Bonded (The Raegan Mason Trilogy) (6 page)

“So when do you head out, Army man?” Kyler asked Jaxon, but kept his eyes on me.

I was very uncomfortable feeling the humming buzz off of Kyler and the tension rolling off of Jaxon.  This was not even close to fun.

“At the end of the week, after the bonfire.  What about you, Valedictorian?  What did you finally decide?  Leaving soon?”  Jaxon asked hopeful.

Kyler looked at Jaxon.  “I’m staying right here.”  He returned his overwhelming gaze to me. 

My heart dedicated a drum solo to his splendid presence. 

“Really?  But you could go anywhere.  Why would you stay here?”  Jaxon was truly interested now, and so was I.

He returned his attention to Jaxon to explain.  “I sort of have a full ride at the University here.  My mother has a lab that I’ve helped her with all summer.  I’ve grown rather fond of the area and want to pursue something here.”  He returned his intimidating eyes back to me.  “What about you, Raegan?”

The way his lips puckered to say my name had me wanting to feel those lips on mine.  I was hypnotized by his presence.

“Rae?” Jaxon’s hand touched my arm and released me from the trance.  Worry covered his face.  “Are you alright?”

Alright?  Of course I was alright.  I was just lost in a delusional daydream.  “Yep, just fine. Thanks.”  I smiled and took a long drink from my cup.

“So what about you?  Are you going anywhere for school?”  Jaxon asked drawing my attention away from Kyler.

“Oh, not yet.  I kind of missed all of the deadlines while I was -- out.”  I smirked trying to avoid the subject.  “Maybe in the spring.” I interjected.

“Maybe Kyler can get you in at the University since his mom has some pull and you won’t have to wait a whole semester to get started.”  His infectious smile was hard to avoid.  “How about it, Kyler?  Think you can pull some strings?”  We both turned to Kyler.

“Not sure, I can definitely look into it.”  His eyes focused on mine and the world went hazy again.  I saw glimpses of Kyler and I together on campus working together in a lab, holding hands, his lips on mine.  He shot up from his chair and my day dream quickly ended.  “I’ll see you around.”  He shouted as he walked quickly away.  My eyes followed him until the bouncing bodies swallowed him.

“He’s a weird guy.” Jaxon commented.  “But he’s tough.  The guys on the football team dreaded when they had to go up against him in practice.  He mowed people over during playoffs.  I forgot where he transferred from, but man, they lost a good player when he did.  He’s one of the reasons we won state this year.  But he’s weird.  This is the most I’ve ever talked to him.  He never talked in class and he was always by himself during lunch.  He took me by surprise when he asked you to dance.  I’ll have to admit, I was a little jealous.  You looked so fragile in his arms.   I was afraid he’d break you.”  Jaxon smiled and reached for my hand again.  I pulled away slightly.

“Look Jaxon, thank you again for the attention, but I don’t want to mislead you in any way.  I really care for you as I always have, but this isn’t what I want right now.”  I tried to be as honest with him as possible, but there wasn’t any way to make this easy.  “You’re a great guy, and I’m sure someone will make you very happy, but it’s not me.  I can’t pretend to like you in that way.  It would be wrong.”  His face broke my heart.  He eyes were full of regret.  “Please understand that I’m flattered, really flattered.  If we hadn’t grown up making sand castles together, this would be a lot easier to find comfort in.  But it’s too weird for me.  You’re like my brother.  I tried to let that go, I really did, but I just don’t feel that way about you.”  He nodded his head as if he understood, but his eyes were not convincing.

“It was worth every minute to tell you how I feel.  I knew you probably wouldn’t feel the same, but there was always that hope you would.”  He reached for my hands and pulled them to his lips.  “I will always care for you Raegan.  If you ever need anything or want to write me at basic training, I’ll be there for you.”  He kissed both of my hands and turned his crystal blue eyes on me before releasing them.  “You are the best girl friend I’ve ever had.  I hope this doesn’t ruin things between us.” His smile lit my heart like sunshine.

“Never.” I whispered trying to avoid crying.  He was saying goodbye and I had to break his heart.  I was a horrible person.  A tear slid down my cheek.  He reached for my cheek with his fingertips to brush it away.

“Why the waterworks?” He chuckled and reached for a napkin to hand to me.  “I hope I didn’t make you cry.”  His smile turned serious.  “Did I make you cry?”  He was appalled at himself.

I shook my head trying to deny it, but the tears kept falling.  “I’m sorry.  It’s just been a long day, and my emotions are on overload.”  I forced an apologetic smile and wiped the tears away.

“Would you like me to drive you home?”  He asked concerned.

“Sure, that’d be great.”  I smiled genuinely this time knowing I’d be away from this nightmare.  We stood up and headed for the exit.  I caught Julie’s attention and waved goodbye.  She smiled seeing Jaxon right behind me and gave me the thumbs up signal.  I rolled my eyes and shook my head and walked out the door.

The drive to my house was filled with awkward silence.  Jaxon drove down the main road, flipping through the stations before stopping at some classic rock station.  The volume was low, but I couldn’t think of anything to say.  Jaxon would glance my way and I’d smile.  His deep dimples would reply but I could tell he was struggling with something.

He pulled into the driveway and jumped out to open my door.  That was something I wasn’t expecting.  He stood between the door and me holding out his left hand to help me out of the car.  I hesitated a moment trying to figure out where this was leading, but Jaxon grabbed my hand and pulled me toward him.  He held my hand as he shut the door behind me and leaned in, pressing me against his car.  “I will regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t at least try to see if there’s anything between us.”  He leaned in toward me and cupped his hand under my chin.

“Jaxon, I don’t think…”  He softly brushed his thumb over my lips.

“Shh, don’t think.”  His lips gently pressed against mine.  It was a sweet, tender kiss, but no sparks.  He pulled away slowly before removing his hand from my cheek.  “Guess I lost my touch?”  He smiled with those heart breaking dimples.  Jaxon laughed nervously as he ran his hand through his hair.

“Jaxon, I’m sorry.  That was…nice?” I internally rolled my eyes.  What was I saying?  “I don’t want our friendship to end over this.  I just don’t feel that way about you.  You’re a great guy and everything.  I’m extremely flattered.  You’re one of the hottest guys I know, but…”

“Yeah, I know.  Brotherly love.”  He stepped away shoving his hands in his pockets, kicking imaginary rocks in the driveway.  “God, Reagan, it’s not supposed to hurt this bad.  I knew you probably wouldn’t feel the same, but I was hoping for a little more than this.”  He started walking around to the driver’s side of his car and I followed, unsure what to say or do to make him hurt less.

I placed my hand on his shoulder and turned him toward me.  I reached my arms around him and hugged him tightly.  “Jaxon, no matter what you think, I do love you and care about you.  I’m just not ready for that kind of relationship yet.  There are too many emotions right now I’m dealing with.  I could really use your friendship.”  My tears dampened his shirt as he pulled me in tighter to him.  He placed another kiss on my head.

Jaxon cleared his throat.  “I can do that.  I can be your friend, but understand that I won’t give up on you.  I have a feeling you’ll come around to my charms.”  He chuckled and pulled out of our embrace.  He ran his hands down my arms, grabbing my hands before bringing them to his lips.  He kissed each hand then kissed my cheek.  “I’ll give you a call tomorrow.”

After Jaxon got in his car, I waited and watched him drive away before heading across the street to the beach and toward the Rock.  I’d missed my opportunity the other night to look into this music mystery.  I also needed some air.  Being in that building with two gorgeous guys spewing testosterone around me left me claustrophobic.  I felt this overwhelming attraction to Kyler, but he seemed indifferent at times.  I can’t figure him out.  Then there’s Jaxon.  I knew how much he liked me, now, but after the feelings I have for Kyler, I can’t imagine settling for his affection.  A year ago, yes, definitely, Jaxon would have been a first choice boyfriend.  But right now, it was just too confusing. 

I had taken my sandals off and held them in my hand as I walked down the beach.  The satin sand between my toes was cool this time of night.  It had to be after midnight by now.  The ocean waves were crashing and beckoning me to join them.  I smiled at the invitation and walked to the water’s edge.  The cool water covered my feet and ankles. The sand beneath them washed away with the waves as my feet sank deeper with each crash.  I loved this feeling.  It felt like a warm blanket surrounding me.  I inhaled the salty air and closed my eyes letting the stress of this evening go out with the current.  After a few deep breaths, I released my feet from the sand’s grip and continued toward the rock.  I was listening for the music, but still hadn’t heard it even as I approached the Rock.  I dropped my shoes at the back of the Rock and sat down in the core of my refuge.  My sturdy sanctuary always had time to hold me close.  Its arms were unwavering for my exhausted body.  It never demanded conversation or asked for life altering decisions.  It just was. The rock was cool and smooth and drained the pain from my sunburn.  I sat there for a while just listening to the waves, straining to hear that familiar sound of music, but it never came.  Frustrated, I stood up from the rock and began unbuttoning my shorts and pulled off my top.  I was going in.  I left my other clothes in place and started walking into the water.  The waves crashed against my body and sent ripples of adrenaline through me.  The water gave me energy.  I wasn’t tired anymore and I wanted to swim.  I dove into the next wave forgetting about my sunburn.  But the waves caressed my skin and the sting I expected never came. 

I swam out until I couldn’t touch.  I let the waves hold my body as I stretched out to float.  The sky was clear and full of twinkling stars.  I floated in the gentle waves picking out constellations I knew and connecting the stars to form new ones I imagined.  I tried to write my name in the stars.  R-A-E-G-A-N, I traced with my finger in the air.  M-A-S, I waved my hand in the air to erase the beginning of my last name. S-T-O-N-E, I giggled like a thirteen year old.  I erased it all again with my hand.  I felt silly.  I wondered where he ran off to tonight.  I wondered if he even thought about me in any way.  I closed my eyes recalling his lips so close to me and the fireworks that erupted in my body as he whispered.
I couldn’t stand to see you so uncomfortable in his arms.
  My stomach flipped.  Did he know how comfortable I was in HIS arms?   I sighed.  Probably not.  It wasn’t a good idea to fall for someone like him.  Mysterious, heartbreakingly gorgeous, probably involved with someone exotic, definitely not interested in me.  I wished I didn’t feel so idiotic around him.  My body reacts in embarrassing ways it never has to anyone else.  Maybe it’s a side effect from all of the drugs I’ve had to take?  That’s got to be it.

I turned over to start swimming back to the shore when I noticed someone standing on the shore near the Rock.  I froze and stared waiting for the stranger to leave, hoping they wouldn’t notice my clothes and shoes near the base of the rock.  No such luck.  The large shape on the shore reached down to pick up my shirt, and then looked out on the water searching for the owner. 

“Anyone out there?” a familiar trembling rushed through me. 

Not him.  I panicked.

“Do you need help?” He shouted in my direction.

“Um, no thanks.  I’m good.” I shouted back.

He returned my shirt to the ground and placed his hands on his hips.  “Why don’t you come to shore?”

“Uh, maybe in a while.” I responded even though my instinct was to swim straight to him.

“You probably shouldn’t be out so far.  The rip tide gets stronger at night.”  Concern laced his comments, but I could tell he was enjoying the situation.  “You sure you don’t need me to come in after you?  I am a certified life guard.” 

Of course he was.  Maybe I should fake a cramp right now so he would come after me.

“No, I’m okay.”  I replied.  “I’ll come in a little closer, but there isn’t any need for you to rescue me.”  I swam a little closer until I was able to touch but keep the rest of my body under the waves.

“Raegan?” He chuckled and sent tremors through my body.  “I had no idea you were an exhibitionist.”  He crossed his arms and stared in my direction.  His smile I could see clearly in the moonlight.

“Not exactly an exhibitionist.” I blushed, thankful he couldn’t see that.  “Just trying to relax a bit.”

“Well that does look relaxing.  Maybe I will join you.”  He pulled off his shirt and started to unbutton his jeans.  I had already seen him in nothing but swim trunks, but the sight of his well defined musculature took my breath away, again.

“Stop, please.” I turned around, heart pounding in my ears.  What was I saying?  I really was delusional.  Here he was stripping down to join me in a skinny dipping excursion.

He laughed again.  “Don’t want my company?” He teased.  I turned slowly to find his jeans still on, but his shirt on the ground next to mine.   I gasped.  His body was exquisite. His low sitting jeans rested against his washboard stomach. “Raegan?  Are you okay?”  His teasing turned serious.  I was gasping for air.  He started walking into the water toward me.  The music I’d heard the other night started up too.  I was frozen in the water unsure of what to do.  Could he hear it?

“Really, I’m okay.” I managed to say to stop him from moving closer.  The music didn’t stop, I still heard it.  It was beautiful and so close.  Kyler started talking again, but I hushed him.  “Can you hear that?” I asked him.

“Hear what?” He asked looking up and down the beach.

“Music.” I stated, knowing I sounded crazy.