Bombers' Moon (5 page)

‘I might be in the skies over German territory later on, you never know, tonight could be a matter of life or death so I’ve got to make the most of it haven’t I, Kate?’

He had changed so much. Stephen was hard, the baby softness of his jaw gone, a cynical light in his eyes. ‘The dancing girls here are always so, so
amenable
, know what I mean?’

Eddie didn’t. He stuck out his hand. ‘Edward Carter.’

Stephen looked surprised. ‘No names, no pack drill, eh, old chap?’

Eddie dropped his hand. ‘No, I suppose not.’

The room in the back of the theatre was hot with smoke and ripe with heavy perfume. To Kate’s disappointment, the dresses of the dancers, so lovely on stage, were no more than bits of straggly net revealing a great deal of flesh. Drinks were handed round, mock champagne but with a real kick to it.

Stephen had wandered away and was leaning over a girl with dyed blonde hair and Kate grimaced. The girl should work in the munitions, she’d have yellow hair courtesy of the Ministry of Defence.

The girl looked Kate’s way and she was laughing. ‘Looks like butter wouldn’t melt.’ The words drifted to where Kate stood. She felt the colour suffuse her cheeks and shame crawled over her like the legs of a centipede.

‘Let’s go,’ she said to Eddie, ‘I don’t want to be here.’

‘OK.’ Eddie smiled. ‘I’ll just pop to the WC and then we’ll be away, this isn’t really our kind of thing is it?’

While Eddie was away from her, Kate fumed with impatience. The girl Stephen had been talking to looked her over and strolled to where she stood. ‘So you know Stephen, do you?’

‘Well . . .’ Kate spread her hands not knowing what to say. To her horror she saw Stephen and Eddie return to the room together. Stephen had his arm around Eddie’s shoulder and Eddie was looking pale and stunned.

He came to her side without looking at her.

‘Hello,’ the blonde said, smiling her lipstick smile at him. ‘I’m Marybell.’ It was a name as false as the quality of her dress. The dancer held out her hand to Eddie in a languid, affected pose and after a moment he took it but didn’t look up.

‘So you’re keeping company with little Irish Kate.’ She looked down from her great height at Kate. ‘Little Joan of Arc, saving everyone except herself.’

‘We’d better go.’ Eddie nodded curtly and turned towards the door and, with a baleful look at Stephen, Kate hurried to catch up with him.

He strode away in the darkness and she struggled to keep up with him. ‘Wait Eddie, tell me what’s wrong!’

‘What’s wrong?’ He spun round to face her and all she could see were the dark edges of his jaw and the tautness of cheeks. ‘I’ve just heard you’re the best blanket the forces have got, lay down for anyone.’

‘Eddie! And you believe that drunken Stephen’s every word do you?’

He became still. ‘Are you telling me it’s a lie? If you are I believe you, Kate, God, I want to believe you.’

She hung her head. ‘It’s true I let Stephen . . . he was frightened, flying into danger, he might not come back, ever. I felt sorry for him.’

‘So was he the only one you felt sorry for?’

She was silent a long moment. ‘No.’

‘Oh Kate, I worshipped you, I might have known it wouldn’t be true that you loved me, plain gormless Eddie.’ His voice was anguished.

‘I do love you!’ Kate pressed herself against him wound her arms around his neck, her hand on his hair. She felt the edge of his army cap. Soon Eddie would be off to war and he would go hating her.

‘You’d better go home.’ His voice was breathless. She could feel him hard against her. Experienced now, she slipped open his buttons and touched him; he was so taut his skin was like silk. He groaned. ‘Kate, please don’t, I’ve tried so hard to be respectful. I’ve worshipped you like a goddess.’

She drew him down on the ground and took control of him. He had no will to resist though when he entered her, he was crying bitter tears. It was over in minutes and he fell away from her still crying. She held him then for a long while and they lay like wounded animals together.

Overhead, the planes began to drone, German planes. The bombs exploded round them, the incendiary bombs lit up the world. It was like a party, but in Kate’s heart, it was more like a wake.

Nine

I was cold, my feet were wet, my stomach ‘felt as if my throat had been cut’ as Kate’s mum used to say. Anyway, my poor belly was empty and grumbling, I felt angry and miserable and all I wanted to do was lie down and go to sleep.

I found a barn at last and stumbled inside and pulled bits of straw over me for warmth. Straw was supposed to be warm, according to war hints you could even cook food in straw. I could hear the sound of some animal in the darkness but I didn’t care, I couldn’t go another step further not even if a cow sat down at my side and fell asleep with me.

I was dozing when I heard Michael’s voice, and I thought I was dreaming. I sat up when my name was called and I crawled to the door and peered out. I could see the dimness of a lantern quite near.

‘Michael!’ My voice quavered with weariness but he heard me. He came towards me at a run and I took his hand and pulled him into the barn.

He sat down and hugged me and then, as I winced, he began to examine my cuts and bruises. ‘The bastards!’ he said. ‘The Dixons did this to you I suppose.’

‘Well it was Georgie, Mrs Dixon was out feeding the chickens.’

He sighed. ‘Aye, well, she would be. Come on, let me get you home.’

‘Got the cart?’ I asked hopefully.

‘No, I’ve been searching on foot,
thought
you might be hiding somewhere after fat George came and told us you’d run away again.’

‘He could manage to walk then?’ I didn’t explain but Michael got the message and started to laugh.

‘Caught him where it hurt then? Good for you girl.’ He put his arm around me. ‘Let’s go.’

‘I can’t.’ I shook my head. ‘I just can’t go anywhere now, Michael, I’m tired and I hurt. Just cuddle me and let me sleep.’

‘I really should take you home.’

‘Put some straw over me, Michael, I can’t walk another step.’ I closed my eyes and leaned against the warmth of his chest. Now that was a chest: flat, hard, lovely to lie against. My eyes began to close and soon I could hear by Michael’s easy breathing that he was asleep. I cuddled closer and his arm closed around me and a bubble of happiness erupted inside me and I slept beside him like a baby till morning.

Aunt Jessie’s face was troubled when she saw us. ‘Where have you been all night?’ she asked, gesturing with her head that there were other people present. The ‘authorities’ I guessed.

‘We’ve been walking home,’ I said quickly before Michael could open his mouth. I knew instinctively that to tell the truth that we slept in a barn would be misunderstood by the man and Miss hag-faced Preston. ‘I’d run a long way from the Dixons’ house and I was lucky Michael found me when the dawn was just rising.’ I hoped that was the right thing to say, folk in the country set great store by the sunrise and sunset. Apparently it was.

Aunt Jessie turned my face up to hers and then held me at arm’s length and examined my arms and legs. Obligingly I lifted my liberty bodice and the bruises on my skinny ribs were purple and angry.

‘
Duw Anwyl! Dear God,
who has beat you so bad child?’ At that cry Miss Preston came tearing out into the hall. She looked at my bruises and to my shame pulled down my drawers.

‘Her lower abdomen seems unhurt, I don’t think there’s been a sexual assault,’ she said crisply, but for once there was a glimmer of compassion in her eyes.

‘No child should be beaten like this however difficult and disobedient they are,’ she said. ‘I shall have Mrs Dixon struck off the list of helpers and might even have her charged with assault.’

I knew she’d be wasting her time. Mrs Dixon was not in the house when George hit me – she’d claim I was as bad as him. Still, I tried a smile but by the lady’s stiff look it was more shark about to bite than grateful child.

Seeing I might be listened to for once I opened my mouth. ‘Can my sister Hari come to see me, I feel very sick.’ If my voice was tremulous it wasn’t all put on. I shivered – that wasn’t an act at all – and fell into a chair. My head was spinning and all I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep for ever.

I had my wish. The man and woman vanished abruptly. Aunt Jessie washed me, very gently wrapped me into one of her voluminous flannel nighties and tucked me up in bed. ‘Can Michael sit with me till I fall asleep?’ I asked humbly. ‘He’s like a big brother to me.’ That was an inspired touch.

‘Of course, darling girl. Michael, the cows can wait a few minutes for the milking, sit with our Meryl for a while.’

He sighed but came to sit with me and I took his hand. ‘My dear, dear Michael, you always come to my rescue, I love you.’

He ruffled my hair. ‘And I love you, you little imp. Now go to sleep, there’s a good girl.’

I pressed his hand against my cheek and I didn’t let myself drop off to sleep until Michael had released his hand and crept away.

By the time Hari came to see me I was feeling much better but still in bed on Aunt Jessie’s orders. They came into the room together, chatting like old friends, Aunt Jessie, all grey hair and pins and my lovely red-haired sister looking like she just stepped out of the pages of a model magazine.

‘Oh, Meryl, you look awful, you’re black and blue!’ She examined my face for a good spot to kiss me and then planted a kiss on my chin, which George had somehow missed. ‘That boy Dixon must be a real beast! If I got my hands on him I’d kill him myself.’

‘Don’t worry, the Germans might drop a bomb on him,’ I said encouragingly, ‘mind they don’t come here often.’ And then Michael came into the room.

I glanced quickly at Hari willing her not to put her foot in it. ‘Michael’s dad was sort of, well foreign,’ I said and, being intelligent, she got the message. ‘Michael’s my guardian angel.’ I wanted Hari to have the right impression of him. ‘Twice he’s been the one to find me when I ran away from the Dixons.’

Hari’s face was flushed; it must have been the heat of the fire Aunt Jessie had kept blazing in the black grate in my room.

‘I don’t know why they sent you back to that woman, they want a good talking to and I’m the one to give it.’ Hari sounded annoyed and as I thought of Miss Preston I felt sorry for her.

‘I did my best,’ Aunt Jessie said, ‘but that awful woman would send Meryl back to the Dixons. I think it was out of spite. Well, wait until her boss hears of this palaver, her head will roll believe me.’

I imagined a bird-faced head rolling and smiled even though it hurt. Michael came forward and held out his hand to my sister. Hari took it at once and smiled, showing her perfect teeth.

‘Thank you for being so kind to my little sister,’ Hari said.

‘Hey!’ I protested, ‘not so much of the “little”. I’m growing up. Haven’t you noticed, Hari?’

Obviously not, her bright blue eyes were fixed on Michael and his on her. I could see they were mesmerized with each other. Hari was fascinated with my Michael just as I used to be about John Adams but in a more grown-up way. They held hands for a long time and Aunt Jessie looked at me with a sympathetic smile. In that moment, for the first time in my life, I looked at my sister Hari and I hated her.

Ten

‘You’re putting on weight Kate and you’ve stopped greasing your face, you’re going bright yellow like the rest of us. What’s the matter chick, lost your man?’

Kate nodded dumbly. She’d lost Eddie as surely as if he were dead. After the night he’d found out the truth and they’d coupled, desperately, in an act of goodbye; she had not seen him again. That was six weeks ago.

‘Didn’t come back from ops, eh?’ Doreen came to put her arm around Kate’s shoulder. ‘Look love, it happens to us all, they’re there one minute and then gone, there’s nothing we can do about it – see, love, it’s called war.’

Kate began to cry. She didn’t tell Doreen that Eddie had dropped her like a hot coal once he knew the truth about her past, but leaned against Doreen’s thin shoulder and sobbed.

‘He was the one,’ she stammered, I loved Eddie, I would have married him like a shot if he’d asked –’ she looked up at Doreen pleadingly – ‘he even took me to meet his mammy so he did and his sister, he must have cared for me, mustn’t he?’

‘Course he cared for you, I never met my Geoff’s mam and now he’s gone she came to see me, asked if I had any pictures of him. Took them to be copied at the photographers, said he looked very happy with me and she was grateful.’

Doreen sighed. ‘I let him, you know, but he was careful, he used one of those thingies from the chemist.’

She looked over Kate’s thickening figure. ‘Yours not careful, eh?’

‘We only did it once.’ Kate looked down shame-faced as though studying her plain black working shoes coated in yellow dust.

‘Poor dab, caught first time, well it happens and it’s a damned nuisance. How far gone are you?’

‘Must be six weeks.’

‘Well, you can’t have it.’ Doreen squeezed her shoulder. ‘You can’t have a baby, not now, there’s a war on.’

‘Get rid of it you mean, how?’ Kate couldn’t believe those words had come out of her mouth.

‘I know a woman, she’s a good woman, knows what it’s like to be unwed and in the way. She’s clean and kind and usually it works without trouble. She’ll do it for a few shillings. I mean it for the best, love, but it’s up to you, mind.’

‘If I do it will you come with me?’

‘I’ll do more than that: you can stay at my place overnight then no one need know anything.’

‘Why are you doing this for me?’ Kate asked, ‘you hardly know me.’

‘You’re a workmate, risking your life like me with this damn powder and all those shells stacked up in the sheds.’ She looked a little sheepish. ‘And Moira, the midwife, gives me a couple of bob at the end of the year for helping, savings I call it though God knows we might not be here to enjoy our savings with the Luftwaffe over Swansea like a swarm of bees round honey. They’ll hit Bridgend one fine day, they’ll find out we’re here and all these shells and things will blow us to kingdom come.’

Kate heard the heavy thud of boots. ‘The old man is coming, better get back to work. Thanks Doreen, can I talk it all over with you later?’