when we come
back home is completely yours.”

I scraped a hand through my hair and let out a breath. “I don’t know. I might freak
out on you while I’m there. I’m not even sure if I’m capable…”

A little smile touched his lips. “You’re capable of more than you know. But there’s
no pressure. We can sit on the sand and stare at the ocean for days if that’s what
you want to do.” He reached out and put his hands on my shoulders, giving them a squeeze.
“And if you freak out, I’ll be there to get you through it. Meltdowns can be cleansing
for the soul.”

“Right,” I said, deadpan.

“No, I’m serious. First time I went skydiving, I had a full-fledged panic attack on
the plane—couldn’t breathe, thought I was going to die. But once I went through it
and had my freak out, there was only calm waiting on the other side. Sometimes in
life, we need to press the big red panic button and let ourselves have that moment—sirens
blaring, arms flailing, all rational thought gone. It reminds us that we’re human
and that fear is real but also that we’re strong enough to survive it.”  

I leaned forward and pressed the top of my head to his shoulder. “Do you think there’s
skydiving on the island? Because that calm afterglow sounds like a lovely, peaceful
place.”

His hand cupped the back of my head. “I’m not sure about skydiving, but I’m sure there’ll
be a number other ways to give you that kind of rush and afterglow.”

I laughed and peeked upward. “Are you flirting with me, Burke Brennan?”

“Always.” His expression was pure mischief—classic Burke—but there was a warmth beneath
it that made my chest constrict with affection.

This was a good man. And a better friend. If I could l let go for a few days with
anyone, it would be with him.

I stepped back, resolve coming over me, and nodded. “Well, I guess this time the flirting
worked. What should I pack?”

Victory lit his face. “Seriously?”

“Tell me what to pack before I change my mind.”

He gave me an up and down perusal. “I’m thinking sunscreen and a really small, preferably
sheer bikini. I’m a minimalist, you know. Good for the environment.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “No, you’re shameless.”

He leaned over and gave me a quick peck of a kiss. “You ain’t seen nothing yet,
cher
.”

A hot current went through me. And as he turned and walked toward his room, giving
me an unencumbered view of his well-honed backside, a heaping dose of pure anticipation
settled over me. I smiled, welcoming the unfamiliar feeling. I hadn’t had anything
to look forward to in a long damn time.

And this was a helluva lot to anticipate.

We would go to this island, and he wouldn’t be my friend or Harris’s little brother.
He’d simply be a man I desired. He’d be a fantasy. He’d be someone else.

And so would I.

Ghosts couldn’t haunt a stranger.

~Burke~

The small seaplane dipped and swayed for what seemed like the hundredth time, and
Gretchen’s face turned a paler shade of gray-green. Burke eyed her, fighting back
the urge to ask her again if there was anything he could do to help. Last time, she’d
snapped at him and threatened to gag him if he kept babying her.
I’m fine.
Fine. Fine. Fine. Always her mantra. But he knew better. Because though she was lying
back in a seemingly relaxed way with her headphones on, her fingers had gone bloodless
from gripping the arms of her seat like she expected to be ejected from her spot at
any moment.

He shifted in his seat, wishing he could find some way to distract her from the bumpy
plane ride. But he didn’t want her in full defensive mode before they arrived on the
island. He still couldn’t believe she’d agreed to go on the trip in the first place.
He’d expected her to back out once she had a day or two to ruminate over all the reasons
they shouldn’t be doing this. But every day this week, she’d stayed at his house and
had never wavered from her decision. And she hadn’t walked in her sleep. So he’d taken
that to mean she’d come to some sort of peace with the decision.