BOMAW Vol. 10-12 (160 page)

"Shoot, I'm waiting on his butt now, talkin' about he gone get some more when he get here."

"You be all right, just learn to like it."

"It's not that I don't like it, but every damn day?!"

"What's wrong with everyday? Ain't nothing wrong with everyday!"

"Yo'horny ass would say something like that! He ain't wearin' my shit out."

"Stick wit' one man, it don't wear out. God knew exactly what he was doin'! You just got used to that China man and his lil pee-pee."

"I beg your pardon, I liked him just fine thank you! No pain - and not every damn day!"

"You know he tryin' to get you pregnant, what you expect? Better hope it happen quick, else he gone be in there all the time."

"That would be just my luck."

"You bes' get prayin' - now, off of that, what's the heavy shit?"

"Meribel - in the hospital - was critical condition! She'd just woken up last night when we left."

"WHAT?! When? How? What the hell! And you ain't call me? Yo'ungrateful ass! You bes' tell me what happened, don't leave shit out!"

Vivian went on to relate everything she knew of what occurred up until they left the night before. "Everyone else still there, Jake had to work, that's why we came home."

"All this shit scientist comin' up with, they need to invent a psycho light - to shine on crazy ass people so normal people can avoid them like the plague, don't make no damn sense, now her brother got to serve time because the bitch psycho and shouldn't even be on the streets, let alone in no damn school teachin'."

"Well I can give you her information, room number and stuff so you can check on her."

"Please, I'll send some flowers too. And next time don't let me have to call yo'ass to find shit out! Heifa!"

"I told you I was gone call you tonight."

"Hell wit' that! I want shit fo' it hit the press! Keep it up, I'm gone have to give yo'ass up fo'adoption!"

Vivian laughed, "You love me too much, I ain't even worried. Besides, I was busy-..."

"Busy screwin' - gettin' yo'toes curled! Next time, tell Jake ass to wait goddammit - I got to call Sheila! Hell wit' the bullshit, he can knock yo'ass up later."

All Vivian could do was laugh, "You missin' me already."

"I ain't missin' nobody, yo'ass just done left, gettin' uppity, don't know how to call - I'm yo'elda' - you supposed to be calling me."

"I'm fix'in'ta hang up this phone on you, bye!"

"Don't you hang up this phone! You know I miss you - heifa!"

"Aaaaah, I knew you did, gone try and lie to me, you know you ain't got but one baby girl, and that's me."

Sheila was laughing next, "Spoiled yo'ass! Knew I would regret that shit one day - get off this phone and fix that man his lunch."

"I was fixin' it when you called."

"That's right! Know I taught you well, make me proud now - take care of your business."

"As I always do - uh oh, here he comes, I can hear the bike, oh he's home! Gotta go! I love you!"

"Love you too baby girl, call me later!"

"I will! Call the hospital!"

"Right after I hang up from you."

Vivian hung up the phone, watching the door and sure enough, she could hear his heavy foot steps on the porch, crossing it to the door, opening it and walking in, "Lil'girl - I'm home for a quickie." He announced loud and clear, locking the door behind him, "Oooh, perfect, wearing a dress, all I gotta do is lift it. Where you want it?"

Vivian whimpered.

*

Earlier that same morning...

Ben knew that perhaps it was a bit early for this; even so, he didn't want to put it off any longer. After parking his car at the curb of Gail's house, he mustered up his courage and made his way to her front door, ringing the bell. Her mother answered. Her gaze was clear that she wasn't very pleased with him. "Good morning Ben, how can I help you?"

"Can I talk to Gail please?"

"I would have thought all that needed to be said, would have been."

"Please?"

Right then, they both heard her coming down the stairs, "Who's at the door mom?" Gail finished stopping by her mother to look out at him. "Hi Ben."

"Hi, can we talk?"

"Sure, ah mom, we'll be in the back." Gail agreed, passing her mother as she made her destination clear, heading outside to join him. She lead him down a familiar path by the side of the house to their spacious back garden, and to her favorite spot, the gazebo. Once there, she took up a spot on the long bench, while Ben sat on the wood frame chair, facing her.

They gazed at each other a few moments, each settling with the thoughts that went through their mind and Ben felt obliged to go first, "How are you?"

"How am I? Uhm, I'm okay. I mean, I'll live - tomorrow is always another day. The suns shining brightly, the birds are singing, and the flowers are still pretty, in other words, life goes on."

Ben nodded agreeing.

"And you, how are you?"

"Me? Ha, well - let's just say, that I'm probably right where I deserve to be."

"Where's that?"

"On my own."

"I see, that mean, that she ah, well - rejected you?"

Ben quirked a brow at her, "It's okay, you can smile about it, you don't have to look sorry for me."

She giggled, then covered her mother, "Sorry - I didn't mean to giggle, honestly I didn't."

Ben smiled, "It's okay, you're allowed, it makes me feel good to see you able, to giggle, smile, it's all right."

Shaking her head, looking at the table, and then back at him with the loveliest twinkle in her eyes; she'd always been so pretty. That had been one of the reasons he wanted her. She was the dream girl; the one desired by most men. Blue eyes, blonde hair, cherished and adored as Ms Popularity to all that she joined when they were in high school. And sitting before her, he realized that he'd wanted her, to make himself feel good about what and who he was. The entire time they'd been together, not once had he felt any feelings of adoration or love, or longing for a future together down the road.

"Not having any regrets are you Ben?" She asked because of the way he was looking at her.

Ben shook his head, "Not the kind, you might be thinking. It was right, that I end this with you - you deserve so much more, things would have never gotten any better between us, I've always known that. My father - the man who sired me, said as much to me and he was right. I let this - what we had, go too long, and - too far."

"Oh, so you've spoken to him, about us?"

"Once I found out, that he was my father, and he found out, that he was my father - it wasn't easy for him because, well - he felt he should have been the man to raise me. In that talk, you came up."

She nodded, thinking, and then asked, "Why her Ben, and - not me? Wasn't I good to you?"

He reached over and took her hand in his, "Of course you were. This, what's happened, would have been at some point anyway - she - just made it happen, now."

"What is it about her Ben?"

He smiled, thinking that question over, while he knew why in his head, he couldn't quite put it into words, why. His eyes went back to her, "You're the one taking up sociology, psychology, - you tell me why."

Gail stared into his eyes, thought about all the things she knew about him and then reflected a bit on her, the one he fell for, Crystal. Mother of two, going through a divorce - stopping her thought, she asked, "Tell me, is she - divorced yet?"

"Far as I know, she and her mother would have gone this morning, in fact - she's probably there now, in court. If all went according to plan, yeah - she'll be divorced."

"You'll be glad about that, if it does." She thought out loud.

"Yeah, but - not sure if it'll make any difference - no matter how he - her husband, has hurt her, I get a feeling, she'll continue to love him."

"You're not gonna just - stand on the side lines, waiting for her are you? I mean, you deserve better than that Ben."

"Thanks, I can't believe you can say that after what I've done to you."

"Aih," She waved it off, "I helped you do it. I did some thinking of my own too you know and you're right, I'm taking sociology and psychology, so it was a good exercise for me. I think I just may know, why, her - and, not me - I just wanted to hear it from you first."

"Sorry, can't help you, but I'm willing to hear it, from you, tell me, why do you think, her, and not you, who knows, maybe you can help me, understand myself."

She sat straighter, putting forth the air of confidence she was feeling and said, "You, Benjamin Caesar McPherson, are a white knight, you're a - well - you're a hero."

Ben sat up making faces, "Huh? What? A knight? Hero? That's the last thing I expected to hear."

"Hear me out please." She petitioned seriously.

"Sorry, go ahead."

"Well, after your email, I went through a very deep soul search of myself, trying to understand what is it, that was so wrong with me, that you didn't fall in love with me, but her. And you know what I concluded? What I realized?"

"No, what?"

"That - there is nothing wrong with me, nothing at all. You see, I'm not broken Ben, and men like you - can't find any worthwhile reason to give me, your heart. You can't delve in with me and - well - save me. You Ben, and men like you, can only love a woman, that makes you feel you have a purpose in life. You need, to fix things. You are, Mr. Fixit, a hero, you need to feel that charged atmosphere that surrounds a damsel in distress. Me, my life, my home, my future, my family, it's all as it should be and, that - bores you Ben. It doesn't touch that deep seeded place that hungers to feel the value of rescuing someone, cradling someone, using those big strong arms to support or even, carry her to safety. You see, I don't need that. And it's that reason, I don't stir you. I don't move you, not emotionally - there is nothing about me, that grips your soul. That's why, I was good only for a short period of time, when you were struggling through your identity crisis. Now, because that was all - well let's face it, superficial, you're moving on to the bigger, truer, deeper need. I think I'm right Ben, because - I've looked at your family - even your step-family. Quincy, was a hero, a white knight - and you love Quincy, he rubbed off on you. It wasn't hard to do either, because look at your uncles, your grandfather, it all fits. You're a dominant host of alpha males driven by high doses of testosterone that compels you to reign and lead; part of that, is a need - with all your might, to rescue, save, protect, guard and carry; you need to be alpha males. No, you don't fly, leap over tall buildings, not more powerful than a locomotive - or repel bullets, but - you need an answer to the forces within you, and your women, well - you can only fall for women, who have needs, or - who needs a hero - who bring out your protective and masculine instincts. Otherwise, I don't think either one of you, would know what to do with yourselves. That's why I bored you; that's why all we had, was good sex. You need a challenge like you need air to breathe. And a woman that has it all together, leaves you out in the cold - because she doesn't really, need you. And you know that. Hey, maybe - that's what's wrong with majority of the men in the world, so many of us women, have stood and said, I don't need you - not really need you. I can take care, of myself. And because so many of you know that, you've kind of - lost your place, your strength, your valor - your knighthood." She stopped a moment as what she was saying, suddenly sank into her own mind. "Wow... that's scary - because if that's true, what will that mean for me down the road? Shit." She sat back, her mind in a whirl.

Ben sat as well, thinking about the things she just stated and began wondering if that was so? Because of the look in her eyes, he reached over taking her hand once more. "I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. Someone so deep as you, beautiful as you, is bound to find the man, just right for you. I'm just glad, that as for you and I - you understand."

Gail nodded, still in thought to her words, stating, "I can't help but understand, but - I do wonder, why you gambled with her, does she show you any signs that she has feelings for you?"

"I think she does, even though she's asked me to give her time, to - back off a bit." He scratched his head, shrugging, "I do understand her, I know why she wants this time. She wants to be sure, she's such an excellent mother, struggling to get her life in order - she just wants to get it right - and I - well - I want to be there for her, should she ever need me, and doing that - would not be fair to you. I couldn't live any more with leading you on - and even though, that part of our relationship has ended, I would love it, if we could continue on being friends?"

Gail smiled, "You're so cool Ben, you really are - such a good guy. Us not being friends, would hurt far more, than us not being together as we were. And, if she is the one for you Ben, I wish you nothing but the best! You give it your best shot! You win this jousting contest and steady your mighty steed and charge forward with all your might! Knock that other sonofabitch, whoever he is, off on his ass - you show him, this tournament, that damsel ... is yours for the taking. After all, you let go of one helluva a woman for her, you better win."

Ben threw his head back roaring in laughter until tears gathered in his eyes, "Hell, maybe I do love you after all." He joked, still guffawing.

"More than likely you do, but not like you do her. I'm okay with that, I really am - but you, well you're a glutton for punishment I'm thinking; either way, you can handle it. It's just a shame, I can't offer you, the challenges she can."

Ben reached over and hugged her tight, kissing her temple. "You're gonna offer the man for you, plenty of challenges, and make him one helluva wife."

"You bet I will, because now that I've figured it out, I know exactly what I'll have to do to snag the next one." She laughed.

"Oh yeah? Since we're friends now, care to share ideas on how I might break through to her heart, knocking him out of it?"

"Yeah, be you Ben. Stand strong, true, be loyal to her, to her heart, to what you know about her, and just - hang on tight, and don't let go. If she's meant to be yours, you'll win her, body and soul."