Bodyguard Dearest (Bodyguard #1) (6 page)

“Tanner,” I say, trying to imitate the seriousness in his voice.

“This can never happen again.”

I don’t understand. My mind empties. My lips feel dry suddenly. I lick them and then have to fight to swallow down a sob.

A sob, Tris? Really? Grow the fuck up
.

“Jeez, did you hate it that much?” I say, acting as if it’s all cool.

“We were both there, Tris. The fact that it was amazing is not a factor. I meant what I said. Getting involved would go against all my principles, both personal and professional.”

“What makes you think I want to get involved?” I say. “And even if I did, you’d be the worst candidate.”

“Can’t argue with that.”

We stay silent. The only sounds in the room are the crackling of the dying fire and a faint buzzing sound coming from the cheap Christmas lights.

“You said you don’t want to get involved with anyone again,” I say when he turns and gets his feet on the floor. “Does that mean you were involved with someone once?”

“Not a conversation I’m willing to have,” he says, standing up.

“Tanner, please, what’s the harm? We’ll never have to talk about it again but I need to know. I don’t even understand why but I do.”

“You’re one sexy pest,” he says. “There was someone once. She’s gone.”

It’s as if everything makes sense at once. The way he said
gone
, it’s clear that she’s dead. I’m such an idiot pushing and pushing to get him to talk.

“Tanner, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

Just shut up, Tris. Shut.The.Fuck.Up
.

“It was a long time ago,” he says. “It doesn’t matter.”

“I think it matters a lot,” I say and immediately regret the words. Of course it matters but I won’t gain anything by keeping this conversation going. Tanner is beyond my reach. He will never be mine and deep down I’ve known it all along.

He helped me tonight, though; he helped me regain sight of something, a connection to my heart and soul. He let me experience the most sublime pleasures. It’s better to pursue what you want than run away from what you don’t. Can life really be so simple? His sadness is his own and always will be.

I get it. And I can see now the beauty of having a man to love; a man who will love me back, a man who can share all the joy and sadness. Tanner is my father’s right hand. He is not for me.

I’ll ease up. I’m not going to fight him anymore. My heart feels his pain. I’ll let him take me back to my life and we’ll never ever speak of what happened between us tonight.

Tanner

I
t’s Christmas Eve. The Kanes and their guests are gathered in the large sitting room after their dinner, dressed in fancy suits and dresses like they’re going to the opera. I enter the premises for the first time tonight as I specifically decided to take over the outside watch, leaving the inside to Derek.

I pace up and down the hallway, stealing glances at the sitting room, trying to locate Tris. I’ve stayed clear of her since we came back two days ago which was the best choice for everyone, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to know how she’s holding up.

That girl’s head can always take a wrong turn. I want to make sure I’m there when that happens to get her right back on track before she self-destructs.

She’s beautiful, bighearted and clever but her father’s shadow will always loom. Maybe when he dies, she’ll finally be free. Until then, I’ll make sure she stays sane and safe.

Having sex with her was a wrong move, a mistake that could ignite into a fiery cluster if it ever got out. I messed up. I let her peek inside my human side and she knew exactly how to take advantage of that, how to break me down. If it was another of the men who did that, I’d have bashed their head in. I’m a fucking hypocrite but what’s done is done.

Damage control is all that’s left.

Jordan Kane gets up to make a toast in the midst of an ocean of applause and laughter. I get a little bit closer to the sitting room entrance, thinking I can risk it since everyone will be focused on Kane.

I don’t blame Tris for feeling trapped in this world of fake adulation and greed. I wouldn’t want her any other way. I admire her fierceness and her struggle for independence but, unlike her, I am not naïve enough to think it will lead to any good.

Her mother and three sisters, they have accepted the nature of this life. They are all hanging from Kane’s words right now, excited smiles on their faces. Acceptance is the first step to happiness. Also the first step to lowering your defenses and losing your identity.

Where is Tris? She better not be trying to escape through a bathroom window again? The thought she could pull this off a second time is preposterous, yet, I begin to feel uneasy and stretch my neck a bit more.

I find her sitting by herself at the bar with a drink in her hand. She looks like a vision in her long lilac dress, her brown hair pulled up into a stylish bun. She puts her hand in front of her mouth to hide a yawn.

That’s my girl
, I mutter to myself as if all was right with the world again.

“Tanner, come on over here, my good fellow.”

Oh fuck, Mr. Kane has spotted me. I walk into the sitting room, looking straight at Kane and no one else. “Sir,” I say with my most grim face.

“Oh, for pity’s sake, man! It’s Christmas. Come and join us.” He turns to his audience, pointing at me. “This is Tanner Hayes as I’m sure you all know. He keeps the wheels spinning in my business and at home. The Kane family wouldn’t be the same without him.”

Another round of applause, this time for me. It makes my stomach turn. Her eyes are on my back, I can sense it. Suddenly, I feel like an asshole for not having the decency to talk to her all these days. It might be better this way. Better if she goes back to her usual disdain for my existence.

A server offers me a drink. I don’t drink much anymore, certainly not while on the job, but Kane raises his glass, urging me to do the same. I gulp down whatever’s in that glass and retreat to the hall opposite the bar where Tris still sits.

My muscles are stiff as hell and it shows as I lean against the wall with my shoulders raised. I throw a sideways glance at Tris. I feel like a high school punk with a crush. She’s looking at her drink, refusing to acknowledge my presence. Again, it’s for the best.

Whatever speech Kane was giving, it comes to an end. I specifically block my ears from the inside when he speaks in public. If I pay close attention to his bullshit, I might start thinking about what I’m doing and that’s not the job. I can’t afford to do that.

“And now my beautiful daughters will sing for you,” Kane says as Margot, Elsie and Alice join him. Kane places a kiss on each girl’s lips and then turns his attention to Tris. The motherfucker lives to put on shows. “Trista, you too, honey, come on up.”

Something tells me not to look at her but I can’t help it. She seems so small and lonely in the big sitting room. She shakes her head at her father’s suggestion. “Not me, daddy,” she says. “You know that I don’t sing. I croak.”

The room giggles a little in unison at her words but Kane won’t have it. “What are you talking about? You have a beautiful voice. An angel’s voice. Come join us.”

Her cheeks blush a little as she fights to escape the moment. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. I won’t take no for an answer.”

Why is he pushing her like that? He knows she’s not one to take orders calmly. Fuck him and his arrogance and his need to control people.

“I won’t do it,” Tris says, squeezing the fragile glass so hard, it breaks in her hand. Fuck, she’s cut. Red streaks form on her palm, running down to her fingers, but she won’t let go of the broken glass pieces she’s still holding.

“You stupid girl,” Kane yells, walking towards her. “Why do you have to be so disagreeable? Why spoil everyone’s fun? What have you done there?”

I walk fast to intercept him from reaching her first. Standing between the two of them, I’m counting options in my head.

“I’ll take care of it this time, Tanner,” he says, waving me away.

I don’t move. Kane stares at me, mistaking my fury for loyalty. He thinks I’m trying to make this easier on him, diffuse the situation so the party can go on because that’s who I am, that’s what I do. I make sure nothing goes wrong on my watch, right?

Well, screw that. I swing my arm to land my right hook on his chin from below. He’s pushed backwards, loses his balance and collapses on his ass with a loud thud.

I grab a white cloth napkin from the buffet table and turn to Tris. I force her fingers open to remove the glass and then wrap her hand in the napkin. The cuts are not deep. She’ll be fine.

“Let’s go,” I tell her, taking her good hand.

She doesn’t ask questions. She follows, scurrying on her high heels to keep up with me.

“What the hell just happened?” she says when we reach my car. “He’ll never forgive you for that. You’ll be a marked man.”

I nod as I open the passenger door, but she doesn’t get in. She looks at me curiously, trying to figure me out. Good luck since I can’t figure that out myself.

“What are you doing, Tanner?”

“I’m doing what I’ve always should have done. Take you home. This time for real.”

“Where is home?” she says with a confused, but happy grin.

“That’s the thing, Tris. Home is what you choose it to be. Not some fucked-up mansion with guards. You get to choose from now on. Let’s start with a place for you to live. A home.”

“When did you become such a sweet, crazy man? It’s not that simple.”

“Of course it is. Isn’t this what you’ve been trying to tell me? I’ll take you home and I’ll stay there with you. If that’s what you choose.”

Her eyes water a little as they lock on mine. I realize she’s shivering. I take my jacket off to wrap around her bare shoulders.

“What does that mean?” she says.

I lean in for a soft kiss of her luscious lips. “It means, Merry Christmas, Tris. My holiday wish is a second chance. Is it possible?”

“Isn’t that what Christmas is all about?” she says, crying for real this time. “Wishes coming true and being with the ones you love?”

I take her in my arms. I rain down kisses on her sweet hair and face. I don’t know what the future holds but I do know my life’s new mission is to keep Tris Kane safe and happy and away from all those things that would try to hold her down.

“Tanner,” she says, wiping the tears off her cheeks. Her voice is urgent, worried.

I follow her gaze to the west wing of the mansion. Derek stands against the wall, staring at us. I can’t make out his features but his stiff body language tells me everything.

He was ordered to discreetly take us back at gunpoint but he doesn’t seem in a hurry to do so. Maybe he doesn’t want to take any chances trying to stop me. He knows I possess skills he doesn’t.

Maybe he just sees his opportunity with me gone to be number one finally. We never had a beef with each other and I’d be happy for him if that happened. Whatever his reasons may be, he just raises his right hand making the sign of peace. We’re free to go.

“It’s fine,” I tell Trista. “He won’t stop us.”

She gets in the car slowly, cautiously. “I’m honestly not sure what’s happening,” she says, “but I think I like it.”

“Me too,” I say as I put the car into gear and drive off into a whole new world, one full of endless perils and eternal hope.

Home Is What You Make It

Trista

P
assing cars and distant street lights race past us on the dark freeway. It’s hard to control my manic thoughts to make sense of things. When Tanner knocked my father onto his hypocritical ass, my vision of my future was flipped on its head. It felt good that Tanner stood up for me and even better that he wanted to take me away—take me home, as he put it—like my knight in shining armor.

Twenty minutes have passed and what had been clear then has already become tangled and messy. I have no idea if these events will lead to happiness or to any good whatsoever.

I don’t know all that much about Tanner. I don’t know where he lives. I don’t know where he’s from or if he has family somewhere. Shit, all I really know is that he’s good at intimidating and/or protecting people. Is this a sound foundation for an elopement?

Okay, Tris, chill on the hyperboles
. You’ve slept with him once and you’ve hated him for three straight years. You’re not eloping, for heaven’s sake, you’re just taking a break from misery—both of you are.

He takes an exit off the freeway before I have a chance to read the sign. One thing’s for sure, I haven’t been up here before. Nothing’s remotely familiar about the long, empty road we’re on.

I turn my face to look at Tanner sitting next to me. His stern expression is back but for once I don’t think it’s directed at me. He probably has similar doubts, wondering what the hell came over him and why he kicked his entire life to the curb for an erratic rich girl who’s unstable at best.

“Canyon Country,” he says when he senses my eyes on him.

“We’ve only driven forty minutes. How could I have never heard of this place?” I wonder aloud. His jacket is still around my shoulders, warming me and tingling my nostrils with its masculine, cinnamon and clover scent.

“There’s no Tiffany’s here,” he answers. “Tris, this won’t be what you’re used to,” he says as he drives down a gravel road and then pulls over in front of a lonely, older ranch-style home under a streetlamp. The lawn in the front yard is completely dead, making the place look even lonelier.

“Is this your place?” I say, not quite sure what I expected.

“It’s not in my name and I haven’t been here since summer,” he says, “but, yeah, it’s pretty much mine.”

He opens my door and offers his hand for support. Such a gentleman all of a sudden. He’s like a different man today.

I linger on the cement sidewalk, breathing in the cool night breeze. “Did we really just flip off my father?” I say as I try to distinguish figures and shapes in the dark. “Did you just bust me out of prison?”

“Don’t be dramatic. We’ve just moved to another kind of prison,” he says, taking my hand and guiding me to the door. “It may not be much on the outside,” he says, “but the inside is probably worse.”

“Funny,” I say with a short laugh. “I’m sure it’s fine.” He can hear the truth in my voice. I’m not sure at all of this place. It’s small and dreary and I am already thinking about mustiness and mites and, I don’t know,
moths?

“I’m sure it’s not,” he says, opening the door to total darkness.

I’ve been in small houses before. I was willing to live with Vaughn and his Grandma for as long as it took and I wasn’t even in love.

In love?
What am I thinking?
I can’t control my thoughts lately. Just because words pop into my head doesn’t mean they are real. Thoughts just kind of float around confusing us with contradictory emotions.

He ushers me through the door to a narrow hallway. We linger here in the dark for a second or two. I’m standing behind him, so close that I can almost feel the hard, strong muscles on his back without touching them.

I yearn to touch him. I want to rest my head between his shoulders so badly, so urgently, but I need to wait for his cue. I want him to initiate any intimacy between us tonight. It feels like last time it was all me and I need him to take initiative now, to show me that he truly wants to be with me and that he didn’t just react out of instinct when he bandaged my bleeding hand and took me out of the Kane mansion.

I need him to
show
me how much he wants me.

He reaches to his right to turn on the light. I’m disappointed and relieved all at the same time. I’m conflicted. He practically confessed his feelings for me only moments ago, so why won’t he touch me or even look at me?

“You weren’t kidding,” I say as he takes a few steps and I get an eyeful of the sparse, yet untidy living room. There’s a worn sofa and a coffee table with ancient leftovers and a small TV set with a bunch of DVDs and video games on the carpet in front of it. “This place is sad.”

“Let me confirm the kitchen is safe before you go in there,” he says with a grin as he finds the thermostat on the wall and turns the heat on.

I walk over to him and give him a smile. “If you had taken me to a palace, I wouldn’t be any more content,” I tell him.

He lifts my bandaged hand gently. “We need to take care of this,” he says as he tenderly removes the cloth napkin he used to cover the cuts.

Tanner leaves the room. He returns in seconds with a first-aid kit. He cleans my hand with water and softly covers the tiny cuts with an antibiotic gel. He carefully places a band aid over his work.

“Tanner,” I say as he closes the kit. “Why are we so awkward together?”

His eyes lock on mine. “Are we?”

“Aren’t we? It seems like we’re more comfortable with each other when we fight than when we have moments like this.”

“What do I look like, a fortune cookie?”

Smiling relaxes me. “You’re sexy when you’re a smartass,” I say.

“Seriously, change is not my thing. Never comes with a road map or any fucking clues. I like to consider every eventuality.”

“So you want like infrared military mapping for your life?”

Now he grins and fixes his eyes on me. Everything inside me turns into a hot whirlpool of anticipation. “Something like that. You’re a curious little creature, do you know that?”

“In case you didn’t notice it,” I answer as my heart begins to thump louder by the breath. “You just admitted to acting on impulse. It sounds like you’re having second thoughts.”

“You’re a pain in the butt,” he says, pulling me to him, placing a kiss on my forehead. His hands fist my hair and then slide down to my waist, a finger pressing against the small of my back.

“I love your butt,” I whisper. My heart beats faster than a locomotive as I find myself pressed against him, feeling him everywhere at once. I realize that I’ve dreamed of this moment too many times to count.

“I don’t want to overwhelm you,” he says. “I dragged you away from everything you know without asking. I just reached my limit. I needed to touch you, to protect you. I want you, Tris. I want my intention to be clear.”

He calmly kisses me. It’s like he’s just waking up and searching my mouth for oxygen. Then it turns urgent and rough. I get on tiptoes, lacing my hands behind his neck as our tongues intertwine.

His hands move to my hips and just like that a switch is flipped. He pulls me to him and lifts me up, his hands under my ass. He takes a few steps carrying me like that, plastered to his chest, and places me onto the cold kitchen island.

“I thought the kitchen was too dirty,” I say, panting.

“I don’t care,” he says, kissing my neck. “It’s about to get dirtier.”

Oh fuck, did my big brute really just say that? I like how he breathes hard now, so strong and commanding and vulnerable at the same time. I like how I ache for his touch.

Tanner’s mouth crushes on mine again, exploring every pore on my tongue and lips, as he positions himself between my legs. His right hand reaches for the back of my head, undoing the carefully coiffured bun to let my hair fall loose on my shoulders.

I wrap my legs around his hips, pulling him closer as if that were even possible. His erection bulges against my stomach. I whimper. All brain functions except one are about to shut down. My eyes close.

It’s all as it should be, only better. He grabs the straps of my lilac dress, sliding them down my shoulders and arms slowly until my breasts are exposed. He takes them, one breast in each hand, squeezing gently, rubbing his thumbs over the eager nipples, already hardened and needy.

“Tris,” he says against my lips.

My pulse is pounding all over the place. “Yes?”

“You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about your tits, cupping them, squeezing them like that, feeling every tiny delicious molecule of skin and flesh.”

I throw my head back a little to look at him. Did he just say that he’s been lusting after me for a long time? “You have not.”

“Have.”

“That’s a lie.”

“It’s not.”

And it’s not even my birthday. Well, it
is
Christmas Eve. “So you’ve fantasized about my breasts? Even before Canada?”

“Oh yeah. And not just your tits. Say it, Tris.”

“Say what?”

“Tits.”

“You want me to say tits?” I say, laughing. “I just did.”

“Ask me if I like your tits.”

Tanner Hayes takes control of every situation, doesn’t he? I take a deep breath before I ask. “Do you like my tits, Tanner?”

“I fucking love your tits,” he says, lifting my ass off the counter to practically rip the dress off my body.

I gasp. He’s too much.

“And then I fantasized about your nipples,” he whispers. “Rosy and big, bunching up under my fingers.”

“You did pinch one when you shouldn’t,” I say, breathless, as his rough fingers pinch both my nipples now.

“You totally deserved that, you can be a horrible brat. Showing off your delicious body like that.”

He has a point. I arch my back, moaning, when he lowers his mouth to one nipple.

“I dreamed about getting them in my mouth,” he says. “Sucking on them until you begged for more.”

Oh fuck, I can beg right now if it will make him happy. He wraps his lips around my sensitive nipple, sucking roughly, giving me a perfect combination of blinding pleasure and pain.

“And then I thought about the sweet little button between your legs,” he says, kissing behind my ear as his fingers dive under my panties, finding my happy clit.

“Your little confession speech is crude but extremely effective,” I say between shallow breaths. “Hits on all the key points.”

“Does the little college girl think she’s so smart?” he says, pressing the tip of his finger firmly against my sensitive nub, circling it, around and around, causing every nerve in my body to respond.

I nod. “Ah hah. I must be. I have Tanner Hayes playing with my clit.” I’m not even sure if the words really came out or if I imagined I said them. Brain shutting down for good now to conserve energy for something explosive.

He pushes me backwards on the island. I have to support myself on my elbows. He undoes his blue tie and then unbuttons his white dress shirt. I just about come on the spot as he reveals his incredible torso and impeccable skin.

“What else did you imagine?” I say as he pulls his pants down.

“I thought about how you’d trap my cock inside your pussy, strangling it with your tightness,” he says, sliding my panties down my thighs and knees until they’re off me.

“I think I did that for you already.”

His eyes grow darker as he licks my upper lip. “It wasn’t enough. I want to feel your pussy squeezing me all night. It will never be enough.”

His boxer briefs come off. He grabs his cock, pumping it a few times, and then positions it against my opening. He pushes all the way in and I cry out with pain a little, as he takes a tit in one hand, pressing on my throat with the other. It’s not rough, it’s gentle and sexy the way he caresses the sensitive structures on my neck, claiming me, asking for permission to take everything.

I give it to him. Everything that I am and everything I have, body and soul. It’s all his now. “Fuck me, Tanner,” I say. “Reshape me. Make me yours.”

He growls as he begins to own my pussy, his hands under my thighs, pulling my ass on the very edge of the counter so he can slide his arms under my knees to support himself and spread me wider.

Damn
. It’s even better than I remember. He’s relentless and passionate and he makes my head spin. I love how he thrusts into me like there’s nothing else in the world, like it’s the only thing that matters, like I’m bottomless.

I surrender, dropping my head back as an incredible force builds inside me, fevered and frozen at the same time, a fucking hot avalanche of sensation that threatens to erase me, wipe me out, make me his and his only.

My eyes open only seconds before I implode and as I take in the perfection of his sculpted torso, glistening with sweat, and the look of complete abandonment on his face, I’m driven over the edge. My core is shaken with frenzied tremors of immeasurable pleasure and I cry out again and again.

“Tanner!”

I feel him tremble, too, going faster and harder and then slowing down, gripped by his own repressed orgasm. And then, his incredible, wild, shocking orgasm overcomes him and he makes the most delicious animal sounds ever uttered on this Earth.