BOMAW Vol. 10-12 (77 page)

*

Shawn sat out by the pool, alone now. Sylvia had gone to bed, leaving him with a kiss asking, "You staying up until they're home?"

"Yeah, you go on to bed and get some sleep. I love you babe."

"Love you too, goodnight sweetheart."

He sat, sipping beer now that she was off to bed, looking out over the swimming pool, worried. Even though he'd told Benjamin to look after Crystal and to beware of Georgiana and Oscar, he still sat with unease. Trying to take his mind off of them, his eyes surveyed his surroundings, wondering for just a moment, how he reached this place in his life. He was leaning forward, elbows on his knees, a six pack of beer between his feet in a small cooler. He lifted his beer to his mouth, took a few gulps and then lowered it, gazing out across the yard. For the life of him, he couldn't connect the dots of how exactly he'd gotten to where he was now. His mind was drawing a complete blank. He sat thinking about it so hard, that nothing came to mind. He pinched the bridge of his nose, deciding not to think about that. He took another drink of his beer and suddenly, within his mind, he could see so clearly, a young boy. A young boy who stood as if staring at him.

He was about twelve years old.

A bit skinny.

White.

Black, crew cut hair.

No shirt on.

Old worn, baggy blue jeans.

Big red boxing gloves on.

His nose, bleeding.

He just stood there, looking at him. His arms hung by his side, no stance of ready to fight. Just standing there, looking at him.

Shawn sat back trying to think of something else to clear the image. He drank more of his beer. He needed something to think of to make the boy go away, the visual image was starting to bug him. He thought about his daughter. The day she was born. The joy that went through him. The amazement of her. He thought of how he held her straight from the womb. He thought of her tiny little body, her arms shaking, flailing straight out by her side, tiny little fingers flexing, wrinkly and wet, and her legs drawn up as she cried and then stretched out flexing with her continued crying and anger. Following on that memory, he looked forward to the day that Jesse James would be born. He would be there then as well, ready for him. Straight from the womb of where he placed him to be safe and secure, to grow healthy and strong until the day he was due to enter this world. He would take hold of him, hold him tightly, protecting him.

That skinny little white boy, with the boxing gloves, intruded his thoughts again. This time he moved. Trying to wipe the blood from his nose, he smeared it across his face.

Shawn's jaw clenched.

"Hey, why you sittin' out here by yourself?" Mundo asked.

A welcomed intrusion from his thoughts, Shawn looked up, smiled, "I won't be if you sit out here with me, join me?" He pat the lawn chair next to him.

Mundo took the seat, "It's nice out tonight."

"Yeah, it is."

"You okay?" Mundo asked, sitting back.

Shawn turned, glanced at him, "Yeah I'm okay, you okay?"

"I'm straight you know, just thinkin' about stuff and thangs."

"Yeah, me too, thinkin' about stuff. We okay, you and I?" Shawn watched his face for his reaction to the question.

"What? Why wouldn't we be? We was together earlier, everything was fine."

"I know but, I don't wanna sweep anything between us beneath the rug. I ah, came down pretty heavy on you, the other night. We haven't really discussed it, you know."

"Ain't nothing really to discuss, I screwed up, big time."

"Your mother thinks I went too far, jumping in the way I did. I just - mentally - couldn't see walking off with that threat directed at you that way."

"Hey man, look, I owe you an apology, you know - going to your friends place like that - doing what I did, that wasn't right."

"Well, I've done stupid shit too Mundo, it's the age of trial and error. The age where - shit, the wrong direction taken could get you killed."

"True dat."

Shawn smiled, looking back over the yard and asked, "How are you, with uh, knowing Ben is, my son?"

"I'm ah'ight you know, that's just the way it is."

"I need to say this, I need you to know, that while he may be my eldest, you're my middle son and Jesse James, my baby boy, right?" He reached over and grabbed Mundo by the back of his neck, rubbing the back of his head. Making him blush, lower his head, Shawn repeated it, "Right?"

"Yeah, right, that's straight up." Mundo answered, trying to fight down the lump in his throat.

"I just need you to know, that - that night, when I went off, I saw my son - threatened - I saw my son in danger. Long as I live Mundo, no man, black, white, whatever the fuck, will get to you, before he comes through me, you get me?"

Mundo was speechless, his head bobbing up and down, sniffing softly, tears dripping from his eyes as Shawn's strong hand, squeezed at his neck, pulling him towards him for a strong shoulder hug, "I mean that, I mean it from the bottom of my heart; your mother, you, Crystal - you're mine, and only when they bury me in my grave, will I give you up. Any of you, you hear me?"

Mundo nodded, sniffed again, he wiped at his face, his nose.

Shawn, stroked over the back of his head lovingly, then let go. He reached down, pulled off a beer, passed it to him. "Have a drink with your dad?" He asked.

Mundo took the beer, looked up smiling, and sat back, popped the tab, took a swallow of his beer, he said, "I like it here, wouldn't mind us, coming here, time to time, to do some gigs you know."

"We can do that. When you get a little older, and I'm not scared to death something might happen to you," Shawn chuckled, "You can fly here on your own, do what you have to do for yourself. But you're going to have to show me, you're ready first, right? That sound fair?"

"That's fair."

"Good." Shawn turned back sitting there, growing more and more loose as he drank, it was when all of his emotions poured out and he could care less what he sounded like. "When we get home, I have to get Crystal back to her counseling. Your mom is bullying me into joining her, for me." He turned grinning at Mundo, who grinned back.

"She a trip ain't she?"

"Hell yes she is, little bully."

Mundo chuckled, "She love you though."

"I know she does."

"So really, it's the right thing to do, right?"

"Yes it is, and you - you'll be joining us. I want - your problem..." Shawn looked at him with knowing eyes, reminding him of their talk a few days ago on the pier, "... seen to. There's nothing wrong with you. You're a healthy, damn good looking, funny and amazing person. And in a few years to come, when you're ready, I wanna look down from gettin' a tap tap tap on my leg, seein' a lil'face just like yours, looking up at me, callin', 'grandpa - grandpa. I want that from you, one day ... one day."

Mundo smiled big and cheesy, "You a trip man, gettin' emotional and shit. I may end up marrying me a black woman you know, so what if he a lil'brown, nappy headed, bad ass into all kinds of shit lil'mug, tryin' to avoid a ass whippin', grandpa - grandpa."

Shawn started laughing, "I'll scoop'im up, dare anybody lay a hand on'im - me and him-..."

"Maybe her..." Mundo second thought it.

"Oh even more so! She'll wrap them little arms around my neck, wrap me around her lil'finger, get away with murder, you better believe it." Shawn promised nodding. "I don't care what color they come in, what their hair does, they'll see me and come runnin', 'cause they'll know, when they see grandpa Shawn, they are right where they belong, right?"

Mundo, stared at him a moment, nodded his head thinking and finally, "Yep dad, right."

Shawn drew in a deep breath, "Think Ben and Crystal okay?"

"Yeah, they okay. Ben'll take care of her. You know what?"

"What?"

"I ah, get this feeling, he fallin' for her, at first, I was just worried about her, but I'on know, look like he ain't doin' no better."

Shawn thought about that, remembering the look on Ben's face earlier that evening when Crystal stepped into view, he nodded, "Yeah, could be, could be."

"So - what's your thoughts on that?" Mundo asked.

Shawn was quiet for a bit, then after a moment more, a few more gulps of his beer, he turned to Mundo, "He's a McPherson. I want you all, with me, to stay. My family. That land around us, I have plans on buying it all. A lot here, a lot there. A home for you, a home for crystal, Angela, and yeah - if he wants it, Ben."

"You thinking, if Crystal is with him..."

"That keeps her with me." Shawn answered.

"And if she doesn't want to be with him? Then what?"

"She can stay at home, with me, your mother. As I said, once I get more land, we'll put her a place on it. I don't want her going back to that other - sonofa-, I don't want her back with him. Fuck him."

Mundo sat back quiet, saying nothing more, thinking,
'Victor man, you best come back and come back strong, or you gone end up in oopso city boy, oopso city - for real.'
He sighed thinking about Victor, the man had never done him any wrong, so he couldn't speak ill about him. No, he wasn't perfect and he'd seen a few incidents while living with them that wasn't right, things he did against his sister that made her feel bad. Race and dealing with the differences of it to each race in a duel race relationship was a bitch. Having seen what Crystal and Victor struggle with, he wasn't too keen on the idea of doing it himself. Chances were, his woman, whomever she might be, would be black. Having thought that, he looked at Shawn; he made everything seem doable. He dealt with life, race and people as he felt they deserved to be dealt. He would beat the shit out of a white man just as he would a black one, there was no racial fears so it seemed, in him. No feelings of inferiority or superiority, just equality. He couldn't say the same for Victor, but he was young and doing what he thought he should do. He worked hard, brought home the bacon, including opening his home up to him. Life was just so hard and he couldn't fault him. Yet, he wasn't going to go against Shawn for him. He had to stand up to Shawn on his own, prove what he was for himself.

*

Crystal knew she should be ashamed of herself for staying in the ladies room as long as she did, but she had needed that length of time. She was losing sight of what this night was all about. It was about having fun, nothing heavy like what she felt happening during that time when she held Ben's hand. How could holding hands be so heavy? So intimate? So soul shaking? So gripping? She was a married woman. She had two small beautiful boys by Victor Prescott, the man of her dreams. Yes, while he indeed wanted this divorce, she still loved him, heart and soul.
'I do, I love him, I know I do!'
She coached herself with insistence. After all, with everything he'd done to her, cheating, and then accepting her decision for a divorce - facing those things, she'd been hurting so bad that surely that was because she loved him so much; that had to be why. Yet, she couldn't help but wonder, where was that pain right now? Why did it seem as though, in just a little time, it was gone from her? Why wasn't she still struggling with the break down and loss of their marriage? Why wasn't each day that went by, harder than the one before? When you loved someone, that much, heart and soul, the way that she supposedly loved him, that surely would not ease so quickly, would it? She wondered.

How could she be feeling what she was with Ben, when she'd sworn that she would never love as she had loved Victor? She'd sat in the ladies room, thinking and thinking so until she was on the verge of sinking herself into depression, scared that everything that her father, Armundo Payne Sr. had ever said about her might be true. The idea of that frightened her beyond all things; once more, she felt the fear of it bringing her down.
'No! Not tonight! You're not gonna ruin this night for me, you're not!'
She vowed, refusing to let the fears in on her. Shaking it off finally, she wouldn't think on it anymore. Besides, Ben ... was waiting. She rose from the stall and walked out into the powder room to check her face; she fixed her make-up while trying to think of what to say to him, to apologize for keeping him waiting so long. She sucked in a deep breath, blew it out. Smiled at the other women that came in and out, glancing her way with a smile, she reciprocated. Trying to play it off, pretending that her life was not, once again, turning upside down. She made her way to the exit when a young woman coming in, looked her right in the eyes, smiled at her; stopped her saying, "Crystal, right?" She was pretty, young, white, a brunette with her hair pinned up glamorously.

"Yes, I am." Crystal smiled back at her wondering how she knew her name.

"Hi! Well, your boyfriend, he wanted me to come in and let you know, that he would be right back, he took off to register you two before it's too late." She informed her. And then remembering herself, "Oh! My name is Vanessa, we met on the stairs, I mean, my boyfriend and your boyfriend met on the stairs!" She giggled. "He was waiting for me, the way yours was waiting for you! They like, hit it off right away you know, like right off the bat!"