Body, Ink, and Soul (10 page)

Empowered by the alcohol and Levi’s challenge, I took one last deep breath before I began singing the lyrics to this angry song. After the first chorus, the crowd went wild, cheering and dancing. It had never occurred to me that one day I would feel like an actual rock star! At that specific moment, I did. It was magical.

I didn’t need to follow the lyrics on the screen. I felt alive and free on the stage and I found myself performing, as though I truly was a rock star and I was giving them a show. I sang, danced and jumped to the music like Mick Jagger did during his concerts. I could see Tyler behind the bar, his eyes wide - I had surprised him just as much as I had Levi. They would never see me as ‘shy Nix’ ever again.

All these thoughts filtered through my mind as I sang. I briefly considered that perhaps the girls were right – maybe I was born for this! But then I came back to reality and realized I was just having fun. It was a great boost for my confidence, but that’s all it would ever be.

The song ended and the crowd went crazy! I was stunned by their reaction, after all, I was a nobody, just a barmaid here at Black Shakers. They demanded an encore, but I wasn't sure I wanted to sing anymore. While I enjoyed a buzz from confronting my fears, my shyness had reappeared and I didn't think I could possibly do another one. Yet the crowd continued to chant ‘encore!’

Tyler begged me to do one more, even offering me the bottle of JB. He loved the show I’d given in his club and no doubt it was good for business. All the customers had enjoyed my singing, and were having a great time. If they liked the bar, they would come back. Tyler knew what he was doing.

I agreed to one more song. This time I went for something smoother, choosing ‘Chasing Pavements’ by Adele. The music started and the words rolled gracefully from my lips. Val was hiding her tears behind her unbound hair and Tyler came up to Bekka, holding held her against him. Levi just stared at me. I could feel the electricity crackling through the air. He looked serene and at peace as he watched me singing. I didn't understand why watching me sing was such a big deal, but he was looking at me differently than how he had in the past. My eyes returned repeatedly to him while I sang, and butterflies fluttered in my stomach. His green eyes were doing all his talking for him and, for the first time, I felt something for him, other than annoyance. I didn’t know what it was, exactly, but maybe Tyler was right. Maybe Levi was a good guy, after all.

There were some patrons dancing and others who just stood watching. I hit every note perfectly. The adrenaline of taking to the stage seem to have nullified the drinking. All of the effects of the alcohol were gone - all that was left was me and my voice. Levi had pushed me to go for something outside of my comfort zone - something unplanned. I could have failed, but I hadn’t. I’d won everyone’s respect. I was the proudest girl in the world, adding my own personal touches to Adele’s song while the crowd watched. I let go, freed in that moment. Once it was over, I received a standing ovation. The moment was extremely special and I would never forget the love I felt in that crowded room.

I put the microphone back on its stand and walked to the edge of the stage in front of Bekka and Val, ready to jump off. Instead, Levi caught my hand and boosted me up, and before I even understood what was happening, I was sitting on his shoulders as he walked me across the dance floor. Everybody was shouting about how good I was and how I’d made their night. I was blushing like crazy, and didn't think I would lose the redness in my cheeks for days. When we reached the bar, Levi settled me onto a chair and looked at me with the same strange look in his eyes. I didn't know what was happening, but I could feel things changing between us. His green eyes watched my every move. I couldn’t hold back a smile, I offered it to him shyly and he smiled back, touching my cheek softly with the back of his hand. His touch vibrated against my skin making me feel connected to him in my core.

What was happening to me?

T
he night came to an end and Levi drove us home before he called it a night. We were exhausted and drunk; all three of us were walking disasters. I went straight to bed after drinking a large glass of water and popping two Advil. I didn't even bother removing my makeup or clothes, I just wanted to lay my head on the pillow and sleep.

Bekka and Val stayed up and ate leftover lasagna before they went to bed. I could hear them in the kitchen as they heated it up. The smell was making me nauseous; my stomach felt as stable as a rodeo cowboy on the back of a bull. I had no desire to be sick and I knew if I’d stayed up with them and eaten, I would've done so instantly. I rolled onto my side and promptly fell asleep.

The sound of the toilet flushing repeatedly woke me up and I was pretty sure one of the girls was sick. The sun was up and the birds were already chirping in the trees by my bedroom window. It should have been music to my ears but it wasn’t remotely enjoyable with the way I felt.

"Val... Bek..." I couldn't even finish the question. The sound of my own voice hurt, making the hammers which seemed to have been installed in my skull head knock on every part of it. Yes, I was officially hung over. I hated my life and regretted every single shot I’d drunk the night before. With both hands pressed against my temples, I prayed to God that he would take away the pain.

''I’m okay, don't come in here.'' Bekka responded in a broken voice.

Thank God she didn’t need me, because I wasn't really planning on going. Every sound in the house caused pain, and I desperately needed quiet. I walked as slowly as possible to the kitchen, to get more medicine. I was still under the influence of the alcohol and I couldn't manage to walk a straight line. I got two more Advil and a glass of water and returned to bed.

I pulled off my top and skirt and hid under the covers, grateful I was able to fall asleep again.

I wasn't sure how long I’d spent in bed the second time, but I heard the girls talking in the kitchen and the sound didn't hurt so much. I got up and pulled on a t-shirt. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror and I looked terrible. I needed to take a shower as soon as possible to try and restore my humanity.

''Hey girls.''

''Get in the shower quickly, we have to leave in an hour to drop Val at the airport,'' Bekka ordered, with a sad look. Bekka’s face was pale and drawn, and with no signs of mascara or eyeliner, it obviously meant only one thing. Bekka was having a bad day.

''Already?''
What time was it? How long did I sleep?

''Yeah, she’s on the mid-afternoon flight.''

''Alright, I won't be long.''

I grabbed my favorite purple underwear from my dresser, before I jumped in the shower. I started with cold water to wake me up, letting it fall on my hair and down my back for a couple of minutes before I switched to hot water when my teeth started chattering.

Bits and pieces of last night were slowly coming back. Tristan and our make out session in the middle of the crowded club. I was embarrassed, it was so out of character and I couldn't believe what I’d done. My feelings for Tristan mixed with a couple of shots had me out of control. My thoughts turned to Levi. He looked great last night and I was starting to think that maybe if I gave him a chance, we could be friends. Sort of. Apart from the tattoos, he was like any other guy. I clearly remembered myself on the stage singing and dancing while looking at him, gazing into his eyes. He had gorgeous green eyes and they were so alive during my songs. I smiled at the memory. The karaoke wasn’t so bad in the end, I’d enjoyed myself and for a few minutes, I’d felt like a rock star. An enormous smile appeared on my lips. I’d loved it but I didn’t think I’d ever do it again.

I dried my hair as quickly as I could. Time was running out and I wanted to spend more than five minutes with Val before we dropped her at the airport. I’d spent my whole childhood with her, but all those years didn't cover how much time I wished I could spend with her.

I put on the underwear and made my way out of the bathroom. We were used to seeing each other in underwear, it wasn't a big deal and besides, I’d just applied lotion over my tattoo. It didn't hurt anymore and I thought it looked freaking sexy. I would never have done it under other circumstances, but I had no regrets.

''Almost ready, I just need to put...''

''No, no, Nix! The guys are here.'' Bekka rushed towards me, but it was too late. I was standing in the living room in my underwear, with Tyler and Levi both staring. My breasts had been pushed together by the underwired bra, giving me amazing cleavage and my panties, well, they just weren't covering much of anything. They were a tiny little piece of fabric that barely registered against my skin. I needed to cover myself but other than arms and hands, I had nothing to use. I tried to say something, but words failed me. My face was red hot with embarrassment and my eyes were fixed on Levi.

''Hot damn!'' I heard him mutter. The smirk on his face was worth a thousand words. He obviously appreciated the view.

I was sure I would never hear the end of it. I turned around and raced into my room. My heart was beating so fast, it was making me dizzy.
Did he really just see me half naked?
Yes, he did. I tried to convince myself it wasn't much different than wearing a bikini on a beach. I would have no problem wearing a bathing suit around them, so I shouldn't make a big deal out of this. If only I could erase from my memory the look of desire on Levi’s face when he saw me. It made me blush even thinking about it.

I put on a purple knee length skirt and a black V-neck t-shirt, and slipped my feet into black chucks; they were still aching from all the dancing. I brushed my hair again and decided to leave it loose. After applying mascara and lip gloss, I looked at myself in the mirror one last time. My cheeks were still flushed, but at this point, I just had to face them and try to act like nothing happened.

''Hey guys,'' I said, as I walked back into the room.

They all acted like nothing had happened and they were pretty good actors. Levi did come up to me and gave me a quick hug, which was a bit weird. Our friendship - or whatever we had - had not reached the hugging stage yet.

''Nix, you are my favorite rock star now. What you did last night was amazing,'' Tyler announced. I could see his eyes sparkling with excitement, which made me proud but uncomfortable at the same time.

''Yeah, well, it was a onetime only kind of thing,'' I warned him.

He pouted. ''You have to do it again! Please?'' He had that sad puppy look on his face and I couldn't help but grin at him.

''I don't think so, it was fun and I enjoyed it a lot, but it isn't who I am.'' I paused. ''I’m not a rock star.''

Levi laughed. ''What do you mean, ‘it isn't who I am’? It was you on that stage, you owned it, and you took control. Every single person in the club saw it. It's where you’re meant to be.''

''Don't pretend like you know me, Levi, I met you five minutes ago,'' I snapped.

''There she goes again,'' he muttered, with an irritated look on his face.

Why do I always snap at him?
I hated myself. Levi was just trying to be nice, and again, the bitchy side came out. ''I'm sorry Levi, I didn’t mean it. I just... I love to sing, but I don’t think I could do it again.'' I paused to glance at him and he nodded. ''What are you guys doing here, anyway?''

Bekka stood in front of Tyler and he circled his arms around her waist. ''They’re coming with us to the airport. They offered their... support.''

''Bekka, Val and her luggage are going with me. You can go with Levi,'' Tyler announced.

My two best friends stared at their feet, too afraid to face me. What was this? A plan to get me closer to Levi? I wasn’t a drama queen, but I didn’t want this arrangement. He might become a friend, maybe, but nothing more. All I could think about were Tristan’s lips, his smile, and his toned body. Why were they always trying to push Levi my way?

I didn't say anything, because I’d already told them everything there was to say. They knew how I felt about this situation, and I didn't want to start a fight before Val’s departure.

I settled into Levi’s car uncomfortably. It was an old car of some description, it looked pretty good but I had no clue what it was. The only thing I could figure out, now I was sitting in it, was that it was loud and fast. Clearly I wasn't born when the car was manufactured, and Levi probably wasn't either.

''I hope you don't mind being alone in the apartment tonight,'' Levi said, as we followed Tyler’s black Porsche Carrera.

''Why would you say that?'' I couldn’t figure out what he was talking about. Val might be leaving, but Bekka still lived with me. Was he trying to scare me or something?

''Tyler’s not the type of guy who likes spending a night away from his girl. I just think she’ll be spending a lot of nights with him, now they’re officially together.''

''Bekka’s looking for another roommate, so I’ll be fine. You don't need to worry about me, I'm a big girl.''

''Sorry, it’s just that I care about you, and it's normal for me to worry about the people I care about.''

The more he tried to be nice, the more it scared me. Levi was turning out to be a good guy underneath the rough exterior, and he attracted me more every time I spoke with him. I couldn’t deal with this though, I didn’t want to get involved with him.

''You don’t have to worry about me.'' Again, I was pushing him away without really wanting to. I just couldn’t seem to control myself. It was like I was fighting with my inner demons. Levi didn’t say anything else, he drove silently and kept his eyes in the road.

I grabbed my phone, deciding to send a text message to Tristan. He was a nice guy, someone I could rely on. The exact opposite of ink boy, in fact.

Nix: Hey Tristan, what are your plans for today?

I scanned through the photos on my phone, waiting for his response. They were mostly of myself, Bekka and Val. We were always having a good time, but I was painfully aware it would be different after today.